Hogwarts: I Am Such a Model Wizard

When Kyle stepped through the school gates, he was greeted by Filch, looking as irritable as ever.

Back when Mrs. Norris—the cat—was still around, Filch had been noticeably more tolerant of Kyle than others. But that changed… probably around the time Umbridge arrived at the school.

She had trusted Filch and granted him considerable authority—confiscating items, rifling through packages and letters, and more.

For the first time, Filch had tasted real power.

Then Umbridge left, and Filch, stripped of his inflated sense of importance, returned to form—equally despising every student... and even the graduates.

"I don't know why the Headmaster let you come back," Filch said in his usual grating tone, "but let me remind you—don't try anything funny. I'll be watching you…"

Before he could finish, a massive figure barreled into him, sending him flying.

"Out of the way, you old relic!"

Hagrid came striding up behind him. He hadn't even tried to hit hard—just bumped into Filch with his rear, knocking him flat.

"Welcome back, Kyle." Hagrid was far more cheerful, slapping a massive hand on Kyle's shoulder. "Didn't think I'd see you around school again. Come on, Dumbledore sent me to fetch you."

"Ah, alright." Kyle tugged his feet out of the damp, soft ground.

Does Hagrid even realize how strong he is?

Honestly, those two friendly pats had nearly knocked his Shield Charm loose.

Kyle glanced back—Chris had already Apparated away, vanishing as quickly as if he were completing some thankless errand…

Just like he said—his only job was to bring Kyle to the school. As long as he could say he'd done that, it was enough.

Fine, then.

Without sparing Filch a second look, Kyle followed Hagrid toward the castle.

"If that old bag gives you more trouble, just give him a good knock," Hagrid said. "You're not a student anymore—no need to be polite."

"Mm." Kyle nodded.

"Everyone hates him—that old codger," Hagrid grumbled. "I swear, if You-Know-Who attacks Hogwarts again, he'll be the first one to switch sides. Just like he did back when that toad was here.

No idea why Dumbledore still lets him stay."

"Maybe the Deputy Headmaster has his reasons," Kyle said.

"Deputy Headmaster… Oh, right. I nearly forgot Dumbledore's just the Deputy now. Honestly, it doesn't feel any different."

"You should've come earlier."

"What?"

"This year's Halloween feast," said Hagrid. "Everyone thought it'd be a dull one, but Professor Slughorn pulled some strings and brought in a zombie dance troupe. They were brilliant."

"Shame I missed it," Kyle said.

So much had happened lately, he hadn't even realized Halloween had come and gone.

He'd never even heard of a zombie dance troupe before. Didn't know what kind of zombies they were, or how they compared to the skeleton troupes.

As they chatted, the two of them walked into the castle.

Just like Hagrid had said, the change in headmasters hadn't made any difference at Hogwarts. Students were still going to class, chatting in the halls, playing Quidditch... everything seemed just as it had always been.

"We're winning the championship this year!"

"Yeah! Victory belongs to Gryffindor!"

...

A few students carrying broomsticks passed them. They looked like new recruits—Kyle didn't recognize a single one.

"Is the Quidditch season starting?" he asked.

"Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor," Hagrid replied. "Gryffindor's on fire this year—you can probably guess why. Ever since you graduated, Harry's Firebolt hasn't had any real competition."

He chuckled as he spoke.

Both Harry and Kyle were among the few students Hagrid considered friends. Back when Kyle was still at school, Hagrid used to struggle over who to cheer for whenever there was a match.

Now, it was simple—he rooted for Gryffindor without hesitation.

It was clear Harry loved Quidditch. Hagrid could see it. But the poor kid had never actually won a championship.

Now in his seventh year, Hagrid was hoping Harry could finally win a Quidditch Cup of his own before graduating.

"Speaking of Quidditch," he turned to Kyle, "you must've gotten a bunch of offers from teams."

"I have," Kyle said.

Last time he'd gone home, he'd seen a thick stack of envelopes—invites from various Quidditch teams, all hoping to recruit him as a backup Chaser.

That's right—backup.

Official matches were a whole different game from school-level Quidditch. No matter how dazzling Kyle's performance had been, it was unrealistic to expect a starting spot straight away.

Unless he could pull a Viktor Krum and bulldoze through the pros with sheer dominance.

But Kyle wasn't interested.

Quidditch was too unbalanced in its rules. Fine for some casual fun, but he had no desire to commit his life to it. Spending days at a time flying around on a broomstick? No, thanks.

So he hadn't even opened those letters. They were still sitting untouched on his desk.

As for whether Harry would win this year... that was hard to say.

Hagrid had probably forgotten that the school had standardized all broomsticks for matches now. Which meant that, even though Harry owned the fastest Firebolt around, he couldn't actually use it.

...

The two arrived on the eighth floor, and Hagrid led Kyle to the Headmaster's office.

"Starfish... That's the password."

The stone gargoyle jumped aside.

It looked like Professor McGonagall had changed even the scope of the passwords after becoming Headmistress.

When Dumbledore was Headmaster, the passwords were usually his favorite sweets. As for Headmistress McGonagall...

Starfish... Starfish and Stick?

That was a classic Quidditch Keeper move. Given McGonagall's love for Quidditch, it wasn't surprising she'd choose something like that as the password.

The two climbed the stairs and entered the office.

To Kyle's surprise, it wasn't McGonagall he saw—it was Dumbledore, still sitting behind the desk.

"You've arrived…" Dumbledore stood up, clearly pleased.

"Oh, don't get the wrong idea." Noticing Kyle's puzzled look, he explained, "Minerva thought it was too noisy here and insisted on moving the Headmaster's office to her old one."

Too noisy?

Before Kyle could ask, a sharp clanging noise echoed through the room.

On the wall, Armando Dippet was wielding a long-handled axe taller than himself, locked in a fierce brawl with Phineas.

The noise Kyle had just heard was the clash of their weapons.

Not far from the fight sat another portrait—Dumbledore—watching the spectacle with great amusement.

Since stepping down, a portrait of him had been added to the room.

"How odd. Why are there suddenly so many weapons in these portraits?" muttered Dumbledore aloud, glancing sidelong at Kyle.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"Um... well..." Kyle avoided his gaze. "Maybe the former Headmasters picked them up from somewhere else. Hogwarts has loads of portraits—who knows, maybe there's an armory hidden in one of the knight paintings."

"Is that so?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "Then what about the paints in the supply cabinet? I remember there being quite a lot left, but when they were preparing my portrait, there was barely any to be found."

"Maybe we just remembered wrong," said the Dumbledore in the portrait with a smile. "Albus, we've been Headmasters for nearly forty years. Forgetting a few details is perfectly natural."

As he spoke, he even gave Kyle a knowing wink, as if to say Leave it to me—don't worry.

"Perhaps," Dumbledore replied. "Thanks, Hagrid. Would you mind going to find Minerva again? She should be finishing her class."

"Sure." Hagrid turned and left.

Kyle gave Dumbledore a once-over. "Let me remind you, Professor—you're just the Deputy Headmaster now."

"Yes, indeed," Dumbledore replied. "But certain matters still need to be handled here. Minerva only changed the location of her office—she'll be here."

In the meantime, Armando Dippet had already carved a cross-cut into Phineas's backside, making him howl in pain.

"I must admit, it's livelier than it used to be," said portrait-Dumbledore with a sigh. The real Dumbledore nodded in agreement—they were clearly of one mind.

Kyle had intended to ask a few things, but seeing that Dumbledore didn't plan to continue, he kept quiet.

Roughly ten minutes later, the office door opened.

Minerva McGonagall entered from the corridor.

"Headmistress, you're here," Dumbledore said, standing up quickly.

McGonagall's eye twitched visibly—clearly, she still wasn't used to the new Dumbledore.

"Headmistress McGonagall," Kyle said as he followed in.

"You should keep calling me Professor, like we agreed."

"Alright then, Professor McGonagall," Kyle said. "My father told me I could come work at Hogwarts?"

"That's right." Professor McGonagall nodded. "The question is, are you willing?"

They all knew each other well, so there was no need for small talk—they got straight to the point.

"May I ask what the position is?" Kyle asked cautiously. "It's not Defense Against the Dark Arts, is it?"

"As far as I know, Severus hasn't shown any interest in sharing his job," said Dumbledore. "But if you have ideas, you're welcome to speak with him."

"Oh, no need. I've got zero desire to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," Kyle said, visibly relieved.

If it wasn't that, he didn't mind. He glanced at Professor McGonagall. "Is it Transfiguration?"

Was McGonagall too overwhelmed now that she was both Headmistress and teaching?

"I'm perfectly capable," McGonagall said flatly. "As far as I'm concerned, it's no different from before."

Dumbledore looked away a little guiltily.

He had been absent from Hogwarts for extended periods due to other matters, and McGonagall had taken over most of the school's responsibilities during that time.

In other words, she had already been doing the Headmaster's job long before her official promotion. And afterward, things actually got easier—without needing to consult Dumbledore on every matter, many decisions could be made on the spot, saving a great deal of time.

"So it's not Transfiguration either…" Kyle was now genuinely puzzled.

Aside from those two, the rest of the classes seemed fully staffed.

"It's Alchemy," said Dumbledore.

Kyle's head snapped up at that.

"Do you remember what you once told me? That alchemical items were becoming increasingly popular in the magical world."

Dumbledore pulled a stack of parchment from a drawer. "I gave it serious thought and even visited a few other countries. I believe you're absolutely right—Hogwarts needs to move with the times."

He spread the parchment out across the desk. It detailed the entire process: the location of the Alchemy classroom, textbook options, and even a sample class schedule.

"Wait." Kyle still hadn't processed it all.

When he mentioned that to Dumbledore, it was just a passing comment—he never expected anything to come of it.

And now...

"The Governors approved it?" Kyle couldn't help asking. "Launching a new class takes a lot of Galleons. They agreed to fund it?"

"Most of them didn't," Dumbledore said, shaking his head. "They think Hogwarts is fine the way it is and see no need to introduce a subject that, in their words, can be solved with Galleons."

"They believe buying finished alchemical goods is more efficient than learning to make them."

"How many disagreed?"

"Eleven."

"Then what's the point?" Kyle spread his hands. "Alchemy is the most expensive subject there is, bar none. Without support from the Governors, we can't exactly ask students to supply their own materials."

"I wasn't finished," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Although eleven Governors were against it, one was quite interested—and has promised to fund the course himself."

"What difference can one person make?" Kyle sighed. "Between equipment, materials, setup, and ongoing expenses, we're talking tens of thousands of Galleons. Can he really afford that?"

"Of course. I still have quite a bit saved up."

...

"Wait a second." Kyle looked at Dumbledore, confused. "You have savings... What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, I'm the Governor," Dumbledore replied, smiling even more cheerfully.

"As it happens, one of the Governors recently moved to Romania—he was terrified of Tom and the Death Eaters—so the position opened up."

"And you just took his place?"

"That's right," said Dumbledore. "The Headmaster can't serve as a Governor, but the Deputy Headmaster can. I happen to meet that requirement."

"..." For a moment, Kyle didn't know what to say.

From Headmaster to Governor... That was a promotion. At least on paper, being a Governor carried more authority than being Headmaster.

It still felt a little surreal. A Governor. If Kyle agreed to be the Alchemy professor, Dumbledore wouldn't make things difficult for him... right?

Could he take back all the times he'd called him "sir"?

"So, what do you think? Would you like to be the first Alchemy professor?"

Professor McGonagall's voice brought Kyle back to himself.

"When would that be?" he asked. "It's definitely not happening now, is it?"

"You're right," Professor McGonagall nodded. "Third-year course selection has already ended. We can't just add a new class out of nowhere."

"It's only a plan at this stage," Dumbledore added. "And considering the current situation, it's better for Hogwarts to remain as it is."

"Once we've defeated Tom, I'll visit Beauxbatons and speak with Professor Viktor for more concrete details."

"Also, we'll need time to construct the Alchemical Converter—it's essential for the course, and it's no small project. I can't promise I'll get it right on the first try."

So it was just a plan after all.

Kyle had thought, from the way they were talking, that the Alchemy class was already underway. Turns out it was something for after Voldemort was dealt with.

He clicked his tongue—felt like they'd fed him a dream that was just out of reach.

Still, he knew it made sense.

With Voldemort and the Death Eaters lurking outside, there was no way Dumbledore could neglect Hogwarts and spend his time building a Converter.

"In that case, why bring me here now?" Kyle asked. "If it's just holding the title of professor without actual classes, I've got no complaints."

Getting paid without teaching? Only an idiot would say no. Hogwarts professors didn't get paid poorly.

Unfortunately, neither McGonagall nor Dumbledore were idiots—especially not Dumbledore, now a Governor and the one footing the bill.

"No, no, no," Dumbledore said quickly. "The school's funds are limited. Every Knut has to be spent wisely."

There it was—the stingy side coming out already.

"The main reason we brought you to Hogwarts was to get you out of Tom's line of sight," Dumbledore explained. "You've caused him a lot of trouble recently, and I'm worried he'll lash out and come after you."

"Besides, being a good professor isn't easy. You'll need time to get used to it... And consider this a bit of a trial by the Governors as well."

"Alright then. What subject?" Kyle asked.

"Ancient Runes," Professor McGonagall said. "Bathsheda's planning a long trip and has asked me for leave several times. But Hogwarts hasn't been able to find anyone else who can teach the subject, so I've been putting her off."

"Ancient Runes, huh..." Kyle considered it.

He hadn't expected that.

But it wasn't a bad class—in fact, it was arguably the easiest one at Hogwarts. Just one lesson a week, and it was taught to all four Houses together.

With a tight enough schedule, he could get the whole week's teaching done in a single day. There wasn't a lighter teaching load in the entire school.

More importantly, Ancient Runes had a strong connection to Alchemy.

"I think you should give it a try."

Seeing Kyle hesitate, Dumbledore added meaningfully, "All the Headmasters you know—including Minerva and myself—have taught here at some point."

"Whether it's for the salary, the chance to grow, or building your reputation, it's a great position."

"Even Tom applied to be a professor for several years in a row."

"Alright, I'm in," Kyle said. "When do I start?"

"No need to rush." Seeing his agreement, Professor McGonagall finally smiled in relief.

"Wonderful. I won't have to listen to Bathsheda's endless nagging anymore." She turned to leave. "I'll go prepare the paperwork."

"Congratulations," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Would you like me to arrange a room? The faculty quarters are usually next to the offices."

"Ah, no need." Kyle shook his head. "I'd prefer to live near the edge of the Forbidden Forest—next to Hagrid. That alright?"

"If you insist, of course," Dumbledore replied warmly. "Hagrid will be thrilled. He's always wanted a neighbor."

"That's perfect," Kyle said, just as pleased.

Living in the castle was convenient, sure—but it felt a little too confined. Outside was better.

The Forbidden Forest was spacious, peaceful, and aside from the occasional Care of Magical Creatures class, students almost never came near it.

It would be far more freeing than staying in the castle.