Counterfeit Hero

"We've hit the jackpot!" Fatty, with his treacherous heart, showed no concern for the greater good of humanity. He glanced at the "little kid" beside him, excitedly drooling with joy. The universe's only artificial intelligence had appeared before him, and as long as he followed the final programming instructions in Chen Xiuqi's diary, he would become the master of this AI.

"They say once in a thousand years." Fatty set up the program while lamenting to the Flying Detection Robot: "You waited four thousand years, waited for me, so it's destiny." Fatty's sleazy smile bloomed like a flower, making him look like a weasel ready to accept a hen's romantic advances.

The Flying Detection Robot stared seriously at Fatty for a while, finally sighed and said, "Honestly, I didn't expect that the human we've awaited for thousands of years would turn out to be a pale, noisy fatty. I am very sad."

"Damn it, it's called disappointment, you uncultured swine!" Fatty raised an eyebrow and taught him a lesson: "Me being fat doesn't make you sad. Sexy, got it?"

"You're the one lacking in culture!" The Flying Detection Robot sneered: "Disappointed? Not really, since your cunning and sleaziness fit my temperament. Such traits in humans make me feel a little safer. What saddens me is, why the hell are you not a beauty?"

"My mom is definitely a beauty!" Fatty retorted earnestly.

The Flying Detection Robot, unaccustomed to human interaction, was slightly taken aback and explained: "I wasn't referring to your mom..."

"Then let me say it to your mom!" Fatty snapped: "Of all the things to learn, you pick thinking of women? Are you starving?"

The Flying Detection Robot replied: "It's called 'Fair ladies, gentlemen desire'."

"Only gentlemen desire! You're just a robot, don't think that looking like a ball makes you a good ball." Fatty changed his mindset, then asked quizzically: "Why do you have such needs?"

"I'm a robot! Not an eunuch!" The Flying Detection Robot growled, "Why wouldn't I have such needs?" It extended a mechanical tube from its body and connected it to the central computer; the computer screen immediately displayed countless adult film clips. The robot's voice trembled: "It's all because of this damn stuff!"

Fatty disdainfully said: "This stuff could harm you? I became immune to this at age three!" Pointing fervently at the screen, he continued: "Look, it's completely unprofessional. 'Old Man Pushing a Cart,' not 'Old Man Fixing a Cart.' The essence is in the 'push'! Hands are like double doors, it's all about hitting the right spot! You must peek and probe! If your hands aren't used skillfully, it won't be effective. When this move is performed perfectly, dust flies, the sun and moon lose their light..."

The "kid" had never received such advanced education; he listened, open-mouthed and entranced, nodding eagerly. Fatty then said: "This is basic knowledge. If you want to learn more advanced stuff, I'll find you a female robot later to slowly guide you through hands-on practice! You seem clueless, so let's add a 'fart' between 'kid' to your name!"

"Little Pi?" The Flying Detection Robot realized and protested: "No way!"

"Rejected!" Fatty calmly responded: "Keep whining, and I'll reprogram you to be impotent!"

Little Pi shuddered and finally remained silent. Fatty's threat hit him where it hurt most. As an AI endlessly yearning for the real human world, Little Pi had spent four thousand lonely years underground, continuously absorbing stored knowledge. He understood deeply the agony of being mentally castrated.

"In a bit, I'll give you a new body!" Fatty sneered at Little Pi and began to entice: "I have the most advanced Mecha in human society. You'll find everything you want, including..." Fatty's eyebrows wiggled suggestively: "That ability."

"Mecha?" Little Pi was puzzled: "What's Mecha?"

Fatty explained: "Robots controlled by humans, used for combat, divided into human-shaped and beast-shaped. Mine is a human-shaped Mecha, which is transformable."

"Boss!" Little Pi immediately changed his wording: "Tell me, who do you want me to kill?"

"No need to kill anyone!" Fatty smiled: "But that Mecha is currently having some issues. I need parts for repair, and I doubt you have the ready-made parts here. Let's see if there are materials to modify or process. Show me all your data!" As soon as he finished speaking, a list appeared on the central computer screen. Little Pi said smoothly: "No problem, boss. I'm laying bare everything for you!"

Fatty quietly admired, damn, it's a miracle for an untrained kid to be like this. If this bastard were put into human society, civilization shouldn't expect progress.

Staring at the list, Fatty suddenly pointed at a row and turned to ask Little Pi: "What's this secret martial arts manual?"

(To be continued, for the rest of the story, please visit WWW.CMFU.COM for more chapters, support the author, and support official reading!)