Hogwarts i am snape

"When they reached the eighth hole, the Japanese fellow wandered into the woods—"

Snape narrated vividly, and Vernon roared with laughter, slapping the table with his broad palm until the glasses clattered.

"Good heavens!" he gasped, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, his voice broken by laughter. "You wizards—haha—are truly amusing. I must tell this joke to the chaps at the office."

"Indeed," Snape said unhurriedly. "Perhaps you could tell it to your business partners, once you become a senior executive." He paused, a slight smile touching his lips. "Yes, I believe you are destined for it."

Vernon's chest immediately puffed out with pride, as if he could already see himself seated in an executive office.

Then, as Vernon prattled on about his drill sales figures, Snape picked up his fork and carefully poked the unblinking fish on his plate. The fish's eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, as if questioning the fate that had brought it to such a sorry end.

He lifted a small piece of pastry to his mouth, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

"Unexpectedly palatable," Snape cautiously remarked. "Rather like a fish pie."

"Oh, is it? I've never quite taken to it," Vernon waved a dismissive hand, his attention fully consumed by his business fantasies, and continued to excitedly describe how he would crush the competition next quarter.

"Your car is rather splendid, Mr. Dursley," Snape's gaze drifted towards the window, abruptly changing the subject. He pointed to the gleaming black saloon outside. "A new Ford model?"

Vernon's words stopped short, but his face immediately lit up.

"You know cars?" he asked, surprised, leaning forward unconsciously. "That's right! Got it just last month, cost me half my bonus!" He rambled on about engine specifications and torque figures, spattering the tablecloth with spittle.

Snape nodded at appropriate moments, showing just the right amount of interest, while silently calculating the time.

He noticed Petunia's expression gradually softening; her tense shoulders relaxed, and there was a gentle smile in her gaze as she looked at her fiancé.

After a few rounds of drinks, Vernon's face was as red as the strawberry jam on the table. He suddenly extended a thick arm and clapped Snape heavily on the shoulder.

"Severus," he slurred, "I thought you'd be—stranger. But you're actually quite normal!"

Upon hearing Vernon's words, Petunia immediately pinched his arm.

"Vernon!" she hissed.

But Snape merely smiled slightly. "It's quite alright, Petunia," he deliberately used her given name. "Mr. Dursley is merely voicing what most people would think."

Petunia's lips thinned into a line, and her grey-brown eyes flickered with complex emotions. She hesitated for a moment, then finally spoke: "I just—I didn't expect you to be like this after all these years."

"People change for all sorts of reasons," Snape said with a smile. "I'm surely not as objectionable as you remember, am I?"

Petunia was silent for a moment, then nodded faintly.

Vernon looked from one to the other, his eyes wide. "Wait, you two knew each other before?"

"Yes," Snape said calmly. "We knew each other from our teenage years; we lived not far from each other back then."

"Well, fancy that," Vernon raised his glass and took another large swig. "Though it's my first time meeting your sort. You, erm, wizards, don't seem so frightening after all."

"I think I must offer a small word of caution, Petunia, Mr. Dursley," Snape's expression suddenly turned serious. He put down his glass and looked at Petunia gravely. "Petunia, I think you know that not every wizard is as... amenable... as I am."

"It would be best if you generally did not try to make contact with them. Of course, I trust you wouldn't do such a thing. If anything should happen, you may write to me," he added. "Petunia, you know how to write to the school."

Petunia's face immediately fell.

Snape knew what she was thinking—the letter addressed to Dumbledore, the rejected application, the unfulfilled yearning.

He raised his glass, his dark eyes fixed on Petunia. "Let the past be the past."

Petunia's fingers trembled slightly, tightening around her serviette.

But in the end, she raised her glass, clinked it gently against his, and took a small sip.

Vernon looked at them, bewildered.

"When are you planning to marry?" Snape suddenly asked. "I recall you were engaged...?"

"This Christmas," Vernon proudly announced. "We've already booked the church."

"Congratulations!" Snape said genuinely. "I wish you all the best."

Vernon and Petunia exchanged a glance. Petunia gave an almost imperceptible nod, and Vernon immediately said warmly, "Thank you. If you're free then, you're most welcome to attend our wedding."

"Oh?" Snape said. "Then I shall certainly be there." He began to ponder what gift he could give that wouldn't seem overly magical.

Just as their conversation was in full swing, Snape's peripheral vision caught sight of a familiar, unsightly face outside the restaurant window—Dobby, the house-elf.

Those large, tennis-ball eyes were blinking anxiously, and long ears twitched nervously.

The house-elf was wildly gesticulating, first twisting his hands like a snake, then clamping them together, as if miming something.

"Dobby?" Snape's heart sank, and he silently mouthed the name.

Dobby became even more frantic. He pointed North, then clapped his hands together, then pointed to himself, his expression so desperate he looked on the verge of tears.

Snape's brow furrowed almost imperceptibly. Given Dobby's peculiar thought processes, he truly worried that the house-elf would burst in any second and do something odd, turning the pleasant dinner into a farce.

He quickly and stealthily drew his wand under the table, conjured a small piece of parchment, and wrote: "Dobby, do nothing. Wait for me outside for a moment, I will be out shortly."

With a flick of his wand, the parchment floated from the floor to the window. Dobby glanced at it, nodded at Snape, and moved away from the window.

Snape secretly breathed a sigh of relief—he had genuinely been terrified that the unfinished Stargazy pie would suddenly float up, and then with a snap of Dobby's fingers, crash onto Petunia's or Vernon's head with a splat.

"What is it?" Petunia noticed Snape's sudden tense expression and asked, puzzled.

"Nothing," Snape forced a smile. "Just so pleased to have seen you today."

Vernon guffawed, "I'm delighted to have met you too!"

"Forgive me," Snape glanced at his watch, feigning surprise. "It's getting rather late; I should return to the school."

When it came time to pay, Vernon insisted on settling the bill. Snape did not decline—he indeed needed to leave as quickly as possible.

At the restaurant door, Vernon eagerly asked again, "Where is your school? Would you like a lift?"

"Thank you, but no," Snape shook his head. "You go on ahead; I shall return in the wizarding fashion."

After helping Petunia usher Vernon into the back seat of the car, Petunia straightened up, nodded at Snape, and got into the driver's seat.

After watching the Dursleys' black saloon drive away, Snape immediately turned to the shadows. "Dobby, come out."

Dobby's eyes glowed in the darkness. "Mr. Snape, Dobby must find you at once—Miss Snake, she—"

"What about Nagini?" Snape asked.

"Miss Snake does not know Dobby anymore!" The house-elf's large eyes were filled with fear. "She looked at Dobby today with such strange eyes, like... like a beast staring at prey... When Dobby brought her food, she suddenly lunged to bite Dobby. Dobby dodged, and came straight to find Mr. Snape."

Nagini's Maledictus curse was deepening? This was precisely Snape's greatest fear. He seized the house-elf's hand. "Take me to her, now!"

With a loud crack, they appeared deep within the Forbidden Forest. Darkness hung like a heavy curtain all around, with only the light from Snape's wand illuminating a small area.

Snape raised his wand, scanning his surroundings for any sign of Nagini.

But Nagini was nowhere to be seen. Only clear serpent tracks remained on the ground, leading deeper into the Forbidden Forest's darker reaches.

"Miss Snake went that way!" Dobby pointed deeper into the Forbidden Forest. "Dobby heard some commotion over there."

Snape quickly followed the tracks, with Dobby close behind. His robes tore in several places on the bushes, but he paid no mind.

Nagini's curse is deepening, he thought with worry. According to the books he had read, Nagini's curse would cause her to gradually lose all her human qualities, eventually transforming entirely into a beast.

He had thought that by having Nagini eat human food and by having Dobby keep her company and speak to her, her condition might not worsen. But clearly, his efforts had failed. Nagini's state was still deteriorating.

Suddenly, the neighing of horses and the whoosh of arrows could be heard in the distance. Snape immediately rushed towards the sound.

"Damn it!" Snape burst into a clearing, the sight before him filling him with anger. Nagini's massive body was coiled around a fallen centaur, her jaws wide open, ready to bite down, while three other centaurs aimed their bows at her.

A broken arrow was lodged in her back, dark blood dripping down her scales. The entangled centaur's face was pale, struggling weakly.

"Stop!" Snape shouted, simultaneously casting an Exploding Charm into the air.

With a thunderous bang, the centaurs reared on their hind legs in surprise, their bows all turning towards the suddenly appearing wizard. Dobby bravely stepped in front of Snape, shrieking, "Do not harm Mr. Snape!" Several centaurs were knocked to the ground by Dobby's attack.

Snape used a Shield Charm to block the centaurs' rain of arrows, rushing into the clearing, and hissed in Parseltongue, "Release him, Nagini, come here."

The giant snake's body stiffened. She slowly turned her head, unfamiliar ferocity gleaming in her green slit pupils.

She let out a threatening hiss at Snape, her fangs glinting menacingly.

Seeing their attack was futile, the centaurs lowered their bows and helped their fallen comrade.

"Nagini, it's me, Severus," Snape continued in Parseltongue, his voice low and steady. "Do you remember when we were in the Albanian forest? Come here."

The giant snake's tail twitched slightly, and the coiling pressure seemed to relax somewhat.

Snape seized the opportunity, slowly walking forward.

"Mr. Snape, danger!" Dobby cried anxiously.

But Snape did not stop. He walked up to Nagini and gently stroked her scales.

"Let me see your wound," he said in Parseltongue.

Nagini finally fully released the unconscious centaur and slowly slithered over to Snape. Snape immediately examined her wound, taking out Dittany and a pain-relieving potion from an inner pocket of his robes.

"Good girl," he murmured, but then suddenly realized the address might be a bit unfitting; Nagini was, by age, older than his grandmother. "Hm—this will hurt a little."

Snape shook his head, carefully sprinkling the pain-relieving potion near her arrow wound, then used a Severing Charm to precisely cut away the flesh around the arrow. Nagini writhed in pain but did not attack him.

After quickly pulling out the broken arrow, Nagini let out a sharp hiss. Snape immediately poured Dittany onto the wound and began chanting a healing spell, silver light flowing from his wand tip. The wound healed at a visible rate, and Nagini's breathing gradually calmed.

Only then did Snape turn to the wary centaurs encircling them.

"I loathe being pointed at with bows more than anything," he said coldly.

The leading centaur stepped forward, his silver mane gleaming in the moonlight.

"Wizard," he said, "you and your 'friend' have trespassed into our territory, incapacitated Bane, and brought shame upon our herd. Do not test our patience."

"She is ill," Snape said calmly. "It was not a deliberate invasion. Your companion will be fine; it's merely temporary oxygen deprivation."

"Parseltongue," a centaur with a proud, high-cheekboned face muttered, his voice bearing a harsh inflection. "This is a dark art. We cannot allow them to simply leave."

"Is that so?" A flash of anger crossed Snape's eyes. "If this is a dark art, then are you prepared to face the darkness?"

The centaurs raised their bows.

The leading centaur quelled their commotion, scrutinizing Snape. "We do not seek war today; you may be spared. I must warn you, wizard, according to today's celestial movements, your friend carries a unique destiny; she will eternally descend into a certain darkness—"

"What is your name?" Snape asked the centaur. "Is Ronan not here? I've met him."

"Firenze," the centaur hesitated, then said. "Ronan has his own affairs tonight. The stars show that you will all be drawn into a darker fate. Be well, wizard."

"Very good, Firenze," Snape held his wand steadily. "I care not what you read in your stars; I have never put stock in such things. Now, you will pay a ransom for Bane."