Congratulations on Your Magical Girl Duties

95 – A Trivial Fight, And Therefore…

“Transform.”

The mint-colored dickhead across from me transformed. I, too, quietly drew my Moonlight Sword in response.

Presently, the dickhead, having finished transforming, smirked.

“That’s your weapon? Doesn’t look like a magic wand, does it? And where did you even get *that*?”

“That’s none of your concern, is it?”

“Ha, well, I suppose not.”

Right now, me and the mint-colored dickhead, or just ‘Dickhead’ for short…

We were in the Magical Training Ground.

Not only Dickhead and I, but other magical girls were gathered here, too.

They ringed me and Gwidou in a wide circle, whispering amongst themselves.

I didn’t know the exact number, but it was probably most of the Magical Girls from the dormitory building.

I hadn’t told anyone, since we were doing this behind the officers’ backs in the dead of night, but had word gotten out? I couldn’t fathom how they all knew to come.

And so.

“Hey, WAIT!!!”

I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out how Whitedog, rushing towards me now, had found out either.

Looking closer, I could see Squid and Lez a little further back, their faces etched with worry.

The rumour really must have spread.

They weren’t told, yet here they were.

Well, the only saving grace was that this would prevent Gwidou from suddenly changing her tune later.

With so many witnesses, she wouldn’t be able to claim it was invalid.

“What’s going on all of a sudden! And what’s that weird thing in your hand!”

“It’s a long story.”

Whitedog, pale as a sheet, grabbed my arm.

“I’m okay, so stop─! Even now!”

“Hey, I’m telling you nicely, don’t interfere.”

But Whitedog’s desperate plea was cut off abruptly.

By Gwidou, standing directly across from me.

As Whitedog quietly lowered her head, Gwidou cracked her neck as she looked at me.

“You’re not going to back out now, are you? Once you’ve decided to do something, you should see it through to the end. Right?”

“Well, yeah.”

She was right.

The moment I left Sora, I’d immediately met with that mint-haired Gwidou and agreed to a bet.

A Magical Ikusa Battle, they called it.

They slap ‘Magical’ on absolutely everything.

Anyway.

What I put up as collateral was something Gwidou would find tempting. Something a crazy person like her could never refuse.

As if on cue, Gwidou brought it up again.

“If I win, you’re giving me all the stock you own. Remember?”

“Don’t you remember what happens if you lose?”

“Ah, me giving up my vacation time? Of course I remember that.”

Gwiddu nodded, a sly grin spreading across his face.

“But you see…”

The smile vanished, just like that.

“You think I’ll lose?”

It wasn’t some empty bluster or foolish courage.

It was unwavering confidence in his own abilities.

A righteous arrogance born from that confidence.

It had been a long time since I’d seen the bearing of a strongman.

“Yeah. You’re a nobody.”

“Ha, some confidence. You little shit.”

Gwiddu’s face twisted savagely for a moment, then abruptly settled into a serene mask.

“Anyway, the terms of the Magical Ikusa Battle are as we just discussed: a single Magical match, fought until one side concedes defeat. Correct?”

“You have a good memory.”

Magical Ikusa Battle sounded impressive, but the details were nothing special.

A clean, one-on-one duel was the method.

Fighting until surrender was the objective.

If I lost, I’d transfer all my stock to him, and if I won, Gwiddu would give up his vacation.

In other words, a no-holds-barred brawl.

At that moment, Gwiddiu shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

“But doing it exactly like that feels a little lacking.”

“Getting cold feet?”

“Not at all. It’s just that accepting the Magical Ikusa Battle doesn’t quite balance things for me. So, let’s add some Magical conditions.”

A sudden proposal to add conditions.

But it wasn’t me who reacted.

“No, you son of a b*tch! After stealing someone else’s vacation, what kind of bullshit are you pulling now! Come on, I’ll ‘select’ you for real in the Magical Shower Room!”

“No need for the Magical Shower Room, just come to the Magical Bed and let’s have a match of bedroom arts, you b*tch! I’ll crush you with my ‘Hundred Step’ Divine Fist!”

Nakji and Rejeu, who had been watching, erupted in a volley of frantic curses.

“Well, if you don’t want to, don’t. I’m not exactly losing out by not having a Magical Ikusa Battle.”

“You fucking b*stard….”

“Fucking b*tch…….”

But that’s all it took for Squid Head’s words to shut them both up quick.

With Squid and the Lesbian quieted, I spoke directly to Squid Head.

“So, what condition do you want to add?”

“Oh, it’s simple.”

Squid Head gave a thin, mirthless smile.

“Let’s add a condition to losing: that one of our weapons has to break. How’s that sound?”

“Fine.”

This actually works in my favor.

Moonlight doesn’t break as long as I have the will.

No magic could dare to destroy it.

Honestly, neither he nor I are likely to admit defeat anyway, so this makes it more definitive.

“But, the weapon has to be one someone else got for us, not the one we already have. We just stand here and wait. Got it?”

But now there’s a problem.

“So I’m telling you nicely, put that away.”

“Getting scared already, huh?”

“Why are you glaring like that? You should be thanking me. This is better for you, isn’t it? With this condition, I can’t use my personal wand either.”

As if to prove it, Squid Head returned the personal wand he was holding to his waistband.

That doesn’t make things any better.

It means I can’t use Moonlight either.

I had summoned it in advance, since it was about time to fight, and Squid Head had been wary of it, just in case.

“Ah, I should mention, you can’t borrow someone else’s personal wand either. We can’t cause that kind of trouble to others while we’re fighting, can we? Don’t you think?”

He’s even blocking the option of borrowing a wand from someone in the dorm.

The excuse is not causing trouble, but in reality, he means he’s not going to allow any variables at all.

I didn’t think he’d be this cautious. Despite how he looks, he’s surprisingly quick-witted.

I should have just kept Moonlight hidden.

This was my mistake.

“Don’t do it if you don’t want to.”

“Whatever, it’s fine.”

“Good. Time limit is ten minutes.”

I gave a slight touch to word choices and phrasing to give a slight foreign feel.

With a nod, I hoped it was slight enough, Guidu quickly roared at her barrack mates.

“Oi! Go fetch me a weapon to use!”

“Here it is!”

Before the words even faded, a Magical Girl, one from Guidu’s own barrack, thrust a standard-issue magic wand into her hand.

“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to inconvenience others?”

“So? Someone else procured this communal, standard-issue wand for me, didn’t they? Lucky break, that.”

Guidu twirled the wand between her fingers a couple of times, bobbing her head.

“If you’re so aggrieved, you should’ve come prepared.”

As much as it galled me, she had a point.

Was there even such a thing as fairness in a fight, to begin with? Only who was more meticulously prepared existed.

In the end, that b*tch had planned to steer the situation this way, preparing in advance. It was impossible to acquire a standard-issue wand at this hour, after all.

A bit unfair, sure, but nothing I could do.

Arguing here would be nothing more than excuses.

“That one’s a real b*tch, she is.”

“Is that b*stard really going to see his mother? If he’s going to see his mother, he should just kill himself.”

At that moment, Squid and Lez, having approached me, glared daggers at Guidu.

Well, this was opportune.

Might as well ask them for help.

“Sorry to bother you all, but this is called a Moonlight Sword. Could you quickly bring me anything that looks vaguely like it? I’ll explain later.”

Everyone seemed curious about what the Moonlight Sword I’d shown them was, but sadly, there wasn’t time for explanations.

“It needs to be long enough to swing, at least, and as hard as possible. Wood or plastic is a bit…iffy. A standard-issue magic wand would be ideal, though.”

Only ten minutes remained.

I had to find something usable within that time.

“Please.”

Thankfully, everyone suppressed their curiosity, nodded, and quickly hurried off.

How long did I wait like that?

Squid and Lez were the first to return.

But neither of them wore a pleasant expression.

“I tried to retrieve the Magical Scepter from the Magical Temple, but since it’s night, I failed getting in.”

“I don’t use Magical Dildos, so I don’t have one on hand. I’ll prepare one for next time.”

“No, I mean, don’t bother preparing now. Please.”

Neither Nakji nor Lez had brought anything with them, after all.

“I’m feeling rather sorry.”

“Hetero, I’m seriously sorry too.”

“It’s fine.”

I wasn’t planning on saying anything anyway.

It’s night, to begin with.

It was all too sudden, and they must have been short on time.

Meanwhile, seeing this spectacle, Guidu’s face twisted even more than before.

“What’re we gonna do with nothing here? It’s almost been ten minutes.”

“Well, if push comes to shove, we’ll have to go bare-handed.”

“Really? Well, I don’t mind, but will you be alright? What if you get hurt?”

Truly, the most ridiculous drivel.

If she didn’t want anyone getting hurt, she would have used the Magical Simulation Room next door.

But that wench only wanted to fight outside the simulation room.

Meaning, she was full of the intent to inflict wounds.

“Bullshit. If you were worried about getting hurt, you could have grabbed one of those simulation rooms over there.”

“Using it without a Magical executive is against Magical regulations, you know.”

“And fighting right now isn’t against the regulations?”

“This only matters if we get caught. And I’m not getting caught anyway, so you should worry about yourself.”

She even went so far as to express confidence that she wouldn’t get hurt herself. Meaning, even if her personality was trash, she was apparently skilled in her own right.

Speaking of which, why isn’t Huindung coming?

I wish she would bring something, anything.

“Haa… haa…!”

As if reading my mind, Huindung came gasping for breath into the training grounds.

Thankfully, Huindung was holding an iron pipe in her hand.

Seeing the mottled rust and dust all over it, she must have brought something left abandoned in the corner, but at least it was better than nothing.

Just as I was about to approach Huindung, who had worked hard for me, to thank her…

“I’m sorry.”

Huindung blurted out an apology.

Wondering just what was going on, I tilted my head. Whitedog continued, head slightly bowed.

“I… I didn’t manage it properly this time either.”

Whitedog forced a smile.

“I’m so stupid and useless… I just couldn’t find anything even remotely like your Moonlight Sword.”

As if she’d lose all face if she cried.

Or as if she couldn’t bear it without smiling.

“I, I can really do better next time. If I just get one more chance, I’ll somehow ready something even better than that Moonlight Sword you mentioned.”

At that moment, Whitedog lifted the head she’d been bowing and looked at me.

“But!”

Whitedog’s blue eyes held so much.

“For me…! There isn’t…!”

The apology directed towards me, standing here.

The deep self-loathing aimed at herself.

The helplessness of being unable to do anything.

“…There is no next time.”

Finally, Whitedog burst into tears. The dam of emotion she’d been holding back to the limit finally broke.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

This is honestly ridiculous.

Why is this girl apologizing when she’s done nothing wrong? The one who should be apologizing is that dickhead.

“I’m sorry…, because of me─”

“Hey, get your words straight.”

I cut her off, hitting Whitedog’s forehead a little harder than necessary.

“Who said you’re the reason for all this mess?”

“But because of my vacation…”

“Listen up. This is just me wanting to cut that b*stard’s vacation short. Whatever happens to your vacation has absolutely nothing to do with me. Got it?”

“…Okay.”

Ignoring Whitedog’s dejected reply, I snatched the metal pipe from her hand.

The center of gravity wasn’t ideal, but I could get used to it.

It was old, but with this level of hardness, it was worth trying.

Not bad, considering it was thrown together so hastily.

“Not bad. Where’d you get this thing?”

“Went to see Magical Lieutenant and asked. She wouldn’t give me a Magic Stick, but gave me this instead. Got it pretty easy, all things considered.”

Which meant he’d gone to the company commander and begged.

Received a steel pipe instead of a standard-issue magic wand.

But.

Saying he got it easy didn’t mean it *was* easy, not by a long shot.

He didn’t seem to notice himself, but Whitedog’s palms, knees, and forehead were noticeably dirtier than usual.

Meaning he’d knelt before the company commander magic girl, kowtowing and pleading.

To not lend it until a person begs like that…

I’m going to have to see that b*tch soon.

Besides, it didn’t seem like Whitedog had just received it out of the goodness of her heart. Just a gut feeling, but something felt a little off.

I bet she gave him this thing instead of a standard wand and acted all generous while she was at it.

“You didn’t just get this for free, did you?”

“…Since it’s magical equipment, they said I’d have to pay if it got broken, so I had to give them a Colleral card…”

My gut was right.

I needed to correct myself from earlier. Not soon, but immediately after this.

Giving him something practically ready for the trash bin instead of a standard wand, and demanding collateral worth someone’s life as security? That’s one seriously twisted son of a b*tch.

That money, that’s *important* money, you b*stard.

Meanwhile, Whitedog noticed the slight hardening of my expression and quickly added,

“I-It’s okay! If I don’t have enough money, I can get a magical loan! I’m sorry I couldn’t do better…”

Is this girl for real?

Apologizing when she didn’t do anything wrong. Giving up things that are truly important to her just to get me a weapon.

But I couldn’t say anything.

Couldn’t bring myself to, in the first place.

“Enough with the whining, are you ready?”

Earguy spoke up listlessly from across the way. He didn’t seem to care about Whitedog’s feelings.

All the better, I guess.

No need to feel guilty then.

“As you can see.”

“With just a Magical Steel Pipe?”

Guidoo, as if dumbfounded, shrugged his shoulders.

“Not even a magical girl, what are you trying to catch? It’s like bringing a butcher’s knife to kill a dog!”

Ignoring Guiddo’s sneer, I quickly drew a circle on the ground with my Moonlight Sword.

“Then what, I’ll just catch a dog, I guess.”

A small circle centered around me.

“And.”

Then, I plunged the Moonlight Sword into the ground.

“From now on, everything outside this circle is a dog.”

Staring straight at the still defiant Guidoo.

No sooner had I spoken than the atmosphere instantly became heavy.

Like the air in an execution ground before the execution.

At that moment, amidst the heavy air, Nakji quietly spoke to me.

“Sentient being.”

Wondering what was up, I looked at Nakji, who suddenly pushed me out of the circle.

And then, Nakji stepped inside the circle.

“A dog is a sentient being, not a maiden, you know.”

“Hey, you piece of—”

Motherfucker can’t even strike a pose, goddamn it.

“Hey, Hetero Nazi. Do you have to talk like that even here?”

At least Lez still had some conscience, scolding Nakji who had entered the circle.

“Um… I’m sorry, you know.”

“You can’t call a real dog a dog. It’ll become a Magical wound.”

“Ah, right. I forgot, you know.”

Scratch that. They were both just b*tches.

I really can’t let my guard down.

“Anyway, I’m going.”

Waving casually at the occupants of the dormitory, I headed towards Guidoo.

“Why…?”

At that moment, Whitey blurted out a question.

“Why… why are you even doing this…?”

Looking back on it, it’s a truly ludicrous fight.

Not one waged for a righteous cause to uphold, nor for some grand, universal good, nor to set fallen justice upright.

It’s even worse – there’s absolutely nothing to gain by winning. Conversely, what could be lost by losing is far too much.

And that’s not all.

He’s no saint, this Whitey.

Quick to hurl racial slurs if you’re not one of his own, blurting out whatever’s on his mind without a second thought, then belatedly realizing his mistake. A fool.

And to top it off, even when he’s the underdog, he wouldn’t dream of asking for help, and if he does, he’s too dense to know how to finesse it. A simpleton.

Neither saint nor sinner, a pathetic weakling.

That’s all Whitey amounts to.

And.

Over this pitiable soul, one wretched creature locks horns with another.

One side for monetary gain.

The other, for a fleeting sense of self-gratification.

Devoid of any grand, plausible justification, a fight so ugly it’s given over entirely to their individual desires.

In a word: a trivial fight.

“Why else would it be?”

Because.

“He’s a hero.”

A hero’s fight.