ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!

I don't remember how long it was. All I recall is the shaking. When we finally stopped, they removed the blindfold and untied my wrists. My vision was blurry, and my muscles ached. "Two or three days, maybe? Who knows. All I remember is being fed whenever we stopped and hearing chatter around—probably in some town or village. But hey, how would I know? I was blindfolded the whole time."

As I adjusted to the light, I stretched my arms and looked around. "Hey, guards."

"What?" one replied gruffly, clearly annoyed.

"Where are we?" I asked, trying to spot any landmarks.

The guard rolled his eyes. "Just relax and wait till we reach the capital."

I groaned, leaning back against the bars. "Ugh, fine... By the way—"

"What now, crazy guy?" the guard interrupted, his tone sharp.

I grinned. "Chill, man! What's with the tone? Hehehe."

Another guard chuckled, shaking his head. "This guy never shuts up, does he?"

"Never," another agreed, laughing.

"Hey, I'm just keeping things lively around here," I smirked. "You'd miss me if I stayed quiet."

Their groans and laughter filled the air as the wagon rumbled onward.

"Guards?" I called out again, leaning slightly toward the bars of the moving cage.

"What now? Can you just be silent for a minute?" one snapped, his patience wearing thin.

I raised an eyebrow. "Huh? I was already silent the whole time I was sleeping, right?"

The guard groaned. "Ugh... well, that's true. What do you want now?"

I smirked, tilting my head toward the roadside. "Look over there."

He frowned, following my gaze. "Where?"

"That girl," I whispered, nudging my head toward a passing traveler. "She's got nice boobs... ehehe."

The guard froze, his face blank, before letting out a frustrated groan. "You really are insane. Keep those thoughts to yourself, crazy guy!"

Another guard chuckled under his breath. "He's hopeless, isn't he?"

"What? I'm just appreciating the sights! You can't blame me for having taste," I replied, grinning mischievously.

The guards shook their heads, trying to ignore me as I leaned back with a smug look, humming to myself. "I'm just saying what you're all thinking, anyway."

I leaned closer to the bars, eyes glued to a girl walking by. "And wow… look at those curves, and that sway! Feewiittt!!" I whistled, unable to stop myself.

To my surprise, she turned her head and smiled—a sweet, radiant smile that could brighten the dreariest day.

"Hey beautiful! You've got a sweet smile, and you're pretty too!" I called out, my voice echoing down the road.

One of the guards groaned, smacking his forehead. "Can someone shut this guy up already?"

Another guard chuckled, nudging the first. "At least he's got guts. Flirting while in a moving cage? That's a new level of bold."

I grinned, puffing out my chest. "Hey, you can't chain up my spirit, boys. Beauty deserves appreciation!"

The girl laughed softly, giving a small wave before continuing on her way. I leaned back in the cage with a satisfied smirk. "See? She knows I've got good taste."

The guards shook their heads, muttering. One sighed heavily. "It's going to be a long journey with this one."

As the wagon rolled on, we passed another girl—this one even cuter than the last. I leaned forward and called out, "Cutie~ you are cute!" Then, dramatically, I threw her a flying kiss.

To my surprise, she caught it midair with a giggle and tossed one right back at me.

I leaned back in the cage, grinning like I'd just won a prize. "Oh~ it's nice to be this popular. What can I say? Some of us are born with it."

The guards groaned in unison. "Born with what? The ability to annoy everyone around you?"

One guard turned to me, clearly exasperated. "Can you stop flirting with every girl we pass? You're in a cage, for crying out loud!"

I shrugged with a smug smile. "Cage or no cage, charisma shines through, my friend. You wouldn't understand."

Another guard snorted. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Just wait until one of these girls has a brother or father who doesn't take kindly to prisoners throwing kisses."

I laughed, completely unfazed. "They wouldn't dare. Look at me—how could anyone stay mad at this face?"

The guards shook their heads, muttering about "crazy guy" and "longest trip ever."

As we passed yet another girl, my eyes widened. "Ohhhh!! Look at that girl's boobs—the firm and the jiggle... eheheh!"

The guards collectively groaned, one smacking his forehead. "Man, this guy is really crazy."

Another guard turned to me, exasperated. "Do you even hear yourself? You're in a cage, acting like you're at some festival ogling the dancers!"

I shrugged with a grin. "Hey, cage or not, a man has eyes. You can't expect me to ignore such beauty. It's practically a crime!"

The first guard leaned back, muttering, "No, you're the crime..."

Another smirked, "Keep talking, crazy guy. We'll make it to the capital with half the town thinking you're some lunatic pervert."

I gave them a proud grin. "Call it what you want, but I call it appreciating the finer things in life."

They shook their heads, clearly wondering how much longer they'd have to put up with me.

At the town gate, the guards squinted at the approaching carriage. One stepped forward, eyeing the cage with suspicion. "Oi, who's this?"

The escort guard smirked, jerking his thumb at me. "Oh, this? This is the crazy guy. Madam Shania asked us to bring him here."

I scoffed, pressing my face against the bars. "Hey, I'm not crazy! Quit calling me that!"

The gate guard raised an eyebrow, folding his arms. "Yeah, you look pretty crazy to me, locked up in that cage."

I retorted, pointing dramatically at the escort guards. "It's a misunderstanding! They're just jealous of my charm and my love life with Madam Shania!"

The escort guards burst into laughter, slapping their thighs. One managed to choke out, "Love life? With Madam Shania? You've really lost it, crazy guy!"

The gate guard scratched his head, confused. "Is he dangerous or just...?"

"Nah," the escort guard waved dismissively. "Just loud and annoying. We'll hand him off to the Central Office. Good luck with him after that."

"Hey!" I shouted, fuming. "I'm a respectable man! Someday, everyone will know my name!"

The gate guards exchanged looks and shook their heads. "Yeah, sure, crazy guy. Welcome to the capital."

As the carriage rolled into the bustling town center, the escort guards exchanged sly grins. One suddenly cupped his hands and shouted, "Slave for sale!!"

"Huh?!" I yelled, pressing against the bars. "What the hell are you saying?!"

The townsfolk stopped in their tracks, curious about the commotion. They began to gather, eyes glinting with interest.

"Wow, how much?" a man asked, stepping forward with a smirk.

"I'll give you 2 silver coins!" another chimed in.

I slammed my hands on the bars. "Oi! Stop joking around!"

A woman in the crowd raised her hand. "I'll pay 3 silver coins! Look at him; he's got potential!"

"Oi, that's not fair!" shouted a burly man. "I'll give 5 silver coins for him!"

The guards were nearly doubled over with laughter, their sly grins widening as the bidding escalated.

"You guys are insane!" I bellowed, my face red with frustration. "I'm not for sale! I'm a free man, damn it!"

One guard wiped tears from his eyes. "Relax, crazy guy. Just breaking the ice for your big entrance!"

"Entrance to what?!" I shot back, fuming.

"The Central Office, of course." They grinned and began shooing the amused crowd away. "Alright, show's over. Back to your business!"

As the carriage started moving again, I slumped back in the cage, grumbling, "I swear, when I get out of here, I'm making you all regret this…"

The guards chuckled, one tossing me a mock salute. "We'll take our chances, crazy guy!"

( End of Chapter )