MTLNOVEL Chapter 8: Was this worth it?
Frisk breathed softly against my shoulder in relaxed intervals, completely still.
I didn't move.
Not because I couldn't—though my ribs made sure I wasn't going anywhere fast—but because I didn't want to. The stillness gave me space to think, and I had a lot to think about.
The system menu hovered before me again, transparent and silent.
[Kira's Profile]
HP: 7/20
LV:1
EXP:7/10
Soul: Obsession
Abilities: Danger Magnet
Seven experience points...
Not enough for a level up, but close.
I stared at the number.
Despite my victory, my expression remained impassive. Of course, deep down, I began facing some doubts and inner turmoil.
I killed a monster, and received some EXP. Gather enough of it, and my LV would go up. It's the classic trope you see in many games.
That's what most people would think.
But unlike normal games, leveling up in this world is really twisted.
LV and EXP...
They were acronyms.
Level of Violence and Execution Points.
I remembered what it meant in the game. It wasn't merely some numbers.
It was a reflection of how willing you are to hurt others.
The more you kill, the easier it becomes to do it again, and the more detached you become.
And that's what scared me.
Because this world wasn't a game.
These monsters weren't pixelated creatures with a few lines of dialogue. They fought with desperation. They had faces twisted by fear or hate or hunger. They felt real—because they were.
When I played the game in my previous life, I spared everything. Even when it didn't make sense. Even when they tried to kill me. Even when I died countless times. That was the whole point. Mercy. Empathy. Everyone could be your friend, if you just kept trying.
But that Loox would have torn me and Frisk apart without a second thought. It wasn't some misunderstood NPC. It was a monster, in every sense of the word.
I killed it.
And I got stronger.
I looked down at my hand. The blood from my palm had dried in a line down my fingers.
Is this how it starts?
I stared ahead. Dust still lingered where the creature had crumbled. It used to be alive. It had thoughts. Maybe even a name.
Now it was just a number on my stat sheet.
If I kill another, I'll level up. I'll become stronger, and I'll be able to kill easier.
But how many more?
How many before it stops feeling like self-defense and starts becoming a routine?
Perhaps I'll even enjoy it...
I looked at Frisk.
She had thrown herself between me and death without thinking.
She trusts me now, but when I start indiscriminately killing everything, would she still see me in the same way?
And, if I told her I was going to slaughter everything down here just to awaken someone who might not even come back the way I remember, how would she react?
Can I do it?
I pulled at a bundle of my hair, doubts creeping inside me.
Initially, I thought the decision to go on this route was the simplest one I have ever made. Having a chance to see one of my loved ones again...
But... was this really worth it?
What if I kill enough monsters simply to awaken Chara and stop right after, would that be enough?
Could I live with that?
What if it wasn't?
What if, by then, I'm already too far gone?
My chest ached, but it wasn't from any of my injuries.
At that moment, as if sensing my doubts and worries, a small warmth pressed against my side. Frisk unconsciously nuzzled a little closer.
And suddenly, the heaviness didn't feel so suffocating.
That's when I smiled.
"What am I thinking...?" I muttered.
Maybe I was overcomplicating it. Maybe the solution was simpler than I thought.
I don't know if it'll work. I don't know if it'll be enough to bring Chara back.
But I'll do it differently.
A different kind of genocide.
Monsters can come to kill us, we can naturally come to kill them.
Even if I lose myself, I'll keep this last piece of my humanity—to not kill indiscriminately but in self-defense.
I won't enjoy it. But I won't hesitate anymore either.
I closed the system window and let my eyes drift toward the darkened ceiling of the Ruins.
I couldn't help but think that I'm truly just a trash excuse of a human-being.
I'm selfish.
Greedy.
Loathsome.
They were undeniable.
Not only do I want Chara back, I also want Frisk to continue viewing me fondly.
Heh...
However, these traits were my true self.
And as long as I continue believing that, I'll never lose sight of who I am.
I briefly chuckled.
Perhaps such a way of thinking was within the system's calculations.
After all, it just says to kill a lot of monsters, and not as many as I can, or all of them.
Maybe the path I thought of was really possible?
But then again, what if it doesn't work out?
I sighed.
There were too many what ifs.
I'm in too much pain, and I'm too tired to think further...
Such complicated thoughts can be saved for later.
Eventually, my eyes shut on their own, weighed down by exhaustion and the lingering warmth at my side.
Sleep came quietly.
...
I didn't know how long I was out.
My senses returned in fragments. The cool air of the Ruins. The faint trickle of water from somewhere. The soft pressure of something beneath my head.
Wait... soft?
My eyes slowly fluttered open.
My cheek was resting on something warm. It felt supple and gentle.
A faint scent of lavender tickled my nose.
I tilted my head slightly and looked up.
Frisk's face came into view above me, her soft eyes meeting mine with a serene expression. Her fingers gently brushed through my hair as if she'd been doing it the whole time.
I was... on her lap.
No, more accurately, her lap was my pillow.
"…Huh?"
I blinked, trying to process this turn of events. Her thighs were... unbelievably soft.
How did I end up here?
Frisk smiled gently, as if reading the confusion in my face.
"Good morning, sleepyhead~"
"…How long was I asleep for?" I asked.
"Not long. About twenty minutes, I think," she said, continuing to stroke my hair with a gentle rhythm. "You looked like you really needed it, so I let you rest."
She paused, then added, "I picked up the phone Toriel gave us and called her back."
I raised an eyebrow. "You did?"
"Mhm," she nodded. "I told her what happened. She's coming soon."
I let out a small sigh of relief, my body relaxing into her lap even more. "That's good…"
She smiled down at me again, tilting her head slightly. "Are you feeling better now?"
Physically? No.
I still felt like I'd been run over by a truck and beaten to the verge of death by Hulk.
But with my head resting on Frisk's lap, her soft thighs beneath me, and her kind eyes watching over me, it certainly didn't feel that way.
"Yep," I replied, sharing my true thoughts.
Her lap was comfortable as hell. The view from down here wasn't bad either. In fact, it was healing me faster than any healing magic ever could.
I could die right now and be completely fine with it.
Actually, no. That's a lie. I want to live.
Her thighs are just that powerful.
Frisk giggled softly, as if she somehow knew exactly what I was thinking, well, maybe she didn't, or maybe I was just that transparent.
Still, the moment didn't feel awkward.
It was warm and comforting.
For a while, we didn't speak. The Ruins turned quiet. The kind of quiet that didn't feel heavy, but peaceful.
I closed my eyes again, just for a moment.
And then—something warm pressed gently against my forehead.
It was as soft as a falling petal, but I clearly felt it.
I blinked, slowly opening my eyes again.
Frisk was hovering just above me, her face a soft shade of pink, her lips still close enough that I knew what had just happened.
I was startled.
This girl is really, really bold!
"Was... that a kiss?" I asked anyway despite already knowing.
"Healing kiss," she said matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Oh, of course." I chuckled lightly. "Thank you, I already feel much better."
She nodded, her lips curving into a beautiful smile, brushing her fingers gently through my hair again. "It works better when you care about the person. That's what makes it magical."
"So, you care about me?" I gave her a teasing smile, not hesitating to take the opportunity.
However, Frisk wasn't embarrassed. She simply replied with a gentle yet playful smile of her own, "Of course, you dummy. If I didn't, why else would I waste my magic like this?"
"..."
Frisk, your words are causing my heart to do skips, please stop!
After taking a brief moment to regather myself, I spoke with a faint chuckle, "Then I guess I'm really lucky."
"To be someone worth using that magic on."
She smiled again and gently ran her fingers through my hair, slower this time. The tenderness in her touch made it easy to forget the pain in my body.
Then, just as I was about to drift off again, I heard her mumble something softly beside me.
"And I'm lucky too, for meeting you..."