Confinement Constitution Guide

Life in Confinement, Hard Ver. (12)

‘Wait. Did I just think of Sa Hae-geon as a protector?’

…Impossible. Have I really adapted to Sa Hae-geon? Isn’t this too much adaptation? Feeling a wave of bewilderment, I sat on the bed and hugged Cream. The small, warm, and soft cat provided great comfort to me as my thoughts momentarily halted in confusion. I found myself repeatedly questioning while gently kneading Cream’s soft belly.

Sa Hae-geon called me and Cream, who were resting in the room, again after the noisy gale had almost subsided.

“Hyung, is Cream okay?”

“Yeah. She seems to have calmed down.”

“What about you?”

“Me? Of course I’m fine. I’ve seen worse at crime scenes, you know.”

“Still. That doesn’t mean you can’t be surprised.”

Sa Hae-geon probably said this without much thought, but it sounded different to me, who had been constantly tossed around at crime scenes. To the public, and even to Espers, Guides are treated as ability users just like Espers. But Guides don’t have any weapons to protect themselves.

Guides don’t have any special abilities other than being able to guide Espers. In other words, they’re not much different from ordinary people. But even Guides sometimes forget this fact. Because everyone thinks that way, Guides naturally forget it too.

The same was true for me. I was so used to pretending not to be afraid, acting as if I wasn’t scared when facing grotesque monsters in front of ordinary people who expected Guides to act like Espers. Even at base camps inside dungeons, I had to feign composure while waiting for Espers. To not disappoint the public watching the footage from inside the dungeon, and to not spread fear to them.

I had become used to hiding my fear, but I hadn’t become immune to the fear and pressure that monsters and dungeons give. Even after conquering so many dungeons and facing countless monsters. Perhaps that’s why my desire for kidnapping and confinement grew.

“Hyung.”

“…”

“Hyung?”

“…Ah, yeah.”

I was lost in thought, not realizing Sa Hae-geon was calling me, and belatedly came to my senses.

“What were you thinking about so deeply?”

Sa Hae-geon was looking at me with a gaze filled with worry and curiosity. Perhaps because it had been a while since I’d faced someone who seemed to genuinely care about me, I felt mixed emotions. Was it because I felt that Sa Hae-geon was seeing me as Chae Do-min the ordinary person, not Chae Do-min the S-class Guide?

“…I wasn’t thinking about anything.”

At my short answer, Sa Hae-geon looked doubtful but didn’t persistently demand an explanation as usual. I put Cream, who had been quietly nestled in my arms, down on the bed and stood up.

“We should eat. Didn’t you come to call me for dinner?”

“Yes, that’s right. You must be hungry, let’s eat first, hyung.”

Sa Hae-geon nodded obediently to my attempt to change the subject and left the room. As Sa Hae-geon disappeared from view with his gaudy apron embroidered with sunflowers and quokkas, I naturally let out a sigh of relief. After gently stroking Cream’s head a few times as she looked up at me with her small round eyes, I also left the room.

Today’s breakfast table was again full of dishes that Sa Hae-geon had put a lot of effort into. I thought we were supposed to eat something simple, but except for the sinseollo that Sa Hae-geon had briefly mentioned, all the dishes were complicated and troublesome to prepare. I alternately looked at the food and Sa Hae-geon before sitting down.

“…Is this what you call simple?”

“Yes. Don’t you like it? Should I prepare something else?”

That wasn’t what I meant, but seeing Sa Hae-geon ready to clear the table immediately, I felt deflated. Right. If the person wearing the apron says it’s simple, I should believe it, what else can I do?

“No, I love it. I’ll enjoy the meal.”

Sa Hae-geon smiled softly, his long eyes curving at my greeting. His face, already resembling a fox, with that beautiful smile could easily captivate a couple of people. I was momentarily entranced by that smile before coming to my senses and hurriedly starting to eat.

After a satisfying meal, I began guiding Sa Hae-geon. Even after the first day, Sa Hae-geon’s emotions often transferred to me, but most of them were colorless. Today, for the first time, I felt faint negative emotions like anxiety, uneasiness, and resignation. I stopped guiding and looked at Sa Hae-geon with surprised eyes. Sa Hae-geon, who had been seriously engaged in guiding while holding my hand, looked puzzled.

“What’s wrong? Did you overdo it? If so, we can rest for a while. Don’t push yourself too hard, hyung.”

I couldn’t ask Sa Hae-geon about the reason or incidents behind those emotions, as he was more concerned about me. I wasn’t even sure if it was an area I was allowed to inquire about. While I might have asked about positive emotions, it felt delicate to ask about negative ones. I avoided Sa Hae-geon’s gaze and made up an excuse.

“…It’s not that. I just lost focus for a moment.”

“I knew it. That gale from earlier must have affected you. You said you were fine, but you must have been unconsciously shocked.”

“I told you it’s not that. Why would a gale…? I really wasn’t surprised.”

At my response, Sa Hae-geon gave me a measuring look before nodding.

“Alright. If you insist, I’ll believe you. But let’s end today’s guiding session here.”

“We should do at least twenty more minutes, though?”

“It’s fine. This is enough for me.”

Sa Hae-geon’s uncharacteristically passive attitude towards receiving guidance felt unfamiliar. Did Sa Hae-geon really think I was scared by the gale that had swallowed the scenery outside the window? What did he think of me…? With all the dungeons and monsters I’ve experienced, how could I be afraid of a mere gale?

It’s not that I felt hurt or offended. It was just the first time someone treated me like an ordinary person, so while it was bewildering, I also felt a strange sensation. I just found Sa Hae-geon’s concern for me cute. After all, who was he to worry about me?

At that moment, Sa Hae-geon, who seemed to be deep in thought, cautiously asked.

“By the way, can you still feel it these days?”

“Feel what?”

“You said before that you could read my emotions during guiding.”

“Ah, that…”

I avoided Sa Hae-geon’s gaze as he waited for my answer and just trailed off, nodding my head. Sa Hae-geon’s eyes sparkled as he brought his face close to mine.

“Did you feel it just now?”

“Well, um…”

“How was it?”

I couldn’t help but hesitate, not having expected such detailed questioning. I thought he would only ask if I could feel the emotions… My lips sealed shut like a clam. There was no way I could honestly tell you that I felt negative emotions from you. Especially not to someone looking at me with such sparkling eyes.

But if I kept avoiding the answer, Sa Hae-geon would become suspicious, so I had no choice but to make up something.

“…Um, this time it felt a bit faint, so I’m not sure. It seems to be different every day.”

“Is that so?”

Sa Hae-geon replied with a disappointed tone, then shrugged his shoulders.

“That’s okay. What I was curious about was how much you knew anyway.”

“Huh?”

“Well, if you had really known, you wouldn’t be sitting here so calmly.”

As I tilted my head at his puzzling and suspicious words, the corners of Sa Hae-geon’s mouth curved up into a smile. Seemingly pleased with my interest in his story, Sa Hae-geon chattered on, forgetting to control his twitching mouth corners.

“About how I think of you, hyung. You’ll feel that someday too, won’t you?”

“Well, that’s…”

“Then that’s fine.”

Sa Hae-geon said with a satisfied face and stood up from the sofa.

“Where are you going?”

“To the bathroom.”

“Why the bathroom?”

“My hands are getting cold again.”

I wondered why he needed to warm his hands again when we were done with guiding. As if reading my question, Sa Hae-geon mumbled with reddening cheeks.

“I have to if I want to hold your hand.”

“…Why do you need to hold my hand when guiding is over?”

Sa Hae-geon’s face immediately turned sulky. He stared at my face as if my words were truly absurd and asked.

“Can I only hold your hand during guiding?”

“Usually, yes. What other reason would an Esper and a Guide have to hold hands when not guiding? It’s not like we’re in a special or close relationship.”

Sa Hae-geon blinked at my lukewarm response and retorted.

“That’s why. I’m trying to become that special and close relationship.”

“What?”

“And even without such efforts, I can hold your right hand anytime.”

“…”

Sa Hae-geon smiled brightly, reminding me of the shocking and bewildering fact I had momentarily forgotten. With a face that clearly showed he knew I couldn’t argue back. Finding that face quite annoying, I could only quietly clench my fist. I glanced at the fist I had hidden beside my thigh and smiled at Sa Hae-geon.