Harry Potter: Chosen's Angel

Chapter 9: Pop goes the Weasley's

The Weasley household had remained in an eerie calm. However, Harry was about to learn that just because something is calm in the wizarding world, that merely means you're being set up for a big event. One morning, the entire family is woken up by the house beginning to shake. Rattled, they rushed into the hall to immediately smell something most foul. Calling it like an ancient wizard's undergarments would be frankly too kind. All this horrid, odious malignant stank was coming from, where else, the twins room. As Molly fumed, she soon bashed her clenched fist against the door.

"Fred and George Weasley!! Open this door this instant and clean up this most hideous stench right now!!!" She howled in fury, threatening to bash the damn door off its hinges.

"How can you be so sure it was us?" Fred asked mischievously.

"Who do you bloody think you are, the king of England!? Clean this up now or your buttocks will be wishing you had listened to me. It smells like an old pair of Merlin's unwashed pants." Molly roared.

"Our best work yet, eh Fred?" George said with pride a bit louder than he hoped.

"By all that is holy, what is that smell!? It smells worse than the bathroom after Aunt Marge uses it!" Harry cried out nasally, holding his nose.

"Fred and George's stink prank. It's a Tuesday tradition." Mafalda explained, crossing her arms as she watched the siege take hold.

"What smells like a landlocked, dead grindylow!?" Ron shouted nasally, holding his nose.

"Well, mum is going to kill them this time at this rate." Ginny said, holding her nose as well.

"Good lord, they knocked Scabbers out with the stench again! He walked right into the stink zone!" Ron called out nasally, holding up the unconscious rat before laying him down and trying to do chest compressions on him with a finger before breathing air into his nose as the passed-out rodent's legs twitched.

"You have a dumb owl and a dumb rat. What's next, a dumb hellhound?" Mafalda groaned out.

"Please don't tell me you're thinking about getting one…" Harry groaned nasally.

"Who do I look like, Hagrid? I don't have the beard for it." Ron said, continuing to try and resuscitate his rat. "Come on, Scabbers! Live, buddy! Live!"

It was at that moment when Scabbers squeaked to life before making a run for it, trying desperately to escape the stink zone before he then passed out again, his legs twitching. Mafalda sighed, Ginny face palmed, and Percy got the broom and dustbin and swept up his unconscious form.

"This was our greatest accident ever, considering we were trying to make a knockout gas bomb." Fred said laughing.

"Me thinks we used too much paprika" George comments mischievously.

"Oh, it'll knock something out alright!" Harry called out nasally.

"Maybe try black pepper next time." Ron offered.

"Ronald, do not encourage them! Now where's my bloody wand?! Arthur!? Where did you put my wand!?" Molly yelled back towards her husband.

"Check the bowl near the door, dear! And good lord, what is that bloody stench!? It smells like a dragon with diarrhea!" Arthur called out as he walked into the hallway, pinching his nose shut.

"Bloody hell…!" Molly groaned as she grabbed her wand before casting a charm.

Near instantly, the materials the boys used to make the stench, the stench itself, and any trace of it was gone. Everyone sighed as the twins wailed in mourning, lamenting the loss of their greatest masterpiece. Then, using an Unlocking Charm, Molly was able to swing open the door. Now the boys have nothing standing between her and them.

"Hello, mum…" George said nervously.

"Um… good morning? Please don't kill us…" Fred added, equally as nervous.

"You two are going to be on trash duty for the next bloody week! Now get in the showers this instant!" Molly yelled at them, pointing to the washroom.

The twins ran to the washroom, fearing the wrath of the beastly woman known as mum.

Five Hours Later

After the early morning, everyone was finally up and at them fully. Breakfast was skipped, as no one really had an appetite. However, things soon became a bit more interesting as one of the things served at this larger than normal lunch was Dragon's Breath Tomato Soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Harry, however, was confused by the name.

"Why are they called Dragon's Breath Tomatoes?" Harry asked.

Before he got a chance, Ron took a big spoonful of it. His eyes widened like dinner plates, his face began to turn red, and then let out one of the most guttural, deepest belches he had ever heard. It rivaled that of Uncle Vernon's after Christmas ham. Fire left the boy's throat, nearly singeing the hairs off a ducking Fred's eyebrows. Immediately Ron grabbed the milk carton out of his mother's hand and began to chug the milk down, desperately trying to stave off the heat.

"I think I will just have the grilled cheese." Harry said nervously. 

Coughing and panting, Ron took a deep breath. "One too many Dragon's Breath Tomatoes, mum. Also, it needs a little pepper…" He gasped out before gently sipping on the soup.

"I could have sworn I only used two…" She said, looking over the recipe again. "Great. Time to dig up that Recipe Revision Charm…" 

"Put some goat cheese in it, Harry. That dulls the heat." Ginny explained to him, handing him a galleon sized piece of goat cheese.

Nodding, Harry put the cheese inside and watched as it melted into the soup like it was dipped in magma from the earth's core. Nervously, he tried a bit, and while it was spicy, it was not unbearably or fire breathingly so. In fact, it did taste good. Though Harry did not know what Ron meant about needing pepper.

"It's delicious, Mrs. Weasley." Harry said as he began to dig into the soup.

Molly smiled. "Thank you, Harry. If you need to dull the heat more, feel free to take another piece of cheese." She told him before going to get more from the fridge.

"Why does goat cheese dull it, though, if it makes you breathe fire?" Harry asked curiously.

"Goats are bad for dragons to eat. They're more tough and stringy than sheep, and goats also are kept for milk. So, when they get eaten, a milking goat clogs up a dragon's fire organs, temporarily making it so they can't breathe fire as intensely." Ginny explained.

"So does that mean dragons are lactose intolerant?" Harry asks, trying to understand.

"Only when it comes to goat's milk." Ron told his friend, putting a couple of pieces of goat cheese into his soup.

"Besides, cows are bad for a dragon's curves." Mafalda chipped in.

"They usually prefer yaks." Fred added, putting some goat cheese into his own soup.

"No, they prefer Yeti, Fred. Don't you remember Care for Magical Creatures class in Fourth Year?" George sternly corrected.

"True, but, if they had to pick a type of four-legged creature, they usually go for yaks." Fred replied, stirring his goat cheese into his soup.

"Wait, four? I thought Yetis had two legs." Harry questioned.

"They prefer sheep, you clod! No wonder you failed on your O.W.Ls in that course!" George snapped back at his twin.

"Yetis are facultative quadrupeds…" Ginny whispered to Harry.

"You're both wrong, they prefer boar meat! I am surrounded by idiots…" Percy groaned.

"Takes one to know one." Mafalda quipped.

Percy simply glared and added goat cheese to his soup before beginning to stir it in.

"If he doesn't want to be in this family, I will trade places. Damien should be fine." Harry whispered to Ginny.

"Would your family even like Percy?" Ron whispered.

"Fair. Even I don't like him. Besides Snape, Malfoy, and Voldemort, I like everyone." Harry said a bit louder than he intended.

"SSSSSHHHHH… don't say the V-word." Ron harshly whispered.

As the gaggle of red-haired loons finished breakfast, Molly noticed that a few of the tomatoes were missing. Stashing the missing tomatoes in their fanny packs, Fred and George scampered off with them for later. Grins that would make the devil himself fear for his life. However, this led to Harry and Ginny trying to be helpful by hunting down the missing produce. To pass the time while looking, Ginny finally spoke up.

"So, Harry. How are you liking your stay in the Burrow so far?" Ginny asked him.

"It's certainly more hectic than what I expected, but I can't say it's not been fun." Harry said with a small smile.

"I'm glad. How are you liking all of us in the Weasley household?" Ginny replied with a smile.

"Well, I can't tell if the twins are bloody geniuses or completely mental." Harry said bluntly.

"None of us can tell that part. The Ministry's tests helped us none." Ginny replied with a shrug.

"I don't hear much good from the Ministry, from everything I can tell. Hermione told me about the whole Werewolf registration thing, and it doesn't make much sense." Harry answered with a sigh.

"I know, right? They should be working on curing werewolves, not forcing them to register." Ginny noted in exasperation.

"Better than giving them a silver bullet, I guess." Harry said to try and make a joke.

"That only works in those old Muggle monster movies." Ginny explained.

"Huh. Wonder how that got started?" Harry asked himself as he got back to looking.

"Some wizard felt like being a git because his secretly a werewolf wife hated the silver necklace he got her and told an old Muggle author that rubbish." Ginny told him.

"So, the kind of thing the twins would pull then?" Harry asked curiously.

"More or less." Ginny replied with a giggle.

"How would you describe them then? In your own words." Harry then bluntly asked her, wanting a direct answer about something.

"Fred and George are usually either bloody brilliant or barking mad. There is no in between." Ginny told him.

"So how do we find them? If your mother thinks they took the produce, then where would they be?" Harry asked her inquisitively. 

Ginny thought for a moment. "I heard about them having a secret base somewhere around here, but I can't quite remember where they put it…" She told him.

Harry sighed as the two fumbled around the garden trying to find it. They could practically feel the twins laughing at them, even if they could not hear them. However, something else was nagging at Harry's mind. 

"Ginny, what's it like having parents?" Harry asked unexpectedly.

"Well… how do I put this…? They're simultaneously the most caring, loving, and supportive people you'll ever have in your life… while also being the most annoying and embarrassing." Ginny explained as best she could. "Wait, what about your aunt and uncle? I heard they were bad, but Ron tends to exaggerate…"

"It's… complicated…" Harry said nervously.

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "How complicated are we talking about here…?" She asked.

"... The scary part is… I can't put it into words properly." Harry nervously said. "Until I started primary school I thought my name was 'Boy'."

Ginny's eyebrow twitched as she tried to remain calm. "Come again…?" She asked, a bit of anger at Harry's aunt and uncle leaking out.

"At least they aren't Aunt Marge…" Harry muttered.

"You mentioned her earlier. Who is she?" Ginny asked, slowly calming down.

"She's Uncle Vernon's Sister." Harry explained.

"Well, what's so bad about her? Other than turning your lou into a Muggle war crime…" Ginny asked.

"How does having a huge, fat, ungodly aggressive English Bulldog named Ripper sound?" Harry asked.

"... HOW!? Bulldogs are as soft and cuddly as a Pygmy Puff! They don't have a mean bone in their Muggle pet bodies!" Ginny yelled out in disbelief.

"Don't know, but it chased me up a tree as a kid and kept me there for hours." Harry explained, trying, and failing, not to worry Ginny.

Ginny clenched her hands into trembling, tightly balled fists. "And just what were your family doing as this was going on…?" She growled out in frustration.

Harry gulped and tried to change the subject. "So how do you feel about Ron?" He asked nervously.

"Don't change the subject, Harry. What. Did they. Do…?" She asked, enunciating each word with a dangerous edge to her tone.

"Well, Damien tried to scare him off… but he got scared after a few barks. Ripper then ran him down and ate his shorts as he climbed the other tree." Harry nervously explained.

"... What the bloody hell did that woman raise that dog into!?" Ginny barked in rage.

"I don't know, but my family found the whole thing funny. They laughed the whole time we were up there." Harry explained, gulping nervously.

"... I'm starting to wonder if she made a deal with Death himself to breed that thing…" Ginny muttered in anger.

Meanwhile: Random Location In England

An old man sat at a dinner surveying a crowd, as if looking for someone in particular. Suddenly, he had the overwhelming compulsive urge to sneeze. He knew he should not. It would be bad. However, it overcame him, and he sneezed hard.

Back At The Weasley Residence

"So, I thought Ron said that he only had one sister…" Harry nervously asked.

"Oh, that's just our annoying cousin Mafalda. She's always messing with me." Ginny grumbled a bit.

"So, a pretty version of Dudley, got it." Harry said absentmindedly.

"Don't let Mafalda hear you say that." Ginny replied before, three seconds later, it clicked that he called her cousin pretty. "Wait, pretty?"

"What did I say?" Harry asked, confused at the sudden shift.

"Never mind…" Ginny grumbled.

"What I mean is, you two look identical. So that means I'm also calling you pretty, right?" Harry asked, confusion further creeping in.

Ginny blushed as red as her hair. "Okaaaay, moving on! Wanna talk about my brothers you haven't met yet?" She replied nervously.

"Wait, you have another brother?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, Bill. He's the oldest. He was a Prefect, Head Boy, and became a Gringotts curse breaker." Ginny told him.

"I heard that, out of all the Weasley's that went to Hogwarts: One; got into Gryffindor, and two; got Head Boy or Prefect." Harry asked her.

"Charlie became Quidditch Captain, but more or less." Ginny explained.

"Really?" Harry asked, immediately hooked by that.

"Yeah, he was Gryffindor's Seeker before you." Ginny told him.

"I'm honored and I will do everything possible to live up to his legacy." Harry said with determination, grabbing hold of both of her hands.

Ginny blushed but smiled. "I'm sure he'll be happy to hear that." Ginny told him.

"One last thing before we get back to hunting down your older twins. Aside from greeting me last year, Percy hasn't said much to me. He's even… given me really weird looks while I've been here. Do you know anything about that?" Harry asked, keeping hold of her hands.

"Oh, don't mind him. Percy's just being an overprotective git because of what happened last year. He's worried that more trouble will happen around you and put Ron in danger." Ginny told him.

"Isn't that like calling a kettle black around here?" Harry asked.

"I suppose it is…" Ginny muttered in reply.

"Now where could the two be?" Harry muttered.

"They have to be around here somewhere…" Ginny noted, continuing to look around.

Meanwhile: With the Twins

"George. What do we do?" Fred whispered inside the closet.

"We sit tight until the coast is clear…" George replied.

"Why didn't we steal Chinese Chomping Cabbages? Those things at least tire out. Unlike that pyromantic psychopathic produce!" Fred frantically whispered, shaking his twin.

"Relax, Fred! It'll tire itself eventually! Unless something improperly damages the stem…" George told his twin.

"How do we get to it without it roasting our chestnuts!?" Fred frantically asked.

"We don't need to…" George replied, pulling out his wand.

The two had to cover their mouths as a vine being dragged by an unseen being moved across the vision slit. A hiss like a leaky gas line was heard around their feet, causing them to sweat. Looking out into the room, the tomato plant they attempted to grow had grown just a hint too much. Only a few too many drops of magical fertilizer had created a monstrous multi-vine horror of flaming breathing fruits. Seeing the main cluster of them on the table, he activated the charm.

Pointing his wand at the tomato, George muttered the incantation. "Diffindo…" He called out quietly, firing an invisible magical blade at the top of the tomato.

However, George's aim was a bit off. Instead of hitting the top of the tomato and severing it without cutting the stem, he accidentally hit the stem. As soon as the stem was cut, the tomato started hissing like a snake with a megaphone, the hissing getting louder and louder as the tomato began heating up at an alarming rate. The twins both paled as Fred looked at his twin brother in frightened irritation.

"Way to go, Robin Hood…" Fred told his brother. 

"You leave my favorite wizard archer out of this…!" George hissed in frantic anger as the two quickly shut the door and took cover.

Meanwhile: With Harry and Ginny

"Now where could those two-" Ginny have wondered aloud before being cut off.

The sound of a large explosion rang out. Looking over, Ginny and Harry saw a small mushroom cloud a bit of a distance away from the Burrow. Immediately knowing what that meant, the two gave deadpan looks.

"Found them…" The two said before heading off in the direction of the explosion.