Decisions (Modern Family)

Chance

"Oh, You have got to be kidding me." Claire slumped back into her chair, staring at the Chance card in disbelief.

Vinny leaned over with an exaggerated grin. "C'mon, let's hear it. What does fate have in store for you, Claire?"

Claire groaned before reading aloud, " 'You have been elected Chairman of the Board, Pay each player $50.' Oh, come on!"

The entire table erupted into laughter.

Phil dramatically wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "Sweetheart, this is democracy in action—congratulations on your promotion!"

Alex smirked. "And condolences on your financial loss."

After distributing the money, it was Haley's turn who took the dice and gave them a little shake before rolling. The dice bounced across the board, landing on a 4 and a 3.

"Seven! Lucky number," Haley said as she moved her piece along the board. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven—um, Virginia Avenue." She hesitated, unsure whether to buy it.

Phil, always the enthusiast, beamed. "That's great, honey! Do you want it?"

Claire glanced over and offered a bit of advice. "Haley, you might want to think it through—there are better properties still up for grabs."

Vinny chimed in, "Hmm, I don't know, it is a great property if you play your cards right."

Haley tapped her fingers on the table, still unsure.

Alex leaned in with a grin. "Plus, it's a pink property—your favorite color."

That seemed to sway her a little, but she still hesitated. "I don't know… is it really worth it?"

"Honey, don't listen to them, they just want you to buy so you lose all your money, listen to me there are better properties ahead." she spoke as she narrowed her eyes at Alex and Vinny.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Wow, Mom, way to assume the worst."

Vinny chuckled, holding up his hands in mock innocence. "Hey, I'm just saying, Virginia Avenue isn't a bad choice."

Haley glanced between them, clearly torn. "Ugh, you're all making this way harder than it needs to be."

Suddenly Manny stood up and with a passionate voice spoke, "Haley don't listen to them, listen to your heart. What does your heart want?"

Everyone at the table paused, turning to Manny, who stood with a hand over his chest like he was delivering the most important speech of his life.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Manny, it's Monopoly, not a Disney movie."

Vinny smirked. "Yeah, but hey, maybe her heart does want Virginia Avenue."

Haley let out a dramatic sigh before finally grabbing the property card. "Fine! I'll take it. Happy now?"

Claire shook her head. "When you go bankrupt in five turns. Yes."

Then Alex shook the dice, which landed on 2 and 4.

Landing her on the community chest. Alex reached for the Community Chest card and flipped it over . She scanned the text before reading aloud with a groan, " 'Doctor's fees, Pay $50 to the Bank.'"

Vinny burst out laughing. "Looks like fate just evened the playing field!"

Alex rolled her eyes, tossing the card onto the discard pile. "Great. Just great. I love paying imaginary medical bills."

Claire smirked. "Well, look at it this way—you're supporting the game's healthcare system."

Phil nodded sagely. "A responsible citizen. We're all very proud."

Alex huffed, handing over the $50 to the bank. "Yeah, yeah. Whose turn is it next?"

Vinny rolled the dice, 1 and 6 came up landing him on the Pennsylvania railroad.

Vinny smirked, Claire and Alex groaned, Haley couldn't understand why that was bad, Manny didn't register the move as he was busy staring at Haley and Luke was in his own fast and furious world.

Phil calmly asked, "So, Vinny do you-"

Vinny smugly cut him off, "Yes!" Cash already in hand.

Then it was Manny's turn who was still staring at Haley, after some nudging from Vinny, he rolled a 1 and a 3.

Without thinking much he moved his piece four steps but Vinny's smirk widened because where he landed on was- Vermont Avenue.

Which belonged to Vin.

Vinny let out a low chuckle, drumming his fingers on the table. "Oh, Manny, my dear brother… welcome to Vinnyville."

Manny blinked, finally snapping out of his Haley-induced daze. "Huh?"

Claire sighed, already seeing where this was going. "You landed on his property."

Manny glanced down at the board, realization dawning. "Oh."

"Oh indeed," Vinny said, grinning. "And that'll be… let's see—ah, rent is $6. Pay up, good sir."

Manny frowned, reluctantly handing over the money. "This game is a scam."

Alex smirked. "No, you just weren't paying attention."

Then Luke took the dice and started to shake them with much intensity. When he finally let go he landed on 5 and 5.

"AH! Game's first doubles." Phil exclaimed, "Go on Luke."

Luke grinned, clearly pleased with himself as he moved his piece ten spaces forward.

"Let's see… one, two, three… oh!" Phil leaned over. "Community Chest!"

Luke picked up the Community Chest card and read it aloud, his grin widening. " 'Get Out of Jail Free! Keep this card until needed or sold.'"

Alex smirked. "I think the game is trying to tell us something, First Haley and now Luke got one."

Vinny chuckled. "Yeah, at this rate, we're all gonna end up in jail."

Claire arched a brow. "Well, considering how you play, Vin, that's not surprising."

Vinny placed a hand over his chest in mock offense. "Wow. The lack of faith."

Luke, still pleased with his card, rolled again. The dice bounced across the board, landing on a 6 and a 1.

Ding-Dong.

"Ah! That must be the pizza I ordered." Phil pushed back his chair and stood up. As he headed for the door, he pointed a stern finger at the table. "Nobody makes a move without the banker present. It would be a violation of the code of honor."

He reached for the doorknob, expecting to find a teenage delivery guy in a crumpled uniform holding three greasy pizza boxes. Instead, standing on his doorstep was a stunning young brunette in a sharp suit, struggling to balance three oversized grocery bags.

She looked up from her precarious load, her face lighting up. "Mr. Dun—"

Before she could finish, a box of tissues slipped from one of the bags and hit the ground with a dull thud.

Phil's eyes widened. Without thinking, he slammed the door shut.

SLAM.

Back at the table, the loud noise startled the entire family.

Claire frowned. "Uh… Phil?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Did you just—slam the door on the pizza guy?"

Luke blinked. "Are we… not getting our food?"

Phil stood frozen for a second, gripping the doorknob. Then, clearing his throat, he turned back to the family with forced nonchalance. 

"Uh… no, no. It's fine! I just, uh… recognized the guy." He waved a dismissive hand. "Total troublemaker. One of those hooligans who hangs around a house I sold. He probably dropped a pizza box and is gonna try to extort me for it." Phil nodded, as if convincing himself. "Yep. Classic scam. I'll handle it."

Claire narrowed her eyes. "A pizza scam?"

Vinny shook his head. "Wow. Bold move from Tony's Pizza."

Phil let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, yeah, real crisis. You guys just—keep playing. I'll take care of this."

Still facing them, he tried to shimmy out the door, subtly positioning himself to block their view.

Behind him, a very confused brunette in a suit shifted the weight of the grocery bags in her arms.

Claire tried to stand up, "Do you need me?"

Phil's eyes widened in alarm. "Nope! Nope! All good!" He shot both hands up in a 'stay put' gesture. "You just keep… uh, supervising the game. Very important."

Claire narrowed her eyes. "Phil—"

"Trust me, honey," he cut in, laughing a little too loudly. "No need to get up! I've got this completely under control."

And with that he shut the door. 

Outside he pulled the brunette down the porch and to the side of the house in the driveway, "What the hell, Vicki? I thought I told you to call me after buying the groceries."

Vicki shifted the weight of the grocery bags, "Uh Sorry Mr.Dunphy my phone died and I had already bought everything, so I figured I'd just swing by." She glanced down at the bags. "Also, these are really heavy."

Phil ran a hand down his face. "Vicki, you can't just show up like this. What if Claire finds out?"

Vicki frowned. "Uh… Mr. Dunphy, she is going to find out. Because I'm standing right here. With, you know, groceries."

Phil let out a long sigh, rubbing his temples. "Okay, okay, just—give me a second to think." Leaving the poor woman to hold three bags of heavy groceries.

"Eureka!" Phil exclaimed silently, "Listen here, the whole family is in the living room and the back door is open, you go around the house, slip in through the back, drop the groceries in the kitchen, and sneak out before anyone notices."

Vicki gave him a blank stare. "You want me to break into your house… carrying three bags of groceries… and then leave like some kind of grocery-delivering ninja?"

Phil nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly! See, this is why I trust you, Vicki—you get it."

Vicki blinked. "Mr. Dunphy, I do not get it."

"Now, Hurry." Phil motioned Vicki to the backyard.

Vicki sighed and ran as fast as she could holding three bags of grocery.

"Now about those pizzas." Phil took his phone out and dialed the pizza place. As the phone rang, he glanced nervously over his shoulder, making sure Vicki wasn't spotted mid-sneak.

"Hello, welcome to Tony's Pizza, how can I help you?" a cheerful voice answered.

Phil cleared his throat, trying to sound casual. "Hey, Tony! Buddy! So, funny story—I, uh, need those pizzas delivered asap, like right now."

The employee on the other end sighed. "Sir, the pizzas will take at least five minutes more in the oven and the delivery time."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Phil said quickly. "But, uh, there is a… situation."

"A situation?"

Phil forced a chuckle. "More like a tiny mix-up! Totally innocent. But, uh, I need the pizzas here, like right now, so…"

The employee let out a long-suffering sigh. "Sir, we can't magically speed up the cooking process."

Phil nodded, even though they couldn't see him. "Right, right, totally get that. But, uh, let's say—hypothetically—if I were to throw in, oh, I don't know, an extra twenty bucks, would that maybe encourage a little… expedited service?"

There was a pause.

"…Fifty."

Phil gasped. "Fifty?! That's highway robbery!"

"You want it fast or not?"

Phil glanced back at the living room, where Claire was still occupied with the Monopoly game. He could already hear her voice in his head: 'Phil, did you bribe the pizza place? Again?'

"…Fine. But I expect those pizzas here before my wife starts asking questions."

"No promises."

The call ended, and Phil shoved his phone back in his pocket with a sigh of relief. 'Okay, one problem temporarily solved.'

[10 minutes later]

A very lanky looking kid pulled up in front of the house on a moped.

Phil practically teleported in front of the kid, startling him and flashed his best "totally normal, nothing suspicious here" grin.

"You must be Tony's finest," Phil said, eyeing the stack of pizza boxes. "Wow, that was fast! You guys should really advertise this premium service."

The delivery kid—who couldn't be older than sixteen—just stared at him, dead-eyed. "Yeah. That's what a bribe does."

Phil forced out a laugh and shoved a wad of cash into the kid's hands. "Let's not use that word, okay, champ?" He grabbed the pizzas and was about to close the door when the kid cleared his throat.

"Tip?"

Phil sighed and handed over another five. The kid smirked. "Pleasure doing business."

As the moped revved up and took off down the street, Phil turned back to the house, pizzas in hand, ready to finally put this chaos behind him.

He straightened his shoulders, took a deep breath, and pushed the door open with a triumphant grin.

"Hey! Hey! Guys, look who just solved a cri—"

His words died in his throat.

The scene before him looked like a crime scene.

Claire—half-dressed, standing in her bra—furiously stomped on what had once been her shirt, as if trying to kill it.

Alex, gripping a fork dripping with something, stood over Luke, who lay sprawled on the floor, unmoving, his shirt soaked in blood.

Haley lay unconscious on the stairs.

Vinny was slumped upside down on the couch, Vicki stood off to the side, looking utterly disturbed as a ten-year-old knelt before her, holding up a thimble piece in what could only be described as a bizarre proposal.

Phil's brain short-circuited. His grip on the pizza boxes tightened.

What. The actual. Fu—

Then, Vinny—still upside down, tilted his head, his face smeared with blood, grinning like something out of a horror movie, blood smeared across his teeth.

"Hey, Phil," he said calmly. "What took you so long?"

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