B-ronken-R-ing 159...

***

After a while, Cárcel finally regained some of his composure. His eyes were still bloodshot and red, and he was staring at Inés with an overwhelming amount of guilt and sympathy-this gave her a hint as to just how disheveled and distressed she looked.

Inés forced a look of nonchalance on her face and leveled her gaze at him. "When did it begin?" she asked. "Have you been taking them ever since we got married?"

"No, Inés... No," he whispered.

After a short pause, she said in a low voice, "Did you start when you began to see your mistress, then?"

Cárcel, who had been displaying the polite, timid attitude of a sinner until then, suddenly frowned and stared at her in shock. "Have you gone mad?"

Her face remained emotionless as she responded coolly, "I assumed that you found another woman to bear your heir."

He took a quick step away from her, aghast, disbelief shadowing his features. "Inés... How could you say such a terrible thing?"

An inappropriate bubble of laughter rose in her throat, but she managed to suppress it. "Most people assume that a man would take those herbs for a mistress or some harlot," she explained. "You should count yourself fortunate that I did not immediately accuse you of infidelity."

Some of the shock subsided from his face, but there was still a lingering trace of it. "Inés, your very presence is the greatest joy I have ever known. I

hope you know this," he began. "Now, do you mean to say that your anger stems from the depth of the trust you had in me? You once said that if you were ever betrayed by a man you loved, you would see to his end. Perhaps this is similar-"

She interrupted his rambling with a sharp cut of her voice. "Yes, I trusted you, but that trust is now shattered. So just answer my question."

For a long while, he did not respond. He simply looked quite dejected as he dropped his gaze as if the weight of her words was too much to bear. He fidgeted with his hands before running one over his face, releasing a deep sigh.

Inés, her patience wearing thin, grabbed both of his arms and lowered them to his side as if to scold him for being so distracting. Although she knew that she was nowhere near strong enough to actually force him to do anything, he let her control his limbs as he always did.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, then finally said, "I began taking the herbs after your first seizure here. In that moment, I... I feared I had lost you."

At last, the tightness in her throat began to dissipate. She contemplated his words for a moment, then released a snort of disbelief. It seemed ridiculous that she had suffered so much over what amounted to a misunderstanding. "Did you decide to completely ignore what I told you back then, Escalante?" she spat angrily.

He clenched his eyes shut in what seemed to be distress. "No, of course not. I know that you are well now, but..."

"I told you that it wouldn't happen again. I told you that my condition had been cured years ago. I never

needed the medicine that Raúl was carrying long before that seizure, and I certainly didn't need it in the years after."

Cárcel stayed silent for a moment, then he whispered, "But you did need it in that moment."

Her voice was mixed with a groan as she said, "Cárcel..."

"You would have died if it hadn't been for Balan," he argued with an uncharacteristic stubbornness. "I would have been completely helpless as you faded in my arms."

She released a soft sigh. "Surely, somebody else would have come... perhaps Lieutenant Maso. I was perfectly fine for four whole years before I met the physician from Peral. I was fine before I ever took that medicine. Even when I had five, no, ten seizures a day, I-"

Cárcel spoke suddenly, cutting her off. "How many times a day?"

Instantly, she knew that she had misspoken. She bit on the inside of her lower lip, only to be deterred by his gentle fingertips. Although his hand retreated after ensuring that she wouldn't chew on her lips, his eyes were still piercing and inquiring as they stared into hers.

Words escaped her. After a moment, she finally managed to say, "What I mean to say is... the seizures were nothing significant. You managed to bring me back to health after forcing me to sleep and eat like royalty, do you not recall? Truly, Cárcel, I have had enough of your overprotective nature..."

"Inés..." Cárcel whispered sadly.

"I have been perfectly fine after I was cured of the illness," she said rapidly. "I swear on my life."

His face twisted slightly as he said, "So... am I to disregard the fact that you nearly died, simply because things used to be much worse?"

She ran a hand over her face in frustration. "Cárcel."

"All right, Inés," he said quietly as he carefully brushed his fingers through her hair. "I will accept your words as the truth, no matter what they are."

Inés stayed silent, feeling the warmth of his touch.

He continued slowly, "But... I am a coward, I suppose. Perhaps the seizures meant nothing to you, but to me... I was terrified. Your body seemed so fragile, and I feared that you would break..."

"I told you, I was fine-"

"But I was not," he interjected quietly, his tone firm and resolute, effectively silencing her. "You may call me a selfish bastard from Esposa, but I cannot and will not risk your life for something like a child."

She scoffed in surprise and disbelief. "Something like... a child? That would be Ricardo."

A long time ago, Cárcel had happily come up with that name for their future child. However, it appeared that he did not feel any of the excitement that he had felt before. "Nothing in this world is more precious to me than you, Inés. I know that I deceived you and caused you pain. I apologize for making you cry...I

will make no excuses. I took those herbs out of fear, that is all."

Her chest felt tight as she stared at him, the weight of his confession settling over her.

He continued, his voice low and laden with remorse, "I know that I shouldn't have done it. I assure you, I have always dreamed of a child with you...and I knew that you needed one as well. But I feared you might not... want one. If you deemed it nothing but a mere obligation, I thought it might not be the right time, that perhaps we should wait until you regained your health. I wanted the physician from Peral to confirm that you did not require any further treatments... How selfish I was, convincing myself that it was all for your sake..."

As his words sank in, she felt a bitter twist of emotions within her. She quickly raised a hand to cover her face, stifling a painful sigh.

"Now, I know how mistaken I was," he whispered. "I know that you truly wish to have a child. I still get the urge to shove those herbs down my throat multiple times a day... But then I recall how you spoke of 'our' family in that hunting lodge, and I realize I am only deceiving you, causing you more pain."

Too late, she understood that the gaping maw of the pouch had been a testament to his struggle, his hesitation, and his fear. In the end, everything he had done was out of love and concern for her, devoid of any selfish motives.

"Even now, I am fighting that urge," he confessed, his voice faltering. "I am still overwhelmed with fear when I imagine you carrying my child..."

A sudden wave of déjà vu swept over Inés, leaving her momentarily disoriented. She blinked, and from the depths of her memory, she heard Cárcel's voice-youthful, trembling, and laced with tears.

"The baby is perfectly fine, Inés. I-I just... You were unconscious for two days. The blood... it wouldn't stop. I thought I had lost you. I prayed for death before I felt you leave me..."

His words, brimming with joy one moment and tainted with fear and despair the next, reverberated through her mind, bridging the gap between two lifetimes.

Slowly, she lowered her hand from her face, her eyes immediately meeting Cárcel's. In that instant, she thought of the long forgotten man who must have gazed at her with those very same eyes.

It was like she had suddenly been transported to another reality. Cárcel looked no older than twenty, dressed in the uniform of an ensign, a badge on his sleeve marking his rank. They were surrounded by maids that she didn't recognize, and the room was completely foreign to her. But somehow, she knew that she was in the Castle of Esposa.

The knowledge came unbidden, like a memory implanted without her knowing, sending a chill down her spine. Eyes quivering, she studied the image of a grand room that overlapped with the modest one that she knew she was currently in.

Indeed, she was inside the castle. But it wasn't the same place that she had visited several times in her youth when she had been betrothed to the duke's son. No, she had once ruled over this castle as its mistress, and the bedroom that she was in had belonged to the wife of the duke's heir. She also knew, with an inexplicable certainty, that her child was somewhere in the castle, though she couldn't see them.

As her gaze wandered around the room, Cárcel watched her intently.

The Cárcel she knew had been commissioned as an officer at twenty, but the man in her vision seemed barely eighteen. He looked clumsy and young, with sorrow etched into his features-just like she had been in one of her lifetimes when she was betrothed to the crown prince at sixteen.

She could not bring herself to meet his eyes. Her strained voice escaped her lips. "It would have been difficult for me to bear a child even without your foolish efforts, Cárcel."

After a momentary pause, he asked, "Is it because of your illness?"

"No, it is simply the way I was born. I have known this since childhood. It will simply make matters...challenging, but not impossible," she replied, then took a deep breath. "I suppose I wanted to hasten things in the beginning because I was so anxious. I was hiding a flaw of sorts, after all..."

"Inés," he said sternly as soon as he heard the word "flaw".

Finally, the image of the other room disappeared from her vision, leaving her fully grounded in the present. "What I mean to say is... That is all in the past. Now, I..." she trailed off.

"Yes?" Cárcel prompted gently.

"I simply wish to be happy by your side. I want to have a child with you, and live here for many years to come..." She finally mustered up the courage to look into his eyes. Certain things needed to remain buried in the past, and the youthful Cárcel of Esposa was one of them. She steadied her breathing and reached out to take both of his hands in her own.

"Now I am cured of my illness, and I am here with you. I want to believe that everything will be different."

Silently, he curled his fingers around hers.

"Do you still worry for me, Cárcel?" she asked.

"Always," came the instant response.

"What happened that day was merely an accident. It will not happen again," she said, giving his hands a reassuring squeeze.

He closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "Your illness and that accident... They were both unpredictable and unstoppable, and I do not know what caused either. All I can do is ensure that your faithful Balan has a steady supply of that medicine."

"I was simply surprised..." she mumbled.

Cárcel stared unflinchingly into her eyes. "By what, Inés?"

He knew that she had gone to El Tabeo that day and failed to meet with Madam Acevedo. He had seen through her excuse about being distracted by some jewelry. He was well aware that she had gotten lost afterward and returned to the residence in a shared carriage. Then-for some strange reason-the symptom of her old illness had made a sudden return. Therefore, he wasn't trying to ask her about the exact circumstances of that day.

He wanted to know the true cause of the incident.

Inés froze under his steady gaze. "I would like to know what truly happened to you that day," he said carefully. "If it was not a return of your illness, what frightened you so deeply that it took all of the breath from your lungs?"