Married To The Mad Vampire Lord

"...you all right?"

Slowly, the sounds in her head began to fade, along with every single memory of what she had just witnessed. She managed to nod her head. "Yes..."

Pushing herself up into a sitting position, she saw that Angel was on the floor beside her, watching her. It looked like Evenly had put him there so she could fetch the cup of water she now held, water that had been splashed over Belle's face to wake her.

"Why were you sleeping on the floor?" Evenly asked, setting the cup aside and lowering herself to sit on the floor as well, her expression marked with concern.

The baby had started crying earlier, and no matter what Evenly did to calm him, he kept calling out for his mama. She had brought him back, most likely to feed, but when she knocked several times, there had been no reply from inside. The baby's cries had grown so loud that, under normal circumstances, they would have woken anyone even from deep sleep.

Evenly had opened the door just in time to find Belle thrashing on the floor, her skin damp with sweat, her lips trembling with soft whimpers. The first thing she had done was try to wake her, but nothing seemed to work. In haste, she had set Angel down and fetched the cup of water from the stand.

"I don't remember how I ended up sleeping on the floor..." Belle muttered as Angel crawled into her lap. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his small body, holding him close. Not wanting Evenly to question her further, or to reveal that she had been searching the castle walls for memories and had gotten trapped in them, Belle quickly changed the subject.

"Was he crying?" she asked as she wiped the dampness from Angel's smooth cheeks. The baby nestled deeper into her arms, resting his head against her breast as if seeking comfort.

"Yes," Evenly replied fondly, glancing at the baby who was now watching her from the safety of his mother's embrace. "He didn't seem to mind so much at first when I took him on a little tour around the castle. We went to the stables and then came back, he was excited to see the horses, but I think he grew bored and hungry, and after that, he refused to look at anything else I showed him. He just wanted his mama. He's so smart."

Evenly chuckled as she reached out to tickle his tummy, but Angel swatted her hand away and turned his face into his mother's breast, nuzzling against her and making soft little sounds, clear signs that he wanted to feed. Now that he had finally found his mother, it seemed he was done entertaining anyone else.

"Och, Angel, that's totally rude," Evenly teased. Belle heard her son giggle briefly before pressing closer to her, his small hands pawing at her as though urging her to hurry.

"I think he likes you," Belle remarked with a smile, "but he's hungry. You can have him back after I nurse him."

Evenly's eyes brightened in delight, and she remained seated on the floor alongside Belle, deciding to wait and take the baby afterwards. It had been fun looking after him, at least until he began to cry.

Belle shifted slightly, cradling him more securely as she loosened the ties of her gown. The moment she guided him to her breast, he latched with eager little pulls, his tiny fingers curling into the fabric at her side. Warmth filled her chest, not just from his feeding, but from the quiet, wordless bond that passed between them. All the unease from the memories of seeing her husband kill so mercilessly began to slowly clear from her mind.

However, the chamber grew quiet as Angel nursed, and soon the silence turned awkward between her and Evenly. Though they had long since taken each other as friends, they hadn't spent much time in each other's company lately, and there was nothing either of them could think to say to keep the atmosphere light or the conversation flowing.

It was Belle who chose to break the silence when she noticed Evenly staring down at her lap, absently fumbling with the fabric flower sewn into her dress.

"How have you been doing? I mean… returning to Nightbrook and everything? Are you all right?" Belle asked, her voice carrying genuine concern. After the betrayal of her husband and losing everything dear to her, Belle could only imagine how the other woman was holding up.

Evenly lifted her head and looked at Belle. Ever since she had gone through all that hell alone, running from one place to another, no one had ever asked her how she had been or if she was all right. If Belle hadn't asked just now, Evenly doubted she would have even realized how much it mattered to hear those words, or how much it meant to know that someone truly cared enough to ask.

If she wanted to be honest, she wasn't fine, she doubted she ever would be. Her eyes prickled with unshed tears, but she forced a smile and replied, "I am fine… how can I not be fine when I am alive and breathing? I am fine. So fine." The words came with a brittle laugh, one that sounded far too much like a mask to hide something raw and aching underneath.

Belle saw through it instantly. Still cradling her baby with one arm against the breast where he nursed, she shifted closer across the floor and reached for Evenly's trembling hand, wrapping her fingers around it in a gentle squeeze.

"It's all right not to be fine, Evenly," Belle said softly. "Being alive and breathing doesn't mean you're truly all right. It's how you feel that matters. I don't know if I ever said this back when you were in Bimmerville, but I am grateful you didn't die in that hunt."

Tears began to slip down Evenly's smooth cheeks, tracing warm paths over her skin.

"Sometimes… I'm not grateful that I'm alive, Belle," she whispered. "I don't feel alive. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I think… I think I died a long time ago, the day I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrist. And now… now that I had another chance to die, but was dragged back instead… I feel disappointed." Her voice shook, brittle with grief. "If you still hold onto any idea that you're alive because of me, or that I risked my life for you, please… let it go. I stepped in because I wasn't afraid to die. Because I wanted it somehow."

Though she had fought to live in the past months after she was turned into a vampire, it wasn't because of anything else but because she believed her husband and family still wanted her. Afterwards, she had fought to live for the sake of revenge after being rejected, but lately, she wished she had just given up and let the king sentence her to death that day.

She swallowed hard, her gaze falling to her lap. "I wish the reaper would have mercy on me, take my soul somewhere peaceful. Somewhere my heart could stop clinging to the wrong person. Somewhere I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore. I wish to be numb… to stop living, Belle…"

Her words broke into silent sobs, her head bowing forward, shoulders trembling. Belle's heart twisted at the sight. Without hesitation, she shifted forward and wrapped one arm around Evenly's shoulder, holding her close.

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what the land of the dead is truly like. Shh, it's okay… but I wish you would find something, anything, that could make you happy again, something that would make you cherish the life you have now. The land of the dead is the last place you'd want to be once you've seen it. Look, even Angel agrees with me," Belle said with gentle humor as her son pulled his head away from her and reached out to pat Evenly's lap.

Evenly, still sobbing softly against Belle's shoulder, glanced down at the little hand touching her, and through her tears, a smile managed to bloom as she met Angel's bright, innocent gaze.

"I think he likes you even more for being vulnerable, Evenly," Belle teased softly, her lips curving into a smile. Angel willingly leaned toward Evenly this time, and Belle let him go, watching as her son settled into the woman's arms. For a fleeting moment, she saw a spark of life return to Evenly's beautiful face as she held him, her fingers tenderly wiping a bit of milk from the corner of his lips.

Belle had thought, foolishly, perhaps, that she might feel jealous if her son grew close to Evenly. But as she watched Angel resting contentedly in the woman's arms, she felt no trace of jealousy. Instead, warmth spread through her chest. At least he could bring light back into Evenly's eyes, if only for a little while. She wished something, anything, could bring her even more light, enough that she would stop believing death to be the easiest escape.

For Belle, who had walked the thin line between two worlds, death was no solution. She had seen for herself that even the dead longed, desperately, for a way to return back to life. Once a soul crossed over, it would give anything, everything, to have a body again, to breathe, to feel, to live…