Daily life of a cultivation judge

After she had settled a bit, thanks to a few deep breaths, the short passage of time, and a few sips of the snow ginseng tea, Xia Fang looked well enough to continue. Her distress, exhaustion, and fragile mind were still plain for all to see, especially to a seasoned judge like Yang Qing, who could see even more.

"My grandfather breaking through to the palace realm was a welcomed sight to the clan, given its perilous position from the chaos stirring both inside and out. But even then..." Xia Fang's voice lowered, and her eyes grew cloudy. "His breakthrough was more of a healing salve to the clan than a healing potion," she added.

"The damage done couldn't be undone, especially when it came to the seeds of suspicion that had been sown among the clan members, all thanks to the infighting.

My grandfather's presence wasn't enough to make them forget what they'd done to one another. The damage was done, and its impact couldn't be erased, not even by a palace realm expert, given that the problems outside still remained unresolved," Xia Fang said, letting out another sigh, heavy with exhaustion.

"But though I say that..." Xia Fang continued, her tone slowly shifting. "Despite how unsalvageable things looked, having my grandfather around still helped lighten the burden of that situation somewhat.

For one, thanks to his breakthrough, the formation diagram exhibited more of its abilities, which helped make up for the sudden increase in the number of Palace Realm experts from the three retainer clans," she said.

"Thanks to that, we managed to drag things out longer than we, or the three clans, had expected, which at least gave us enough breathing room to chart out our next steps.

That was the period where we experienced enough stability to see a brief resurgence as breakthroughs began appearing within the clan. Though it wasn't much, it was enough to ignite a small spark of hope that things weren't completely lost."

Xia Fang couldn't help but shake her head, a wry smile tugging at her lips.

"Because of the short lull in chaos brought about by my grandfather's cultivation base, the clan no longer had to pour all its resources into producing nodes. There was no longer a need to compensate for the absence of a palace realm cultivator to power the formation diagram's core by producing more nodes or replacing them as they no longer needed to overexert themselves.

This left the clan with a little wiggle room to divert some resources elsewhere. But with so little left, not many were able to benefit.

I was one of those who did," Xia Fang said, guilt and shame coloring her expression.

That guilt she felt now stood in stark contrast to what she had felt back then, when she first received the resources. What she felt back then had been pride. Pride in being one of the chosen few. She felt special, and in her deluded self-praise, she saw herself as the one destined to deliver her clan from its dire situation.

It was in that deluded state that she had even thought to herself that maybe she might be able to match their founder's speed. That she, too, could reach the peak stage of the core formation realm by the age of twenty, just like their founder had. Then, perhaps, she could spend the next ten years refining her cultivation, delving deeper into her founder's Daoist Canon, and using its insights to find a pathway to the palace realm.

She had imagined that by the time she was thirty-five or fifty at the latest, she would have already broken through to the palace realm, stabilized her cultivation, and gone on to spearhead a counterattack against the three retainer clans. She would recover their lost land and resources, use them to strengthen herself further, and before long, she'd reach the middle stages of the palace realm and settle everything once and for all.

She could see it so clearly: herself, sword in hand, valiantly parting the dark clouds that had hung over her clan for so long, coloring the skies with the rolling heads of those traitorous clans.

Oh, how reality had given her a generous serving of humility. Things didn't play out that way. Not even close.

By the time she was in her late twenties, she was only in the late stages of the foundation establishment realm. It wasn't until she was forty-eight that she finally broke through to the core formation realm—and even then, it had only been possible because her grandfather personally intervened. Without that, given how fragile her mind had become, it might have taken her a hundred years to reach the core formation realm.

Matching her founder… Xia Fang couldn't help but let out a self-deprecating chuckle as she thought back to her naive, hubris-filled dreams.

Reality veered so far from her expectations that her fragile mind couldn't take it. In the end, she transferred the shock, resentment, and mounting frustration onto the one person who had supported her without pause—her grandfather.

Even after he helped her reach the core formation realm earlier than she should have, even though it was thanks to his personal guidance that she formed a blue-grade core, all she felt toward him—despite his unwavering support—was resentment.

She blamed him for her slow progress, for not achieving things the way she had envisioned, convinced it was his fault, along with the others, for her stunted pace. She blamed them for the poor and stressful environment she was forced to cultivate under. She blamed them for using up all the resources and leaving her to support her cultivation with nothing but scraps.

But in truth, even as down in the damps as the clan was in terms of resources, it was still a former established rank three clan that had been around for close to 45,000 years and had produced palace realm experts at almost every generation.

They may not have had much left, but still whatever they had left in reserves, be it in quality or quantity, was still more than what any well-established rank four organization could have had.

It was more than enough to help nurture the growth of several palace realm experts. It may not have been enough to raise and nurture a dozen experts all the way to the late stages of the palace realm like it could in its heyday, but it was more than enough to help a dozen people break through to the palace realm and establish firm foundations in its early stages.

The fact that her grandfather had been able to reach the Palace Realm was living proof of that. But Xia Fang could see or hear none of it. All she saw was her grandfather and the rest squandering all the resources, leaving her with nothing but scraps—ultimately leading to her delayed cultivation, and in her eyes, robbing her of her future and supposed glory.

As her progress slowed further, her resentment and frustration continued to build. And with that, she kept finding more reasons to blame others for her shortcomings, with her grandfather bearing the brunt of it all.

When the excuse of lacking resources no longer felt sufficient, she turned to blaming him for not letting her become a node, claiming it was the fastest way for her to reach the Palace Realm. She accused him of being selfish, of wanting to be the clan's only Palace Realm expert, all so he could monopolize the last remaining trump card of the clan.

She didn't let up. Her accusations grew more audacious by the day, and with them, her rate of improvement only worsened. It was a miracle she even managed to reach the eighth stage of the Core Formation realm as early as she did—at the age of 387, a year younger than she was now.

It had taken her grandfather using resources meant for himself just to help her reach that stage. But she couldn't see any of that. All she saw was how it was everyone else's fault but hers.

She even remembered mocking her grandfather for his inaction, claiming she would have done far better for the clan if she were in his shoes. And to add salt to the wound, she had even brought up her parents' deaths as proof of his supposed incompetence.

A surge of guilt, deep shame, and regret welled up inside her, prompting her to clench her fists as she closed her eyes.

"It was that foolishness that kept me blind," she softly whispered, voicing her inner frustration before weakly opening her eyes.

"I was too naive and self-absorbed to notice at the time, but our clan had likely realized there was something fishy going on with the Ning family," Xia Fang continued, her voice slightly dry.