Konoha: Naruto's abnormal life choices

Here is your fully edited chapter in fluent English for a European and US audience, preserving the original length, tone, and consistent portrayal of Naruto Uzumaki:

The sky was overcast with thick, suffocating clouds.

Asuma took a long drag from his cigarette beside the freshly cleaned grave and slowly exhaled.

"Hoo~."

The tombstone of the Third Hokage stood among the graves of the previous three Hokage, not far away.

He stared at the bleak sky for what felt like forever, lost in thought.

Finally, he sighed deeply.

"Dad, don't worry… I'll protect the Sarutobi clan for you. I'll do my best to support Konohamaru in becoming Hokage one day. As for me… I'm not strong enough. Neither the village elders nor Lord Jiraiya will let me take charge."

"I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations."

He stubbed out the cigarette, turned, and slowly walked away.

It was time to return to the clan. His sister-in-law was planning to set a trap for someone, and he was a key part of the plan. He couldn't be gone for too long.

The sky threatened rain, and a light drizzle began to fall. Dozens of crows circled overhead, calling out sharply, unbothered by the weather.

As Asuma rounded a corner of the cemetery, a strangely dressed man appeared. He wore a straw hat that shielded his face from the rain and a black cloak patterned with red clouds. In all his nearly thirty years in Konoha, Asuma had never seen anyone dressed like that.

Under normal circumstances, he might have let it pass, but given Konoha's current weakened state, he had to be cautious.

"Excuse me—who are you?"

"Just someone bringing flowers," the man replied.

His voice sounded oddly familiar, though Asuma couldn't place it.

That made him even warier.

Frowning, Asuma moved his hands behind his back, slowly gripping the chakra blades on his waist, watching the stranger closely.

But the man showed no reaction to his defensive posture. Instead, he walked forward, pulling four bundles of chrysanthemums from his wide sleeve. He placed them one by one before the graves of the four Hokage, lingering longest at the Third's.

Asuma began to relax slightly—at least this man didn't seem openly hostile.

"Friend," he said, "you're not from Konoha, are you? The village is under lockdown. How did you get in?"

The man countered, "If I'm not from Konoha, then where am I from?"

Before Asuma could respond, the man added something that sent a chill down his spine:

"Asuma-senpai… did the Third ever tell you? I will never let anyone harm Sasuke."

"…?"

A question mark practically floated over Asuma's head.

Then the man raised the brim of his straw hat, revealing eyes glowing blood-red.

The Sharingan.

"You're… Uchiha Itachi—!"

"Tsukuyomi."

—

At the Sarutobi residence.

Naruto Uzumaki was holding Sarutobi Hazuki's graceful right hand, gently tracing a circle in her palm with his finger.

Hazuki wasn't annoyed. In fact, she looked at him with a smile, her tone soft.

"What do you see in my palm, Naruto-kun?"

"Don't rush," Naruto replied solemnly, his voice serious. "Let me feel it for a while longer."

"…What did you just say?"

"I said, I need to study it a little more to understand."

Despite his overly serious expression, Naruto kept slipping suggestive remarks that made Hazuki cover her mouth and laugh.

He really was an interesting boy. With a more refined face than the Fourth Hokage and a personality as charming as Lady Kushina's, it was easy to like him at first glance.

"Uzumaki Naruto, don't just read my mom's palm! Look at mine too!"

Konohamaru wedged his small hand between them. "Tell me—can I become Hokage?"

"You can."

"Really?"

"Really."

Naruto's casual response made Konohamaru grin and settle back into his seat, not even caring that Naruto was still holding his mother's hand.

Hazuki leaned one arm on the table, eyes gentle. "Well then, Naruto-kun, are you satisfied yet?"

Feeling that it would be improper to go any further, Naruto respectfully released her hand and said seriously,

"Madam, I can tell from your palm that something ominous is coming."

"Oh? And what sort of omen?" Hazuki asked, still amused. "How can I resolve it?"

"It won't be easy." Naruto sighed theatrically. "Madam, you'll be surrounded by danger. Only I can protect you. For your safety, don't stay more than three meters away from me."

"What?! Mom's in danger?" Konohamaru cried in alarm. "Uzumaki Naruto—I order you to protect her, do you hear me?"

Since Naruto had saved him once, Konohamaru believed every word.

"I promise to carry out Lord Konohamaru's command," Naruto declared solemnly.

"See, Mom? Naruto listens to me. He has to protect you."

"Watch your manners," Hazuki corrected gently, tugging on Konohamaru's ear. "Call him Naruto-nii, not 'Uzumaki Naruto.'"

"But I've always called him Uzumaki Naruto…"

"Brother Naruto," she insisted again, softly but with unmistakable authority in her eyes.

Naruto nearly melted under her gaze.

Konohamaru reluctantly lowered his head. "Brother Naruto…"

Hazuki released his ear and shifted her posture slightly. The movement caused the hem of her kimono to slide, revealing a glimpse of her smooth, pale legs and the elegant curve of her waist beneath the fabric.

She yawned, her voice growing drowsy. "Naruto-kun, could you take Konohamaru out for a walk? I'd like to rest for a bit."

"No way!" Konohamaru jumped up. "Didn't you hear Naruto-nii say you can't leave his side?"

Ah… what a foolish but sincere child.

Hazuki smiled, exasperated. "But I'm really sleepy, darling. If Naruto watches me while I sleep, he'll be exhausted too."

Konohamaru scratched his head, unsure what to say.

Naruto got up, preparing to take his leave. He didn't want to overstep—after all, his charm could only go so far. Flirting too much could have the opposite effect.

But before he could speak, Konohamaru shouted something utterly shocking:

"Then let Naruto-nii sleep with Mom!"

Naruto gave him a silent thumbs-up.

Hazuki answered that comment with a firm whack of a bamboo stick.

After scolding her son, she really was about to go rest when a maid burst into the room, her face pale with panic.

"Madam—something terrible has happened! Lord Asuma has been attacked!"

The guards patrolling Konoha had been knocked out by a genjutsu. Asuma was found seriously injured beside a cemetery, and rushed to Konoha Hospital. His condition was unknown.

A new intruder had infiltrated the village.

The news spread through Konoha like wildfire.