Harmonious Love

Where There Is Sunlight, There Are Shadows (4)

The sound of the door lock opening echoed, and after taking a moment to catch his breath, Mo Yeon quietly reached out his hand.

Click – The sound of the doorknob turning resonated in the quiet hallway, and the front door slowly opened. Darkness had settled deeply in the familiar interior that he hadn’t seen for a long time.

His heart pounded as he entered, feeling his way along the wall. However, contrary to his worries that no one might be there, the familiar interior remained unchanged.

And there was something he could tell even without turning on the lights.

In the darkness, Mo Yeon slowly approached the window. Looking at the clearly visible night sky after a long time, he could already tell that he had returned.

Because he had told him to do so first…

The first thing he did upon entering the bedroom was something Tae Young-won had once blurted out like nonsense. Something about suckling on nipples if you want to make up with someone.

He didn’t think it was a normal or mature method, of course. But not knowing what to say, he thought it might be easier to follow the method Tae Young-won had taught him.

Carefully climbing on top of him, he lifted his pajama shirt and rubbed his nipple against Tae Young-won’s closed lips.

“Why won’t you wake up…”

His closed eyes didn’t open easily.

Could he have come in drunk, or had he already found someone else?

Anxious, Mo Yeon applied a bit more force to his body, which had been gently rubbing. As the nipple pressed firmly against his lips, Tae Young-won’s mouth parted in his sleep. His thick eyebrows, which hadn’t moved at all, seemed to furrow slightly.

Huh! Mo Yeon momentarily shrugged his shoulders. Just then, Tae Young-won, still asleep, sucked in the nipple that had been tickling the inside of his mouth.

“Sunbae, ugh, please…”

At first, he thought he was imagining it, but Tae Young-won’s lips were moving little by little. How could he do this while sleeping…?

Perhaps due to the uncomfortable position, the strength in his knees was also fading. As he groaned, the bed shook. It was the moment Tae Young-won stirred and immediately wrapped his arms around Mo Yeon’s back.

“Ugh!”

Tae Young-won flipped their positions immediately, though it was unclear when he had woken up. As their eyes met, Tae Young-won asked:

“Is this your answer?”

“…”

His voice wasn’t groggy at all. Mo Yeon had thought he was definitely asleep, but was he really? His eyes gleaming in the darkness looked like those of a predator eyeing trapped prey.

Even though he had come here of his own volition, Mo Yeon always felt this way when he was with Tae Young-won.

Mo Yeon, who had forgotten even to breathe, slowly exhaled. As he cautiously nodded, Tae Young-won’s lips curved smoothly. It was a familiar smile he hadn’t seen in a while. Mo Yeon asked in a small voice:

“Where have you been, sunbae? I thought you weren’t home… You haven’t found someone else, have you?”

“…”

Tae Young-won frowned for a moment at Mo Yeon’s question, then sighed as if realizing something. From his grinning lips, Mo Yeon could sense that he was about to say something irritating again.

“Was this it?”

“…”

“Should I have left the house empty sooner…”

Indeed, Tae Young-won was a much more honest person than him. Mo Yeon didn’t think he could ever be as honest as Tae Young-won.

So, asking if he had found someone else or not? He wanted a definite answer but couldn’t ask. Tae Young-won spoke first:

“Don’t worry about other people. I hate sharing the most, whether it’s things or people. What’s most important to me is that we stay together for a long time. Starting over from the beginning with a clean relationship, without any unnecessary emotions.”

A clean relationship without unnecessary emotions and without lies.

“Even if time passes and we no longer stay as partners, I mean a relationship where we can remain precious friends.”

Yes, that was the kind of relationship Tae Young-won wanted.

“Can you promise that?”

When silence fell, Tae Young-won cautiously asked. Mo Yeon’s lips didn’t move.

He could only nod slightly.

“Haa.”

As if relieved, Tae Young-won finally buried his nose in Mo Yeon’s neck. The deep sigh he exhaled was longer than ever before.

“…Yeon-ah.”

When Mo Yeon asked curiously, Tae Young-won whispered softly. His voice resonated as his lips were still buried in Mo Yeon’s neck. As Mo Yeon quietly listened to his voice, Tae Young-won called his name again.

“Yeon-ah, Mo Yeon…”

“…”

“Now, really, don’t go anywhere.”

The playful smile that was always there was nowhere to be seen. Moreover, there was no hint of laughter in his voice. Whenever Mo Yeon faced this side of Tae Young-won, his mind always went blank.

“You understand, right? I can’t do this charade twice. I really can’t stand waiting. Tell me you came with the thought that you won’t go anywhere now.”

Don’t go anywhere, he said. Though that probably wasn’t what he meant, it made Mo Yeon’s heart flutter.

It was so overwhelming that after hesitating for a while, Mo Yeon pulled him close and kissed him.

“…I won’t go anywhere.”

Mo Yeon didn’t say that Tae Young-won shouldn’t go anywhere either.

He wanted to say that he had wanted to do this from the beginning. That he had missed this since the moment he felt the empty space.

And that he didn’t know why he was so scared right now.

He couldn’t bring himself to say those things.

***

“No… it’s okay. I’ll go first then.”

“Wait a moment, sunbae!”

“I’ll pay you back for the drinks later. Sorry!”

After leaving Kim Hyun-soo’s voice behind, all Mo Yeon remembered was running like crazy and then catching a taxi.

His heart had been pounding as if it would burst the entire way home after fleeing from the gay bar. Even as he sat quietly staring out the window at the rapidly changing scenery, his startled heart refused to calm down.

The emotion he felt in there was a stronger aversion than discomfort or unpleasantness. He even felt afraid, though it wasn’t because of ghosts. Even if he encountered yang energy stronger than Tae Young-won’s there, it didn’t seem like it would be welcome.

It didn’t seem like he would be comfortable with anyone else. The thought of doing the same things he had done with Tae Young-won with someone else made it impossible for him to bear being there.

Even though the part-time job he had used as an excuse to leave wasn’t over yet, he desperately wanted to go to Tae Young-won right now. It felt like only then would his pounding heart calm down.

It had always been that way until now.

There were many times when Tae Young-won surprised him, but whenever he ran away from other things, going to Tae Young-won always solved the problem. He could find stability when he was with Tae Young-won.

It’s all because of yang energy anyway. It’s because of yang energy that I’m mistaken.

He was clearly mistaken because he was relying too much on one person.

Thinking that if something else appeared, these feelings would surely lessen, he had stepped into a place that didn’t suit him.

Even if it didn’t disappear at once, he thought he would surely get used to it and it would gradually diminish.

Like that day, Mo Yeon once again barged into Tae Young-won’s house on his own.

Hearing the sound of water, it seemed Tae Young-won was in the shower.

It didn’t feel right to barge in there. After pacing in front of the door for a few minutes, the door opened.

“Sunbae!”

“…Huh?”

As soon as the door opened and Mo Yeon threw himself into Tae Young-won’s arms, Tae Young-won froze in surprise.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“…”

His body, fresh from the shower, was still damp. As Mo Yeon breathed slowly, the familiar scent of body wash, wet with water, filled his lungs deeply.

When Mo Yeon didn’t say anything, Tae Young-won quietly hugged Mo Yeon’s back.

It must seem strange, it must look strange again. He had said he wanted a relationship without lies, that there shouldn’t be any emotions.

Mo Yeon wouldn’t be able to be honest in the future anyway. Of the two conditions Tae Young-won had set, one was already something Mo Yeon couldn’t keep.

Because he had lied again today and even went to a place Tae Young-won would hate.

“Was it a customer…?”

“…”

“It was a customer, right?”

Mo Yeon nodded.

“What kind of bastard was it? What did they do to make you run away and cutely jump into my arms? I should go teach them a lesson, and then thank them too.”

As Mo Yeon chuckled, Tae Young-won patted his back.

When he had thought about doing the things he had done with Tae Young-won with someone else, it had only been vague. But when actually faced with it, it seemed unbearable.

One of the conditions Tae Young-won had set was impossible from the start.

“…It’s ruined.”

Mo Yeon muttered softly. He thought only one thing was impossible, but…

“Why, what happened?”

“…”

He thought it was fortunate that his expression couldn’t be seen. Mo Yeon didn’t give any answer to Tae Young-won’s repeated questions.

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

Seeming to realize Mo Yeon didn’t want to talk, Tae Young-won silently patted Mo Yeon’s back for a long time. Mo Yeon’s mind was too confused to care about what Tae Young-won might think.

<…Can you promise?>

When he had nodded to that question, he really didn’t know it would turn out like this.

He thought there was only one promise he couldn’t keep.

The fact that he couldn’t keep the remaining one either was something even Mo Yeon had just realized. He whispered softly without realizing:

“…I’m sorry.”

This is bad. I feel like I can’t do without you more and more.

I really like you.