I'm Forever on Hold (BL)

Silence was the only thing accompanying Semiel as he walked through the empty streets. The night was cold, but not enough to distract him from the weight in his chest. Antonella's kiss still burned on his lips, a constant reminder of what he had just done, of what he had accepted.

He had escaped from Antonella, murmuring only a goodbye and trying to leave as quickly as possible. Every step felt heavy. He didn't know if it was guilt or fear. His mind kept replaying the image of Saval discovering the truth. If that happened… if he found out what he had done, everything would be over. He would lose his friendship, his trust, their bond—everything they had ever shared. And he was sure he wouldn't be able to bear it.

Semiel clenched his fists, trying to find some justification, some excuse that would make him feel less filthy. But there was none. Antonella had him trapped, and he had surrendered.

When he got home, he collapsed onto the bed without even changing. He stared at the ceiling, hoping sleep would find him quickly, but his mind was not willing to grant him rest. The image of Antonella, her satisfied smile, her voice whispering that he had no escape… it all haunted him.

"Saval… save me, please."

The next day came too quickly. Semiel got up with his body tense, feeling the exhaustion weighing on his shoulders. He looked at himself in the mirror and barely recognized himself. His reflection stared back with dark circles under his eyes and an empty gaze. He was turning into someone he didn't want to be.

He had no desire to go to university, but he knew he had to. If he didn't go, Antonella would notice. And if she noticed something… well, he had already learned that it wasn't a good idea to challenge her.

When he arrived, everything seemed louder than usual. The laughter of his classmates, the sound of doors closing, the conversations in the hallways… Everything felt foreign, distant. As if he were watching a life that no longer belonged to him.

—Semiel! —Saval's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

He turned, his heart beating rapidly. Seeing his best friend there, smiling at him as always, as if nothing had changed, made something break inside him. Because things had changed. Everything had changed.

—Hey —he responded, trying to sound normal.

—Are you okay? You look… off —Saval looked at him with a frown.

—I just didn't sleep well.

"I couldn't sleep while thinking about you and what would happen if you found out everything that's going on."

—Are you sure? —Saval kept staring at him—. You look… I don't know, drained.

—I'm fine. Really —Semiel said, forcing a smile.

Saval didn't seem convinced, but he didn't insist. Instead, he gave him a light punch on the shoulder and smiled.

—Well, if you need to talk, you know I'm here, okay?

—Actually, I need to talk to you. I want to talk about yesterday. I'm sorry I didn't speak to you properly and that I disregarded your feelings.

—Don't worry, I acted impulsively too. I know you care about me, but I hope you can respect my choices, alright?

—Y…yeah.

Guilt twisted inside Semiel even more. Because yes, Saval was there. He had always been there. And he… he was betraying him in the worst way possible.

The day dragged on slowly, with Semiel feeling the weight of Antonella's presence in every moment. She didn't seek him out, but he knew she was close. She was always close.

When classes ended, Saval insisted on walking home with him. Semiel hesitated but couldn't find a good excuse to say no. So they walked together, silent at first, until Saval spoke.

—You know you can trust me, right?

Semiel's heart stopped for a second. He looked at Saval, feeling a lump in his throat. He wanted to talk. He wanted to tell him everything, to confess what he had done, what Antonella was forcing him to do. But… he couldn't. If he did, if he spoke, Antonella would make good on her threats. And he couldn't risk that. He couldn't lose him.

—I know, Saval —Semiel said, nodding.

Saval studied him carefully, as if trying to figure him out. Then he sighed.

—Alright. But if something is wrong, tell me, okay?

Semiel could only nod again.

When they reached the corner where they usually parted ways, Saval stopped and crossed his arms.

—It's Antonella, isn't it?

Semiel's stomach sank.

—What?

—She's bothering you again. I know it. I've seen the way she looks at you in class, and you… you act different when she's around. Like you're tense all the time.

Semiel felt his whole body freeze. Saval was more observant than he had thought.

—It's nothing —he tried to say, but his voice sounded too forced.

—I don't believe you —Saval replied immediately.

Semiel gritted his teeth. If they kept going down this path, Saval would figure out the truth. And he couldn't let that happen.

—Just… drop it, okay? I don't want to talk about it.

Saval frowned, clearly annoyed, but he nodded slowly.

—Alright. But if you change your mind, I'll be here.

Semiel felt a mix of relief and sadness. Because no matter how much he wanted to trust his friend, the reality was that he couldn't anymore. Antonella had won. And he was trapped in her game.

As he walked away, he felt the weight of guilt suffocating him even more. Because Saval trusted him. Because Saval still believed he could count on his friendship.

But the truth was, Semiel no longer knew if there was anything left in him worth saving.