B-ronken-R-ing 159...

***

Cárcel squinted as he flashed back to consciousness, taking in his cramped surroundings.

The room was so small that he could see the entire space with a single glance. A tiny window near the ceiling allowed a thin beam of fading light to seep in, indicating the sun was setting outside. He realized he was in a modest chapel, meant for private prayer.

He drew a hand down his face and made as if to sit up, only to be overcome by a wave of dizziness, forcing him to lie back down. His body was utterly uncooperative, a realization that filled him with frustration. How pathetic, he thought. Nausea churned within him, though he knew his empty stomach would yield nothing.

Sensing Emiliano's presence in the shadowed corner, he spoke. "Could Inés be like you? Could she have begun anew with her memories intact?"

"No," came the soft reply.

"How would you know?" Cárcel asked with an edge to his voice.

Emiliano's quiet chuckle resonated throughout the small space. "Forgive me. You sounded just like Her Ladyship."

Cárcel's eyes narrowed, wondering whether Emiliano was mocking him.

Stepping into the pale light, Emiliano offered a gentle smile. "I meant no mockery. But even your suspicious gaze, your manner of questioning, it all echoes Her Ladyship. I suppose it is true what they say about married couples growing alike."

Looking at Emiliano's congenial face, Cárcel felt his nausea return. Each glance at Emiliano reminded him that this was the face Inés had once adored.

It was clear Emiliano still harbored affection for Inés. Cárcel couldn't fathom why Emiliano bore him no animosity. The humble painter had no way of knowing that Inés still held him dear. He was also aware that he would never be able to meet her, but worst of all, he was now standing before her current husband.

And yet, here he was, speaking about how Cárcel and Inés were alike.

"Inés wouldn't be pleased to hear that."

"That's all right. She won't hear it," Emiliano answered simply, his smile waning as he continued. "And I don't believe Her Ladyship is like me."

"How can you be certain?"

"Because, Your Lordship, I am more akin to you. Perhaps we are even the same."

Cárcel found himself scowling at the thought but quickly smoothed his expression with a weary hand.

Emiliano lowered his gaze down to his knees, his voice cracking as if he were speaking of a grave tragedy. "Her Ladyship never had the opportunities we were granted. The chance to be reborn. To forget. To start afresh, and thus break free from the cycle. To be liberated..."

Emiliano's clear voice echoed inside the fog clouding Cárcel's mind: "If you did not know you were born once again, that is a blessing of opportunity. Since nothing of significance happened to me after I was born again into this world..."

"Make it easier for me to understand," Cárcel demanded.

"Her Ladyship was most likely never given such a chance," Emiliano replied.

Cárcel furrowed his eyebrows. "You said remembering was a punishment."

"Yes."

"And that you chose to receive this punishment."

"Indeed."

"I do not understand. If you were given the chance, surely Inés must have been, too. She must remember like you do and have begun anew-"

"No, that's not the case. While my life started again from the very beginning..." Emiliano paused, his mouth opening and closing as if he were grappling with unspeakable truths. Slowly, he raised his gaze from the floor. "Her Ladyship was never reborn. She has been reliving a segment of her life over and over again, like someone trapped in a nightmare."

Cárcel's heart plummeted. His breath caught in his throat, cold and unmoving.

Emiliano continued in a strangely detached tone, "There were a few moments I shared with Her Ladyship that baffled me at the time. She would speak of the past, but it sounded like she was speaking of the future. It was mostly about the court -matters beyond my humble comprehension. At times, she was as lively as any sixteen-year-old, but at other times, she seemed to be... anticipating her death. I couldn't understand it. But it wasn't simply my humble station that kept me from understanding the mind of a noble lady."

Emiliano fell into a pensive silence, his mind drifting back to memories of the distant past.

"Emiliano, I might be losing my mind," Inés had once told him.

"What makes you say such a thing all of a sudden?"

"I feel as though this might all just be a dream as well. You feel like a dream... I am terrified that one day, I will open my eyes and find myself back in Mendoza. The thought that I may wake up in that abominable pit once again because I survived. I fear that this life I have now will vanish. That I did not actually die then, and even that was a dream..."

Emiliano could picture her vividly by simply closing his eyes: her anguished cries that tore at his heart, the spine-chilling hatred that would flash in her eyes when she didn't recognize him, the seizures that would cause her to collapse even during their happiest times, and the way she would smile at him with pure joy the next morning, having forgotten the turmoil of the night before.

He had felt a heart-wrenching sympathy for that fragile girl who hadn't yet turned twenty.

"Are you afraid of the duke?" he had asked her.

"No."

"Is it your brother, then?"

"Luciano is the man I fear the least in this world. He was always the only person on my side, the family member I loved the most."

"More than me?"

"Yes."

"How unfortunate for an orphan like me, who only has you to love. "Emiliano feigned a sulk. "Then what is it that you fear?"

"Luciano would die for me if he needed to. That's always been my greatest fear, Emiliano. That Luciano would die. That he would be killed. And that I would return to that hell of my own accord for his sake. It was a miracle that I met you the moment I opened my eyes again. I am glad I ran away with you before becoming leashed and enslaved to that wretched life..."

Emiliano snapped out of his thoughts and continued, "Thinking back to it now, the things she told me seemed too varied to belong to a single lifetime. They were far removed from the life of a sixteen-year-old noble lady raised in luxury. We were always fleeing from House Valeztena's soldiers, not the imperial soldiers, and yet she never once feared her family. And so, I held onto the hope that Lord Luciano could break this cycle, this leash Her Ladyship so dreaded."

"Even if it cost your life?"

"Yes, even if it cost my life."

Cárcel's brows knitted in consternation.

"Your Lordship, do you remember that you saved me twice?"

"I barely recall saving you once." Cárcel had a vague recollection of saving Emiliano reluctantly and knew he could have never brought himself to kill the man. "But indeed, I did save you. And you were foolish enough to return, rendering my efforts fruitless."

"I apologize for putting myself in your debt only to meet my end."

"It's too late for apologies."

"I never imagined I would be able to see you again, so I did not think I would get the chance to apologize. But it seems God has brought you back to me..."

"I am not amused."

"My deepest apologies." Emiliano bowed low, as though he owed Cárcel a lifetime of debts.

Growing increasingly frustrated, Cárcel responded through clenched teeth, "Raise your damn head. I have absolutely no interest in a debt I do not recall. Continue with your account of Inés."

"To do that, I must share a bit more about myself. It may seem tedious but..."

"I expected as much."

Emiliano took Cárcel's curt retort as permission to continue. He hesitated a little, his lips pale, then finally spoke again. "When I died..."

Cárcel listened in silence.

Emiliano bit down on his bottom lip and paused for a moment, as if he couldn't believe he was talking about this. He let out a mirthless huff of laughter and resumed, "I do not know if it was my first death, but I am certain that it was my last. This may sound foolish, but... it was only after my death that I realized I shouldn't have died."

"You had regrets?"

"No, I realized that I shouldn't have died in that way and at that moment. A different death had been awaiting me. I learned that things had gone askew in that very moment."

"What next? Will you claim you encountered God's apostle?"

"Yes, he was the one who told me all of this-Anastasio, the apostle of resurrection."

Cárcel remained silent, his gaze fixed on the setting sun casting shadows across Emiliano's face.

Emiliano continued in a measured tone, "He explained that my life had strayed from God's intended path, like an accident, and that this deviation had left my existence unfulfilled."

"Does that mean children who die young and those murdered without cause are given second chances, like you?"

"No. He said that most face a predestined end. While such deaths may seem unreasonable or unjust to us, they are fated to occur in that manner. He also mentioned that a villain deemed worthy of death may perish, but it could be a death not ordained by God. As the priests teach us, we are all sinners, born with original sin, and this world itself is a vast prison..."

"This prison is made to confine the sinners of a higher realm beyond our comprehension. Hence, we are all sinners, bearers of original sin, from the moment we are born. After our sentence is served, we live only to return to where we came from. Death is liberation," Cárcel recited, quoting the words of a renowned prophet. "You test me with a quote favored by Inés."

Emiliano's lips curved into a soft smile. "I thought you might recognize it, having given her your undivided attention."

"You speak as though you are jesting with me."

"It is as you recited. When a young child dies too soon, the priests describe it as 'being released from earthly suffering early.' Such children are deemed so pure that their sentences are short."

"Because according to them, life is suffering. Are they mistaken?"

"No, they are correct. Those who die outside of God's will have not completed their sentences on earth. They have not cleansed themselves of their original sin and thus cannot be liberated. But if it was not their fault, being forced to live again would be too cruel. The apostle said that because God is so merciful, he allows those lost souls to forget the agony of living again. They are given a chance to live a better life, to purge away their sin and live a complete life without repetition. God grants them one wish, so they may finally reach a land where they will never experience the pain of death."

Cárcel straightened up, a strange sense of foreboding settling over him. He felt an unfamiliar queasiness. A chill crept along his neck as though a ghostly had briefly seized him before fading away.

"I made a wish to keep the memories of my life with Her Ladyship, to ensure I would never harm her again. So that we would never meet again."

Emiliano's smile reached his eyes, as though those last few words had set him free from his solitude.

"If you had been given the chance, Your Lordship, I am sure you would not have asked for such a modest and foolish favor from the apostle like someone as humble as myself, who can only hope to help Her Ladyship by staying away. That is why I have always envied you. I was in awe of you that day, and just as I told you then, I sincerely hoped that someone like you would stand by Her Ladyship's side." Gradually, the faint smile on Emiliano's lips disappeared. "But then the apostle asked me if I knew that remembering is a punishment reserved only for those who take their own lives."

Cárcel stared at him.

"That... is when I finally realized that the lady I cherished, that girl of only sixteen who took my hand, had died before. Only after I let go of her hand did I come to this realization."