Elden Ring: The Speedrunner's Guide to the Lands Between.

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Glory to my Proofreader: Bakenekon. For he is the one who points out mistakes and acts as a good wall to bounce ideas off of.

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Tarnished lifted his arm, flexing his fingers as he stared at his open palm, his mind replaying the final moments of the fight. 

His last strike had carved through the knight's golden helm, severing flesh and bone in a single motion, but what stood out wasn't the technique—it was the sheer force behind it. The way the Tree Sentinel's health had suddenly plummeted by nearly a third… That was no ordinary hit.

'Did I proc Bleed at the last second? And was that a crit?' He wondered, rolling his wrist as he tried to process the mechanics of this world. If limb damage was a thing, then it stood to reason that severing a vital point would cause an immense spike in damage.

Marika, now hovering beside him with her arms folded beneath her bosom, tilted her head slightly. "Hmph. 'Tis a rare thing to see one of mine own Tree Sentinels so unceremoniously felled. They are the finest knights of my order, chosen for their unwavering loyalty and skill." 

She closed her eyes, her expression unreadable before exhaling softly. "But I suppose… without my guidance, they hath long since lost their prime."

Tarnished snorted, brushing dirt off his chest as he pushed himself off the ground. "Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

A light chuckle escaped her lips as she reappeared midair above him, lounging sideways with one hand supporting her head. "Thou shalt need to accomplish far more than slaying a mere knight to earn my genuine praise, mine own Champion."

He clicked his tongue but didn't argue the point. Instead, he exhaled and stretched before turning away from the fallen knight. He had a journey ahead, and his next stop was clear—the ruined cathedral just ahead.

As he approached, he felt a wave of familiarity wash over him. Even after all this time, even after truly stepping into this world himself, he still recognized these landmarks as well as he had in the game. The stone walls, worn by the wind and rain, stood solemn beneath the open sky. 

The broken bell tower, long since silenced, loomed over the entrance. This was the Church of Elleh.

Stepping inside, the scent of old parchment and campfire smoke greeted him. A lone figure sat by the flames, his back against a wooden crate, a tattered cloak draped over his shoulders. The merchant's long ears twitched slightly at the sound of approaching footsteps before his piercing eyes locked onto him.

"You are a Tarnished, I can see it." the merchant spoke, his voice low and smooth. "And I can also see… that you're not after my throat."

Tarnished grinned and leaned against the doorway. "Hah! Yeah, you're right about that much."

The merchant nodded, his expression neutral. "I see. Then why not purchase a little something? I am Kale, Purveyor of Fine Goods. And what might your name be, traveler?"

Tarnished opened his mouth to answer, but the moment he tried to speak his own name, nothing came out. He blinked, confused, before a glowing blue notification appeared in the corner of his vision.

[ERROR: NAME NOT FOUND]

[Correction: Your name is "John Elden Ring"]

A cold shiver ran down his spine as his fingers twitched slightly. Then, from beside him, he heard the unmistakable sound of muffled laughter.

"…Really?" He muttered under his breath.

Marika smirked, crossing her arms. "Thou art mistaken if thou dost believe this was of mine own doing. The blame lieth solely upon Helios, not I."

He let out an exhausted sigh. "That smug bastard… I swear, when I get my hands on him…" He trailed off, shaking his head.

Kale tilted his head slightly, noting the long pause. "Are you alright?"

Tarnished forced a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah… Let's just say I've got amnesia. Can't remember my name."

"Ah. Quite the misfortune." Kale mused, though he didn't sound particularly surprised. "Well then, if you wish to purchase something, I have much to offer."

With a practiced motion, the merchant gestured toward his wares—an assortment of arrows, a torch, a telescope, cookbooks, a crafting kit, and cracked pots.

"I'd personally recommend the crafting kit." Kale added. "A traveler such as yourself would do well to have the means to prepare their own tools."

Tarnished hummed in thought before reaching into his inventory, pulling out a Lands Between Rune. With a casual flick of his wrist, he crushed the golden fragment in his palm, allowing the warm light of runes to flow into his body.

[+3000 Runes]

With his new total, he wasted no time purchasing three cracked pots, a crafting kit, and all three of Kale's cookbooks.

[-1500 Runes]

Kale inclined his head slightly. "Many thanks for your patronage. Do take care out there."

"You too." Tarnished said, securing his newly acquired items before stepping out of the church.

The moment he did, his sharp azure eyes immediately spotted movement in the distance. A small group of soldiers clad in tarnished metal armor patrolled near a broken encampment, their dull cloaks fluttering slightly in the wind. Each bore the unmistakable crest of a golden grafted limb emblazoned across their armor.

Marika materialized beside him, her gaze scrutinizing the men before her. "Hm. These men… I know not their garb. Who art they?"

Tarnished exhaled, tilting his head slightly. "Yeah… A lot changed while you were gone." He gestured toward them. "Those are soldiers of Godrick the Grafted, the demigod Varre mentioned. Apparently, he took over Stormveil Castle and controls this entire region."

Her expression darkened. "I bore no Demigod of such a name."

Tarnished scratched his chin. "Some say he's a descendant of Godfrey—through Godfroy, or something. I dunno. Never paid much attention to the lore."

A moment of silence passed before his own words registered in his mind. He stiffened slightly, his jaw clenching as he hesitated. The weight of reality pressed down on him—this wasn't just a game anymore. This was her world.

Marika, as if sensing his turmoil, met his gaze with an unwavering golden stare. "If a mere whisper of doubt upon my existence could shake my will, I would not have become a Goddess. Nor would I have ruled over the Lands Between."

Tarnished remained silent as she stepped closer, she looked down at him from her enormously tall heigh as her radiant golden eyes peered into his soul.

"Thy past life is of no consequence. Let it remain buried. All that matters now… Is that thou art mine own Champion."

Tarnished stood still for a moment, staring at Marika as her golden gaze bore into him, her words settling deep within his soul. A champion… her champion.

Then, slowly, a grin pulled at his lips. "Yeah… You're right."

Marika smirked knowingly, "But of course. I am always right."

He chuckled at her arrogance but nodded, rolling his shoulders as he turned his eyes toward the path ahead. "Well then, guess I'd better get moving. I've got a Demigod to hunt down."

"Aye." She crossed her arms, her regal presence unwavering. "This 'Godrick', whoever he may be, doth possess a fragment of mine own Elden Ring. Thou must go forth and claim it."

Tarnished hummed at her words, then, after a moment of thought, tilted his head with a playful smirk. "As you command, my Lady~!" His voice was deliberately smooth, teasing, the playful lilt in his tone impossible to miss.

Marika blinked, her brows raising ever so slightly at his sudden change in demeanor.

"…And whence didst thou gain such confidence?"

Tarnished merely laughed, stepping past her with an easy stride. "If I had any doubts or shame in my life, they both died the moment I came here. I've got an entire world to explore, an adventure laid out before me, and the freedom to do whatever the hell I want." 

He glanced back at her, flashing a wide grin. "What kind of idiot would I be to hold myself back now?"

And with that, he took off, his uchigatana singing as he drew it in one fluid motion. The blade gleamed under the golden light of Grace as he rushed toward the nearest of Godrick's soldiers, his eyes alight with determination.

Marika remained where she was, watching as her chosen warrior charged into battle, his steps unwavering, his spirit unyielding. For a long moment, she simply stared, golden hair billowing in the wind. Then, ever so slightly, her lips curled into a small amused smile.

She exhaled softly before shaking her head, her form shimmering as she faded into golden stardust.

"Thou art a fool, mine Champion… But an honest one."

Tarnished sprinted forward, his eyes locked on the patrolling Godrick Soldier ahead. The man turned his head at the sound of rapid footsteps, his brows furrowed in confusion at the sight before him—an almost completely bare-chested warrior with an uchigatana, charging straight at him with reckless abandon.

For a split second, hesitation flickered across the soldier's face, but years of drilled-in discipline took over. He tightened his grip on his longsword and rushed forward to meet the challenge. His armor clanked as he moved, the metallic sheen of his weapon flashing in the light of the early morning sun. 

With a sharp breath, he raised his blade and swung down.

Tarnished rolled.

His body twisted fluidly, the momentum carrying him just past the soldier's strike. As he came up from the roll, he found himself directly behind his opponent. The Godrick Soldier had barely begun to recover from his swing when Tarnished struck.

The uchigatana plunged deep into the soldier's back, slicing through armor, flesh, and bone with lethal precision. A wet gasp tore from the man's lips as a burst of crimson sprayed from the wound. His body convulsed violently as Tarnished twisted the blade, then unceremoniously shoved him forward and yanked his weapon free.

The soldier barely had time to twitch before he collapsed onto the dirt, lifeless.

A faint shimmer of golden light washed over Tarnished as a stream of Runes flowed into him. He exhaled sharply, letting the rush of adrenaline settle for a moment before his azure-blue eyes flicked toward the dense forest ahead.

Without hesitation, he broke into a sprint, the thrill of the hunt coursing through his veins.

A moment later, he spotted another Godrick Soldier crouched beside a wooden cart, rummaging through its contents. His back was turned. An easy target.

Tarnished slowed his pace, his steps light and calculated. The soldier remained oblivious, too focused on his looting.

Then, in one swift movement, the Tarnished Warrior lunged.

The uchigatana found its mark once more, piercing through the man's spine with ruthless efficiency. The soldier let out a strangled gasp before slumping forward onto the cart, dead before he even knew what had happened.

A familiar voice hummed in amusement within his mind.

"Cowardly… yet effective."

Tarnished smirked, flicking the blood off his blade before casually resting it against his shoulder. 

"There's no point in holding onto your pride like a dumbass if you can get things done way more efficiently." He quipped, rolling his shoulders as he stepped past the corpse.

Marika scoffed but said nothing further. As much as she detested underhanded methods, she could not deny their results.

Pressing onward, Tarnished soon found himself at the entrance of a cave, its gaping maw stretching into shadowed depths. The sight was unmistakable—Groveside Cave.

A pop-up notification appeared in his vision, confirming his location.

Without hesitation, he stepped inside, the temperature immediately shifting to a cool dampness. Near the entrance, a small golden flame flickered atop a Site of Grace. He knelt before it, extending his hand.

[Lost Grace Discovered]

The golden light surged through him, forming an invisible tether between him and the sanctuary. But there was no time to linger. He rose to his feet and dashed deeper into the cave's depths.

The murky air filled his lungs as he navigated the narrow passage. Soon, the cavern opened into a small clearing illuminated by a flickering campfire. Around it, several wolves lay curled up in sleep.

Tarnished wasted no time. He leapt into the middle of them, snatching up a Cracked Pot near the fire before immediately turning away and sprinting toward a side passage.

The wolves stirred, their ears twitching as they snapped their heads up at his presence, but he was already gone—his footsteps barely making a sound as he dashed through the tunnel. Along the way, he plucked up handfuls of Cave Moss, stuffing them into his inventory without slowing his pace.

Finally, he reached a familiar sight. A golden fog wall loomed before him, marking the entrance to a boss arena.

Tarnished exhaled, pressing a hand against it experimentally. There was resistance, but with some force, he pushed through, feeling the shimmering veil part around him as he stepped inside. 

At the far end of the dimly lit cavern, a hulking figure loomed over a corpse.

The Beast perked up at his presence, its feral head snapping toward him with glowing yellow eyes. A deep, guttural growl rumbled from its throat before it roared, raising its massive, jagged blade high.

Tarnished barely registered the boss title flashing before his eyes.

[Beastman of Farum Azula]

Instead, his focus remained on the towering creature as Marika materialized beside him, arms crossed with her golden eyes narrowing in disgust. "Why dost a filthy Beastman sully this place?"

Tarnished kept his stance loose, his fingers tightening around his blade. "Hell if I know."

The Beastman wasted no time and lunged forward with terrifying speed. Tarnished barely had time to react before the creature brought its rusted blade crashing down, intent on cleaving him in two.

He rolled, the force of the impact splitting the stone beneath his feet. Without missing a beat, he dashed to the side, uchigatana flashing in a sharp arc.

The blade found its mark, carving into the Beastman's flank. Dark Blood spilled onto the cave floor as the creature howled, whipping around with a wild horizontal slash.

Tarnished ducked low, the wind of the passing strike brushing against his jet-black hair. He retaliated instantly, thrusting his blade forward, piercing through the Beastman's abdomen.

The creature roared in agony, swinging wildly in an attempt to dislodge him. Tarnished yanked his uchigatana free just in time to roll backward, narrowly avoiding a retaliatory cleave.

Marika's voice echoed in his mind, "Hmph. Thy speed is commendable… Yet thou dost lack the strength to end this swiftly."

Tarnished scoffed, his breathing steady as he kept his stance loose. "Yeah? Well, I've got something better than brute strength."

The Beastman roared and rushed forward, swinging in a frenzied onslaught.

Tarnished rolled, sidestepped, ducked—his speed saving him from death time and time again.

But it wasn't perfect.

As he dodged another wild downswing, his foot landed on loose gravel. His balance faltered, just for an instant, but it was enough.

Steel met flesh as a deep, searing gash tore across his chest and shoulder, sending him staggering back as blood sprayed through the air. His health bar plummeted, 70% gone in a single hit.

"Shit-!"

He stumbled, vision flashing red as he yanked a Crimson Flask from his belt, downing it in one quick motion. Warmth flooded his veins, golden light sealing his wounds as his health recovered.

The Beastman charged again but he had just enough time to recover, he exhaled sharply and rolled just in time. With its back fully exposed to him, Tarnished slashed his Uchigatana three times, causing the Beastman to stagger to the ground, its body trembling as crimson poured from its wounds.

Tarnished saw his opening as his grip tightened around his blade.

"Unsheath."

A clean, horizontal slice tore through the Beastman's gut, causing a huge torrent of blood to shoot from its body.

It froze as its health bar immediately dwindled to zero.

Marika tilted her head in confusion, "Why dost it stand there so idly?"

Tarnished smirked as he flicked the blood off his blade before sheathing it. A heartbeat later, the Beastman collapsed, lifeless.

[ENEMY FELLED]

The black haired man grinned, "Holy shit… I've always wanted to do that!"

Marika just sighed, rubbing her temples tiredly. "Thou art insufferable."

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Author's Note:

Hm.. Let's see where this goes, perhaps my Brain Worm shall lead us to great things.

There's currently only 1 advanced chapter on patreon, but I will be uploading FAR more frequently on there so if you wanna read ahead, you know where to go.

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Next Chapter Title: Maidenless no Longer!

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