Chronicles of the Lazy Sovereign

Chapter 16: Fox-Dog Jang Il (2)

That night.

“Kwahahahahaha!”

In the shack known as the Gaebong Branch, Jang Il burst into maniacal laughter while hugging a pile of coins.

“Kwahaha! In just half a day, we’ve earned half a year’s worth of operation funds for the Gaebong Branch! The God of Wealth has arrived, the God of Wealth is here!”

Wi Yeonho’s cheeks puffed up.

“You turned me into a beggar!”

“Hey, good things are good, right? Come on, eat up, eat up! Eat as much as you want!”

Jang Il, feeling especially generous, had stopped by a well-known tavern in Gaebong and brought back a spread of high-end dishes.

It was an extravagance they could never usually afford, but there was no reason not to show this much gratitude to Wi Yeonho, who had brought in six months’ worth of funds in just half a day.

“Ugh, this is all because of that senile old man!”

Wi Yeonho gnashed his teeth.

He had lived five years without even being able to nibble on a blade of grass.

He had barely survived with the help of Baek Muhan’s inner core, but all it had done was provide the bare minimum of energy needed for survival.

As a result, after five years, Wi Yeonho had ended up looking like a mummy.

He wanted to protest that he wasn’t a beggar, but once he saw the bronze mirror Jang Il had brought, Wi Yeonho was rendered speechless. There was no room for excuses.

He was looking at his own face and felt like crying!

“The second son of the Grand House of Wi in Guangdong is a beggar! A beggar! Sob! Mom! If Mom found out about this, all of Guangdong would drown in tears.”

Jang Il laughed and patted Wi Yeonho on the shoulder.

“Kwahah! Don’t be shy, just eat.”

“Ugh.”

Though grumbling, Wi Yeonho devoured the food Jang Il had brought.

Eating proper food from the outside world for the first time in five years, the taste nearly brought him to tears.

Wi Yeonho shoveled food into himself like someone whose stomach had been left with a hole in it.

“…Can you slow down a little?”

“Mmph urgh aowugh mmmph.”

“…What?”

“Dmm mmmmphhhh mmgmmmrph.”

“Huh?”

“Ah!”

Wi Yeonho gulped down the food in his mouth and finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t talk to me while I’m eating!”

“Sorry.”

Wi Yeonho cleared the dishes like a raging storm, then collapsed to the floor, clutching his now ballooned stomach.

“Ah, I finally feel alive again.”

“…How long were you starving?”

“Five years?”

“A person dies if they go without food for just a month.”

“I’m serious.”

“Well, yeah… You wouldn’t end up looking like that from just a month or two.”

Jang Il smiled.

“Well, either way, it’s great. You’re the God of Wealth who came to me!”

“I’m not doing it tomorrow.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You made a lot of money, right?”

“…”

“If you made that much, then just give me information instead.”

“A promise is still a promise, though…”

"Are you saying that after tomorrow, I can go around telling people I’m not your father?"

"Ugh…."

"I’m not staying here much longer. But you’re the one who’s going to keep begging here, aren’t you?"

Jang Il threw up both hands and joked exaggeratedly.

"Kwahah! You’re a lot smarter than I thought. Well, fine. It’s a bit of a shame, but since we made enough to cover half a year’s operation costs, let’s leave it at that."

Jang Il clicked his tongue.

"So, what is it you want to know?"

"The names, residences, hobbies, and specialties of the renowned Grand Historians."

"That’s not too hard."

"And the names, residences, hobbies, and specialties of famous blacksmiths."

"That too…"

"And also the famous…"

Dozens more names, locations, hobbies, specialties, daily habits, and personality traits spilled out of Wi Yeonho’s mouth.

"All of that?"

"It’s not difficult, right?"

"Individually, none of it’s that hard… but the number of them is…"

"A man shouldn't go back on his word, should he?"

"Urgh…"

Jang Il scratched his head.

"Thought you were the God of Wealth, but turns out you’re the God of Calamity. Well, a promise is a promise. I’ll find out. It’ll take a bit, so come back in seven days and nights."

To Jang Il’s kind explanation, Wi Yeonho answered with a faint smile.

"I don’t have anywhere to go, though."

"Huh?"

"I don’t have anything to do either, so I’ll just wait here. Please be quick."

"You’re going to wait here?"

"Is that a problem?"

"…Well, not really. Do as you like."

And Jang Il came to regret those words not long after.

"Br-Branch Leader!"

The very next day, trouble arose.

"What is it?"

"I-It’s serious!"

"What’s serious?"

"That! You’d better come see it yourself."

"What kind of desperate beggars are making such a fuss? What’s the issue?"

Jang Il followed the young beggar without much concern.

Then he rubbed his eyes.

"Huh?"

The High Beggar who had helped him beg the day before was now sprawled out with a mat laid out, and coins were piling up in front of him.

"Uh…"

On the other hand, the Beggar Sect beggars who were begging on the opposite side were being scolded.

"You’ve got all your limbs intact!"

"Where do you get off, looking nothing like a beggar, trying to beg and mooch off others like this? Get lost already!"

Everything in the world was relative.

Now that a true beggar among beggars had appeared, the ones who had been begging up until now looked oddly clean and robust.

Just yesterday, the kind kitchen lady at Seonhwa Tavern who had pitied him and shared her cold rice was now glaring coldly and smashing his begging bowl.

How could a person change so completely in an instant?

But no one could blame them.

Even from Jang Il’s point of view, the beggars sitting beside Wi Yeonho didn’t look like beggars at all. They looked more like robust young men who could uproot the nearby zelkova tree with their bare hands at any moment.

“Urgh…”

Jang Il shuddered at the situation.

“D-Damn it, maybe he really is the God of Calamity!”

“Because of that beggar bastard, we can’t get any alms. Anyone who’s laid eyes on him even once ends up smashing our bowls!”

“Even Gong Sang, who doesn’t have legs, got chased away and beaten when he went out to collect donations!”

“Even Gong Sang…”

If even Gong Sang—considered a living legend in the Gaebong alms-begging community—had his bowl smashed, this was beyond serious.

At this rate, they’d end up having to dip into the operation funds earned yesterday just to get by.

For beggars to spend money to survive—what a preposterous thought!

It was like the heavens and earth had flipped upside down. More than anything, it was a matter of pride as members of the Beggar Sect.

“Damn it! This is about pride! You’re beggars too! Don’t give up just because your bowls were smashed a few times—get back out there and work for those donations!

“It’s impossible! Even the maiden from the persimmon tree house splashed cold water on the beggars who went to ask her!”

“T-The maiden from the persimmon tree house?”

Wasn’t she known as the kindest woman in Gaebong?

She would tear up even when a single leaf fell from a tree in the wind. If a stray dog limped by, she would weep tears the size of chicken eggs and bring it home to care for it.

The gentle-hearted young lady whom Jang Il had quietly admired and cherished like a pear blossom had splashed cold water?

“What did she say?”

“She said if we loitered around one more time, next time she’d splash us with sewage.”

“Urgh…”

With a single teardrop, Jang Il had to bid farewell to his first love.

“Branch Leader! We have to do something about that beggar! At this rate, we’re all going to starve to death!”

“Starving to death in Gaebong? As beggars?!”

That would go down in history.

Regardless of how much of a scene Jang Il made, Wi Yeonho lay leisurely on the ground, scratching his belly. At first, it had been embarrassing and shameful, but once he tried it, the job suited his temperament perfectly.

Just lie around with no effort, take a nap, and when he woke up, a pile of coins would be waiting.

Then he’d gather up the money, lie down again, and when he woke up—another pile.

If he followed this rhythm, he could probably rake in enough money to buy a large estate in less than a month.

“So making money isn’t all that hard after all.”

At this rate, he’d be able to scrape together a fortune with just a rake.

“Beggars sure had it easy, earning money like this.”

Words that would make any beggar who had ever suffered frostbite while wrapped in rags on a freezing winter night and eaten crusty leftovers weep blood—Wi Yeonho uttered them casually.

At that moment, Jang Il rushed over and grabbed him.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Huh?”

“I said, what the hell are you doing?!”

“You told me to learn how to beg, didn’t you? I was just doing what I was told…”

“Urgh… Just get up already!”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not?! You said you’re not a beggar!”

Wi Yeonho shared a new realization with Jang Il.

“Thinking about it, if you don’t have money, you’re a beggar. There’s no special category for it. So yeah, I guess I’m a beggar. No money, nowhere to go…”

“But now you do have money!”

Jang Il, in his desperation, started slipping into informal speech.

“Well, the more money, the better.”

“If this keeps up, we’re all going to starve! You know what professional ethics are, don’t you? Don’t do this—come to my place! Aren’t you hungry?”

“I mean, yeah, but…”

“You need to eat while you’re begging too! You’ll hurt yourself like this!”

“I’m fine. I’ll just get some more sleep and eat later.”

“You’ll ruin your health sleeping out here on the roadside. Come to my shack—it’s nice and shady, much more comfortable to sleep there!”

“I can sleep just about anywhere.”

“Sleep anywhere?! Have you never laid down on a proper bed?”

“There’s no bed there anyway. What kind of bed would a beggar’s shack have? Just a few rags thrown around. I’ll just stay here.”

Jang Il put on a serious face.

“No bed, you say? What nonsense! Hey, Sochu!”

“Yes, Branch Leader!”

“The bed! Go buy a bed!”

“Huh? A bed?”

“Yes, a bed! The most expensive one! The softest one! One so comfortable you’ll never want to get up again once you lie down!”

“But, the money…”

“There’s money in my bag! Go buy it now! Move it into the shack immediately!”

“Yes, understood!”

“Well then? Now we have a bed, don’t we?”

Jang Il was desperate, but Wi Yeonho remained indifferent.

“Well, I guess so… but I’m hungry. I’ll earn some money here and buy a meal.”

“Meal? Why would you buy a meal with your money? If you come to the shack, we’ll offer you food from our alms!”

“Still, I’m just a rookie beggar. It’s hard living off cold leftovers from alms.”

“Cold leftovers? Who?! Which beggar bastard dared to give you cold food?! Gongjin!”

“Yes, Branch Leader!”

“Go to Chwiyollu and have them pack the best food! Five portions! No—ten! The highest quality…!”

“B-Branch Leader, the money…”

“It’s in the bag, you beggar brat!”

“Y-Yes! Right away!”

Wiping off cold sweat, Jang Il turned to Wi Yeonho, feeling like he was about to burst from anxiety.

“Come now, let’s go to the shack! Good food will be waiting there!”

But Wi Yeonho wasn’t in any kind of rush.

And unfortunately, once Wi Yeonho’s back touched the ground, he wasn’t the kind of person to get up easily.

“Hmmm… sounds like a hassle.”

“Huh?”

“It’s kind of far. I don’t feel like getting up right now. Maybe after I nap a bit…”

“Jongdu!”

“Yes!”

“Go get the cart!”

“The cart, sir?”

“We have to carry him, don’t we?! Go get the cart, now!”

“…Understood.”

“No need to lift a single finger, my friend!”

“Well, if that’s the case…”

Wi Yeonho smiled faintly.

That smile—somehow it resembled the grin of a demon, and Jang Il shivered.

The God of Calamity had truly descended upon Gaebong.