I Accidentally Got Isekai'd To Teyvat!

So there I was—face still soaked with tears, nose probably snotty, and my head buried deep in Lumine's chest like some emotionally-damaged anime protagonist who just watched his entire backstory unfold in HD.

She let me cry.

She let me break.

She held me like I was worth holding.

And honestly? I wasn't ready to let go. Her heartbeat was the only thing keeping my own from detonating.

But then, you know... I stopped crying.

Which brings us here.

"Have you calmed down yet?" Lumine asked softly, brushing a strand of my disaster hair away from my face.

I sniffled, wiped my eyes like the tragic prince I am, and nodded. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm good now. Thanks for lending me your boobs, Blondie. It means a lo—"

SLAP!

MY FACE DID A FULL 180.

My neck cracked. My ancestors turned in their graves. Somewhere, a Chasm miner felt a disturbance in the Force.

"GODDAMN, WOMAN!" I howled, holding my face like it just got hit by Celestia's hammer.

"You deserve that," Lumine huffed, arms crossed, cheeks puffed.

"That was the strongest slap since the Chasm incident—"

"You also deserved that one," she snapped.

Paimon floated in with a deadpan stare. "Everything was so good and emotional, and you really just had to ruin it like that, huh?"

Even Greg. EVEN GREG.

He slapped me across the face with his tail like I was the villain in his Disney origin story.

"Ow! Betrayed! Betrayed by my own reptilian son!"

"Because you're a pervert," Lumine muttered.

"Am not!"

"You are," she said.

"You totally are," Paimon added.

Greg just gave me another tail slap.

I rubbed my cheek. "Fine, okay, that was a bit perverted. Even if you didn't say so. BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?!"

Lumine gave me the look. You know the look. The "I'm this close to stabbing you with a cooking knife" look.

I panicked. Mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And somewhere in the middle of my mental breakdown, I prayed—no, begged—that Lumine still loves me and won't actually stab me with a kitchen knife for almost turning into a walking natural disaster.

Because let's be real, if the roles were reversed, I'd have already started chopping onions aggressively near her as a silent threat.

"Please still love me," I whisper to no one in particular, probably to the teapot plant that looks vaguely judgmental.

Paimon sighed. "Shigeru, please stop talking. You'll probably die. And Paimon isn't ready for another corpse."

That's fair.

I slowly stood up, dusted myself off, pretended I wasn't still emotionally ruined, and held a hand out to help Lumine up.

"Anyway! Let's not talk about that anymore." I forced a grin. "I was planning on dealing with Dottore immediately, but, uh... surprise! Didn't work. Not even with my super-ultra-mega-max-powered form."

"But you actually beat him," Paimon said, tilting her head.

"Kinda? Sorta? Emotionally maybe?"

"You went berserk," Lumine added, a light blush on her cheeks.

Paimon noticed it immediately.

"He only went berserk when that guy touched you," she grinned. "So cliché~"

Lumine's face turned redder than Diluc's hair. "Shut up, emergency food, before I cook you and feed you to Greg."

"Paimon is sorry!!" she screamed and dove behind me.

Greg licked his lips.

"See? He's in on it! He's ready to devour you!"

"Okay okay okay," I clapped my hands. "Back to business. About that beating-Dottore-up stuff... Actually, I didn't beat him."

Lumine's smile dropped. Paimon floated closer.

"What do you mean?" Lumine asked, brows furrowed.

I scratched my head, scowling. "Look, when I was fighting him, I noticed something weird. He was using Dendro blades. But Dottore ain't no Dendro user! Pretty sure he's Hydro... or Cryo. Or just 100% BS. Either way, it didn't add up."

I began pacing like a crazy professor unraveling conspiracy theories.

"He wasn't serious. Like, he was toying with me. Testing me. And that freak didn't even use his Delusion yet! I had to use EVERYTHING. I summoned every element, went full rage mode, and that bastard was still smiling like he was watching a kids' play."

"So you think it wasn't the real him?" Lumine asked.

"Yeah. Probably another damn clone. Or a projection. Or a puppet. Or a cursed mannequin—whatever he cooks up in his evil lab. All I know is, that wasn't the final boss fight. That was the warm-up."

Paimon gasped. "So what do we do next?!"

I sighed.

Long, deep, tragic anime sigh.

"Time to go for the usual," I muttered. "Follow the plotline."

Lumine and Paimon both blinked.

"What plotline?"

"You know," I whispered, eyes glowing with foreboding destiny. "The plotline."

Greg hissed.

Thunder boomed.

My knees cracked from standing too fast.

***

So there we were.

Me, Lumine, Paimon, and Greg the emotionally unhinged reptilian son I never asked for but somehow love anyway. Sitting inside the Teapot, in the middle of a debrief-slash-drama-recovery meeting after the whole crying-on-boobs incident (which I will absolutely never live down).

I clapped my hands like a kindergarten teacher trying to get a group of sugar-high kids to shut up.

"Alright, guys! Time for our timely meeting about what happened," I announced, clearly the most organized person here.

Greg burped fire.

Professionalism at its peak.

I turned to the others dramatically. "So, tell me, how was your wholesome little journey with our radish Archon turned puppet receptionist cutie?"

Lumine blinked. "You mean Nahida?"

"Yes, her. Little Miss 'I-stole-your-heart-and-your-consciousness-with-one-smile.'"

Paimon tilted her head. "You really need to stop giving everyone weird nicknames."

I waved her off. "Just spill the beans."

And spill they did. Apparently, while I was losing my sanity and nearly going berserk mode, they were out unraveling some serious Akademiya-level brain spaghetti. Something about Setaria, a dream loop, manipulated consciousness, and existential trauma. Totally normal Tuesday in Teyvat.

I listen, trying to look wise and serious, but my brain is halfway stuck on the phrase 'puppet receptionist.'

Paimon talks a mile a minute, hands waving like she's casting a wind spell with every sentence. "—And then Setaria was like, 'Who am I really?' and we were like 'Yikes!' but Nahida was so cool—"

I nod slowly, stroking my chin like a fake scholar. "Hmm... so you guys went full Inazuman theater meets Sumeru therapy session."

Greg makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a sigh. Same, Greg. Same.

"Hmm..." I muttered, rubbing my chin like one of those wise old grandmasters from anime—except I still had no idea what the hell was going on. I tried to look cool, though. "Alright. I got the gist of it."

Paimon tilted her head. "Got the gist of what?"

"That dreams are dangerous, radishes are secretly puppets, and I need to take fewer naps."

Lumine sighed. "Shigeru."

"No, no, it's fine. I've digested the trauma. Let's go."

"Go where?" Paimon asked.

I grinned. "To the scholarly fluffball hunter!"

Lumine blinked. "The what now?"

Paimon echoed her. "What the heck is a fluffball hunter?"

I deadpanned. "Tighnari. I'm talking about Tighnari. The guy with ears that defy logic and a voice smoother than my pick-up lines!"

"Oh," they both said in sync.

Greg nodded in agreement like he knew what was going on.

So off we went, all dramatic and determined, making our way toward Ghandarva Ville. The wind was nice, the path serene, and I was just beginning to pretend I was the main character in an anime OP when—

"Stop right there!"

A bunch of mercs jumped out from the trees. Eremites. Classic. Budget villains with budget weapons and fashion choices that looked like they were sponsored by failed Pinterest boards.

"Oh come on," I groan. "Budget villains again? At least wear matching outfits. This isn't some discount costume party."

One of them stepped forward. "I am Tashfin!"

I blinked. "That sounds like an ingredient in a failed hotpot."

"Shut your trap, idiot!" Tashfin growled. "This is classy!"

"Classy my ass," I muttered and leaned toward Lumine. "Hey Blondie, how did they know I was an idiot?"

Lumine rolled her eyes. "Probably because you reek of idiocy wherever you go."

I nodded. "Makes sense."

Paimon floated closer. "Ah! Are you mercenaries from the Corps of Thirty? Did you come here to arrest us?"

Tashfin scoffed. "Corps of Thirty? We're nothing like those government lapdogs who don't even get scraps for their work. We are an elite brigade that commands the highest commission rate in all of Sumeru. We're here on the orders of a client known only as 'The Outcast.'"

"'The Outcast'? Sounds like a rejected Akademiya thesis," I quipped.

Lumine frowned. "Probably The Doctor."

Paimon scratched her head. "But why wouldn't The Doctor just send the Fatui after us?"

"Local mercs probably know the terrain better," I added. "Also cheaper. Probably no dental plan."

Tashfin snarled. "Still wasting time on idle chit-chat? We'll shut you up soon enough. Get them!"

Paimon floated back. "You're up, guys!"

"Oh COME ON!" I groaned. "I just recovered from a full-blown emo breakdown!"

But no time to complain. They charged, and it was game time.

I sigh and stretch my arms. "Alright, fine! Let's get this over with. But fair warning: I've had a very emotional week, and I am not in the mood for mid-tier goons trying to cosplay as a threat."

Lumine moved like liquid grace—blade dancing, eyes sharp, hair glowing like the moon's jealous cousin. Paimon was in the back shouting, "Watch out!" which was helpful maybe 12% of the time.

Greg LEAPT at one dude's face and bit his toe. THE TOE. The man screamed like a banshee in a blender.

And me? Oh, I was chaos incarnate.

"EAT MY EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED PAIN!" I yelled, hurling electro waves left and right.

One merc ran at me with a giant axe. I dodged, tripped on a root, flipped mid-air by accident, and somehow kicked the man square in the chin. He collapsed like a folding chair.

"I meant to do that," I said. To myself. Out loud.

I smacked another one with my sword, parried an incoming spear, threw a rock (yes, a literal rock), and body slammed a guy by accident when I tripped again.

"Greg, you're doing amazing sweetie!"

Greg screeched like a dinosaur and slapped a merc with his tail. We high-fived mid-fight. It was beautiful.

Eventually, we were surrounded by groaning enemies. Victory.

I dusted myself off dramatically. "And that's how you deal with budget villains."

"AHH! It's not over yet!" Paimon screamed.

More footsteps. More yelling. More Eremites.

"Oh come ON!" I howled.

"Less complaining, more fighting!" Lumine shouted back, already slicing her way forward.

"I better get a kiss or a hug after this!" I called.

"Shut up, you perv!"

And round two began.

I flipped over a guy, slammed him into a tree, stole his dagger, and threw it into another guy's belt loop. I have no idea how that worked, but it did.

Lumine was a storm. Greg went full raptor mode.

After the last one dropped unconscious (or maybe just emotionally shattered), I dusted my hands.

Then—

WHAM.

A fist collided with my face.

"WOMAN!" I yelled, holding my cheek. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Lumine casually shrugged. "Thought you were an enemy, so I punched you."

I stared. "Really? Do you seriously think I'll believe that?"

She smiled innocently—like a basket of kittens wrapped in stabby intent. Too adorable to be mad at... even if she looked like she was one bad pun away from turning that smile into a crime scene.

I sighed. "Fine. I'll let you get away with it. But only because I'm too pretty to stay mad."

Paimon snickered. "That was pretty rough... Is that what elite mercenaries are like?"

"More like elite clowns," I muttered.

"It probably won't be long before we see more of them," Lumine said, brushing dust off her shoulder.

"Yeah, looks like we'll have to keep our guard up," Paimon agreed.

She floated, frowning. "But this Doctor guy seems like a pretty tough opponent... He knew exactly where to set up an ambush. Did he predict that we would try to find Tighnari?"

"Ugh, going up against smart people is the worst," I groaned. "Can't they just monologue like villains are supposed to?! He literally bodied me in the first half of our fight!"

"Anyway," Paimon said, floating ahead, "let's keep going."

Greg burped again.

I wiped dirt off my coat, grinned at the chaos behind us, and whispered, "Next time, I'm charging appearance fees."

___________________

End of Chapter 108

Quests Completed:

*Cry Like a Shonen Protagonist (and Get Slapped for It)

*Defeat the Discount Eremites (Twice)

*Hug a Blondie Until Sanity Returns

*Discover Tighnari's New Nickname: Scholarly Fluffball Hunter

*Survive Lumine's Punch of Justice

*Greg the Reptilian Son Lands His First Toe-Bite Critical Hit

Rewards:

*+150 Relationship EXP with Lumine (Then -20 for the Boob Comment, Net: +130)

*+50 Relationship EXP with Paimon (Then -45 for the "Floating Snack" insult, Net: +5)

*Greg Learned New Move: Tail Slap of Betrayal

*+1,000 Trauma Points (Convertibles to Plot Power Later)

*Intel Unlocked: Dottore Might Be Using a Clone/Puppet/Fever Dream

* Plot Progress Unlocked: Road to Tighnari Activated

*+1 Clean Slate (Used Immediately After Emotional Breakdown)

*+50 EXP in Improvised Chaos Martial Arts

*Unlocked Debuff: Slapped by Everyone

*1x Eremite's Broken Ego

*1x Emotional Support Radish (Expired)

*1x Cooking Knife Staredown from Lumine

*1x Dramatic Hair Ruffle You Secretly Cherished