A Monster That Cannot Pray

After seeing the figure of the man outside the window, only one thought filled my mind.

I must go quickly. I must go and confirm if that man is really me from my previous life. If it is indeed my past self, I must find out what exactly has happened to my current self.

Thud―!

“Ugh…!”

Perhaps because my body couldn’t keep up with my mind. I fell three or four times just trying to get out of bed.

“Huff, huff…!”

Trying hard to ignore the pain spreading throughout my body with each step, I hurriedly descended from the second-floor room to the first floor.

I kept running to pass through the chapel, the only passage leading from the church to the outside.

“Oh, wait… Miss! You shouldn’t run like that when you’re injured!”

So, I went outside… and approached the bushes I had seen from the room earlier, but.

The man who had been watching me from here had long since disappeared without leaving a trace.

“Huu, hic… Wh-where…?”

“Frey! What’s wrong!”

“Miss! Why are you suddenly like this!”

Even until the moment Bernard and Wigo rushed out with surprised faces and grabbed me to stop me.

The man who looked like my past self, who I thought would still be here until I came down, was nowhere to be seen.

As if it had been a hallucination from the beginning.

“No, if you needed something, you should have said so… What is this, huh?”

“Hey―! Bring the healer over here―! The child is hurt―!”

Looking at the pajamas Miss Mia had given me as a gift last night, now stained red with blood from wounds that hadn’t yet healed.

“Uu, ugh… uuu…”

Why on earth was the figure of my past self there? If that was really my past self, why did he look so much older?

And on top of that, I had already felt I couldn’t face Miss Mia, and now I had even dirtied the pajamas she had given me as a gift.

“Frey! Come to your senses, Frey!”

“Miss! Oh my, is the healer still far away―!?”

My mind was so confused that I just sat down, wrapped my arms around myself, and started sobbing.

If, really if― if that man I saw earlier was really me.

“What… what am I…?”

* * *

That evening.

“Bernard. How’s the young lady? Is she alright?”

“She seems to have calmed down now. She cried herself to sleep.”

Bernard, leaving the soundly sleeping Frey behind, jumped out of the second-floor room’s window. He nodded in response to Wigo’s question, who couldn’t enter the room due to his large build.

“Phew, it seems seeing a real monster suddenly was quite a shock for her.”

“…I wonder.”

Right after, vaguely brushing off Wigo’s worried sigh.

-What… what am I…?

Bernard recalled the words Frey had muttered just before losing consciousness.

“Hey, Wigo.”

“You look like you have something to ask.”

“It seems there might be someone else who made our child cry.”

“I’ll look into whether there was any suspicious person around.”

So, after even Wigo left to deal with the pending work.

“Old… man…”

“Yes. I’m here. What is it, Frey?”

Bernard, who had been keeping watch by Frey’s bedside, immediately made eye contact with Frey, who called for him as soon as she opened her eyes.

“Ah, uu… I… I…”

Soon, even though her expression was pained, she kept hesitating as if there was something she wanted to say.

“It’s okay, Frey. I’ll be here the whole time. You don’t need to rush to speak. When your thoughts are organized, you can talk then.”

He carefully reached out and patted Frey’s forehead, brushing back her white hair that was damp with sweat.

“……”

At this, Frey lowered her gaze with a slightly reddened face.

“You’re… a priest, right?”

Then, towards Frey who asked with a more determined look in her eyes compared to earlier, as if she had organized her thoughts.

“What else, you think I might be a nun?”

He said with a playful smile, quietly sitting on the edge of Frey’s bed and starting to stroke her head.

“…What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just trying to joke a bit, why?”

So, as Frey’s breathing gradually stabilized, he let out a light sigh.

“If you’re a priest, do you also do confessions and such?”

“Sometimes, when I feel like it.”

“…Pseudo-priest.”

As if she had regained enough composure to laugh, Bernard turned his head away from Frey, who snickered at his joke while disparaging him.

“So, do you feel like it today?”

“I think I do.”

Towards Frey, who quietly covered her eyes with her four arms as if telling him not to look, he opened his mouth in a gentle voice.

“Since it might be difficult to go to the confessional, is it okay to do it here?”

“It’s not usually allowed, but I’ll make a special exception just for today.”

“…Okay.”

Then, feeling the inside of his hand getting gradually damp.

“Well then― what sin have you committed, my child?”

Bernard asked in a lowered voice to help Frey feel at ease, as she had started sobbing even before confessing her sin.

“I―.”

So began the confession.

Although it was a confession where neither the liturgy nor the procedure was followed, nonetheless, the two focused on each other with utmost seriousness.

“―I thought a person looked delicious.”

Flinch.

“The hunger doesn’t go away. The smell of blood only feels sweet.”

Bernard, though surprised by the sudden confession, gently wiped Frey’s eyes as she trembled in fear while holding onto his hand.

“When a kind person who accepted me even knowing I wasn’t human got hurt, I felt hungry looking at her.”

As if not properly understanding the meaning of confession, Frey’s voice poured out everything she thought was a sin.

‘I see. So that’s why that piece of intestine…’

Bernard secretly sighed, remembering how during the cleanup of the accident that occurred at dawn, there was a strange red piece of intestine lying as if it had been deliberately torn off.

“I can’t trust myself…”

At those words, saying she couldn’t trust herself, couldn’t be confident in herself, Bernard quietly turned to look at Frey.

“…The Lord said not to forgive those who crave the blood of others.”

Flinch.

“Therefore, your sin will surely be judged by the Lord’s law.”

So, as Frey flinched at Bernard’s continuing words.

“Ah…”

Slowly, as Bernard’s hand moved away from her face, Frey looked at it with moist eyes as if regretful, then tightly closed her eyes as if afraid of Bernard’s next words.

“However―.”

But, contrary to Frey’s expectation― Bernard quietly bent down, held Frey’s head with both hands, and pressed his forehead against hers.

“―I forgive you.”

He said. Even if Frey had committed a sin, he would forgive her.

“―I acknowledge you.”

He said. Even if others called Frey a monster, he would acknowledge her as human.

“―I believe in you.”

He said. Even if Frey couldn’t believe in herself, he would believe in her.

“Uu, uu… hic…”

So, at Bernard’s voice saying he would still believe in her despite her confession of sin, Frey burst into tears again and looked at Bernard with a distorted face as he pressed his forehead against hers.

“Frey. No matter what anyone says, you are human. I guarantee it in my name.”

“Why, why… sniff, I…!”

“Yes. You felt hungry looking at Mia.”

At Frey’s reaction, Bernard smiled brightly and carefully raised Frey’s body to sit up.

“But so what?”

“It’s dis-disgusting…”

Towards Frey who asked if it wasn’t disgusting for a monster to feel hungry looking at a person.

“Yes. It is disgusting.”

He nodded, not in denial but in affirmation.

“…Ugh.”

So, as Frey tried to distance herself from Bernard, clutching her chest with her four arms.

“But the very fact that you can think it’s disgusting is proof that you’re human, I believe. Frey.”

At Bernard’s following words, as if greatly shocked.

“…Ah.”

With her mouth wide open. She stared blankly at Bernard with trembling eyes.

“It must be hard. It’s something I can’t even imagine. That’s why… I believe that you will overcome this hardship and truly stand as a human in the end.”

A voice filled with absolute affirmation and trust.

“It is my duty, as the one who took you in, to support you when you’re struggling and comfort you when you’re tired. It’s okay for a child to act like a child. Frey.”

When it’s hard, you can say it’s hard, he said.

“It probably won’t happen, but― if by any slim chance, you end up eating a person. I’ll take responsibility and die with you.”

Quietly― Bernard pulled Frey into his arms and patted her back.

“Uu, hic… sniff…”

So, as Frey burst into loud tears again in his arms, he carefully patted her.

“That’s right. It’s okay to cry at times like this.”

Bernard began to soothe Frey with skillful hands, as if this wasn’t his first experience with such a situation.

It was a story of one evening, when the moon was shining brightly.