MTLNOVEL Chapter 196: [196] Not Nothing
The directness of his question caught her off-guard. "I... I don't know."
It was the truth. In Vykengard, everything had seemed simpler. They'd been strangers in a strange land, finding comfort in each other's arms. But now, with Calypso's divine claim staked and Ashley's transformation complicating everything further...
"I want things to make sense," she admitted finally. "I want to know where I stand."
Xavier ran a hand through his hair. "I can't give you that. Not yet."
"Because of Calypso?"
"Because of everything." He gestured broadly at their surroundings. "We're wearing bodies that aren't ours, fighting a war we barely understand, in a world we never asked to join. And yes, because I have feelings for both of you, and I don't know what to do about that."
Margaret quietly excused herself, taking the dishes to the small stream nearby to wash them. Naomi barely noticed her go.
"When we were together in Vykengard," Naomi said carefully, "was it real? Or was I just... convenient?"
Xavier's expression softened. "It was real, Naomi. Every moment."
"But not real enough." She looked away, hating the vulnerability in her voice.
"It's not about 'enough.' It's about—"
A twig snapped nearby, and they both turned to see Calypso returning to the camp. Alone.
"Ashley's fine," she reported, brushing snow from her cloak. "She's created some kind of... shelter for herself. She says she prefers to sleep alone tonight."
"And you believed her?" Xavier asked.
"I didn't have much choice." Calypso sat down beside him, close enough that their shoulders touched. "She made it very clear she wanted to be left alone."
Naomi watched them sitting together, looking for all the world like they belonged that way. Something twisted in her chest—not quite jealousy, not quite resignation.
"I'll take the first watch," she announced, standing up.
"We don't need a watch," Calypso said.
"Then I'll take a walk." Naomi grabbed her cloak. "Don't wait up."
She stalked away from the fire, ignoring Xavier calling her name. The night air bit at her cheeks, but she welcomed the cold—it gave her something else to focus on besides the ache in her chest.
Naomi had never considered herself the jealous type. Her views on relationships had always been practical: enjoy what comes, don't expect forever. So why did seeing Xavier and Calypso together hurt so much?
Because you actually care about him, a small voice in her head answered.
She found a fallen log at the edge of the clearing and sat down, staring up at the unfamiliar stars of Frostfall. They seemed colder and more distant than the stars back home, like they were watching with indifference.
Movement caught her eye, and she turned to see Xavier approaching, his breath clouding in the frigid air.
"You shouldn't be out here alone," he said.
"I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."
He sat beside her, leaving a respectful distance between them. "I know you can."
For a long moment, neither spoke. Then Xavier pulled something from his pocket—a small silver object that caught the moonlight.
"Torval gave me this before we left," he said, holding it out for her to see. A locket on a delicate chain. "It belonged to Selene."
Naomi frowned. "Why would he give that to you?"
"I think he wants me to return it to her, when we find her." Xavier turned the locket over in his fingers. "If we find her."
"And if we do? What happens to Calypso?"
He didn't answer immediately. "I don't know. That's what I've been trying to figure out."
"And us?" Naomi asked quietly. "What happens to us?"
Xavier looked at her, his blue eyes reflecting the distant campfire. "I can't promise you anything, Naomi. Not now. But what we shared in Vykengard wasn't nothing. It wasn't just convenience or loneliness. It was real."
"But Calypso is your soulmate. Literally." She couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice. "How am I supposed to compete with that?"
"It's not a competition."
"Isn't it?" Naomi laughed without humor. "The way she looks at me says otherwise."
Xavier sighed, his breath forming a cloud between them. "I need time to figure this out. All of it. Can you give me that?"
Naomi wanted to say no. Wanted to demand an answer, a choice, a decision right now. But looking at the genuine conflict in his eyes, she found she couldn't.
"Fine," she said finally. "But don't expect me to sit quietly in the corner while you sort through your feelings."
A ghost of a smile touched his lips. "I would never expect that of you."
He stood, offering his hand to help her up. After a moment's hesitation, she took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet. His hand was warm despite the cold, and for a brief moment, she remembered the feel of those hands on her skin.
"We should get back," he said, releasing her hand. "Early start tomorrow."
Naomi nodded, following him back to camp where Calypso sat alone by the fire, her expression unreadable as she watched them approach. Margaret had already retired to one of the tents, and Ashley was nowhere to be seen.
"I'll take the third tent," Naomi announced, not looking at either of them. "Wouldn't want to disrupt anyone's beauty sleep."
Without waiting for a response, she ducked into the smallest of the three tents and pulled the flap closed behind her. She listened as Xavier and Calypso spoke in low voices outside, their words indistinct but their tones clear enough—caution from him, possessiveness from her.
Eventually, she heard them enter another tent together, and silence fell over the camp except for the crackle of the dying fire.
Naomi lay back on her bedroll, staring up at the canvas above her. She wasn't naive enough to think this was over. Whatever was happening between the four of them—Xavier, Calypso, herself, and the strangely transformed Ashley—was far from resolved.
As she drifted toward sleep, Naomi wondered which would prove more dangerous: the Winter Court they sought to defeat, or the tangled web of emotions they'd woven among themselves.