Marshfellow: The Softest of Them All

"Marshfellow and Gairyag sittin' in a tree," chanted some onlookers.

Marshfellow slowly replied, "So what? Ooh, you have eyes in a world rampant with anthropomorphicism."

"How impressive," Gairyag facetiously commented within a tree's branches next to Marshfellow.

The two began k-i-s- they started kissing. Eventually, there would be love, then marriage, but as for a baby carriage... wait, even with just the marriage, how would that work between a marshmallow and a- that is worse than a sock and a pillow!

"You're a racist narrator," Marshfellow told to the highly tolerant, handsome narrator that was too classy to engage in such piddling antics.

"Racist," remarked Gairyag to the individual so handsome, it is amazing she could even stomach looking at that ugly Marshfellow when he is around them.

"Do you think all marshmallows are ugly?" intentionally race-baited that punk little stale piece of- you know what? You all do not deserve me! You hear me?! Wait. You can hear me again?

"Yep. And you're right; we deserve much better than you!" Marshfellow unappreciatedly insulted me to which Gairyag chuckled.

I screamed, "I hate you!"

"Hy does anybotry 'arbor batred for tree?" muttered the tree as he stretched his branches and yawned soon afterward.

"Umm, I, uh..." stammered Marshfellow, "I didn't know he was alive. I mean, I know plants are living creatures, but, I mean, did you know he was-"

"Hy gro grou treak as grough Hi am not trere?" Lee the tree's voice resonated.

Gairyag tried to apologize, "Sorry, sir. We had no idea you were anthropomorph-"

"In ba world rampant with anthrogromorphicism? Realtry?" bellowed Lee. How many of these characters read the synopsis? "Whatever the base, regrove yourselves from hy branches. Your narbator was gro loud, it stirred tree."

"The narrator was loud enough to annoy people AS USUAL!" said Marshfellow, very hypocritically.

Marshfellow and Gairyag promptly hopped down from the branches on which they were perched. Lee, scratching his back, said, "Bank grou. That is hy young ones' bace gro bay and rest."

Marshfellow, curious about fatherhood, supposedly naively inquired, "Since naming conventions here are to have your name match what you are, do your seeds change their names once they become saplings?"

"How dare grou!" boomed Lee. "Grou will bay for your insensitivitries tobay!"

"What did I say?" questioned Marshfellow, the real racist after all. Ha!

Lee remarked, "Despicable. Zegro trepentance. If grou wish gro strip tre of hy dignitry, than such shall trecome done ungro grou veriltry. Let us regrove your undetreated record from the books bade of hy ancestors' grones. Grou shall grue the bay grou messed with the trees."

Can we get a tree translator? It is a bit too punny to comprehend. Ah, thank you. Okay. It says long vowel sounds come with certain consonant starts. "A" comes with a "b" for... "berry"? That one is pretty bad. "E" comes with "tr" for "tree". Very basic. "I" has "h" as in "high"; probably not a euphemism; trees do reach pretty high and this is supposed to be family-friendly to some degree. Both "o" and "u" get "gr" for "grow" and "grew" respectively. Okay, that might make things a bit easier.

"Bring it!" shouted Marshfellow. "I've never lost a match."

"Hi grow!" Lee yelled. "Hi already mentioned your lack of detreat, imbecile!"

Marshfellow angrily denied, "I never embezzled a dime!" Really? We are going to do this again? This has got to be intentional.

"Hilence, grool!" grumbled Lee. "Deif, bake this bufgroon bay for his ingrolence!"

Marshfellow sighed, "Okay, okay. How much is it gonna cost?"

Even Gairyag was starting to question Marshfellow's mental competence.

"I was kidding!" Marshfellow squealed. "Really, Gairyag? That's all it took?"

Gairyag spoke, flustered, "No, I, uh... stay outta my mind, narrator!" Heh, heh.

Marshfellow started thinking to himself that he only dated Gairyag to mess with her sister, Clairag-

"That's a lie!" cried Marshfellow DISHONESTLY. "What are you trying to do, you terrible piece of imagination?!"

Marshfellow swore he wanted to leave Gairy- I'm sorry, readers, but I have been informed that if I continue to slander (commit libel from your perspective), I will be replaced. And I thought the author and I were cool. I see how it is now.

"I didn't think any of those things, baby. You gotta believe me," whined Marshfellow.

"I guess I do," softly replied the airbag.

"You do? We're getting married! Woohoo!" Marshfellow cheered.

Gairyag stared blankly at him before stating, "Can we just skip to the match, please?"

"Hi second that suggestion," growled Lee while rolling his eyes.

After travelling to the arena, which required unearthing (or unwhatever this planet is called-ing) Lee just so he could attend in person; having Marshfellow and Deif talk trash with each other; having Gairyag subtly express jealousy over Deif's thin, yet curvy, body and how Marshfellow would bump into it over and over again in front- yeah, let us just skip to the match even faster.

"Let's get teddy to tumble," I mumbled despite having my amazingly creative catchphrase I could have said instead that could only be created by the handsomest if al-

"You said to skip to the match!" seethed a different reader than you. You are not the only one reading this.

Marshfellow and Deif tried to body slam each other once the match began, resulting in a brief stalemate. Deif quickly climbed on top of Marshfellow and pinned him. Gairyag angrily yelled, "Are you having fun, honey?!"; and then Marshfellow pushed Deif off and said, "No, baby. If I could, I'd only collide with you. You know that."

"Aww," the audience awfully in awe audaciously audibly articulated. We know; articulated does not count.

"Quit fraterhizing with hy hild, grude one!" blasted Lee. How come he gets to do it?

"How dare you make love with the enemy?!" Gairyag shrieked.

"That's not even what fraternize means!" frantically talked Marshfellow.

Lee snickered. "For once, it will not tre ba tree that falls tobay, but ba sugatry crumb of ba snack."

Gairyag began storming out of the arena, until "Gairyag, wait!" was heard. She inquired demandingly, "Why?!"

"Because I love you!" Marshfellow desperately exclaimed. I mean, he had to be desperate to want somebody who looks like that, right?

"Somebody's jealous because he's all alone," smirked Gairyag as she blew a kiss toward Marshfellow; he almost caught it, but Deif maneuvered him out of the way of it.

Hey, I'm not jealous, I just- what? I have to be honest now, too? Fine, then. I am a little jealous because somebody as handsome as me should be loved in that way.

"Called it!" Gairyag said obnoxiously.

I muttered, "I hate you guys."

"Kin we focus on da match?" a ruffian in the crowd asked.

"Yeah, you're bein' very distractin'," opined a different troublemaker in the audience. Very well.

Deif wrapped herself around Marshfellow, then opened up slightly, arched her back, and slingshot Marshfellow up toward the cloud as hard as she could. He activated his anti-gravitation sugars to swerve, narrowly avoiding contact with the cloud.

"How to- I got it!" Marshfellow joyously claimed. "Lee, I am appalled at my behavior and I want to apologize."

Deif stopped mid-charge. "Uh, am I still supposed to take him down?" she queried, thoroughly confused. Suddenly, she ruffled rapidly through the air toward the cloud.

"Deif, behind grou!" said Lee, sounding fearful for once.

"Are we forgiving him or not? You never told what we're- going to do... in this case..." Deif sadly finished after touching the cloud.

"And that's the end of that," stated Marshfellow triumphantly. "I really didn't mean to offend, though. Honest."

Lee quietly uttered, "If grou just admit gro Deif's greauty, Hi'll betrieve grou."

"She was a very beautiful leaf," Marshfellow remorsefully recognized while being leered at from behind from his very angry girlfriend.

"And the trevenge is comptrete," sinisterly grinned Lee as he trudged away. Why does he get to do it? What? Because he is a tree? I am handsomer...

"More handsome," corrected Marshfellow.

"We'll see how handsome you are once I collide with you all night," threatened Gairyag.

"Great," Marshfellow replied sarcastically. "Can we get it over with before the next chapter?"

I think we need to go over it in great detail.

"Nope!" Marshfellow shouted. "The author's battery is almost dead."

And he has yet to eat tonight. Fine, we shall slow this story for another day. Still, that makes three chapters in a day; impressive, if they were not so rudimentary, anyway.