I Am a Ruined Noble of a Ruined Kingdom

Chapter 2: The Worst First Meeting (2)

"W-What is this?"

The woman recoiled in alarm, taking a few steps back.

Various emotions were mixed haphazardly on her face. To sum it up in one word, it would be embarrassment, or absurdity. Either way, it would be similar.

"Benefactor! Thank you for taking me out of this place!"

Shamelessly, I shouted while burying my head in the ground. Pride didn't exist. I had left such things long ago in the dark and cold Great Cavern.

"What... the...?"

The woman seemed to be organizing her thoughts as she looked at me, who was showering her with incomprehensible gratitude like a storm.

Well, of course, she would. As soon as this enormous Great Cavern opens, the first encounter is a strange man bowing his head.

No matter how you explain it, it's suspicious.

"Um... so, excuse me, but isn't this the residence of the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country?"

It was as if she was asking about the house of a neighborhood neighbor at the entrance of the Great Cavern, where a supposedly evil nemesis was sealed. It was an astonishing level of airheadedness.

I thought, 'Bingo!', and promptly denied it.

"Oh no, that's not it. There's no one here but me."

"Then you're the Ruined Noble..."

"No! Absolutely not. I'm just an adventurer who was passing by nearby, but somehow, I ended up trapped here."

Then she asked back, with a suspicious look.

"Somehow? Do you even know how to open this door before you say that?"

Entering the Great Cavern was really a coincidence. Therefore, I had no idea what the prerequisites were. But I'm in a position where I shouldn't tell the truth.

I wracked my brain to come up with an excuse that made as much sense as possible.

"Actually... I felt a subtle vibration while passing by nearby. It was as if someone was rampaging in an empty space."

It was half true because it was the convulsive struggles I had been doing every single day.

"I became curious and went to the source of the vibration, and there was a huge rock. If I hadn't touched it, I would have never known that it was actually a huge door made of black iron."

At this point, I subtly gauged her reaction. She was still sending a suspicious look, but it didn't seem like she thought it was a complete lie.

"Continue."

"When I touched the door, I heard a wicked voice. I acted as if I was possessed by that voice, but I don't remember what I did. When I came to my senses, I was trapped alone in the Great Cavern."

"So, in that case, the Ruined Noble?"

"I don't know what that is, but if you're talking about the owner of this place, he's probably gone outside."

Actually, right now, I'm out in the outside world. I'm savoring the refreshing outside air while spouting lies.

"Then how long have you been trapped?"

"Maybe about a month?"

I deliberately downplayed it. If it gets longer on a year unit, there is no way a normal human can survive in the Great Cavern.

"How did you secure food and water during that time?"

"I happened to have a large amount of food needed for the trip. I survived by eating it as sparingly as possible. I licked the water droplets on the walls or collected them."

I could make up enough excuses for food, but water was ambiguous. It's not an excuse that can't be made if you think normally, but isn't this the Great Cavern with a seal on it?

There is no way that it is affected by the weather changes outside.

"Hmm..."

She couldn't easily tell whether what I said was true or false.

The reason she doesn't pursue it right now is because she can't hastily conclude the correlation between the environment of the sealed chamber and climate change.

She wouldn't know unless she lived through it herself.

"Um... has your suspicion been resolved?"

"If what you say is true, it's a big deal. It means that a dangerous nemesis is roaming outside. I wonder what kind of wicked things he is plotting now..."

That nemesis is now surreptitiously bowing his head.

"Maybe he's charming people with cunning tricks like you were subjected to."

If my desperate lies that deny my existence are also counted as charming, it's not wrong.

"That's a big deal! To think that such a dangerous person has been released freely."

That's a big deal, that's a big deal.

"Yes. That's the story if what you say is true."

"Yes?"

Momentarily embarrassed, I ask back. Was the excuse about drinking water insufficient after all?

"If you're really not the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country, let's check."

"What... do you mean?"

"Feces. I'm talking about excrement. The Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country is immortal. Since there is no need for metabolic activity, there can be no feces. But it would be different if you were an ordinary human, right?"

That's the correct answer...

An unexpected, perfect answer came out. Eating, drinking, and sleeping are no longer necessary for me. Of course, even the act of shitting.

It was a fact that even I had forgotten because it had been taken for granted for too long.

"Hey, hey. So, you're saying you're going to look at someone else's poop? Where are your eyes looking, you grown ass woman?!"

"I know it's embarrassing. But please cooperate because it's a serious matter."

"N-N-No! Men and women are different, so why would I look at the poop of a man I don't even know?!"

The excuse I squeezed out was that. But the gender will not be different even if men and women are different.

"Does that matter?"

There's no way it would matter. But I couldn't just spit out a reasonable answer like this.

I confidently crossed my arms and replied.

"Of course, it does. So, in other words, a grown ass woman is going to stare intently at my poop, right?"

"No, not to the point of staring intently..."

"Very intimately, at my thick and long one!"

"I just need to confirm its existence..."

Of course, she didn't back down easily. Her face was a little flushed, but her position remained the same.

In order to somehow avoid the situation, I started blabbering as it was.

"Hey. If someone asked you to show them what underwear you're wearing today, would you innocently show them?"

"That's different!"

"Then, conversely, if a man you don't even know asked you to show him what you ate today and what you shat out, would you show it to him?"

"Ugh. That's..."

"Which is more embarrassing? Take your pick."

For reference, if I had to choose, I'm embarrassed of poop. Underwear is commonly hung out to dry in the yard or on the veranda, isn't it?

On the other hand, public urination is a vulgar act that is absolutely difficult to show to others.

Oh, isn't this a better logic than I thought?

"That's..."

She seemed to be at a loss for words to answer the unconventional logic, and she was just fidgeting with her face flushed. Emboldened by the reaction, I shouted confidently.

"If you really want to see my poop, then show me your underwear! Wouldn't that be fair?"

It was crazy talk that wasn't even worth listening to. I realized only after shouting confidently. No matter how much you push, if you go too far, it's bound to be reversed!

"Kuh..."

'It unexpectedly worked! More than that, isn't this woman too kind?'

In fact, the EvilI felt from her was unusual.

It must be because I possessed the body of Netionpies, the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country, that I could feel it. In the first place, she wouldn't have opened the door to the Great Cavern if she wasn't confident in her strength.

And yet, she matches the eye level of the self-proclaimed ordinary person who is extremely cowardly.

In reality, even if I were to become a suitable level of strong person, let alone an ordinary person, I would not be able to catch her if she ignored me and moved on. I would only be dragged disgracefully while holding onto her ankle. If she pushed with force, my bones would break.

And yet, with the nemesis, the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country, being released or about to be released, she is leisurely comparing the shameful level of poop and underwear.

As expected, she is not a sane person. But it's rather good for me.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to show me? Or not! Well!"

To me, who was urging for an answer, she moved her trembling lips. The fact that her voice was cracking was as if she was saying something she couldn't say.

"Keuk... I...!"

I couldn't hide my astonishment at her answer that came from her trembling lips.

◇

"Maybe today is my death anniversary."

I muttered quietly. What I'm facing right now was the front of the door to the Great Cavern, where the nemesis, was sealed.

It was difficult to maintain the rhythm of breathing unless I consciously felt the breath. The tension was rising so slowly.

If possible, I wanted coming here to be a little later. But the situation had changed rapidly.

[The seal of the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country is weakening day by day, so the commander of the Nelphrugia Knights must relieve the emperor's concerns with loyalty.]

In short, it was an imperial order to subjugate the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country. As soon as I received the order, a sense of pressure came over me to the point where any mission I had been in charge of until now felt like a joke.

It was hard to guess what kind of desperate struggle it would be. In the end, I left the will that I had written for the first time in my office.

"If I don't come back, please deliver this to the family. And the next commander..."

I had prepared for death and designated a successor in advance. With that much determination, I arrived here. But the current situation was flowing as if mocking me, who had been like that.

It was all because of one man bowing his head right in front of me. From the moment I first encountered him, I was convinced that he was the nemesis, Netionpies, the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country.

... After talking for a little while, it was true that I thought he might not be him. But it was just for a fleeting moment. I never took back my conviction.

It's not just because it's an issue directly related to the security of the Eld Empire.

qi was overflowing from around the man. It is a strong Evilthat can charm even a suitable strong person in an instant.

I've never seen such an existence before.

Whether he knows that I feel the Evilor not, the man is rambling all kinds of excuses.

'This man's nonsense is really like oil on his tongue.'

Regret was rising.

'Was Netionpies such a man? That Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country?'

For now, he seems to be thinking of quietly going over and mixing with the human world, but I will not allow that. I decided to respond appropriately to Netionpies' words and examine his reaction.

"Um... has your suspicion been resolved?"

Netionpies said while maintaining a humble attitude. And I replied.

"If what you say is true, it's a big deal. It means that a dangerous nemesis is roaming outside. I wonder what kind of wicked things he is plotting now..."

I spoke readily so that I would look like a foolish woman who does not erase her suspicion, but on the other hand, thinks about other possibilities.

'I'll play along with the rhythm.'

I didn't matter if I executed Netionpies right now. But that was the story when Netionpies attacked head-on.

For some reason, he was trying to deceive me with a humble attitude. It's unexpected that Netionpies seems stupid, but it was rather good for me in my situation.

By chance, unlike usual, I am gathering the energy of my body and disguising myself as weaker than necessary. A stupid female knight who dares to subjugate the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country with childish ambition.

That was the mask I was wearing right now.

'If he can't deny that he is the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country, he will reveal his true nature and try to kill me. While off guard.'

When I thought that the image of a somewhat foolish female knight had been established to some extent, I made a move.

"If you're really not the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country, let's check."

"What... do you mean?"

"Feces. I'm talking about excrement. The Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country is immortal. Since there is no need for metabolic activity, there can be no feces. But it would be different if you were an ordinary human, right?"

I thought it was a perfect logic.

There's no way he could have gone to excrete in the short moment the door opened.

To my words, Nepionties rather spewed out sophistry in anger.

"Hey. If someone asked you to show them what underwear you're wearing today, would you innocently show them?"

"That's different!"

"Then, conversely, if a man you don't even know asked you to show him what you ate today and what you shat out, would you show it to him?"

It was truly filthy and vile behavior. It's not even worth listening to. If you think about it a little, it doesn't make sense...

...

Huh? Why does it seem to make sense?

I felt like my thinking stopped for a moment. I'm desperately trying to point out the loopholes in the logic by turning and turning my brain.

'Why do I have to think about this seriously?'

While I was pondering for a long time, one possibility flashed through my mind.

'It's a trick. He must have used a trick to reduce the ability to think. As expected, he is vile like Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country!'

I'm glad I realized it now. Once I realized it, the thinking flowed simply and clearly, and my mind became clear.

... Anyway, that's how I felt.

'Sophistry is not countered by intellect!'

I opened my mouth while moving my lips.

"Keuk... I...! Iruealfi of the Nelphrugia Knights of the Eld Empire. I will not respond to such a vile transaction. I will look if I want to see it, and I will not look if I don't want to see it! Get out of the way, I'm going to execute my duties."

Sophistry is countered with power. That was the brilliant idea I came up with. On the one hand, I do not reveal my true identity and make people mistake me for a regular knight to make the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country careless.

If the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country, who is finally cornered to the point where his identity will be revealed, tries to attack me, I will dismember him into five pieces by taking advantage of his carelessness. The hunter reverses the habit of not thinking that he will become prey.

That was the perfect plan I had planned.

... But is it right to suppress him with power when he is the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country?

◇

The moment I heard her - Iruealfi's words, I felt dumbfounded and at the same time, my hair stood on end.

'Crazy!'

I could represent all my feelings with just two letters.

'Why is the strongest person in the world here?'

I didn't even guess. I had no idea that this woman would be Iruealfi.

Full name Iruealfi Yustiha. She was the DLC boss of the latest game. Unlike me, who is an Easter egg, she is a character with proper narratives and setting books released.

Of course, I attacked Iruealfi in the game, but it was closer to a raid that mobilized various NPCs and devices. In the first place, she was a boss who made it impossible to clear solo with bare hands.

Iruealfi was the only boss with such a gimmick throughout the series.

The reason I didn't recognize her, who I had already seen once, was because of the presence or absence of heavy armor.

From the first encounter to the end of the raid, she was always heavily armed all over her body. She revealed nothing but her ash-gray hair that dragged on the ground. Above all, she was a bizarre boss who didn't even let out a groan even when she was hit.

The only sound she made was an unpleasant death cry like scratching a chalkboard.

If it wasn't for the strangely feminine name and setting book, I would have never known that she was a woman.

'Wow, putting everything aside, she's really pretty... How did the production team think of hiding something like that?'

The white hair that comes down to her waist like silk seems to have absorbed the pale moonlight of midnight. Aren't her blue eyes, which are staring straight at me, like a lake released into a clear sky?

Her snow-white and clean skin, which is not mixed with a single blemish, is so glossy that I wonder if her job is a knight.

It is a confusing meeting in many ways.

'But thanks to that, I know the timeline. It seems that the story has deviated a bit when I see that she has come to find me.'

If this continues, she will soon face a tragic event. As a result, Iruealfi loses everything and lives as a vengeful ghost.

'The DLC story begins when the protagonist discovers Iruealfi, who has completely destroyed the vast empire and has retired.'

This may be an opportunity. If I can stop Iruealfi's tragedy, she will owe me a debt.

Even if it is revealed that I am the Ruined Noble of a Ruined Country, a debt to the extent that she will not try to kill me...

'Stop Iruealfi's blackening! That will be my second step for my safety.'

The first step is about to be taken now.

The great first step to somehow make my poop Schrödinger's poop...!