Mash-Up: Anything for Money

"Senpai, on the count of three, you grab the door handle and open it. Then we run."

"Got it."

If Hakuto had any doubts before, they are completely gone now.

When they came in, he was certain the door had been left open. 

The only explanations were: either the door had been closed while they were on the stairs… or something not human had shut it.

His eyes stayed locked on the shadowy figure in the kitchen, clinging to it for some sense of security.

"One…"

Just as he began the countdown, the figure moved.

It started walking toward them.

Hakuto: ???

On instinct, his hands fumbled around, searching for anything he could use—until they landed on the random junk piled on the shoe cabinet.

"Buddy, if you can close doors, that means you've got an HP bar, right?!"

"You think I don't have a temper?!"

"A rain of arrows shall reveal the might of my clan!"

"FIRE! FIRE!!"

Without hesitation, he started hurling whatever he could grab at the figure.

"Kouhai-kun! Your aim sucks!"

"Forget my aim—just open the damn door!"

Snapping back to reality at his words, Utaha immediately swung the door open and bolted.

Seeing her escape, Hakuto was about to follow suit—until he noticed something.

One of the objects he had randomly thrown had actually hit the shadowy figure.

His throws had been wildly off-target due to panic, yet by sheer dumb luck, his final shot landed.

"Huh? That hit?"

For a moment, Hakuto was dumbfounded.

That whole thing about the figure having an HP bar? He'd just said it to hype himself up. He never expected it to actually be true.

Glancing between the now-vanished Utaha and the dark silhouette momentarily frozen from the impact, he hesitated for two and a half seconds.

Then, an idea hit him.

"I've got a plan!"

Recalling how badly he had just embarrassed himself, Hakuto made a decisive move—

SLAM!

He shut the door. Hard.

The forceful bang was so loud it triggered all the motion-activated lights in the hallway.

Naturally, the noise reached Utaha, who had been sprinting away. It was only then that she realized—

"Kouhai-kun?"

Meanwhile, Hakuto stood at the entrance, one hand holding his phone for light, the other gripping a blue PVC pipe he had picked up from the floor.

"I've beaten up plenty of people before… but this is my first time fighting a ghost!"

Growing up an orphan, Hakuto had a simple rule: Never back down when your interests are at stake.

And if someone tried to bully him? Backing down was never an option.

Because if you let it slide once, there will be a second time. And a third. And eventually, countless times.

So, under no circumstances could he yield.

Clutching his makeshift weapon, he couldn't help but hum under his breath—

"One single tear…"

"Enough with the ghost act. I'm telling you right now—get on your knees and apologize. Otherwise, when this pipe is at your throat, you'll learn what real regret feels like."

By now, he was fully in the zone. His hands burned with energy, ready to swing the pipe like a blade and triple headshot his opponent.

But just as he finished his threatening speech…

The shadowy figure hesitated—then vanished into thin air.

Hakuto: ???! (#ﾟДﾟ)

Wait, hold up.

Did it just break the laws of physics?!

Hakuto's eyes widened as he stared at the figure that had just vanished into thin air.

A whole human-sized shadow… just disappeared?!

"Misjudged the situation—retreat, retreat!!"

The only reason he even considered fighting was because he assumed the opponent had an HP bar and wasn't too powerful. 

But now it just pulled off a full-on magic trick? 

How was he supposed to fight that?

If it suddenly conjured a fireball next, this whole thing would become very unfun, very fast.

"Why won't the door open?!"

Hakuto was on the verge of tears. His earlier dramatic door slam for the sake of looking cool had completely backfired, leaving him unable to open it now.

Mama! I swear I won't act tough ever again!

…Except crying for his mom was useless. He didn't have one.

"So this is fate… Wealth God above, please bless me!"

With no way out, he decided to resort to an ancient, long-lost exorcism technique from his hometown—

Ghost Detection via Phone Camera!

People always said dogs could see what humans couldn't. But actually, they had it all wrong—phone cameras worked just fine!

With that in mind, Hakuto immediately turned on his camera.

But at that exact moment, his phone's flashlight suddenly shut off, plunging the room back into darkness.

??

"Are you kidding me? The camera and flashlight can't be used at the same time? What kind of cheap garbage phone is this?"

Annoyed, he flipped his phone around to check the brand logo. Even in the darkness, he instantly recognized the letters.

"OP? ...Guess I really am a Genshin player now."

With no other options, he resorted to using the flash function, snapping pictures one by one to illuminate his surroundings.

That's when he saw it.

In one of the photos, standing right in the center—

A white-haired woman.

The image was blurry due to his shaking hands, but the ghostly figure's hair was unmistakably white.

Hakuto nearly dropped his phone.

"Screw it!"

The door wouldn't open. He couldn't see anything. At this point, his only option was to rely on muscle memory—

He gripped the blue PVC pipe in his hand and swung.

And then—

THUD!

"Ah!"

A dull impact. A startled cry.

And at that moment, Hakuto felt a very familiar sensation in his hands.

He had felt this force feedback countless times before—

He'd hit something.

HP bar detected!

Ecstatic, he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, grabbed another blue pipe from the floor, and entered hack-and-slash mode.

"AHAHAHAHA!"

Hakuto didn't care anymore. If the figure could be hit, but he couldn't see it, then there was only one solution—

Swing wildly in every direction.

"Those who follow me shall be spared! Those who oppose me shall be destroyed!"

"Bow before me today, or vanish without a trace tomorrow!"

For a solid ten minutes, he remained in Musou Mode, relentlessly flailing his weapons.

Amidst the sound of his makeshift staff slicing through the air and his extremely chuunibyou battle cries, he began to notice something else—

Soft, shuffling footsteps.

"A throne is no place for intruders to rest!"

Whipping out his phone once again, he turned on the flash and scanned the room.

Then he saw her.

The white-haired woman from his earlier photo—

She was now crouched exactly where he had been standing moments ago, right by the door.

"Ah, how the tables have turned~"

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Check out the other translations too: [Mash-Up: I'm Not A Substitute]

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