DC/Marvel: This Guy is Insane

At the secret base for the Weapon X program, two soldiers leaned against a wall, taking a smoke break and idly discussing their plans for their next leave.

"We've got company!" one of them suddenly shouted, dropping his cigarette and raising his rifle. Two figures were approaching.

"Don't shoot!" Alan yelled, holding one of Wade's own katanas to his neck. "We're on your side! I've captured a mutant for you!"

Click-clack!

The soldier chambered a round. "Drop your weapon and put your hands up, now!"

Wade moved faster than a blink. In a blur of motion, he drew his twin pistols. BANG! BANG! The two soldiers dropped before they could even process the situation. "Your plan didn't work," Wade deadpanned.

Alan stroked his chin thoughtfully. "It's probably because your acting sucks," he concluded.

"It was a stupid idea to begin with." Wade holstered his pistols, ready for a fight.

Their plan was simple: Magik would infiltrate the base and rescue the students while Alan and Wade created a diversion. It was a logical division of labor. With her teleportation ability, Illyana could get the students to safety. Alan and Wade's job was to draw all the attention.

"Need a weapon?" Wade asked, his hands on his twin pistols, katanas strapped to his back. He glanced at Alan, who was empty-handed.

"Don't need one." Alan reached behind his back and, from somewhere in his pants, produced an ancient-looking dagger. "I have a divine weapon," he declared proudly. "The Blade of Tetanus."

Wade stared at his backside in shock. "How do you hide that in your butt without getting hurt?"

"I just keep it clenched," Alan explained.

"…"

In the base's control room.

Colonel Stryker watched on the monitors as Alan and Wade strode into his facility. He turned to the young Asian man standing beside him. "Agent Zero, go take care of them. Make it quick."

"No problem." Agent Zero stood up, confident. He was a master marksman who never missed a shot and the first product of the Weapon X program. Though his abilities weren't as flashy as some of the later subjects, he was still a formidable operative.

Stryker knew better than to send ordinary soldiers to their deaths against Deadpool. Besides, a high body count outside of a declared war would be difficult to explain to his superiors. He had spent years researching mutant genetics and had assembled his own elite team of killers. The captured students were a recent acquisition, and he hadn't had time to compile a detailed report on their abilities. He didn't want to waste any potential test subjects.

Alan and Wade wandered through the base like lost tourists. There were no soldiers in sight.

"Hey, Wadey-poo, maybe we should ask for directions?" Alan suggested.

"First, we have to find someone to ask," Wade replied seriously.

Stryker had ordered all personnel to fall back as soon as the intruders were detected, avoiding a direct confrontation to minimize casualties. That was why they had been able to walk in so easily.

"Let's just ask him," Alan said, pointing to a man in a shirt and suspenders standing at the end of the hallway.

The moment Agent Zero raised his twin pistols, Alan yanked Wade in front of him, using him as an instant, regenerating human shield.

BANG! BANG!

Wade looked down at the fresh bullet holes in his chest. "So you think you're the only one who can play with guns?" he snarled.

In the next instant, both he and Agent Zero were firing at each other.

Alan, meanwhile, had ducked and scrambled for cover. It was never a good idea to be in the middle of a gunfight.

"Let me just see what skills I have as a Priest," he muttered to himself. "I forgot to check last time."

…

[Character]: Alan (3/10)

[Class]: Lv. 52 Priest

[Skills]

Avatar of Light: 100% affinity with light elements.

Healing Light (Lv. 0): Fires a beam of light that heals the target's injuries.

Guardian's Embrace (Lv. 0): Grants the user or a target an invisible shield that can block one fatal blow.

Cleansing Light (Lv. 0): Removes all negative effects from the user or a target and grants immunity to negative effects for five minutes.

Summon Angel (Lv. 0) (0/1): Summons a Holy Angel of the user's level to fight.

[Time]: 1973, Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters

…

He looked at his four skills. Aside from Summon Angel, they were all support abilities.

"Am I just a healer?" Alan clutched his chest in dismay. "My healing output is so low, I'd have trouble curing a common cold."

Suddenly, the gunfire stopped. Agent Zero and Wade were both behind cover, reloading. They were evenly matched. One of them never missed. The other one never died.

"No more holding back!" Alan strode out from behind his cover, hands on his hips. "I am God, descended to Earth to save all of humanity!"

Wade peeked out from his cover. "Oh, Lord," he said piously. "I wish to make a wish. Can you make me handsome again? It really stinks under this mask all day."

"My poor child," Alan said with a pained expression. "Could you maybe wish for something a little more realistic? Like the national team winning the World Cup?"

"I think a third World War is more likely," Wade said meaningfully.

Thwip!

A bullet ricocheted off Alan's chest. His Guardian's Embrace had saved him.

He glared at Agent Zero, who had finished reloading. "Mortal!" he thundered. "Suffer the wrath of God! Come forth, my Angemon!"

He pointed a single finger to the sky.

A portal of white light appeared in the air, swirling like a celestial cloud. A moment later, a two-meter-tall Holy Angel with glowing wings stepped out.

"Is that a real angel?" Wade asked, his eyes wide with awe. "Are you really God?"

"Why is it a guy?" Alan muttered, disappointed by the angel's masculine features.

Before the angel could even strike a pose, Agent Zero fired a single, perfect shot. Thwip! The bullet found its mark, and the magnificent Holy Angel dissolved into nothing but fading wisps of white light.

"Heh… an angel," Agent Zero scoffed.

In the control room, Colonel Stryker let out a sigh of relief. For a second, he had actually believed an angel had descended. But seeing it taken out with a single shot, he realized it was just another mutant ability.

"My bad, wrong address!" Alan yelped, immediately diving back behind the wall. He had tried to look cool, but it had ended in spectacular failure.

The gunfight resumed, bullets flying everywhere. Agent Zero weaved and dodged with incredible agility. Wade, on the other hand, didn't even bother with cover. Being immortal made him reckless.

Eventually, they both ran out of ammo, the stalemate unbroken.

"You're out of tricks now," Wade said smugly, drawing his twin katanas.

"I'm just as good in close combat," Agent Zero replied coldly, pulling out a dagger.

The two of them clashed, a whirlwind of steel and deadly intent. Every strike was aimed to kill. They moved with incredible speed, using the terrain to their advantage, their skills perfectly matched.

"You're a tough one," Wade grunted. If it weren't for his healing factor, he would have been dead a dozen times over. This was his first opponent, and he was already this strong. The fight ahead was going to be a long one.

(End of Chapter)

***

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