Marvel: Life is Good

There was about an hour left before Penelope arrived. Initially, I planned to meet her at the airport, but we agreed she'd come straight to me, and then we'd head out together with the whole gang to visit Mama Betty. With time to kill, I pulled Mom Judy into the bathroom with the classic "Whoa, come check this out, I think our shower's broken." Ginger was in her room, and Mom followed me, silent and confused, as I turned on the shower.

"Mom, I met with a mutant today. She's well-connected. We talked, and she agreed to help Mom Betty get her arm back. This isn't a joke—she can actually do it. And she wants to."

Mom pursed her lips, frowning in thought before sighing. "Alright… Give me the details. And why the hell are we talking about this in the bathroom?"

"Details… Well, you know how I said most mutants are really tight-knit? So, I met up with an acquaintance today to thank her for helping out with that whole kidnapping situation. She was one of the people who busted in to get us out. And she did it for me. She's a good person. A bit crazy, sure, but—anyway, the second I mentioned Betty's situation, she immediately offered to help. And I said yes. So tonight, she's gonna… uh, steal Mom Betty. For medical reasons. And by morning, she'll be back—with a brand-new left arm. I'm telling you now so you don't worry. But if anyone calls? Act surprised, panicked, confused—full-on distressed mother mode."

"Do I know this girl? And what exactly are we owing her for this?" Skepticism and hope. And a lot of concern for me. Poor Mom Judy—my mutant bullshit had already burned through so many of her nerves.

"You don't know her—she doesn't live in any of our enclaves. And it's me who'll owe her, not us. She asked for five dates." I flashed her an awkward smile. "And before you start thinking weird things—no, she's not some old, creepy lady forcing me into anything. They'll be actual dates, and she's really pretty."

Mom stared at me for a few seconds… then burst out laughing. No—she cackled. Slapping her thighs, gasping for air, fully losing it. Meanwhile, I stood there, dying inside, trying not to laugh with her but also seriously wondering if this was just pure hysteria.

She finally caught her breath, wiping away tears, and let out a drawn-out "Ooooooh, Tooooooobyyy~" before wrapping me in a bear hug with the most shit-eating grin I'd ever seen.

"My boy's all grown up! Already got girls wrapped around his finger. And not just any girls—ones who offer themselves up and only ask for dates in return. Oh, Toby, if she really fixes Betty's arm…" She sobered up a little, looking almost awkward. "Well… uh, just—don't ghost her, okay? Especially if she's cute and not some old hag."

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Did my own mother just suggest I pay off a debt with sex? What the fuck? Huh??? HUH???

"Why do you look so shocked, sweetheart?" Mom Judy smirked, watching my brain short-circuit in real-time. "Getting any ideas? I meant—go on those dates and actually get to know the girl. Don't just do it because you owe her, okay?" 

She sighed and sat on the edge of the tub "I've lived a long time, and I've never heard of someone regrowing a damn arm. And prosthetics? I was reading up on them today—crazy expensive. We would have done everything possible for Betty, but we'd never afford anything better than the budget option they hand out to disabled vets.." 

She gave me a pointed look. "So, a girl who offers this kind of help? She really, really cares about you. And she deserves more than just some half-assed 'repayment'—at least try to get to know her."

Jesus. Mom, you scared the shit out of me. This world's already messed up enough, but having a family member basically send you off to sleep with someone just for thanks? That'd be way too much. But this? This was fine. She was just really impressed. And, yeah, let's be honest—probably already making plans for my future marriage. 'Not old, not ugly, has connections, can work miracles, helps my son and his family. Probably rich. And older? Even better—she'll keep my boy in line.'

If Mom Judy had some kind of secret internal ranking of 'Potential Daughters-in-Law,' I was pretty sure Wanda just shot straight to the top, despite still being an unrevealed character in her mind.

I could see it now—Mom Judy, stumbling out of a bar with Wanda, throwing an arm around her, happily slurring to everyone, 'This is Wanda, my FAVORITE daughter-in-law! Ah, Tobi, you lucky, lucky boy!'

Brbrbrbrbrbr. Funny? Yes. Terrifying? Also yes.

"Anyway, it's your decision," Mom said, brushing off my stunned silence. "Just remember—people who genuinely care about you? They're rare. You boys have it easier; your wives will take care of you. But still… don't take that for granted. Just be a decent, grateful person." Then her expression hardened. "Now, why are we in the bathroom?"

"Because of me, Mom. I'm really sorry." My shoulders slumped. This was my fault. "Mutants are watched. And since I 'got attention' after those kidnappings, I'm now officially under 'observation.' I could remove them, but I don't want to show my hand just yet. I wanted to talk to you and Mom Betty first."

Okay, yeah. That was a lie. I only wanted to talk to Lieutenant Betty. But no need to hurt Mom Judy's feelings.

"Got it." The excitement from 'Betty's gonna have an arm again!' drained a little, but I saw her shift into Battle-Hamster Mode. 

"Get rid of them. All of them." Her voice was lethal. "If they plant more? Rip those out, too! Make them suffer! The bastards!" 

She actually shook a fist at the ceiling. "This is our HOME! Sure, I get that Betty's a cop, but now these sneaky little rats think they can eavesdrop on my family?! Over my dead body! I'm taking Gigi out for some errands. When we're gone? Burn the bugs!"

"Mom, but then they'll—"

"Oh, please. Like they wouldn't figure out you found the bugs after we locked ourselves in the damn bathroom?" …Shit, she had a point. The "broken shower" excuse wasn't my best work. "And, Tobias—are you sure you trust this girl?"

"Mmm… As much as you can trust someone who's always treated me well, saved my ass from a life-threatening situation, and never asked for anything in return." I spread my hands. "We knew each other before I was even a mutant. And she was just as nice back then."

"Alright…" She sighed, rubbing her temples. "You've always been my genius boy—" Oh, please, Mom. I just got a cheat code at birth. "I'll still worry… but a healthy Betty is worth any amount of nerves." She gave me a guilty smile before pulling me into a hug. "I'll trust your trust in her, sweetheart."

"Thanks…"

After Mom dragged Ginger out of her room—where she'd been wallowing in misery—they headed off to the store, supposedly to pick up groceries for Penelope's welcome dinner. Meanwhile, I went on a little bug hunt.

I found four cameras. One of them was in Ginger's room.

Fucking pedophiles.

Whoever planted that shit, I swear I'll rip their reproductive organs out through their throat.

On top of that, I dug out seven more listening devices scattered throughout the house. They were everywhere—except the bathroom. Suspiciously convenient.

Figuring there might be more hidden inside the electronics, I cut the power to everything, but found nothing. Could be they only activate when the devices are turned on and running off the power grid. I should probably ask Yuriko to run me through a crash course in PEST CONTROL for intrusive surveillance.

I fried all of them with a quick energy discharge—except for one.

Sat there for a bit, just staring at it. Thinking.

Should I serenade these fuckers with some garbage-tier pop song in the most off-key, ear-bleeding voice I can manage?

Wouldn't take much. These cheap-ass bugs probably don't have the best audio quality. Wherever they're monitoring from, they're either listening in real time or collecting recordings to analyze later. Either way, the question was… what to grace them with?

Didn't actually remember any full song lyrics except for a couple of cringe-y lines that had lodged themselves in my brain like a parasite.

Then it hit me.

Oh. Oh-ho-ho-ho.

Why the hell not?

And so, in my absolute best bedroom voice, I started narrating—in exquisite detail—a porn scene I remembered from my past life.

A good one, too. Classy. Tasteful. Two guys absolutely wrecking a gorgeous woman, taking their sweet time with her.

I really went in on the descriptions, savoring every last detail. If I was gonna do this, might as well go all the way. Besides, threesomes with two guys? Practically the holy grail fantasy for half the girls out there. No joke—I saw a poll about it online once.

Naturally, I swapped in myself as the main star, along with "my buddy Alex" and "naughty little Jessica."

I was so caught up in my performance, I almost missed Mom and Ginger coming back.

Damn shame. I really had a knack for this.

Would've loved to see the face of the poor bastard stuck monitoring this feed.

-------------1

S.H.I.E.L.D. Surveillance Van, Near Tobias' House

Today, the van had extra personnel—since the target was actually home for once, they'd added two more agents alongside the usual "designated sufferer," a fresh academy graduate. Newbies like her always got stuck with surveillance duty to "gain experience." And the whole day had been boring as hell. Target was asleep, target left the house, the family was dealing with emotional stress over the injured cop mom…

Sure, the young women in the van sympathized with their "client"—a lieutenant, no less, practically a fellow officer, lost an arm in the line of duty. That was serious. But sympathy didn't make the shift any less mind-numbing.

Things got slightly more interesting when the target came home.

When the boy started finding their bugs and hidden cameras?

That was a shock, but not a major one.

All cameras were wiped out, and only two audio bugs remained. He was holding one of them, based on the sounds they were picking up. The situation was reported up the chain, but no new orders came through.

No big deal. They'd wait out their shift and call it a day.

Then the kid started talking into the bug.

When the signal from the device suddenly cut out, one of the women leaned back in her chair, groaned in pure hatred, and snarled at the ceiling.

"Whoever the fuck this Jessica is, I hope she dies like a dog in a ditch."

"Forget Jessica—Mila, you got a photo of this guy?"

"I do, but we don't have a shower in here, so what's the point?" Mila rasped, her voice heavy with regret.

"I do at home! C'mon, send me the pic, and, Angie… can we, uh… 'accidentally' steal that recording?" The girl who had asked for Tobias' picture gave their senior agent a pleading look.

The older woman stared at her, completely floored, before sighing and shaking her head.

"Sam, are you fucking serious? This system has copy protection… unfortunately."

"Fuuuuck," Sam groaned. "And yeah, I also hate that lucky bitch Jessica."

Mila just nodded in solemn agreement, sighing as she pulled out her phone.

Damn. The kid was fine. A couple more years, and he was gonna be absolute sex on legs. Sigh…

"Hey, girls… you do realize that little shit did that on purpose, right?"

"Gee, thanks, Miss Columbus. You discovered America for us."

"I feel like this shift is gonna drag even worse now…"

"Mila, you got pictures of any of his guy friends?"

"Sam, go fuck yourself!!!"

-------------

The sheer petty satisfaction from that little stunt warmed my heart. Whether anyone had actually been listening or not didn't even matter—I just couldn't wait to see how the poor bastard writing up the official report was going to explain that.

God, that thought alone had me giggling.

Next time? Maybe I'd narrate a full-blown Eldar-tier orgy, back when they were still getting it on with Slaanesh. Let them truly embrace the wonders of the finer things in life.

-------------

Penelope was running a little late—traffic—but we met her at the door. She looked exhausted. Long flights and road trips will do that to you.

Seeing her in person after so long—especially after only video calls—was different. And damn, she'd really grown into her looks. She was still taller than me, but not by much anymore. I was definitely catching up, maybe even surpassing her in another year—unless I randomly stopped growing. Her face had lost that last bit of baby fat, becoming sharper. As for the rest of her? Hard to say, since she hadn't taken off her coat yet.

"Hey, everyone," she greeted, her voice carrying that tired but happy warmth. "Mind if I leave my suitcase here for now?"

"Welcome, Penny, of course!" Mom smiled at her with sympathy. "Are you sure you don't want to stay and rest a bit? You must be exhausted."

Ginger just squeaked out a small "Hi" and immediately hid behind me.

Yeah. Penny loved hugging the tiny redhead to death.

"Nah, I'm good. I'm not that tired. …Why are you looking at me like that?" She turned to me, curious.

"Admiring the view."

I stepped forward and hugged her tight.

"I missed you."

I felt her arms wrap around me, just as strong, and heard her whisper back, "I missed you too."

"Ahem." Mom definitely wasn't trying to ruin the moment on purpose. "Sweethearts, let's get going. You'll have plenty of time to get all cuddly later."

Yeah, we might have gotten a little carried away. It was physically hard to let go of my Sunshine.

-------------

I won't bore you with all the details of the trip or our visit to Mom Betty. We took a cab, sat with her for about an hour, chatted. She'd been moved to a VIP hospital room—courtesy of the police department. She looked better, happy to see us, and even happier to see Penny.

I finally learned the truth—she hadn't lost her arm as some kind of punishment from Scorpia. It had happened in the middle of the fight itself. Just one more casualty in the chaos of battle.

After we were politely but firmly told to leave, we took another uneventful cab ride back home.

The two things that made my day?

One—Betty genuinely looked better.

Two—Ginger had finally snapped out of her funk.

My little sister was obviously upset about Mom losing her arm, but at least that puppy-dog sadness had faded from her eyes. She was even smiling, laughing at our jokes. Mom and I, however, exchanged a few too many knowing looks whenever the conversation touched on prosthetics, disabilities, or the future—enough that Betty started glancing at us suspiciously from time to time. But she didn't ask, and we weren't about to tell her. No way to know how many bugs were planted in her hospital room. I'd already found three in the last place I checked. So… "Surprise incoming!"

At home, Ginger immediately grumbled, "Then why the hell did we even go shopping?" when we decided to screw cooking and just order pizza instead. We devoured it while chatting, but Penny was already nodding off at the table, so it was unanimously decided: bedtime. Since Penny had firmly insisted on sleeping in my room, Mom handed me a mattress and gave me a very conspiratorial wink.

Somehow, without even discussing it, we ended up pulling my mattress onto the floor and merging it with hers. Penny didn't even hesitate to change into her pajamas in front of me, not shy in the slightest—in fact, she seemed to be showing off. The only modesty she showed was turning her back when unhooking her bra under her pajama top.

Honestly? If she hadn't been exhausted, maybe something would have happened. The looks she was giving me were… well, let's just say they had potential. But—

Our gentle kisses and whispered nonsense were rudely interrupted by a very persistent knock at the door.

Penny went to answer it, because I… had a certain issue that made standing up very inconvenient.

At the door stood a very serious-looking Ginger.

"I'm sleeping here tonight." She marched in, carrying her mattress, blanket, and pillow. "I don't wanna be alone."

Her expression was way too smug for this to be just about comfort. Oh, I see how it is… My little sister had a bad case of sibling jealousy.

She shoved her mattress right up against ours, forcefully claiming the middle spot and kicking me to the edge. The theory about her jealousy was further confirmed by the victorious little looks she kept shooting at Penny…

Except she forgot something very important.

Namely, Penny's obsession with red-haired kids.

Which is why G immediately found herself wrapped up tight in Penny's arms, thoroughly smothered.

Penny, by the way, did not seem upset about this turn of events at all. And I get it—my little sister is an absolute baby angel, doomed to be relentlessly snuggled until she grows old enough to fight back.

Ginger shot me pleading looks for help.

I just grinned and joined in.

And so, we all drifted off to sleep, snuggled up together. Ginger, despite her initial protests, actually fell asleep faster than Penny—smiling like a damn cherub. I had a sneaking suspicion my sister secretly loved all the cuddling but was just putting on her best tsundere act.

Right before I dozed off, I heard the house phone ringing.

And then, in the distance, Mom's hushed voice.

I had a feeling Wanda's plan was officially in motion.

Hope it works…

I spent the next hour tossing and turning, worrying, thinking—until, finally, sleep took me.

-------------

I was hanging from something, suspended over a bottomless void. Everything around me was made of cold, unyielding metal. My mouth tasted like blood, and my face stung from recent blows.

And standing above me was…

Darth fucking Vader.

"You killed my father!" I shouted at him, seething with rage.

"No, Tobias," he intoned.

And I felt a jolt of shock.

But that was nothing compared to what he said next.

"I am your father."

He reached up, removing the black helmet—

And beneath it was the bald, scarred, sneering face of none other than Baron von Strucker.

Like straight out of the comics.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I screamed, a mix of horror and fury ripping through me.

This can't be real! This can't be happening!

Strucker—Vader?—leaned down and effortlessly lifted me by the scruff of my neck.

Where Vader's life-support panel should have been, a Hydra emblem gleamed—a modified version, the one they used after their betrayal in Alpha Legion.

"Not no, son," he said with a twisted smile.

"Hydra Dominatus."

Then, with zero effort, he tossed me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started walking toward a set of massive exit doors.

"Come on, Tobias. Let's go home. We'll install a nice little bomb in your head, and then we can finally live together like a normal family."