MTLNOVEL Chapter 38: 241
"Yes, I would have slain the crown prince, and then..." Cárcel's voice resonated with unwavering resolve, declaring treason as the fury had clearly consumed him.
Emiliano lowered his gaze from Cárcel's wound, his surprise more subdued compared to his shock when Cárcel had desecrated the holy statue. He simply held his breath as if what he had just heard was unwelcome yet not entirely unexpected.
"When she was in her youth, with many joyful days ahead in Perez, I should have removed that wretch from her life. And as the traitor who slew the prince, I should have removed myself from her life as well. Then, upon her return, she could have led a serene and uneventful life, free from the shadows of myself or Oscar."
"She would never wish for you take your own life..." Emiliano murmured.
"Inés could have met you and lived a blissful life in Mariorca. If only I had disappeared from her former life..."
Then Inés would never have known Oscar. She would not have been driven to such despair that she took her own life.
Cárcel thought of a few honorable suitors from other noble houses who might have married her. She could have been with a decent man who respected her, and while she might not have loved him as passionately as she did Emiliano... perhaps she could have grown fond of him. Cárcel wished for her happiness in any form, within a family that made her feel safe.
As long as she could escape this accursed cycle, whom she loved didn't matter...
But it did. The mere thought of her with another man tormented Cárcel, making him feel pathetic for it.
Yet, he could endure it all if only she could escape this dreadful nightmare.
"Would that wretch be restored to life as well? Since our God does not wish for souls to depart before their time," Cárcel muttered bitterly.
"It may be his fate, but please, do not stake your precious life on something you cannot be certain of."
"What foolish wish had I made to Apostle Anastasio to end up here?"
"I am sure you did not wish to be as helpless as I am. Every time."
"Every time?" Cárcel echoed, his eyes briefly fluttering shut in contemplation before lifting again. "You seem convinced that I'd never met a proper death."
Emiliano hesitated but eventually nodded. "Indeed, since I remember nothing of Her Ladyship being married to the crown prince. I wondered what had happened to her but did not realize it was a misfortune of a past life until I was at death's door myself. From what you have shared, it appears you may have..."
"Died and been reborn more than once," Cárcel finished, filling the silence Emiliano left hanging.
The painter, keeping firm pressure on Cárcel's wound, slowly sank to the floor beside him, as if bereft of all strength. "Yes... The life from which you remember me, and the life I know nothing about."
"I would much rather face punishment. Perhaps remembering all of this now is my punishment, and I certainly hope it is. That way, I will eventually recall everything."
"If you had sinned and were punished with the burden of memory, it would have remained whole from the start. It would not return to you in fragments as you described..."
"Does that mean your memory is complete?"
"Yes. But naturally, some details are hazy or forgotten, while others remain vividly clear. It is not perfect, as no one's memory is."
"That sounds incomplete to me."
"As it has always been my memory, it's imperfect, yet complete in its own way. At times, I feel as though I was never killed in Sevilla at all." Emiliano's gaze drifted past Cárcel's profile to the apostle's statue, now lying in pieces on the ground. "Not because my memory of death is unclear, but because it feels as though I am simply living an extension of a life that's already ended. When I reflect on the day I died at twenty-two, it does not feel like recalling another life I barely remember, but rather an event from twenty-six years ago. I have lived as long again and more, but I have not aged as much nor grown wiser. My mind seems to circle around the same spot. It's as if I am looking back to a distant place. Older memories will fade, and more will be lost once I reach old age."
Cárcel listened in silence, absorbing every word.
"But that does not mean I will one day suddenly remember something from a life forgotten upon death, unless granted the same mercy as you. I have always remembered my one death."
"Do you truly believe it is a mercy for me to be on the brink of losing my mind like this?" Cárcel asked evenly.
Emiliano drew a faint smile on his lips and nodded, as though certain that God had good reason to love him. "I believe it is God's way of bringing you salvation. Instead of the pain of remembering, He intends to offer you an opportunity."
"And yet, He has remained silent even though I desecrated a holy statue."
"They say God answers through anything that exists. You've regained all of the emotions you'd felt at those moments from the fragments of your memory. And as soon as they surfaced, you must have relived countless experiences and emotions before those short moments in your past lives. You've recovered all of those accumulated emotions and experiences through brief memories in the blink of an eye. You spoke as though it was your story, not someone else's, as if you'd experienced those memories yourself in those few seconds."
"And what difference does it make?"
"It will prepare you for the future. With a fury that has not faded over time, you will be able to save Her Ladyship, undeterred by the temptation, sin, and pain of knowledge. By rescuing her from the very depths, you will finally save yourself."
"I am the one who pushed Inés into those depths in the first place."
"You are not. The devil simply blamed you that day."
Cárcel turned to look at Emiliano. The lanterns on the wall were dim, but the shadow over Emiliano's face was curiously bright, giving him the appearance of a humble and honest priest. Slowly, Cárcel reached up and tugged the cloth from Emiliano's hand, pressing it against his wound himself.
Cárcel's gaze drifted away from Emiliano and up to the darkened ceiling. "I seem to have received some sort of an answer."
"Pardon?"
"It was worth destroying the statue for," Cárcel said, replaying Emiliano's words in his mind: The devil simply blamed you that day.
Strangely enough, Emiliano's last statement gave him the strength to face Inés once more. The dread that had gripped his heart and made it seemed like he would never be able to see her again had changed. Perhaps this newfound courage would stack, enabling him to see her twice, then three times, and spend just a little more time at her side, as though nothing had happened. At least for as much time as they needed.
And once this grim situation was resolved...
"You are a damned saint, Emiliano."
"Do you mean to blaspheme again? You cannot possibly call me such-"
"I wonder how Inés ever loved someone like you with her fiery temper."
"She often chided me, and rightly so," Emiliano answered after a moment's pause. "She called me ridiculously slow and unskilled for a man. She said I was vexing."
"And yet she held you dear, enough to dedicate her whole world to you."
Perhaps she still loved Emiliano.
Cárcel used his sleeve to wipe away the trickling blood that had reached his eyes and smiled. The thought no longer saddened him. He wished he could have told her that day that Emiliano was a man worthy of her love. That they suited each other well, that their child bore the best of both of them and was adorable, that they shall find happiness and peace once they escape from Ortega safe and sound, and that she should obliterate her memories of Mendoza from her mind. He wished he could have told that to the woman he had faced in Sevilla.
"I never deserved her love," Emiliano said.
"No, you didn't deserve Inés."
"And because I was aware of that-"
"But your Inés deserves anything she wants, Emiliano. Hence, I will divorce her."
Emiliano stared at him in horror, as though Cárcel had just destroyed another holy statue. But Cárcel now looked completely sane, save the blood stains on half of his face.
"The payment you will receive from me for this commission will far exceed any amount the most renowned painter in all of Ortega has ever received. I cannot allow your painting to fall into the hands of that vile crown prince, so I will present it to my brother Miguel as a nuptial gift. If you use this opportunity to sell more paintings and thrive, you will surpass most nobles. But if you wish to be with Inés, you must leave Ortega."
"What on earth are you saying, Your Lordship?"
"Then again... You should be able to do whatever you want after Oscar is dead. At least on this land, you will not have any troubles. But with Inés's title, it will be a tiring and arduous life for her to be with someone who has nothing to his name but wealth, so I shall purchase the title of a declining noble family in the Kingdom of Peral for you and her. Life will be much easier for you if you are no longer of Ortega."
Emiliano stared at him in stunned silence.
"The small castles in Valoquilla would be perfect for newlyweds. Inés indeed seems to prefer small houses. If you claim to be distant relatives of a noble family in Peral, no one would doubt you for wanting to inherit an unclaimed castle. You will no longer be the poor and humble man you once were..."
"Your Lordship," Emiliano called out, grabbing him by the shoulder.
Cárcel felt his vision fade into a dark blur. He couldn't help but succumb to slowly closing his eyes and smiled, as though thinking of something pleasant. "I intend to give you everything I could not back in Sevilla. As a gift in honor of your holy matrimony."