Into The Thrill

"Can I touch you, is that alright?"
"…Do you have to ask every single time?"

"I thought you said not to touch you yesterday. It’s not like you’re underage."
His warm hands, filled with a sense of warmth, were ultimately just tools for achieving his purpose. His body was optimized for fulfilling his objectives.
With his striking appearance, lips and tongue adept at kissing, his warm hands that seemed to draw tears when touched, and his habitually thoughtful demeanor, all were merely part of him.

Among all the men Haewon had met, he could certainly be considered the most superior. The lower part of this male, which he had yet to experience, would undoubtedly be the finest among them.
It was uncertain how long such feelings would last or what he was thinking, but once his purpose was fulfilled, he would discard Haewon without a second thought, just as he had done with Taeshin. Worrying about such things felt like a dirty emotion.
Taeshin had always been doing this.

Such filthy feelings...
“I don’t want to teach someone six years older.”
“That sounds like you’re telling me to decide for myself.”

"..."
Haewon, who had tried not to get involved with the person his deceased friend had a crush on, was now spreading his legs in front of him. It seemed the natural course of things for him. Everything was going according to his plan. Haewon had crawled on all fours to him and first embraced his shoulders, indulging in his lips for an indeterminable time.
Looking quietly into Haewon’s languid eyes, Hyun Woo-jin kissed him again. While kissing, Haewon wrapped his arms around his neck, surrendering his flesh to his skillful lips and tongue. As Haewon licked and lightly sucked his tongue, pulling it into his mouth, Hyun Woo-jin suddenly broke the kiss and lifted his head.

“I told you not to take off your clothes without dignity.”
"Haah..."
Haewon barely suppressed his breath that was just heating up. He looked at him, not understanding what he was saying.

“You think I’m doing this because I just want to try it?”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“You think I’m just like anyone else to you, that you’ll spread your legs for me?”

"..."
“Am I wrong?”
Haewon was becoming more confused. If not that, then what was he doing? The fiancée who died five years ago, the friend who pitied her, the people he met in hotels like they were accessories. To him, Haewon was no different from them.
“Just like you do with everyone, you’re asking me to do the same.”

“I’m not just anyone.”
"…You’re the most anyone of anyone."
He did not acknowledge his objectivity. Whether it was because of petty loyalty to his friend, or fear of emotions he had yet to experience, he wanted to avoid it altogether. One thing was clear: Haewon was not going to end up like his carnivorous fiancée or Lee Taeshin, his daily sustenance.

Hyun Woo-jin sighed. His eyes, mixed with deep regret and hesitation, suddenly turned cold. He sat up. His hands fell away from Haewon’s body. He brushed back his hair and got out of the bed.
Haewon followed his movements, lying sprawled on the bed in disarray.
“I need to go.”

It was an unexpected remark. He had been here for ten, no, not even twenty minutes.
Haewon fumbled as he sat up and straightened his upper body. Proving that his words were not false, Hyun Woo-jin put on the jacket he had draped over the chair.
“Answer the phone. Even if it’s past midnight, if you’re awake, answer it.”

"…Are you leaving?"
“Just stopped by.”
“Why?”

“To see if yesterday was a dream or if I was mistaken.”
“Why leave just like that?”
"..."

He was puzzled. No one had ever left him like this before. No one had ever ignored him lying on the bed waiting for their touch. That was the nature of men he knew well.
His ability to turn away without quenching his risen desire genuinely puzzled him. He couldn’t believe it was possible, and as he looked with disbelief, Hyun Woo-jin merely smiled with his lips, finding it cute.
“I’m just not in the mood, so /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ I’m going.”

He adjusted his shirt sleeves that had rolled up inside the jacket arm.
“You let me touch you.”
"..."

Haewon gripped the edge of the sheet and looked at him. Hyun Woo-jin blinked back, approaching him. Haewon raised his head towards him.
“I don’t eat what’s given like charity. No use looking at me like that. It doesn’t work. If I had planned to stop after a few tries, I wouldn’t have come here at all.”
"..."

“Do you think I don’t know that you handle those who bother you by sleeping with them once and then ending it?”
“It’s not like that.”
“It was like that. If I hadn’t stopped you from touching last night, you would have owned today. Your pretty voice would have been hoarse for days from screaming so much.”

The words were utterly incomprehensible. Their eyes met.
“When you feel like clinging to me, then take it off. That’s what dignity is.”
In fact, such feelings had arisen when he had hidden him behind his back and protected Lee Jin-young. Haewon had not yet admitted he had those feelings.

Hyun Woo-jin said nothing more to the bewildered Haewon and left the officetel.
∞ ∞ ∞
With Choi’s absence reducing the number of violins, Haewon was fortunate enough to rejoin the HanKyung Symphony. Thanks to one of the ragtag team members who had joined together for money recently actively recommending him, he was able to reenter after a blind audition against other candidates. Although modest, the regular income was encouraging. Having experienced all sorts of things after his father cut off his support, Haewon humbly decided to put all his earnings into savings, occasionally withdrawing cash advances using his father’s card to deposit into his savings account.

With a regular concert approaching, the orchestra’s practice schedule was tight. Henry Chang had been enlisted as the guest performer. He was scheduled to return to the country just a few days before the performance. Haewon managed to leave the practice room only when the night turned dark.
The concert hall was located in a secluded area, and almost all the members drove there, with Haewon being the only one who used public transport. As the members left the hall, they all headed to the underground parking lot. Haewon got off the elevator first and passed through the darkened lobby alone. The sound of his footsteps eerily echoed in the dark.
Heading to the taxi stand, Haewon turned his head at the sound of a car horn. Hyun Woo-jin’s gray car was there.

He counted the days since they last spoke. He had not answered his calls. Not because he wasn’t ready to listen, but because he was practicing. If it hadn't been for practice, he might have answered, but it seemed like he only called during practice times. Haewon saw his missed calls but did not contact him.
The gray car stopped in front of Haewon. The car window remained motionless. It seemed as if he knew it was him and was telling him to just get in. Haewon opened the passenger door and got into his car. Hyun Woo-jin took his violin case and placed it in the back seat.
“Why don’t you answer the phone? I’m not so idle that I can keep holding onto the phone just to talk to you.”

“I don’t answer calls during practice.”
“I called several times.”
“Each time, I was practicing.”

"..."
He didn't press the issue any further. It seemed he didn't think Haewon was lying. Haewon had never told him that he had rejoined HanKyung Symphony. They weren't the type of people who exchanged such detailed aspects of their lives.
Haewon was curious about how he knew where he was, what time it ended, and how he ended up here, but he didn't ask.

The car started moving. It wasn't headed toward Haewon's officetel.
He silently looked out the car window when something took Haewon's hand. Haewon turned his head. He saw Hyeon Woojin's determined profile as he kept his eyes on the road. His right hand took Haewon's left hand and held it. When Haewon tried to pull his hand away, Hyeon Woojin intertwined their fingers, gripping tightly so that Haewon couldn't escape. Haewon looked at him with suspicious eyes.
He asked.

"Where are your gloves?"
"I lost them."
In truth, someone from the orchestra had seen the brand of Haewon's gloves and, without asking, tried them on. Gloves weren't something you shared with others. Somehow, they felt stretched out, and Haewon could swear they now smelled of someone else, so he just told the person to take them. Unaware that Haewon was cursing internally, that person had happily accepted the gloves, chuckling at how they were still a luxury brand.

"Take care of them. Your hands are cold."
His hand, which was layered over Haewon's cold one, was warm. It radiated warmth. Hyeon Woojin continued to drive, still holding Haewon's hand. As the warmth from his hand spread, Haewon's hand gradually warmed up, but Hyeon Woojin didn't let go.
The car stopped at a skyline with a view of Seoul's nightscape. He shifted the gear to park without releasing Haewon's hand. Holding hands, Haewon looked at the nightscape stretching before them.

It was a view worth taking time for. Seeing the city lights while holding someone's hand wasn’t something Haewon would have thought to do, no matter how he tried to make it fit with Hyeon Woojin. Haewon wasn't into such things either. He looked at him, silently protesting this awkward act.
"Don't look at my face, look at the night view. I brought you here to see it."
His eyes captured the night skyline. Haewon looked down at their hands still clasped together. Then he turned his gaze toward the view.

The city seen from above sparkled like a jewel in the usual clichéd way. It was a sight that could also be seen from Haewon's officetel window, but from a higher place, farther away, the city appeared more intricate and shimmered more transparently, like a world from a fairytale, much different from what he saw from his own window.
After staring outside for a while, Haewon felt a gaze and turned his head. Hyeon Woojin was looking at him. They were still holding hands. When Haewon tried to pull his hand away, Hyeon Woojin gripped it with such force that he couldn't escape. Giving in, Haewon decided to let him do whatever he wanted and relaxed his hand. Only then did Hyeon Woojin comfortably hold it.
It was an uneasy feeling. He had asked to be in a relationship. It seemed sincere, and that made Haewon even more uneasy.

Haewon wasn’t stupid like Taeshin, unable to tell the difference between sincerity and lies. Just as he had been mistaken for Taeshin's friend, Hyeon Woojin arrogantly thought that treating Haewon like Taeshin would make him love him back and not ignore him. He didn’t even understand Haewon.
"How many people have you dated?"
Hyeon Woojin’s face looked shocked at Haewon's question.

"Do you count those? Is that what kids these days do?"
He spoke as if he were from an older generation, even though he was only six years older than Haewon. Without answering Haewon's question, Hyeon Woojin skillfully turned it back.
"How many have you dated?"

"I’ve never counted. There are so many that even using my fingers and toes wouldn’t be enough."
"I don't believe it."
It wasn’t a lie. It was true. Haewon glared at him in frustration.

"It’s true."
"But why are you acting so awkward just holding hands?"
"......"

It was because Haewon had never done that kind of thing. When eyes met, the body followed. He’d never just held hands and watched the night view in a car.
"It's hard to meet often because I'm busy."
The night he came to Haewon’s officetel, he laid Haewon down on the bed, did nothing, and left. That night had already been several days ago.

If Hyeon Woojin’s number hadn’t appeared on Haewon’s phone, he might have thought that, like with others who eventually wanted to end things, Hyeon Woojin would have stopped their meetings without saying anything. By coincidence, Hyeon Woojin called during practice, and Haewon couldn’t answer. But the few days apart didn’t signal an end to their relationship.
"I’ll come if I have time."
"Do whatever you want."

Hyeon Woojin just quietly smiled at Haewon's indifferent response. He left their hands clasped, and his other hand suddenly reached for Haewon’s face. Haewon stood still as he saw the hand approaching. It was about to touch his cheek for a kiss.
He knew exactly what would come next. He would kiss him and then move closer, the backrest would lean back. The sudden leaning back of the seat would make his heart race, but this time he had decided not to be surprised. He wouldn’t freeze even if the center of gravity suddenly shifted.
While Haewon was mentally preparing and calculating, Hyeon Woojin’s hand went against his expectations and patted Haewon’s crown gently, like he was petting a dog or a cat. Haewon’s eyes shot open in disbelief. Hyeon Woojin continued to stroke his head.

"You’re cuter than I thought."
"......"
It was overly affectionate and made him look like a fool. Hyeon Woojin, who didn’t seem the type to do something like this, stroked Haewon’s head naturally before pulling away.

Hyeon Woojin knew exactly how Haewon had been with others, having learned it vividly from Lee Jinyeong.
Haewon could have slept with him many times. He didn’t need to pretend to be affectionate in a way that didn’t suit him. He could have slept with him without it.
"What are you doing? Who are you pretending to be a college student for?"

It was something even kids these days wouldn’t do. With his not-so-young appearance and age, he was acting in a youthful way.
"Don’t take your clothes off in front of another guy. If you promise, I’ll hug you then."
"Who’s asking to be hugged?"

"You’ll ask first, and then I’ll do it."
"It won’t happen."
"You’ll be the one to ask."

Like playing a game, Hyeon Woojin was trying to mess with Haewon's psychology.
"I might never want to take my clothes off in front of you."
"You will. I’ll make it happen."

He said it was only natural for him to bring Haewon down, as if it wasn’t a big deal.
The car was warm from the heater. The turtleneck wrapped around Haewon's neck suddenly felt suffocating. He stretched the cashmere at his neck and twisted his hand, asking to be let go. Hyeon Woojin didn’t let go. After watching the night view for a while, when drowsiness and fatigue started to creep in, Hyeon Woojin drove the car back to the officetel.
"Instead of saying things like 'open up' or 'don’t be overboard because you’re not serious,' say that. This is uncomfortable. Or just lock my dad up again."

Haewon spoke to him as he parked the car. They were taking this course too far, emphasizing that they were in a relationship.
When Haewon got out of the car, Hyeon Woojin followed him. He reached out for Haewon’s violin case, but Haewon refused. Although the wooden case was heavy, even when it felt heavy on days when Haewon wasn’t feeling well, he had never let anyone else handle it. He had never trusted anyone with his violin before, and he wasn’t about to start now.