A Court of Lost Stars

Steam curled from the mug of coffee on the table before Nova. She stared at it, losing herself in its inky depths before lifting it to her lips and swallowing a mouthful. It pleasantly smarted her throat as she glanced up to meet Nesta's gaze.

"Why would the Courts want me to attend a meeting with them?" Nova asked, brows furrowed. She couldn't fall asleep now, not with the invasion of thoughts rummaging through her mind. 

Nesta shrugged, wrapping her fingers around her own mug. "You're the daughter of the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court."

Nodding, Nova pursed her lips into a thin line. "I don't want to go, Nesta. This is my home… I'm happy here. It's not as though I'm of some importance. Decisions regarding the Courts aren't something I have control over. I'm more useful here."

"There are some things in life that won't make sense," Nesta murmured, her under-eyes dark and puffy. "We simply take it one step at a time. You and me."

"NO!" Nova screeched as she hurled another plate against the wall. It shattered, spraying Gwyn's kitchen floor in jagged pieces.

Watching her with a steady gaze and clenched jaw, Gwyn remained stationary in the corner. It was her first time keeping Nova in her cabin, and it could have been going better. She watched as another dish flew across the room and smashed against the hanging cabinet.

"You need to calm down…" Gwyn tried, but then Nova drilled a cup at her head and quickly ducked with wide eyes before it could damage her face.

Nesta's voice rang through the cabin. "Nova!"

Nova spun, her bare feet crunching the glass and ceramic underfoot. She didn't care about the stinging pain as she curled her lip at Nesta, snarling at her glower.

"Stop," Nesta spoke with firm authority.

"No!" Her voice shook as tears fell down her cheeks.

Nesta walked forward, but Nova stayed firmly in place as they stared each other down. Taking her hands, she squeezed tight enough to cut off the circulation. "Nova. Enough." Her voice was incredibly cool, calmer than she would have thought possible.

Not letting her hands go, Nesta pulled Nova away from the kitchen, and to her surprise, she followed. Stopping in the hallway, Nesta loosened her grip on her hands just a little.

"I know you are angry. I'm angry, too, but the people here are not to blame. I assure you, those responsible will be dealt with, but you will not hurt anyone here. Not while I breathe."

Nova sniffled, her lower lip quivering as she looked up at her aunt with watery eyes. She didn't understand it. Why could she not go to her home? She pictured her mother and father laughing as they spoke to her in words she didn't always understand. But the light in their eyes and the curves of their smiles always made her happy, too. 

Why was she not allowed to return? 

Where was her Az? Her Cas?

Why had they sent her away- abandoned her?

"Breathe," Nesta said gently and demonstrated, watching Nova hesitate before mimicking how she breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. "You are in control."

It took some time, but when Nova was calm again, Nesta helped her clean the kitchen. Shards had been flung everywhere, and Gwyn watched observantly. She waited until Nova went down the hall to gather more linens to mop up the water on the floor she'd spilled.

"It was my fault, I think," Gwyn murmured to Nesta, whose eyes flitted toward her. "She had been fine one moment," she continued, "Then I showed her one of my necklaces…"

Nesta frowned and shook her head. "She threw a fit because of a necklace?" Searching the area with a quick sweep of her eyes, she asked, "Where is it?"

Ensuring Nova wasn't coming down the hall yet, Gwyn withdrew the necklace in question deep from within her pocket. Nesta stared at the string of iridescent pearls that lined the necklace.

She swore softly and nodded with understanding, "Pearls are very special to Nova. Seeing them likely reminded her of Velaris."

It had only been two weeks since they'd fled under Tamlin's threat, and Nova's behavior had become increasingly aggressive. Not even Ana and her songs could soothe her. Something had to give, and Nesta refused to let it be herself.

Nova re-entered the kitchen and crawled across the floor, soaking up the mess as she continually wiped her eyes. Slowly, Nesta knelt before her and waited until she looked her in the eyes. Gwyn took the opportunity to slip out of the kitchen, having promised Ana she'd inform her if Nova had another meltdown.

"What you feel, the anger- the overwhelming need to lash out and hurt the people you care about…it's called grief. I know it well," Nesta paused, looking into her niece's eyes, which she shared with Rhysand. Yes, she and her father looked incredibly similar, but Nesta could also see her sister's features. "I've done many things to hurt people. Some I regret, and some I don't. We're all trying to survive this world, Nova, but I promise you, right here…right now, you are one I will never hurt. From now on, it's you and me."

Nova stared at her before quietly repeating, "You and me…"

Nova looked up and took a deep breath, nodding slowly. "You and me."

There weren't many belongings for Nova to stow away into her bag, but enough to make it bulky. Most of her items were her preferred weapons. She couldn't, however, pack the new sword Nesta had gifted her for becoming a Valkryie. Her favorite dagger would have to do. The leather handle was well-worn from the years of use, but Nova wouldn't have traded it for the world. It was the first dagger she'd ever received, given to her by Emerie during her first official lesson in the camps.

It was one of the first memories she had here.

Breathing deeply, Nova neatly laid a pair of socks into the stack of clothes she was bringing. Her leathers were new—a gift from Gwyn and Emerie. She had no idea what material they were made of, but they deflected blades easier than her older gear. The brush of barbed wire didn't tear at her skin as efficiently.

Nova looked down at the scars that riddled her hands and arms. Some were old, some new, but all earned through training. It was a gift that she had not earned any in battle yet, but it humbled her reality to know she'd never truly fought—not the way others had, not the way her parents apparently had. 

Nerves twisted her gut as she zipped her pack and glared at her kitchen table. She hadn't been to Velaris in years. Trying to resurrect memories before her days in the camp was like trying to ladle water from a barren desert. There were occasional inklings in her mind that Nova assumed were memories of her time in the Night Court. They were flitting little images that didn't hold much weight in her understanding. She could never connect them enough to make sense of them.

"Look at you. All packed and ready to go."

Quirking a smile, Nova glanced at the door where Adira stood. Pursing her lips, she set her bag on the floor and said, "You sound as though you'll miss me."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes."

Adira pushed off the wall and shut the door behind her with her foot before stalking forward. Stepping backward, Nova raised her brows as Adira continued toward her, not stopping until Nova's back was pressed firmly against the wall. Unable to breathe, Nova stared ahead into Adira's piercing gaze, the thunder in her ears growing louder.

"I didn't know we'd have a last kiss," Adira murmured.

Nova remained silent and entirely still. Her limbs were frozen, tingling with an anticipation she knew was wrong.

Closing her eyes, Adira leaned forward and pressed her forehead against Nova's. Nova closed her eyes at the contact and parted her lips, breathing her. 

Adira's voice was low and rough in the back of her throat, fighting back the emotions as she spoke. "If I had known it would be the last, I'd have kissed you differently…I'd have made it last," Her chest shuddered. "And now you're leaving me completely."

Nova shouldn't have done it.

Before she could think better of it, Nova closed the tiny gap between them. With her hands on her hips, Nova pressed her lips against hers. The soft gasp that escaped Adira encouraged a low growl from Nova.

"You are infuriating," Adira sighed sensually, and she squeezed Nova's waist. "Let me love you. Just once more."

Shivering, Nova gritted her teeth and forced her eyes to open. She looked into her eyes, delving into the bitter-sweet sadness that glittered in her ember eyes. "Once more…" She murmured, and Adira snatched her by the neck and pulled her forward, crashing their mouths together.

Bumping into the walls as they made their way down the hall, Nova worked the buttons and ties to her clothing before collapsing backward on the bed. Surprisingly springy, she laughed lightly as Adira crawled on top of her, straddling her hips with her knees before she leaned down and captured her lips. She licked into her mouth, savoring the taste of her tongue.

With a sly grin, Adira placed her hands against Nova's shoulders, keeping her in place before slithering backward until her knees hit the ground. Looking down, Nova watched as Adira pulled her pants down, quickly followed by the cotton panties. Parting her lips to speak, Nova didn't get a chance as Adira's tongue delved into her. 

Gripping the sheets, Nova gasped as her head fell back on the mattress.

"Adira…" Her eyes rolled, and she thrusted her hips upward.

"Hm," Adira murmured against her sweet cunt, licking the arousal that pooled, "This is my perfect parting memory with you."

Nova's back arched as she sucked her clit between her teeth.

"Fuck!" Nova gasped, head spinning as the warmth overtook her body, threatening to overflow her. Then, all at once, wave after wave crashed through her body. 

How long had she lasted? 

A minute? Two?

Relaxing against the bed, she moaned as Adira kissed up her thigh and to her belly, where her tongue traced the lines of muscles etched into her body.

"Hm, best two minutes of my life." Adira grinned up at her with a glossy nose.

Nova snorted but relaxed as Adira snaked her arms around her torso and let her head rest against her chest. Breathing the same rhythm, Nova let her eyes close and bask in the warmth of her embrace. Where would she find another who held her as if she were the only person in the universe?

"I'll return, you know," Nova murmured.

Adira smiled, lightly stroking her fingers along her inner forearm. "I'll be waiting."

Nova left Adira asleep in her bed when she left that night.

Biding her time, she took in the scenery around her en route to Nesta's cabin, where they would depart soon. The calm of the wind mingled with the scent of soft, needled trees caressed Nova's senses like a warm balm. It didn't matter that she'd convinced herself with Adira that her absence wouldn't be for long. As requested, she would perform her due diligence by attending the High Lord's meeting. 

After, she would return, and everything would be as it was.

Crossing the cobblestones to Nesta's front door, Nova didn't have to turn the handle to enter; the door was already left ajar.

"That isn't fair," Ana whispered, her voice soft and frantic like the frailty of a butterfly wing.

Nova froze and furrowed her brow into a scowl. It wasn't often that Ana lost any form of composure. Over the years, she'd always been a steady foundation against which Nova could lean. Now, Nova wondered if the beams she held herself together with were splintering.

When Ana's indignant objection received no response, Nova slowly creaked the door open to reveal Ana and Nesta standing at opposite ends of the room. Ana was tying off the leather cord of her journal while Nesta set a cleaned dish in the cabinet.

Turning, Nesta leveled a gaze on Nova. It wasn't cold or hostile in any way, but Nova couldn't fight the growing dread in her belly. 

What is wrong with everyone lately?

"Have plans changed?" Nova asked, her voice perhaps sounding a little too hopeful.

"Of course not," Nesta replied sternly. She took a deep breath and pursed her lips into a thin line. "Are you ready?" She asked a little more gently.

Nova nodded slowly, and though Ana's back was to her, she spied the red tinge of her ears. When she turned around, Nova worried her lower lip. Dark shadows lingered beneath her eyes, but not wanting to pry, she answered, "Yes."

 She didn't have time to ponder it when Nesta filled the space with her voice.

"If we're all ready, we'd better go. It will take much of my strength to take us to the Night Court."

A swirl of indigestion threatened to bring up Nova's last meal, which incidentally had been warm bath water. She tried to conjure an image of what her parents, Rhysand and Feyre, looked like. A foggy, distorted picture assembled itself like jagged pieces of glass. A mouth curved into a smile- wings extending across the star-lit sky. Truthfully, Nova didn't know if those fleeting thoughts were indeed her parents or someone else. Another memory she couldn't chart away.

"Nova?" Nesta's voice infiltrated her attempts, and she quickly met her eyes with a start. Glancing down, she realized she'd extended her hand to her.

Breathing in a deep, shaking breath, Nova tightened her hold on the bag across her shoulder, ignoring how it rubbed against her buckled leathers. She was covered from head to toe in her Valkyrie leathers. Never before had Nova felt self-conscious about how she looked, but she suddenly found herself glancing at the mirror across the room. She didn't have dirt smudged across her brow, and aside from a few sparse hairs, her hair remained in the confines of a neat braid. 

"Nova," Ana said gently, a smile softening her features, "You could show up in Velaris covered in field manure, and they'd be begging for a hug."

A new fear swallowed Nova. Her eyes widened as she asked, "A hug?" 

Nesta snorted with a light, fond laugh, "It's okay to establish your boundaries. It will be okay, Nova. Just trust your instincts." She extended her hand again; this time, Nova gritted her teeth and took it before she could change her mind.

Please don't hug me.

Please don't hug me.

Please don't hug me.

The wind whipped, and darkness crept all around them in a tailspin. Then Nova blinked, and it was over. Nesta's cabin was gone, and in its place, they stood in a cavernous and sleek space adorned with intricate furniture and dark accents. Luxurious was an understatement, but the roaring fire she faced in the hearth flashed a well-hidden memory through her mind. 

A chessboard missing its pieces, where had the pawns gone?

Footsteps echoed on the floor behind her, pulling Nova's attention from the hearth. Slowly turning her body in a half-circle, trying to keep herself from feeling the effects of vertigo from traveling, she was met with a pair of violet eyes that matched her own- the tips of his wings extended above his head. By his side, a smaller figure - in no way shadowed – stood the woman with the warm smile Nova occasionally saw in past dreams.

It seemed she had remembered them in a way.

"Nova…" Feyre murmured, eyes glistening with unshed tears as she started forward. Gazing at her now, seeing the years that passed in her features, brought waves of untreated emotional trauma. Her daughter, their star, was back. She was here, safe in their home.

Finally, they could be a family again.

A prickling sensation on the back of Nova's neck made her tense, stiffening as she felt the approach of a stranger, and Feyre froze. For a moment, it had been just herself and her daughter in the same room together, but she watched the guarded weariness glaze over her eyes and stopped mid-stride.

Rhysand rested a quiet hand against Feyre's small back and smiled. He took a brief moment to take in the strong lines of her features- any combat trainer worth their merit could see the stance of a warrior. She was right to be guarded.

"Damn, kid," Cassian said, and Nova flashed her eyes at him, watching him grin from ear to ear as he cross his arms over his chest. "What have they been feeding you, Illyrians?"

"Am I not going to get a hello?" Nesta snarled as Ana stared at Azriel, who returned his own with a blazing intensity.

Chuckling, Cassian crossed the space between them, snatched Nesta by the waist, and crushed his lips against hers. Nova's brows raised, and she quickly looked away. Was that something she was supposed to be seeing?

Nesta slapped his shoulder, but it was half-hearted as he pulled away, leaving her lips swollen.

"I plan to say hello properly after dinner," Cassian smirked.

Rubbing the back of her neck, Nova looked everywhere but the couple standing less than five feet from her. She didn't dare move, afraid to draw attention to herself, but was there, by chance, a hole she could step into?

Mor groaned, "Your niece finally gets back, and you're already traumatizing her."

Smiling sheepishly, Cassian turned to look at Nova. "Sorry…"

Refusing to meet anyone's eyeline, Nova nodded slowly. The only person she trusted to look at at the moment was Ana, but when she did, she realized she and Azriel were still eye-fucking each other.

"Hungry?" Rhysand finally asked, quipping a crooked smile. "I know it's late, but we have a bit of a spread set out."

Nova met her father's eyes but didn't let it linger as she quickly looked at her mother. Say something, dammit. Standing here, she felt foolish and awkward, but what was she supposed to say? 

I missed you?

How could she miss people she didn't remember?

"We can go sit at the table," Feyre offered, having finally managed to battle the lump that had grown in her throat.

At that moment, Nova realized everyone's attention…was on her.

"Okay…" She nodded slowly, but it wasn't until Nesta nudged her that she followed the group to the dining area. A brief image of a flopping fish entered her mind, but she quickly discarded it as she took a seat next to Nesta.

Rhysand hadn't been joking when he said they had a spread. The polished wooden table was littered with plates of various finger foods: some savory, some sweet, but all expertly crafted.

The weight of eyes was upon her again, and Nova took a small breath before letting herself take in the table. Most watched her with curiosity, but Feyre stared at her most earnestly.

"How was your trip?" Feyre asked, attempting to keep her voice from trembling. She smoothed her hands against the midnight-blue overlay lace of her dress.

"Short," Nova answered, and Rhys snorted.

Glancing at him, she watched him pick a subtle piece of lint from his sleeve and set a few eclairs on his plate. His posture was relaxed as he cut into his dessert, but Nova's eyes were already wandering. 

Azriel had finally stopped staring Ana down, mainly because she had averted her gaze and hadn't looked at him since. Now, they were trained on Nova, and she hated it. 

The trees didn't watch her the way people did.

Judging by their conversation with Nesta, Mor and Amren sat beside each other, but Elain and Lucien were absent as they needed to care for problems arising in the Spring Court. 

Nova suddenly found it strange that Nesta did not embrace Feyre or Rhysand. Yes, Cassian, her mate, but she'd hardly looked at her sister. Never being one to pry for information, Nova had never thought to ask about Nesta's standing relationship with her parents. Perhaps this was why she'd been so tense about leaving the Island.

"I know there is no easy way to discuss all of this," Rhysand said steadily, and Nova met his eyes again. It was strange to see her features mirrored back; there was no denying she was his daughter.

"You've been away for your protection," Rhysand murmured, leaning forward as silence filled the space. "The time we lost together isn't something we can regain, but your mother and I need you to know…Nova, you always have a place in the Night Court. Even if it doesn't feel like home now, I hope it will one day."

Feyre swallowed harshly, "Ten years is a long time to be away from family. The last thing we want is for you to feel uncomfortable, but we'd love to share Velaris with you."

Everything was already uncomfortable. It was too late for that, but their words did help a little to reduce the tension in her shoulders.

"So," Rhysand smiled fondly and took a casual bite of his food, "I can't help but notice you're wearing Valkyrie armor. Am I safe to believe you cut the Ribbon?"

Nova nodded, feeling a small swell of pride in her chest that she refused to show on her face as she sipped from the water goblet in front of her. "I did."

His smile widened into a grin as Mor gushed, "Congratulations! That is an amazing accomplishment…"

The remainder of her words were more of a rush in Nova's ears as she watched her, admiring the gold of her hair.

"Once a badass, always a badass," Cassian confirmed with a deep, throaty laugh before delving into a memory of watching her scale a pole in the training camp.

Nova furrowed her brow, staring at him as she tried to envision the story he told, but it was her father who asked, "Do you remember, Nova?"

Meeting her parent's gaze, she pursed her lips as shame flushed the back of her neck. They were all so excited to share stories and recollections of the short time she'd spent here when she was fifteen. 

How could she tell them she didn't remember the memories they treasured?

"Honestly?" She asked, looking down at the table. "I hardly remember anything…" She risked a glance at them, but she wasn't met with expressions of anger or disgust. No, it was much worse. They all stared at her with sorrow. 

"Nothing?" Feyre asked, voice hardly above a whisper.

Swallowing, Nova looked around the table once more before slowly shaking her head, begging for more detailed recollections to fall into her mind. "I…remember some things, I think, but it's very, uhm…blurry. Little images." Looking at her mother, she frowned. Oh…no, was she going to cry? "I'm sorry…"

"No," Feyre quickly shook her head, fighting back the tears as she forced a smile, "Nova, it's okay. You have nothing to apologize for."

Cassian leaned back in his chair with an easy smile. "You know this just means we get to tell you about things you don't remember."

Arching a skeptical brow, Nova side-eyed him, and Rhysand couldn't help but smirk. "Like?" She ventured.

Cas smirked. "Like the pole incident. You raced through the obstacle course, biting a soldier in the process, then climbed your happy ass up the pole to steal the key. Then, when we told you to come down, you kept laughing at us. Az eventually had to fly up to get you."

Smirking, Azriel braced his elbows on the table. "You tried to steal coins from my pocket because you had already spent your own in a shop in town."

It was a slow effort, but soon, Nova, with a relaxed spine, listened to the back-and-forth stories as her family waltzed down memory lane.

"Nesta was pissed when she found you ripping her books." Cassian howled.

"I did what?" Nova asked, eyes wide as she nearly lunged forward. If she ever thought about touching Nesta's books the wrong way, now she was sure she'd rather face the wrath of a wraith. Was that why one of her punishments, when she'd broken curfew, was to walk around the camps balancing heavy tomes on her head?

Nesta smirked, sipping her wine silently.

"Yeah," Cas shook his head, "You turned those pages into confetti, but we can't forget when you spent an entire afternoon redecorating Feyre's art studio."

Feyre giggled and shook her head, "It was an adventurous choice of color on the walls that day…"

"I…" She shook her head, stopping herself from continuing as she lowered her hands.

Rhys grinned around his chalice. "What?" He asked.

Shaking her head, Nova rubbed the space between her brows. "I was a little shit."

Laughter rang across the table as Nova hid her face behind her hands, unable to stop her own from bubbling out. It was ridiculous- things she never remembered doing. How had she changed so much without knowing?

"Sorry about that," she took a small bite of the salted pork, "I imagine I wasn't easy to have around."

"Hm," Feyre smiled, "You were everything we always wanted and more." Nova glanced up with silent surprise as her mother continued, "What we would have given to have had more time with you then. I'd have gladly endured every mess and mistake."

"Then why send me away?" Nova asked with a slight frown as the joyous energy slowly leaked away from the table's occupants.

Feyre reached across the short distance and squeezed her left hand. "We didn't have a choice, sweetheart. The city was being attacked, and if we didn't do something, we could have lost you forever. We were willing to pay the price of a short time away to let you live and grow. Somewhere you wouldn't have to live in constant fear of an outside force. You need to know it was hell to send you away, but we always hoped that you'd return one day, and now you have. 

"You have the skills needed to defend yourself should something happen." Rhysand offered gently, and Nova's eyes flitted to him.

"What might happen?"

He slowly shook his head, "We don't know, but it's always best to be prepared."

Nova agreed, but she still couldn't shake the feeling of loss. She loved the Island, but what would her life have looked like if she'd stayed here instead?

"It's late," Feyre finally said, "I'm sure everyone's tired. Do you remember where your room is?"

Nova shook her head as she stood to her feet, nearly matching her father's height as he stood with her.

"Nova," she looked over at Cassian, who smiled from his seat, "How would you feel about training tomorrow?"

Nesta snorted, "Hm, she trains all day, every day."

"That's not true." Nova countered, rolling her eyes.

"No?" Nesta asked, tilting her head knowingly, "So that wasn't you I saw scaling the mountainside at five o'clock this morning?"

"Couldn't have been me," Nova smirked, "I was merely dreaming about scaling a mountainside at five o'clock this morning."

"Oh, my mistake." Nesta rolled her eyes, smirking as she rounded the table to walk out with Cassian.

Nova paused, watching everyone begin to disperse, but most importantly, she watched Nesta walk toward the front door with Cassian. Wouldn't she be staying here? As if hearing her silent worry, Nesta glanced over her shoulder and softened her smile. "I reside at the House of Wind."

"Oh." Nova tried not to sound too deflated.

"I'll show it to you tomorrow."

Nodding slowly, Nova pursed her lips as they left, but Ana approached and took her hands, squeezing them with a smile.

"I'll see you in the morning." She smiled gently, which Nova returned with some effort. She approached the back door, where Azriel waited to escort her to her cottage.

"Goodnight, Nova," Az said softly, "I'll be joining your training with Cassian tomorrow if you don't mind."

Nova nodded, and with that, he left, too.

Without wasting a moment, Feyre touched Nova's shoulder lightly, careful not to let her hand linger as she said, "We'll show you to your room. It's the same as it was when you left."

Turning, she met her eyes and nodded. Certainly, she shouldn't feel as uncomfortable as she did – was that something to feel guilty about? Being in the same room as them, alone, was a bit…intimidating. It was wrong to feel that way; it had to be. How could she face down the deadly edge of a blade but not stand in the same room as her parents?

There was so much to live up to, and Nova had barely scratched the surface to understand what that would entail.

It was easy enough to force her legs to move, following Feyre up the stairs with Rhysand not far behind. Nova tried to ignore the sensation of being boxed in and sighed as they reached the second floor.

"It's just this way," Feyre said, turning a light on and entering a chamber further down the hall.

Upon entering, the overwhelming sense of familiarity was so close yet far. She knew this place well, yet she couldn't conjure a correlating memory. Nova hardly noticed her parents standing beside her, watching her as she stared with interest at the window seat. On its plush bench sat a stuffed fox and squirrel.

"Mine squirrel?"

"No. Not your squirrel. Squirrels are happy in trees."

"I happy in trees."

Nova blinked, pulled from her thoughts as something brushed against her leg. She looked down just in time as a massive creamy-orange cat jumped from the floor to the bed. She wasn't sure if they'd eaten one too many mice or if it was all just fluff. Either way, the fuzzball purred loudly, reaching their head up to reach her hand.

"Potato…" Nova said with sudden clarity.

Rhysand grinned. "You remember…"

Turning to look at them, Nova smiled as she petted the top of Potato's head. "I guess I do…" She frowned then, staring at a very content cat that pushed against her hand with force for more attention. "Why don't I remember more than I do?" Nova finally asked the question that had bothered her all night. She turned to look at them, finding they were staring at her with soft, sad eyes.

Rhys nodded slowly, watching his daughter, hoping his following words were the right ones. "Sometimes things happen that are so awful…so horrific, that the mind finds the need to protect itself. You had gone through so much in a few short months, and before that, you survived alone in a forest for fifteen years," he murmured, his throat bobbing. "I don't think your mind is ready to unleash the secrets it harbors, good or bad."

Nova reflexively rubbed the back of her shoulder. 

The scars that laced her skin had been a mystery to her until she noticed Emerie's wings, and even now, she disliked the coil of anxiety that rested in her lower belly from the thought of what once had been part of her, now a marred memory.

"There are things you might not be ready to remember," Rhys continued gently, warm eyes fixated on her. "But if you ever decide to peel away a scab, you can always come to us."

Nova nodded, swallowing as she rubbed the back of her neck. "I…will keep that in mind." She couldn't guarantee she would, as terrible as that sounded. The first person she could think of talking to would be Nesta. "I think I'm just tired."

"Of course," Feyre smiled softly. "We'll be just a hall away should you need anything…" 

She almost moved toward her but hesitated and glanced at Rhys. How much distance was too much? To not show her any tenderness seemed a terrible thing to do. Still, she had to remember Nova never was one for affection. It had taken a long time to build enough trust before; they simply needed to begin again.

Rhys offered a parting smile, observing her one last time before leaving her to the seclusion of her bedroom, softly closing the door behind them. Intertwining her fingers with his, Feyre waited until they were safely in the room and their door was closed before she rubbed her temples.

"I shouldn't be upset," She said, on the verge of a sob. "It's so selfish of me to feel this way…"

Rhys moved to stand before her, taking her face between his hands, and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips. "It is okay to be happy she's here, but disappointed things don't always go as we envision. Feyre, darling," he said gently, refusing to let her drop her gaze, "This all went very well. Realistically, we all knew it wouldn't be an easy first time back, but considering how things could have gone, I think we're very fortunate."

"I know you're right," she shuddered, closing her eyes to let the tears fall freely.

Pressing a kiss to her nose, he rested his forehead against hers as his arms enveloped her in a warm, comforting embrace. "It will take time. She was laughing tonight. Joking. She's strong, intelligent, and funny. Beautiful. Granted, of course, she is." He gestured to himself with a smirk, and Feyre shook her head with a half-hearted grin.

Feyre sighed, letting him comfort her as she laid her head against his chest, basking in the slow sway of their bodies. "She seems hardly phased by what's to come."

"Hm," he nodded, resting his chin on her head. "I imagine Nesta has helped her build resilience to fear."

Feyre frowned as she recalled the way Nova sat with Nesta at dinner and how nervous she seemed when she realized she wouldn't be staying at the townhouse. She didn't voice it, but Feyre felt a simmering layer of unease watching them banter. And she shouldn't—of course, she shouldn't. Nova had bonded with her sister in her absence, and that was a good thing, wasn't it?

"We should get some rest." Rhys guided her to the bed, smiling softly as he gingerly pulled her onto his lap.

Smiling, Feyre let her lips be captured by his.

Nova lay awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling as she waited for sleep to claim her. The tick of the clock told her more time had passed than usual for her to fall asleep. She rolled to her side and watched Potato fast asleep with a deep purr and scrunched face, her legs tucked neatly beneath her.

Beyond the pile of rolls and fluff, leaned against the wall, was an instrument. It wasn't just any instrument; it was a lute. Nova stared at it with a furrowed brow as fresh images resurfaced from her days exploring the Rainbow. She could practically hear the soft, sweet tune she knew it could play.

A warm night under the stars, surrounded by her family while a welcoming fire crackled between them.

Nova gasped softly as her eyes snapped open. She hadn't realized she'd closed them until she was sitting upright in a cold sweat. Nova peered around the dark room, blinking the blurred residue from her eyes. The moon still partially lit the space, but beyond, it was engulfed in shadows. She sighed softly and touched her trembling fingers against her chilled lips.

Gently, she laid back and rested her head against the pillow, willing her muscles to relax again. With her eyes closed, she let herself be pulled back under as the crackling frost chilled her window despite the summer heat.