HP: Alchemy? Nah, It's Crafting

Note: About ch 68's Milf part- It was Proofed by one of the patrons, turns out he changed Milk to Milf(explains why he was spamming lol after every msg) and I didn't even realize it till I checked the comments... F*ck you MilkLover  (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

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The Next Day…

"Are we heading straight to the mine, or what's the plan?" Lupin asked, sitting across from Kasenhis in the hotel restaurant.

"No rush, we'll…"

Chew, chomp, chomp…

"We'll first check out the Muggle crystal market."

Chew, chomp, chomp…

"If we don't find anything there, we'll head to Uruguay's wizarding market."

Chew, chomp, chomp…

"And if neither of those work, then we'll go to the mine as a last resort."

"Alright, but what about the language issue?"

"Haha~ Don't worry! I couldn't sleep last night, so I went home and dug up my old university Spanish textbook. Now I should be able to communicate just fine."

As he spoke, Kasenhis casually waved over a passing restaurant server.

"Ahem… I'd like… um… one… uh… in a glazed bottle… frozen… sealed… sparkling wine."(In Spanish)

(Close enough. This is probably how foreigners feel reading those sample letters lol.)

Soon, a bottle of champagne was brought over in an ice bucket.

Kasenhis poured two glasses and clinked his with Lupin's. "To celebrating our successful discovery of the crystal!"

"But Kasenhis, we haven't actually found it yet."

"So what? It's just a little early celebration. Nothing wrong with that."

The two exchanged a look…

Fair enough. Drink!

Before long, they left the hotel and hopped into a taxi. Kasenhis immediately showcased his linguistic skills:

"Oh… good morning, esteemed madam—I mean sir. Might I inquire whether you could kindly kidnap... ehm.. transport us to your esteemed land's most renowned crystal trading location? I shall, of course, compensate you appropriately for your servitude..? ..labor?"

Taxi driver: "You can just speak English…"

"Oh? Is my Spanish that bad?" Kasenhis asked his smile falling.

"Ah.. no, no, your Spanish is pretty good.." the driver replied casually as he started the car.

"I know right!?" Kasen beemed.

"Yeah, you are like a little Shakespeare." 

Lupin: "I don't think that was a compliment.."

Lupin sat beside him, watching as Kasenhis' previously fair and happy face gradually turned red. Silently, he pulled out his wand and started running diagnostic spells on him.

Honestly, Kasenhis' expression was a little concerning—it looked almost like he'd been hit by a Blood-Bursting Curse. But after a thorough check, Lupin confirmed it wasn't a curse at all.

It was just Kasenhis being embarrassed.

"Relax, on second thought, being called a little Shakespeare is basically a compliment, isn't it?" Lupin patted his shoulder reassuringly.

Kasen rolled his eyes. "If you spent years learning a foreign language, then said a whole speech only to be told your vocabulary is so outdated that even someone's grandmother wouldn't use it… how would you feel?" 

"…Wait, so aside from Spanish, you know other languages too?" 

"I know Mandarin too. But that's not the point. The point is, it's unbelievably embarrassing. You should try it sometime." 

"I think I'll pass. I only know English… and some half-baked, can-write-but-can't-speak runes." Lupin quickly shook his head. 

"That's fine. Runes don't need to be spoken to work." 

After a while, they got out of the taxi, and Kasenhis, ever the meticulous planner, made sure to save the driver's phone number—at least communication wouldn't be a problem. 

They entered the massive building in front of them. This was where all the crystals mined in Uruguay were first gathered before being shipped worldwide. 

Walking in, Kasenhis had to admit—it was essentially a huge, unfinished shopping mall. The shelves were packed with countless crystals, piled up as if they were free for the taking. 

"Oh, my dear lady, would you mind if I licked.. ehm.. chipped off a small piece of your big jewels? If it's what I need, I will offer you a price you cannot refuse. And even if it's not, I shall still provide due compensation for your time." 

"Maldito abusador!!"

"Did you just call me a fucking molester..? Ow! Think she's calling the police! Lupin let's run! I think she's crazy."

… 

In another shop.

"Oh, esteemed sir, might I trouble you to let me take a sample of your long and thick crystal? Oh! Sir, please refrain from hitting my head with that stick! That is highly unsafe!" 

"Lupin! Come here!" 

"Oh, esteemed sir, look at my companion—he is incredibly strong…"

"Don't be fooled by his slim build—he's got muscles in his bones! I guarantee he'll use his spiked riding boots to kick you right in the—"

"Wha—?"

"Ah!"

"¡Hijo de—! ¡Cabrón! ¡Te voy a matar!"

As Kasenhis was dragging Lupin away while running his mouth, a wooden stick came flying from behind and smacked him right on the head. Instantly, he whirled around and let loose a spectacular display of linguistic talent—complete with an ancient British tradition: the almighty middle finger.

A rapid-fire string of classic Old English profanity burst forth, leaving the furious shop owner momentarily stunned.

"Think he's confused?" Kasenhis muttered to Lupin.

"Mm... maybe. But look—he's reaching into his pocket. Do you think he's got a weapon?" Lupin observed warily.

Kasenhis turned his gaze just in time to see the man pull out a switchblade.

"Hoo boy… this guy means business," Kasenhis murmured.

"Strictly speaking, we were the ones who started it," Lupin pointed out.

"I don't need you to remind me," Kasenhis huffed as he reached into his own coat.

A moment later, he pulled out two thick wooden clubs, each about forty centimeters long.

"Alright then, time for a good old-fashioned righteous brawl."

Then, they saw the shop owner put the switchblade back into his pocket and pull out a .44-caliber Truth Brand Carbon-Based Lifeform Calming Device.

Kasenhis and Lupin exchanged a look. The former murmured, "What now? Should we hit him with a spell?"

"There are too many people here, plus security cameras… Most importantly, we're wizards, and we flew here on a Muggle plane. Technically speaking, when wizards travel abroad, they're supposed to notify the Ministry of Magic, get official authorization, receive a Portkey, and then be issued temporary magical visas upon arrival. So, stacking up all these violations… We're looking at, minimum, twenty years," Lupin said, taking a deep breath.

"T-Twenty years?! He's pointing a gun at us, and we can't fight back?"

"Using magic in front of Muggles—especially the more witnesses there are—comes with harsher penalties. You could blow up the Ministry of Magic in a wizarding area and it still wouldn't be considered as severe as breaking the Statute of Secrecy."

"As for fighting back… We're technically undocumented in the Uruguayan magical community, meaning their laws don't protect us."

"What if we just teleport out? Theoretically, no one would know it was us, right?"

"You have a very recognizable face. By the time we make it back to England, even if Dumbledore pulls some strings, we'd still have to pay a massive fine."

"Thanks for the compliment. That part we can leave to Dumbledore—he's loaded."

"And mandatory community service in Diagon Alley. I've done it before."

"…Are you fast at running?"

"…Very fast."

"I'll count down from three."

"One!"

BANG!

A gunshot rang out.

Luckily, the shot was fired at the ceiling. The shop owner, however, had been struck squarely on the head by a thick wooden club.

"Run, Lupin! If the Aurors don't get you, the police will!"

After throwing down the club, Kasenhis grabbed Lupin and bolted.

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Read two weeks ahead of everyone:

P@treon: Dragonel