KamiKowa: That Time I Got Transmigrated With A Broken Goddess

For a heartbeat, neither of them moved. Then Ashley's composure shattered.

She lunged forward with a force that almost pitched them both off the tower. Xavier grunted as she collided with him, landing in his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck so tightly he could barely breathe. The crossbow clattered forgotten against the wooden planks.

Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, hot against the frozen air. Her whole body shook with tremors that had nothing to do with the wind. Xavier felt them run through her—violent waves of relief, like a dam finally giving way after holding back an ocean.

"I thought I was losing my mind," she whispered against his shoulder, the words muffled and broken. "That I was just another ghost in someone else's life."

Xavier's arms came up around her automatically, one hand settling between her shoulder blades, the other cradling the back of her head.

"You're not insane," he said quietly. "You're exactly who you've always been."

Ashley pulled back just enough to look at him, her eyes red-rimmed but blazing with something between fury and gratitude. "Do you have any idea what it's been like? Living with memories that aren't mine, speaking to people who think they know me, pretending to be someone I'm not every single day?"

"Actually, yes." Xavier reached up to brush a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "I've been Xavien for two weeks now. Trust me, I understand."

"Xavien." She tested the name, her voice still shaky. "That's what they call you here."

"And you're Efler. Though I have to say, it suits you better than I expected."

That earned him a watery laugh. "Don't. Just... don't be charming right now. I can't handle it."

But even as she said it, Ashley was studying his face with the same focused intensity she'd always had. Her fingers traced the line of his jaw, as if confirming he was real. "Your eyes are different. Blue instead of purple. And your hair..."

"Black instead of white, I know. You look different too. But your expressions are exactly the same. The way you analyze everything, the way you—"

"Stop." Ashley's cheeks flushed pink as she suddenly registered the intimacy of their position. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck, their faces so close their breath mingled in the cold air. "Oh god. What did I just…"

She tried to scramble away. A sudden gust of wind rattled the watchtower, and for a second she tilted precariously. Xavier's arms tightened around her waist, holding her steady.

"Easy," he murmured. "Don't add 'falling to your death' to your list of mortifying experiences today."

The quiet firmness in his voice made her stop squirming. She looked at him warily, as if expecting him to mock her breakdown.

"You're allowed to fall apart," Xavier said. "You've been carrying this alone for two weeks. Anyone would have cracked under that pressure."

"I don't fall apart," she said stiffly, failing to mask the tremor in her voice. "I handle things. I protect people. I don't… I don't cry on some tower like a damsel in a bad holo-novel."

"Right now, you're not protecting anyone but yourself. And that's okay."

Ashley stared at him for a long moment, something vulnerable and uncertain flickering across her features. "I dreamed about you," she admitted suddenly. "About all of you. Calypso, Naomi, Andrew..." Her voice caught on her brother's name. "I've been so worried about Andrew."

"As far as I know, he's safe at the academy." Xavier said gently.

The tension in her face dissolved, a wave of relief so profound it was almost painful to watch. But it lasted only a heartbeat before being replaced by a familiar, protective fire—the true-north of her personality.

"He better be. If anything happened to him while I was stuck in this frozen wasteland..."

"He's fine. And we're going to get back to him."

"How can you be so sure?"

Xavier's mouth quirked up in a half-smile. "Because I've got you on my side now. And you're scary when you're motivated."

That earned him a genuine laugh, though Ashley immediately tried to cover it with a scowl. "Flattery isn't going to make me forget that I just made a complete fool of myself."

"You didn't make a fool of yourself. You recognized someone you trust and reacted accordingly."

"I don't—" Ashley started to protest, then stopped. Her eyes narrowed. "Wait. Trust? When did I say anything about trust?"

Xavier's smile widened. "About five minutes ago. Something about trusting me with anything, but also wanting to shake me until my teeth rattled?"

The flush that spread across Ashley's cheeks was spectacular. She buried her face in her hands with a groan. "I cannot believe I said that out loud."

"I thought it was sweet."

"Sweet?" Ashley's head snapped up, her eyes flashing. "I am not sweet. I am—"

"Terrifying when angry, yes, I remember," Xavier finished for her, not even bothering to hide his grin. "But you're also sweet. Especially when you're trying not to be."

Ashley glared at him, but the effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that she was still sitting in his lap with tear tracks on her cheeks. "I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"I hate that you're right about that."

The admission ripped a genuine laugh from Xavier, the sound echoing across the empty mountainside. "There's the Ashley I know. For a minute there, I was worried you'd gone completely soft."

"I am not soft," she said indignantly. "I've been leading caravans through monster-infested mountain passes. I am the furthest thing from soft."

"You're also sitting in my lap crying happy tears."

Ashley's mouth worked silently for a moment, utterly failing to produce a retort. She finally settled on scrambling off his lap so fast she nearly toppled over and putting several feet of grooved planking between them.

"That was... that was a momentary lapse in judgment. It won't happen again."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm serious, Valentine. This doesn't change anything between us."

"Of course not."

"I'm still not interested in your whole 'mysterious cousin loving bad boy' routine."

"Wasn't planning on suggesting otherwise."

Ashley's eyes narrowed at his agreeable tone. "You're mocking me."

"I'm really not." Xavier stood up, brushing ice crystals off his cloak. "Though I have to ask—if you've been having dreams about all of us, you must know about Naomi too."

Her lips pressed into a thin line, and her shoulders went rigid. "What about Naomi?"

"She's here. In Frostfall. Goes by Nessa now."

"I see." Ashley's voice went carefully neutral. "The purple-haired woman who sleeps in your room."

"Our room, yes."

Ashley's eye twitched. "How convenient for you."

Ashley shook her head, her expression unreadable. "Naomi is a grown woman. She can make her own choices."

"Ashley—"

"Don't." She held up a hand. "I don't want to hear about your romantic entanglements. What happened up here was just... relief. Temporary insanity. It doesn't mean anything."

"Of course not."

"Good. As long as we understand each other."

"Crystal clear."

Ashley nodded sharply, then turned toward the ladder leading down from the tower. She paused at the precipice of the ladder, her back a rigid line against the sea of stars.

"Xavier?" Her voice was small, stripped of all its earlier fire.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." A pause. "For… confirming I wasn't losing my mind."

He watched her silhouette, the proud set of her shoulders that even now refused to slump.

"Anytime, Ashley."