Loyal Lies

Three days had passed since that night, and Silas was still nowhere to be seen. Grandfather had insisted I see a therapist. He's worried about potential nightmares or panic attacks. I didn't have the energy to argue so I agreed. Now here I sat in a comfortable office with warm lighting, facing Dr. Bennett who watched me with understanding eyes. I told her everything about that night. About hearing the violence outside the car. About how my proper, gentle butler had transformed into someone else entirely. But most of all, about how in those terrifying moments, I wasn't afraid of dying. I was afraid of losing him.

"Do you miss him?" she asked softly.

I found myself nodding before I could even think about it. 

"You know," Dr. Bennett leaned forward slightly. "When people experience trauma, it often brings underlying feelings to the surface. Do you think your status in life is what's stopping you from admitting your feelings for him?"

The question hit me like a bucket of cold water. My mouth opened, but no words came out. Was that it? Was that why I kept pushing away the warmth I felt whenever he called me 'Milady'? Why I treasured every small moment, every cup of tea he prepared, every gentle smile he gave me?

"I... I don't know," I finally managed to say. "Even if I did have feelings for him, which I'm not saying I do... he's my butler. Grandfather's employee. And after what I saw that night..." I trailed off, remembering those dark, distant eyes.

"Are you more afraid of his capacity for violence, or of the fact that it hasn't changed how you feel about him?"

I stared at my hands in my lap. The temporary bodyguard Grandfather had assigned me was perfectly capable, but he wasn't Silas. He didn't know exactly how I liked my tea, or when I needed silence versus conversation. He didn't make me feel safe just by being in the room.

"Three days," I whispered. "It's been three days and Grandfather only says he'll be back soon. What if he doesn't come back? What if that night changed everything? What if–" I stopped when I realized I was rambling.

"What if what, Aurora?"

"What if I never get the chance to tell him that I don't care what he is? That I just want him to come back?"

Dr. Bennett studied me for a moment, letting the weight of my confession settle in the quiet room. "Aurora, are you afraid of the threats that come with being an heir? Have you ever thought about what kind of life you'd want if you didn't have this responsibility?"

The question surprised me, but somehow it felt like she was finally asking something I'd been wanting to answer my whole life. I looked out the window, watching clouds drift across the sky. For the first time, I let myself imagine it.

"I want something simple," I started. "A peaceful life in the countryside. A blue house that matches the sky when the sun hits it just right. I want a front porch where my husband and I can drink tea in the mornings, watching swans glide across the lake." My voice grew warmer with each word, painting the picture I'd kept locked away. "I want to be there for my children as they grow up. Give them the motherly love I never had the chance to experience because my parents died so early."

I felt tears pricking at my eyes but kept going. "The only luxury I want is a home that feels like a home, not a fortress. A gentle husband who looks at me like I'm just Aurora, not an heir to an empire. Healthy, happy kids who don't need bodyguards to go to school. Is that... is that a too simple dream for someone like me?"

"Someone like you? What do you mean by that?"

I wiped at my eyes, suddenly embarrassed by how much I'd revealed. But then I remembered Silas's gentle smile when he served tea, how different it was from his eyes that night, and I wondered – did he have dreams too? Dreams that didn't involve violence and protection? Dreams that maybe, just maybe, looked a little like mine?

"I mean someone who was born into this life," I sighed. "Someone who's supposed to take over an empire, who has to learn about stocks and business strategies instead of baking cookies. Someone who's only known mansions and bodyguards and..." I hesitated for a moment and thought about Silas again. "And people who are paid to protect me."

"You keep coming back to him," Dr. Bennett observed. "To Silas. When you describe this peaceful life you want, this gentle husband... do you see his face?"

My heart skipped a beat. I opened my mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn't come. Because in that perfect, simple dream, when I imagined sitting on that porch watching the swans, the person beside me had always been a blur. Until now. Until I saw Silas serving tea there instead of in a mansion, smiling that gentle smile without the weight of protection on his shoulders.

"It doesn't matter what I see," my voice barely a whisper. "He's gone right now, and even if he comes back... there are boundaries. Lines we can't cross. The granddaughter of his employer can't just fall in love with him."

"Can't?" Dr. Bennett raised an eyebrow. "Or shouldn't? There's quite a difference between the two, Aurora. And from what you've told me about that night, it seems those boundaries might be more complicated than you think. A simple butler doesn't take down ten armed men to protect someone."

I fell silent, remembering the conversation I had with Grandfather months ago. He never hid the fact that Silas was more than just a butler. He was hired to be my protector, to keep me safe from threats that came with being an heir. But somewhere along the way, between the morning teas and evening conversations, I stopped seeing him as just a protector. He became something more. Something that made my heart race when he smiled, something that made me feel safe not because of his skills, but because of who he was.

"I know what he is. I've always known. But that night... seeing him like that... it reminded me that there's a whole other side to him I don't know about. A darker side. And yet..." I struggled to find the words.

"And yet?" She prompted gently.

"And yet it doesn't change how I feel about him. If anything, it makes me want to know more. To understand all of him, not just the parts he shows me. Is that strange? To want to know someone even after seeing them do something terrifying?"

Dr. Bennett smiled softly. "I think it's very human, Aurora. The question is, when he returns, will you have the courage to let him know that?"