MTLNOVEL Chapter 619
First love is always just a bittersweet memory.
In life, most first experiences are soon forgotten. They occur during childhood to the extent that they’re hard to remember, or the emotions of that day become dulled over the years.
But there is one exception.
‘Love’ was different. Who was it that said men can’t forget their first love even after a lifetime?
The man was no exception.
He still remembered.
“From now on, you shall face several years of training together, through thick and thin.”
A puff of cigarette smoke escaped into the void.
The characteristic damp smell of the jungle, coupled with the sweltering heat of the blazing sun against the moisture-soaked earth and skin.
That day, the man met the girl for the first time.
A woman wearing a hooded hat that came down to her head, not hiding her round face.
Her fair skin did not match the intensely burning southern sun. Her blue eyes sparkled like jewels formed from the droplets of a lake, and her delicate features inspired thoughts of ‘loveliness’ in those who beheld her.
Perhaps the phrase ‘like a doll’ was prepared specifically for this day.
The teacher spoke.
“Firstborn.”
“Yes, huh? Ah, yes.”
The man, lost in thought, finally snapped back to reality. To have stared at a stranger for so long upon first meeting was quite the breach of etiquette.
However, he was the only one who seemed concerned about that fact in this place.
“This child is the second. In other words, she will be your junior… Although it will be hard to accept a complete stranger into your family now, I hope you will try your best.”
“Yes, yes…”
Even as he responded, the man could not shake his bewilderment.
In fact, he had heard of her.
The fighting dog of the Academy, a little devil of the Rainelle Clan.
In the space where a piece of youth had been dedicated, she was regarded as someone untouchable. It wouldn’t have been strange to face dire consequences for getting on her bad side.
She was that notorious.
Even the man, a year her junior, had never had a one-on-one conversation with her. Most students were like him.
What reason was there to engage with such a famously troublesome girl?
Thus, it felt unfamiliar.
The fact that he was facing the woman so closely, and despite examining her thoroughly, she did not look at all like the protagonist of those malicious rumors.
Such sentiments were soon shattered.
“…Hey.”
The moment their hands met.
“Don’t think you can compete with me? I am Elsi Rainelle. I’m qualitatively… Aaaah!”
A bolt of lightning seemed to strike as if to say she had been expecting it.
The girl screamed, and the man, who had been momentarily stunned, let out a deep sigh.
Of course, he thought.
Days filled with heartache loomed ahead.
That was his thought.
Ever since that day, it had been difficult for him to endure the sight of the girl. Perhaps it was because her rough personality made her a target for bullying among the students.
While the sight of the Great Witch’s eyes prevented anyone from engaging in the sordid harassment, everyone kept their distance and avoided her.
It was a case of reap what you sow.
Everyone thought so, and the man might have accepted it if he simply thought things over. Yet still, why.
“…What.”
The refreshing sound of raindrops falling. Beneath the thick drops splattering against the leaves, the man silently held an umbrella over the girl’s head.
There was no one around. The sky, cloaked in dark clouds, was unusually dim, and it was summer.
It was the rainy season.
“I wanted to feel the rain again after a long time.”
“Then get wet by yourself. Why are you putting an umbrella over someone else’s head, causing a fuss?”
“That’s just pathetic. It feels lonely being rained on alone.”
The girl turned her head sharply, scoffing.
According to rumors, it wouldn’t have been surprising for her to get angry and charge at him.
The pouring rain in the Great Forest created a surreal scenery. The misty light and clear droplets created ripples in puddles, silencing all living things.
For a while, we silently admired a living painting.
Seconds, minutes. We stayed that way for some time.
“Do you feel lonely, junior?”
I suddenly threw out the unexpected topic.
I couldn’t pinpoint why. Perhaps it was because the girl, crouched alone getting wet, seemed incredibly lonely.
Before long, the usual blunt tone returned.
“Then am I not even human? And I’m a senior, not a junior…!”
“You act like someone who doesn’t know what loneliness is.”
The words caught the girl off guard, and her lips hesitated before shutting. Her once defiant eyebrows drooped again.
“…What of it?”
“Can’t you try being a little kinder? Everyone is scared of you.”
“I didn’t know that. I’ve been like this since I was little… Back then, I just needed to take care of my own people. And I warn you again, I’m not your junior, I’m your senior…!”
“What about now?”
Once more, the girl was at a loss for words.
I didn’t press for an answer. I was simply holding the umbrella while gazing at the raining jungle.
The flowing water seeped into my shoes.
“It’s gone now.”
Finally, she reluctantly spat out that word after some hesitation.
Crushed and torn emotions felt ragged as if they resembled scraps of fabric once articulated in words.
“I have no one precious to protect anymore… I haven’t gotten strong enough for that.”
I sensed a vague fear from that confession.
Because I feared I might go through the pain of parting again, unwilling to accept others without being able to protect anything.
How could I not understand such feelings?
I was the same.
After much silence between us.
I felt her glances shifting toward me. Upon a closer look, her blue eyes were observing my expression.
Before long, I heard her scoff.
“Idiot… You’re all drenched, what are you gonna do?”
Hearing Senior Elsi’s sullen remark, I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“That goes for you too, you know.”
“Not a junior, a senior! How many times do I have to say it… Hey, do you want to die for real?!”
Seeing the girl stomping her feet and glaring at me like that, I was enveloped in an unexplainable thrill.
What was the nature of that feeling?
It wasn’t until several months had passed that I came to realize it, while facing each other with sweet breaths shared.
It was love.
We kissed, intertwined our bodies, and playfully teased each other.
I also took the girl’s first. The next day, watching her awkwardly walk about while inexplicably blushing was adorable.
And as a result, I naturally came to imagine a life without the girl.
“Finally… I’ve protected it…”
The Great Forest was ablaze, and the girl I loved was lying against a tree, bleeding.
Spitting out her voice along with blood.
“…My precious person.”
The season was still summer.
And it would continue to be summer.
The man had not taken a single step forward from the memory of that day.
As if he had fallen deep into an endlessly repeating nightmare.
*
The man suddenly came to his senses.
He had been dreaming a dream from so long ago. Perhaps it was the familiar voice and tone that awoke memories of happier times.
It was a cruel prank.
Stirring up irretrievable memories would only bring distress to the man. He had experienced it countless times, solidly promising himself never to repeat it.
His weathered heart could no longer accommodate new wounds.
So he must reject it.
Memories, happiness were like snowmen. They are beautiful only when left in place.
To bring them out recklessly would only result in a hideous meltdown.
Yes, in truth.
The man didn’t want to show her his damaged appearance. The man the girl loved no longer existed.
At that moment.
“Am I… tired of it…?”
What should he say?
Upon hearing those words, the man found himself rendered speechless by the rush of emotions. In fact, he had so much to say.
Golden eyes that couldn’t conquer his heart turned toward him. There, like a deflated puppy carefully assessing the situation, stood the girl.
With a hint of moisture around her eyes.
Tired of him?
“It’s been several years since I… died, so… is that why you’re tired?”
That couldn’t be.
When he saw the deep green foliage, memories of that day resurfaced. With each raindrop that struck his eardrums, his heart ached violently.
When the summer sun was shining down.
“After all, I have a bad personality and a frail body… unlike you.”
He would recall the day they shared an umbrella. Or the days they split wood together, or even the days of playful bickering would flit through his mind.
Yes, he would rather forget.
“Not good at socializing at all…”
Every time her crying face or smiling face surfaced, it would bring him unbearable distress.
“…Of course, it would be. Right.”
Tears rolled down the face of the girl, who had been downtrodden for so long.
Plop, plop.
One drop, two drops. Why did the sound of falling tears resemble the sound of rain?
“B-but, I wanted to see you one last time. To see your face, sniff…”
The girl, who was trying to maintain her composure, choked up.
Did she not want to show her weak side anymore?
She hastily turned away and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. The man could only maintain a silence he couldn’t explain.
What should he do now?
He thought he understood, that if he turned cold, it would all come to an end.
“…I’m glad.”
And then, the girl stepped away.
Was this finally the end?
Surprisingly, the feeling wasn’t as overwhelming. It was just yet another repetition of the partings he had experienced so many times before. Perhaps even if it were merely an illusion, it would be better to live on holding the dream of those times.
“Forget about me. So you won’t hurt anymore… Then, goodbye.”
Honestly, it might have been an excuse.
The man had already endured too much pain. He didn’t want to experience the loss of precious people again.
After all, it would be nothing but a brief reunion.
Letting go of it all would be better for anyone involved.
Throwing it all away.
Thinking that, just as the man turned his head again.
‘And what have you retrieved?’
A question thrown to him by a brat one day suddenly crossed his mind.
What a fool.
That brat had been in tatters then. It wouldn’t have been strange for him to collapse and never rise again.
The man had been just like that.
The difference was merely in the gaze.
The golden eyes he had seen that day were ablaze with will.
‘So by throwing away bit by bit, what is left? Did the world become peaceful after doing so?’
The innocent child’s question should have been dismissed with a laugh.
It should have been that way.
When he regained consciousness, the man, teeth clenched, turned his steps around. An unruly hand grasped the hem of the girl’s clothes.
Her surprised blue eyes turned to him from behind. It was the polar opposite of before; the man had been hesitating until now.
What should he say?
Since that day, my calendar had never moved forward even once.
The season was still summer, summer, summer.
He couldn’t forget. Was it even possible? How could he have loved so deeply?
He would rather have resented her when they parted ways.
With a smiling face, ask why she had left him. So many words filled his mind, tangled and chaotic.
At the end of the brief silence.
The one word the man finally managed to squeeze out was exceedingly short.
“…Sorry.”
Whether it was a sigh, a moan, or a self-reproach, the sound was filled with emotion.
The man apologized.
“For never being able to forget.”
Now it was the girl’s turn to be silent.
Tears brimmed in the eyes of the girl, who was looking at the man in a daze.
Her eyelids quivered. She crinkled her nose and narrowed her brow, then, with a look of sorrow gazed at the man.
Just a few seconds until tears filled her pupils.
“Sniff…”
She could no longer hold back the torrential tears.
The girl rushed into the man’s arms, both surprised and in need. He had to awkwardly embrace the petite form of the girl.
Due to the height difference, her face was buried against his chest. But perhaps that was enough for her, as she clung to the man and wept.
“Y-you idiot… I-I missed you so much… I wanted to see you so badly… so much… Huh? You disregarded me… Aaaah…!”
“…I’m sorry.”
The man thought.
How precious it was that the girl remained unchanged.
Before they had started dating, it wouldn’t have been strange for her to say ruder things, but all she managed was ‘idiot’.
It was a form of endearment.
So, the man could only gently embrace the crying girl.
“Why, why is this happening? Sniff… Huh… I was so happy to see you after such a long time…”
“I’m sorry.”
Simply repeating that short apology.
A small wave of emotion began to stir across the man’s expressionless face. As he closed his eyes, embracing the girl, a long-lost sense of fulfillment filled his heart.
A sensation he could only feel when holding the woman he loved.
He thought he had forgotten.
“Sorry…”
Why is the first love unforgettable?
Even if he asked and asked again, there was only one answer.
Because he had loved so intensely.
The two embraced, and a plume of smoke traced a line in the air.
There was no blazing sun anymore. It was not raining heavily, but the day was chilly enough that they began to miss each other’s warmth.
The season was autumn.
Today, the man’s long summer finally drew to a close.