Cosmic Wade Wilson-Spacepool in the MCU

Darkness. Cold. Silence.

Two figures drifted in the infinite void, locked together in an unholy embrace.

Well… half of them were.

Then—

"AAAAAAAAAGGHHHH—OH GOD, WHAT THE HELL?!"

A gasp, a sharp inhale. Panic.

His lungs burned as he snapped back to reality, vision locking onto the vast emptiness around him. Stars. Nothing. Floating.

"OH, THIS IS BAD. THIS IS VERY BAD."

He looked down.

Yep. Left arm? Gone. Waist? Gone. His insides? Definitely outside.

And yet… he was alive.

Even worse? He was healing.

Flesh knitted itself back together, muscle and tissue regrowing in a grotesque time-lapse horror show.

Then, something else caught his eye.

A skeletal hand floated beside him. Clawed. Metal.

His gaze followed the arm to the charred, half-skeleton body of a man in a shredded yellow suit.

It took a second to click.

Oh. Ohhh.

He was Deadpool.

And that? That was Wolverine.

And they were both very, very dead.

There was only one possible reaction.

"…Where The Fkk Am I?!"

===================================

Drifting in the Void, Losing His Mind

For a second, he just floated there, trying to process. His breathing slowed, and a strange thought hit him.

Something was wrong.

He closed his eyes, trying to remember. Not just what happened, but who he had been before all this.

A name? A face? A memory that wasn't tied to a rotting Canadian skeleton.

Nothing.

No childhood. No past. No loved ones waiting for him. Just empty static.

And yet—he knew.

This wasn't his life.

He wasn't Deadpool.

He didn't know how he knew that, but it was the only thing that felt real.

And the worst part? The only memories he had… were from the Deadpool universe. Not his own life. Just the plots of Deadpool movies

Every joke. Every fourth-wall break. Every stupid multiversal cameo.

He even remembered watching it months ago, from the comfort of his real body, in his real world—where he had been someone else.

And now… he was here.

His eyes narrowed.

That wasn't normal.

Something was deeply, cosmically wrong.

Then, the last thing he could remember slammed into him.

The Time Ripper.

It had exploded, ripping reality a new one and flushing him and Wolverine straight into the cosmic toilet bowl of nothingness.

The good news? Wolverine was here.

The bad news? Wolverine was also very, VERY dead.

Deadpool sighed, watching Logan's skeletal remains drift beside him, still wearing shreds of his X-suit.

The worst part?

One of Wolverine's adamantium claws was lodged deep in his ass.

The unholy embrace

He groaned. "Oh, come ON, Logan! We had a strict 'no sharp objects in the butt' rule!"

Wait.

Did… did I just say that? Out loud?

A cold realization crawled up his spine.

Oh no. I'm talking like Deadpool.

His stomach twisted. The Deadpool personality was bleeding into him.

He turned Wolverine's floating skull toward him. "Logan, buddy, pal… I know you're dead, but do you mind? A little help here?"

Silence.

He sighed. "Fine. Just float there, judging me. As usual."

Still nothing.

Then—

"…Oh, right. Space. No sound. Guess I'm monologuing to myself again."

He frowned.

This wasn't just body-swapping.

This was something worse.

He poked the skull's nose.

"Boop."

==================================

After what felt like hours of drifting, deadpool got bored.

So, naturally, he started screaming.

"HELLLLP! I'M A SEXY MAN IN DISTRESS! I HAVE A GREAT PERSONALITY AND AN EVEN BETTER ASS—except for the claw in it! SOMEONE SAVE ME!"

And that's when it happened.

A presence.

Not something external—something inside him. A feeling. Like he should stop talking.

But he didn't. He couldn't.

Something big stirred in the void, and then—

A shimmering silver figure materialized in the distance, radiating pure cosmic energy.

Deadpool squinted. "Wait… is that—?"

The figure glided closer on a sleek silver board, his features stern and god-like.

Deadpool's eyes widened.

"…OH MY GOD."

For a second, he felt an urge to say something respectful. Something dignified.

But instead—

"…A bald, naked space dude."

Wait—what?

That… wasn't what he meant to say.

He should have been in awe. He wanted to be in awe.

Instead, the urge to joke overpowered everything. The words spilled out before he could stop them.

The Surfer's eye twitched.

I am Norrin Radd. The Silver Surfer. Herald of—

"Wait, WAIT. Are you naked?!" Deadpool blurted out. "Dude, you are just full-on freeballing in space. No shame. Love that for you."

Stop talking.

Deadpool blinked.

("Did… did i just think that?")

But his mouth kept going. He couldn't stop it.

The Surfer sighed.

"My form transcends mortal concerns like clothing."

Deadpool nodded sagely. "Right, right. No pants. Totally normal. Not weird at all. Just you and your cosmic wiener flapping in the—"

Shut up. Shut up. Why can't I shut up?!

The Surfer raised a hand.

Deadpool's mouth vanished.

"…!!!"

(Better.)

And suddenly, he felt relief.

Not just the silence—something inside him actually felt relieved to be rid of his voice.

That… was new.

Though it only lasted a second.

Then the pressure built inside him. A bubbling, unbearable need to talk.

He wriggled angrily, flailing his arm until the Surfer finally restored his mouth.

Deadpool gasped. "I ALMOST DIED. AGAIN."

And then—he froze.

"…Wait. What the hell was that? What did you do to my mouth?"

The Surfer ignored him.

You are an anomaly in the fabric of space. You should not exist here.

Deadpool nodded. "I get that a lot."

The Surfer's gaze narrowed.

You are… dying.

Deadpool grinned. "Yep! Half a body, no oxygen, and a claw up my ass. I'd say that's a solid C-minus on the survival scale."

The Surfer sighed.

You require aid.

Deadpool gasped. "OHHH, are you gonna be my space sugar daddy? Please tell me I get a surfboard!"

…What is a 'sugar daddy'?

Deadpool grinned. "Oh-ho-ho, we are gonna have fun."

The Surfer ignored that.

I will restore you.

Deadpool fist-pumped. "YES! Galactic BBL, here I come!"

And the moment he said it, he knew.

He had lost.

His words are not in his control anymore. They spoke like Wade Wilson himself.

The Surfer reached out, unleashing a brilliant wave of Power Cosmic.

And then—the moment their bodies touched…

A shockwave of raw cosmic energy erupted from the point of contact, ripping through the void like a supernova on steroids. It vaporized the corpse of wolverine, Space itself bent and twisted, stars flickering as if reality had momentarily glitched.

The void trembled in its wake. Something irreversible had just happened.

A Cosmic Explosion..

The surge of power was too much.

Surfer's form shimmered, flickered… then collapsed into Deadpool's body.

Deadpool glowed silver, his red suit melting away, replaced by smooth, pure cosmic metal. His scars? Gone. His muscles? Somehow even more shredded.

A new surfboard formed beneath him, floating effortlessly in the void.

Deadpool flexed.

"Ohhh, damn. I look sexy as hell."

Then, he noticed his shiny silver skin.

Deadpool groaned. "Oh great, I went from sexy red to intergalactic tin foil! Am I at least dishwasher safe?!"

Then—a voice in his head.

"…What have you done?"

Deadpool froze.

"…Oh. No."

A pause.

Deadpool tapped his silver forehead. "Hey, uh… Bald Space Ghost Guy? You still there?"

"…We have merged."

Deadpool's eyes widened. "Wait. WAIT. You mean, like, a roommate situation? Like, you're in my head now?!"

"…Yes."

Deadpool grinned.

"OH MY GOD, I'M NEVER GONNA SHUT UP AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT."

A long, defeated silence.

"…This is my nightmare."

Deadpool cackled. "Ohhhh, this is gonna be fun."

The Surfer sighed.

This should not have happened… My essence, my power—it was not meant for you.

Deadpool rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, welcome to life, buddy. It's one big 'wasn't meant to happen,' and then you die. And then, if you're me, you keep talking."

We must… regain balance.

Deadpool ignored him. Instead, he struck a dramatic pose.

"Alright, first things first. I need a new superhero name now that I'm all shiny."

He pointed at himself. "Silver Pool? Dead Surfer? Cosmic Wang?"

…Please, no.

Deadpool clapped his hands. "Oh, I know! Spacepool!"

He spun his board in excitement—and immediately lost control, spiraling through space like a glorified tin can.

"WAAAAAAAA—"

CRASH.

Deadpool slammed into a floating asteroid, bouncing off it like a pinball.

Surfer sighed.

You have the Power Cosmic… and yet no dignity.

Deadpool floated upside down. "Oh, shut up, Baldilocks."

Then—before Deadpool could continue annoying his new brain roommate—

The void shook.

A massive shadow loomed overhead.

The stars dimmed.

And for the first time, Deadpool felt small.

A booming voice echoed through the infinite dark.

"YOU."

Deadpool slowly turned.

A colossal cosmic figure stood before him—towering, armored, his silhouette devouring the starlight itself.

Even Deadpool's sarcasm felt tiny.

Deadpool squinted. "...Is that a building? Or a really buff guy in a weird helmet?"

The figure's eyes glowed.

Deadpool gulped.

"Ohhh boy."

TO BE CONTINUED...