Genshin Impact's Incense Burner Of Liyue.

Forget it. Whatever reason those two powerhouses had for fighting, it had nothing to do with him. All he needed to do was drink in peace.

Gu Sanqiu sipped his wine with a calm demeanor. If this were Liyue and a fight had broken out between remnants of the old gods, he'd be duty-bound to take a look, no matter the reason. But this was Mondstadt.

Barbatos himself hadn't lifted a finger to stop two fragmented deities from meeting up, so it was hardly Gu Sanqiu's place to interfere.

Besides, neither of them knew who Gu Shen or Gu Sheng were. If they had, he'd have forced his way through no matter what—pulling out his ancestor's name like a shield to press for answers about the past.

"Hey, what are you daydreaming about over there?"

Eula stared at him, frowning as she patted the table in irritation.

"It's rare for everyone to gather for a drink. Could you at least react a little?"

You were the one zoning out a minute ago, drunk and AFK.

Amused, Gu Sanqiu reached over and gently removed Eula's wine glass before signaling to the bartender.

"Give her something sweeter."

He placed a small gemstone in the bartender's hand.

"For your tip."

He had no desire to hear the townsfolk's whispered complaints about the descendant of the Lawrence family tonight. Money was the simplest way to keep things professional.

"Ha, so you Liyue folks call this pitying the fair maiden, right?"

"Pitying the fair maiden?"

Gu Sanqiu glanced sidelong at Kaeya. "Have you seen the kind of maiden who can swing a greatsword and face off against magically enhanced monsters in a domain? You'd need to redefine 'fair.'"

"Fair enough."

Kaeya chuckled. When you had a Vision, pity didn't really apply, regardless of gender. Even someone like Barbara, ostensibly a clerical worker, could outmatch ordinary people when it came to battle prowess.

As for proper combatants… well, whether they were shapely women or round-bellied men, every one of them had the strength to wrestle a horse.

Put it this way: in the old days, when people got kidnapped to become brides or grooms, Vision wielders would always be on the kidnapping side—not the victims.

"Kaeya, aside from that sparring match between gods, do you have any juicy gossip? Something fun to hear about?"

"Gossip, huh?"

Kaeya stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Well… does something I stirred up count?"

"You? Gossip?"

Gu Sanqiu raised an eyebrow. "What, are you about to tell me you've got a legion of girls throwing themselves at you?"

"Not quite. The Ragnvindr family does need an heir, though, don't you think?"

Kaeya took a sip of wine. "So I spread the word that the family was seeking a suitable match for its lord…"

Stunned into silence. (Gu Sanqiu, limited edition.)

"…Wait. You're setting Diluc up on blind dates?"

Judgment! Rua!

"Who else would it be? Me?"

Kaeya snorted. "My dear brother is of marrying age. Sure, I might get chased around with a weapon for this, but my intentions are good."

He smiled slyly. "The old folks at Dawn Winery have been pushing for this for a while. Naturally, Diluc shot them down immediately, so they came to me instead."

Gu Sanqiu squinted. "They think Diluc won't hit you as hard, so they're using you as their go-between?"

Please. As if.

If anything, Diluc would love an excuse to drop Kaeya into Cider Lake with a single strike.

Kaeya, unbothered, flashed a cryptic grin.

"Not quite. They just figure that if my dear brother does come storming in with his weapon, I'll survive it."

…

"Wow. Those old folks really do understand the dynamic between you two."

Gu Sanqiu clapped his hands in mock applause. What more could he say? They'd considered every angle.

It wasn't because Diluc wouldn't want to hurt Kaeya—far from it. It was because they knew Kaeya would live through it and cooperate with their matchmaking plans.

Utterly perfect.

As for Kaeya's motives in all this? At this point, that was irrelevant.

"So, have you actually found any suitable candidates?"

Gu Sanqiu couldn't help but lean in, curious. He wanted to see just how far Kaeya had taken this.

"Uh, would you believe me if I said no?"

Kaeya scratched his head sheepishly. "Look, it's complicated. The Knights are out of the question—Diluc hates everything about the Knights.

"As for noble families' daughters, they're tricky too. Their fathers were all subordinates of the Ragnvindr family. It's hard to tell if their interest in Diluc is… genuine."

He sighed. "And girls from ordinary families? They wouldn't exactly see eye-to-eye with him on certain matters. Their worlds are too different."

"That's… stiff."

Gu Sanqiu frowned. "Marriage is about shared effort and growing together. Shouldn't compatibility come from mutual understanding and habits formed over time? Why are you overthinking this for him?"

"You think I want to overthink it?"

Kaeya sighed. "Diluc said—and I quote—'If you're so insistent, then find someone you think suits me perfectly. I'll give her my time.'

"And if we fail to meet his expectations… the subject is closed forever."

Kaeya's smile turned helpless. "That's the kind of person he is. He gave us exactly one chance."

Gu Sanqiu mentally rolled his eyes. It was obvious that Diluc had seen through Kaeya's scheming from the start and was blocking every opportunity for him to have fun with this.

Anyone who thought Kaeya's sighs were about Diluc failing to find true love would be mistaken. The man was grieving the premature death of a very entertaining plot.

"Well, it's still amusing. Mondstadt's gossip mill will have plenty to churn for a while."

Kaeya clinked his glass against Gu Sanqiu's. "What about you? How long are you staying this time?"

"Depends. If nothing urgent comes up, I might hang around for ten days, maybe two weeks. Why?"

Kaeya flashed his most friendly, most suspicious smile.

"Then how about a camping trip? Just us, the open air, a nice meal cooked over a fire—relaxation at its finest."

Gu Sanqiu smiled back.

"Nice try. Unless you clear out all the monsters around the campsite first, I'm not going anywhere. I refuse to be your unpaid labor."

"Tsk, caught on so quickly?"

"Well, you do have a record, Kaeya."

Gu Sanqiu shrugged. The last time they'd tried camping, Kaeya had roped him into an impromptu Knights of Favonius monster-clearing operation. Truly, he'd mastered the art of slacking off.