I'm Forever on Hold (BL)

Semiel wandered aimlessly through the university hallways, his mind a whirlwind of chaotic thoughts. Santiago's words echoed in his head, repeating over and over like a cruel refrain he couldn't escape.

"If you keep this up, it will destroy you."

He knew it. Deep down, he had always known. But accepting it was another story.

His restless steps led him to the library. Not because he needed to study or because he had any interest in reading at that moment, but because it was the only place where he could be alone without raising suspicion. He collapsed into a corner table, resting his head in his hands. His breathing was unsteady, and it felt like the air around him was growing heavier by the second.

"I need to get out of this," he muttered to himself, though the thought alone seemed impossible.

He couldn't talk to Saval. Not after pushing him away so much. And now Santiago knew too much. It was only a matter of time before everything collapsed on him.

"Semiel?"

His head shot up at the sound of his name.

Antonella stood before him, her expression a mix of curiosity and mild amusement. Her presence sent an involuntary shiver down his spine.

"I've been looking for you," she said, sliding into the seat across from him without waiting for an invitation.

Semiel tried to compose himself, but his tense posture gave him away. Antonella watched him with sharp eyes, a knowing smirk playing on her lips.

"Why are you avoiding me?" she asked, her tone sweet—too sweet.

"I'm not avoiding you," he answered firmly, though his voice betrayed a slight tremor.

She propped an elbow on the table, resting her chin in her hand.

"Then what's wrong? You've been distant lately. I thought we were… close."

A knot formed in Semiel's stomach. Every word from Antonella's lips felt like a carefully placed trap.

"I've been busy," he said flatly, hoping that would be enough.

But Antonella was never satisfied with vague answers. Her expression shifted subtly, the fake sweetness giving way to something more calculating.

"Did you talk to someone?" she asked, her tone too casual.

A chill ran down Semiel's spine.

Did she know something? Or was she just waiting for him to slip up?

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied quickly.

Antonella narrowed her eyes as if analyzing his every move.

"You'd better not," she murmured before flashing him another smile and standing up. "See you later, Semiel."

She walked away with the same effortless grace she always carried, leaving him with a racing heart. His hands trembled slightly, and he had to force himself to keep them still.

This was bad. Everything was bad.

But how could he escape without making things even worse?

From a distance, Santiago watched Semiel.

He had seen him talking to Antonella, and even from afar, the tension on his face was unmistakable. That only confirmed his suspicions.

He couldn't stand by and do nothing. Not this time.

Determined, he turned on his heel and walked away.

He had to do something before it was too late.

That same afternoon, in the university café, Saval spotted Antonella sitting alone at a table, sipping her coffee with her usual calm. Without hesitation, he approached and sat across from her.

"Hey, Antonella! Do you have a minute?"

Antonella arched a brow, a small smirk playing on her lips.

"For you, Saval, I always have a minute. Do you want to hear my answer to your confession?"

Saval blinked, caught off guard. "Uh—no, I mean—wait, what? No! I wanted to ask if you know what's going on with Semiel."

His voice carried genuine concern.

Antonella tilted her head slightly, feigning innocence.

"Why do you ask?"

Saval narrowed his eyes. He knew this side of her all too well—this was how she acted when she was hiding something.

I might like her a lot, but even I know when she's keeping secrets.

"He seems off. You're always around him, so I figured you'd know something."

Antonella smiled, that calculated expression of hers never wavering.

"Maybe he's just stressed," she suggested. "University can be overwhelming."

"Antonella," Saval's tone hardened. "Don't play games with me. Something's wrong, and you know it."

Antonella stayed silent for a moment, taking a slow sip of her coffee. Then, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table as her sharp gaze locked onto his.

"Saval, why do you care so much about Semiel?"

Saval crossed his arms.

"Because he's my friend. And if he's in trouble, I want to know."

Her smile widened just a little.

"How noble," she whispered. "But if you really want to help him, maybe you should ask him instead of coming to me."

"He won't tell me anything. But what I do know is that ever since he's been around you, he's worse. What did you do to him?!"

Antonella didn't react immediately. She simply watched him, her expression unreadable. Then, she let out a soft sigh and shrugged.

"I have nothing to do with how Semiel feels," she said, finishing her coffee and standing up. "But it's cute how much you care. It makes you look… special."

Without another word, she walked away, her steps slow and deliberate.

Saval was left with a sinking feeling in his gut.

He knew Antonella was lying.

What he didn't know was just how deep Semiel's problem ran.

Saval had never been someone who doubted his own emotions. He had always been direct, honest with himself.

But when it came to Antonella, everything turned into a tangled mess of contradictions.

Sitting on a bench outside the university, elbows resting on his knees, his gaze lost on the ground, he wondered—

Did he still like Antonella?

He remembered the first time he saw her. They had been just kids, but even then, there had been something about her that drew him in, as if her presence had a magnetic pull. Her confidence, her laughter, the way she always seemed a step ahead of everyone else. For a long time, he had idealized her.

But lately… something had changed.

Every time he looked at her, he no longer felt that rush in his chest, that familiar nervous excitement. Instead, all that remained was discomfort, a nagging doubt he couldn't shake.

She's changed in the last three years. She's different now.

Are you still lying to yourself, Saval?

He had tried to explain away his fading feelings as something natural, just the passage of time. After all, sometimes emotions just faded without reason.

But deep down, he knew that wasn't it.

Antonella hadn't just changed in his perception. She had changed in her very essence.

Or maybe… he had simply opened his eyes.

He had seen her manipulative side, the way she used people, how easily she could lie with a smile on her lips. At first, it had been subtle, little things that seemed insignificant. But now… now it was impossible to ignore.

And yet, despite everything, there was still a part of him that couldn't let go of her completely.

Is it attachment? Am I just clinging to what I used to feel? Or have I just been refusing to accept the truth?

He couldn't deny that a small part of him kept searching for that spark in her, the light that had once captivated him.

But every time he thought he saw it, another image took its place—

The way she spoke to Semiel.

Her smiles, always carrying something more than simple amusement.

The way she seemed to enjoy having control over people.

Saval clenched his fists.

No.

This wasn't love anymore. Not even attraction.

It was just a shadow of what he had once felt—more habit than real desire.

Realizing that hurt.

But at the same time, it felt like he was finally free.

When did everything start to go so wrong?