Passion (BL Novel)

He had a very different way of thinking about friends and family compared to ordinary people. Therefore, in front of this man, there was absolutely no room to treat someone based solely on the time spent with them—whether they were someone he met yesterday or someone he had grown up with since birth.
It's better not to even brush shoulders with people like him unless there’s a special reason. This nephew of mine is smart enough to understand that much, but I don’t know how he got so unlucky.
When I first heard that he had spoken to Lygro in his room, I was shocked. But after just a few conversations, I never imagined that Lygro would take any interest in someone. And the reason for the current situation probably wasn’t just that. It happened by chance a few times. What made Jeong Chang-in regret was when Lygro, while going through the procedures to move here as a new instructor, casually mentioned, "Your nephew would be a good choice for the officer position."

At that moment, Jeong Chang-in took it seriously. Tae-ui, this unlucky guy. Though he knew he had some responsibility for the situation, he never expected things to go this far.
"Is that kid a little weird in the head?" Lygro had asked, rubbing his chin, and Jeong Chang-in couldn’t help but sigh inwardly. To hear such a remark from a crazy person like him... his nephew had really reached the end.
"Why? Is he challenging you? If that's the case, then you're right; something’s off in his head."

"No, it’s not that... How should I put it... it’s like he doesn’t have a frontal lobe."
"...You’re saying he has no brain?"
I’ll tell Tae-ui about this later, Jeong Chang-in thought, hiding a smile that involuntarily crept up. But to his surprise, Lygro, with a serious look, furrowed his brow and shook his head.

"No, no, it’s more like he doesn’t seem to feel any anxiety... it’s like he doesn’t think about the future much."
"That kid does live quite in the moment," Jeong Chang-in replied, nodding his head. That was certainly true of his nephew.
However, what was surprising to Jeong Chang-in in this situation was that Lygro was speaking about someone else's personality.

Jeong Chang-in tilted his head slightly and stared at Lygro. But he didn’t say more; Lygro just chuckled to himself, lost in thought. Seeing that unfamiliar smile made Jeong Chang-in more and more uncomfortable.
Thinking back, his nephew had always had a knack for getting mixed up with bad sorts. There were always lowlife types hanging around him. In fact, he often spoke more with his eldest son than the second, so he didn’t hear much of it, but occasionally the eldest would mutter while staring blankly at the ceiling, "Tae-ui’s in big trouble..." It puzzled him why the second, who seemed like the type to survive in the desert, would worry like that, but these days, he was starting to understand. Perhaps it wasn’t his nephew's innate characteristics; he just tended to run into the wrong crowd.
"Come to think of it, he ran into Shin Lu as soon as he got here, didn’t he?" Jeong Chang-in muttered with a sigh.

Lygro’s gaze flickered briefly, then his expression turned cold as he murmured.
"Of all the people, why did he have to run into that kind of scum... seems like that guy has no luck."
Jeong Chang-in agreed with Lygro’s words but quickly turned his gaze away, saying nothing.

"Well, at least Shin Lu seems to like him, so that’s something..."
"That makes it worse."
"..."
Again, Jeong Chang-in didn’t say anything. After all, Lygro wasn’t wrong. Shin Lu was smart and had some good qualities, but there were times when he had a slightly unpredictable side, giving off a sense of instability.

Suddenly, Jeong Chang-in thought of a better, possibly promising solution for his nephew.
"Right. By the way, Shin Lu was quite your type, wasn’t he? He’s very good-looking. He’s definitely the kind of face Tae-ui would fall for at first sight."
"Yeah... he’s pretty. Good face, good body. ...Come to think of it, when I was with that guy, your nephew saw us."

Lygro nodded slowly, as though recalling the past, and Jeong Chang-in couldn’t help but bitterly smile inwardly at his nephew’s misfortune. But in a way, he thought it might work out. If Lygro reached out to Shin Lu and both of them got involved, Jeong Tae-ui would probably benefit from it in the end.
But then...
"That guy, though... when he looked at me back then, I didn’t like the way he was staring."

Lygro suddenly frowned and muttered. Jeong Chang-in sighed.
"Who’d like to see their crush tangled up with someone else? If he’s staring at you like that, of course, he’s not happy. Just let it go and laugh it off, it’s not a big deal."
"It’s not that I’m angry... it’s more... the aftertaste was a bit off. Plus, he’s still saying that he likes that kid... What a fool."

Lygro snorted. Jeong Chang-in stared at him for a moment. It was... strange. It didn’t feel right.
Trying to laugh it off, Jeong Chang-in lightly tapped his desk with his fingertips.
"Since he’s being pressured from all sides, don’t be too harsh on him. Look after our nephew."

Jeong Chang-in thought to himself, I’m handing the fish to the cat, but didn’t expect Lygro to be kind to his nephew. It didn’t matter. Lygro was the type to casually shoot even his own brother if things went wrong. There was no use expecting anything special.
Lygro raised an eyebrow as if thinking for a moment, then laughed softly.
"I haven’t been harsh on him. Sure, he does take a few detours, but when I see his laid-back, clueless face, I just can’t bring myself to be harsh."

"...Seems like you’ve become more cynical as you’ve gotten older."
Jeong Chang-in’s remark seemed to be taken as a joke, as Lygro laughed out loud. Jeong Chang-in, hearing that relaxed, carefree laugh, looked at Lygro with a strange expression.
While listening to his friend’s voice over the phone, Jeong Chang-in wondered if Lygro had ever seen that side of his younger brother. His friend, who always lamented "That guy’s hopeless," must have seen a more human side of Lygro somewhere. It was something Jeong Chang-in couldn’t even imagine.

He sighed and shrugged. He was starting to regret bringing Tae-ui here. It wasn’t for any particular reason. The struggles with the branch office, the bad mood from conflicts with colleagues, or the hardships from getting hurt... he had expected all that when bringing him here. He accepted it.
But he never expected his nephew to get involved with such a lowlife.
"Since Ilay’s down, your nephew’s probably a bit more comfortable."

Jeong Chang-in shook his head inwardly, and his friend said, "Well, that’s not really the case," and he closed his thoughts.
 
However, those damn colleagues are nothing but annoyances these days. Jeong Tae-ui threw his jacket off carelessly and entered the bathroom. The instructor’s office is conveniently attached to a bathroom, which is one good thing. As he was taking off his pants, he caught a glance at his reflection in the mirror attached to the shower booth. His face was getting more flamboyant by the day. The colorful bruises that kept appearing and disappearing made his face look like a canvas. Every time a bruise seemed to fade, he would get hit again, and when a wound started to heal, it would tear open again. His face never seemed to be clear. Recently, with everything going on, he was almost at the point where he had forgotten what his face even looked like.

With hot water flowing over him, Jeong Tae-ui let out a long sigh. Well, today he had finished his regular duties. Another day was over, so when he went back to his room, he would mark another "X" on the calendar. But there was a nagging thought—when he returned to his room after a good night’s sleep, would he find that man, Lygro, dead on the bed, cold and lifeless, just like that? Even though he was suffering, he was so good at hiding it that if he died, it wouldn’t be surprising if he slipped away without a sign.
Lygro’s death.
He whispered those words in his mouth, and thought there could be no stranger combination of words. Could someone like that monstrous man even die? Especially if his death were a result of poisoning, dying so easily would be too anticlimactic to be believable.

Though it seemed unlikely that he would die like that, Jeong Tae-ui wondered when the man would finally get up. Even though he was a living threat to others, him lying there so still and taking up space made everything awkward. Even aside from his role as an instructor, he was encountering difficulties in the family business, and things weren’t going smoothly.
Jeong Tae-ui, too, thought that while life might be easier if that man were to die, if he lived, there would also be moments when it would be easier to deal with.
"At least, I don’t wish for him to die..."

Having washed off the soap, Jeong Tae-ui felt a coolness as the water on his skin evaporated. He wrapped a bath towel around his head and stepped out of the bathroom. The room, with the heating on, was warmer than the bathroom. After drying himself, he rubbed his hair with the towel and went back to the bed. The bowl of porridge was still there, and Ilay’s posture hadn’t changed.
"Hey, when are you going to wake up? Looking like you’re dying like this is weird."
Jeong Tae-ui mumbled as he draped the towel around his neck. If there was one thing that suited Lygro, it was not lying down like this, but twisting someone’s neck. No matter what the social implications were.

"Speaking of strange, you, coming and going in my room unguarded, are hardly ordinary yourself."
A low voice drifted lazily from Ilay. Startled, Jeong Tae-ui instinctively tightened his grip on the towel as he looked down at the unmoving Ilay, still with his eyes closed. The man still lay there, motionless, like a block of wood.
It had been three days.

The voice was soft and weak, much more so than Jeong Tae-ui remembered, but there was no doubt—it was Ilay’s voice.
"What? When did you wake up?"
"......"

"If you’re awake, at least drink some porridge. I’ve made it thin enough for you to just drink."
But there was no response. Ilay’s face remained pale, unchanged, and Jeong Tae-ui started to wonder if he had misheard.
"Hey... Ilay."

Jeong Tae-ui quietly called out. He bent slightly at the waist, leaning over the bed and looking down at him from just above. Ilay’s face, even paler than usual, occasionally let out a quiet breath.
"How can you say I’m unguarded when I’m in a room with someone lying down helplessly like this?"
"What happened to that guy?"

It seemed he hadn’t misheard. Ilay’s lips moved slightly, and a weak voice came through. It sounded tired, yet the words were still clear.
Jeong Tae-ui hesitated for a moment. He realized what Ilay was asking. It was typical of him to ask about the person who had stabbed him first, rather than taking care of himself. A sigh escaped Jeong Tae-ui’s lips.
"He went to Hong Kong because his eyes were damaged. They say he won’t go blind, but it’s still dangerous. I haven’t heard anything after that, but he probably won’t be coming back."

"Is that so? Then I’ll look for him later."
"...What will you do after finding him?"
"I’ll stab him in the side. With the knife that had the poison."

Ilay’s voice, though drowsy, sounded as if he were speaking about a dream. Jeong Tae-ui, hearing that, was reminded that even though Ilay had no strength, it was still unmistakably him. It was almost maddening.
"If you want to do that, at least gather some strength first. You’ve been on IV fluids for three days, so you have no strength left. How about just sipping the porridge I brought?"
It was comforting to hear him talk, even though his voice was weak and hoarse. Jeong Tae-ui, though reluctant, sighed and looked down at Ilay’s face, which was still pale. He finally picked up the bowl of porridge.

"Yes, yes. Since you, the instructor, are saying so, the weak officer will follow quietly."
Jeong Tae-ui recalled a saying about sticking your head into a tiger’s mouth, but looking at Ilay, who was in such a condition, he let his guard down slightly. Even though a tiger was a tiger, he wasn’t about to provoke him. If things went wrong, he might end up with that pale face shoved into the bowl.
While thinking this, Jeong Tae-ui sighed again. It wasn’t a joke. If he hadn’t known that Ilay usually had such a pale complexion, he might have really thought there was a corpse lying there. At least, with Ilay, it was understandable when he said he had "a little less strength than usual." If it had been Jeong Tae-ui himself, after not being able to eat for days and enduring a high fever—he would’ve said, "It wouldn’t be surprising if I die right now."

When Jeong Tae-ui picked up the bowl again and turned back, it seemed perfectly timed—Ilay opened his eyes. His dark eyes, so deep it seemed like endless black, stared at the ceiling for a moment, then slowly shifted down to meet Jeong Tae-ui’s gaze. It felt eerie, like a wax figure whose eyes were the only thing moving.
"...You have no color in your face. If you went somewhere, they’d probably call you Dracula."
Jeong Tae-ui replied gruffly, and Ilay smiled. This time, he smiled a little longer than before.

"So, are you keeping your distance because you’re afraid I’ll bite your neck?"
"Me?"
"Not you?"

"...What if you were me?"
For a moment, Jeong Tae-ui thought about pretending it wasn’t true, but, as always, a tiger was still a tiger even when it was dying. He wasn’t going to be reckless and provoke him. He would have to be careful, especially after seeing Ilay come back from near death.
Ilay smiled again.

"Sometimes you act much wiser than I do. Like now."
It was a subtle way of saying, "Good job for not making a fuss."
Jeong Tae-ui didn’t feel flattered by the compliment. Instead, he stirred the porridge with a bitter expression. At that moment, Ilay’s hand caught his eye. The fingers, which had been twitching earlier, were now slowly curling into a fist and opening again. Even though it looked like there was no strength behind it, Jeong Tae-ui clicked his tongue. He took a spoonful of ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) the porridge. It was steaming faintly, but it seemed to have cooled down quite a bit. He tasted it. It was lukewarm, just right.

"Perfect. Here."
Jeong Tae-ui brought the bowl of porridge to Ilay. Since he had opened his eyes, Ilay’s gaze had remained fixed on Jeong Tae-ui, but now his eyes narrowed slightly.
"I know seven different ways to poison someone with the same bowl of food."

The slow, murmured words made Jeong Tae-ui pause. Before he could think that Ilay must be sick, he was suddenly struck with a surge of anger.
This bastard is saying this now…
Jeong Tae-ui openly showed his displeasure and glared at Ilay. He pulled the spoon away from him. His voice turned cold.

"If I had wanted to kill you, I would have done it three days ago without dirtying my hands. I would have had someone else do it, or if I didn’t care whether you died, I wouldn’t have bothered making the porridge myself and would have asked someone else to make it for you."
"...Ah. So, that means you want me to live…?"
"Until thirty seconds ago, yes. I’ve still kind of liked you in my own way."

Was this what they called ingratitude? Jeong Tae-ui clicked his tongue at the thought. He had just heard one of the most unpleasant types of words, words that threw someone’s kindness into the mud. Who would feel good hearing such words?
Thinking about it, though, even though this man could casually toss aside someone’s kindness, even love, as if it were nothing, he hadn’t really said such things out loud due to his peculiar wisdom. But now, he clearly seemed a bit out of his mind.
Jeong Tae-ui muttered under his breath, "Once you’re better, you can eat it or throw it away yourself." He set the porridge bowl down and stood up from the bed.

But at that moment, a hand grabbed his wrist. The hand, which had been slowly curling and uncurled a moment ago, now grasped his wrist with surprising strength, making Jeong Tae-ui flinch. He turned his head, and Ilay’s dark eyes were staring at him, though it was hard to tell what he was thinking. The look seemed a little awkward, maybe even like he regretted something.
"..."
Ilay’s lips parted slightly as though he was about to speak, but they stopped, unable to find the right words, and then closed again. Jeong Tae-ui was momentarily thrown off by the unexpected sight. Could this man, of all people, actually be having a human-like thought?

Jeong Tae-ui looked down at the large hand gripping his wrist. It seemed weak, but it was surprisingly hard to shake off. He stared at the hand for a while, then shifted his gaze to Ilay, who still had an awkward expression on his face. Ilay sighed quietly and released his grip.
"I spoke wrong. I made a mistake... Don’t go. If I don’t eat this porridge right now, I feel like I’m going to die."
"...So?"

"...Sorry. Tae-ui."
It was clear that Ilay had lost his mind from the fever. His voice was slow, but still somewhat clear, so Jeong Tae-ui had thought he had regained his senses, but that wasn’t the case. His reasoning was still wandering somewhere beyond his confused consciousness.
Jeong Tae-ui tried to keep a neutral expression as he picked up the bowl of porridge again. He even wondered if it was his own ears that were playing tricks on him from the heat. He carefully brought the spoon to Ilay’s lips, and Ilay opened his mouth, accepting the porridge without resistance. This unexpected, docile side of him felt unsettling, but at the same time, it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

"It’s bland."
After swallowing, Ilay let the taste linger before muttering.
"If you eat something salty while in that condition, you’ll get dehydrated on top of everything else. Even you would die."

"Ah, even I would."
Ilay smiled faintly. Jeong Tae-ui felt a pang of regret but hid it well, quickly scooping more porridge and forcing it into Ilay’s mouth. He tried to block his mouth with the spoon, but Ilay took another two spoonfuls without missing a beat.
"Don’t you think I’ll die?"

"Well... Considering you’re talking so clearly despite the fever, I don’t think you’re close to death yet."
Jeong Tae-ui placed the back of his hand lightly on Ilay’s forehead. It was still burning with a fever far beyond normal. With this much heat, he should be almost in a coma, only muttering nonsense, but Ilay was different. Truly an unusual man.
"Ah."

Just as Jeong Tae-ui was about to scoop the third spoonful of porridge, Ilay murmured again. Jeong Tae-ui glanced at him, and Ilay, with his eyes closed, spoke softly.
"One more."
"Huh?"

"My hand feels cool. I’m kind of hot right now."
Jeong Tae-ui stared at him blankly for a moment. Then he put the spoon down and placed his hand on Ilay’s forehead again. His hand was warmer than usual, but it still didn’t compare to the heat coming from Ilay’s forehead.
"Do you want me to bring you an ice pack?"

"No, your hand is better. It’s cool and soft... It’s lukewarm. The other hand."
"Yes, yes, I’m your personal cooling device, as you like," Jeong Tae-ui replied, placing his other hand on Ilay’s forehead. Ilay, eyes still closed, quietly held Jeong Tae-ui’s hand on his forehead. After a moment, he slightly lifted his head and pressed his cheek against Jeong Tae-ui’s hand. His cheek was as hot as his forehead. The fact that he could be so pale with such high fever was strange, and Jeong Tae-ui couldn’t help but stare at him.
Suddenly, Ilay opened his eyes. The dark eyes met Jeong Tae-ui’s, and for no particular reason, Jeong Tae-ui’s body stiffened.

"While I wasn’t around..."
"...?"
"Did the weak officer do alright? Judging by that face, you must have gotten close to someone. Who was it this time?"

Ilay’s gaze swept over Jeong Tae-ui’s temples, where bruises were still visible. It wasn’t anything new.
"If you know who it was, were you thinking the instructor would take revenge on my behalf? If you’re going to fight with your life, you should at least be able to talk about it. What a shame, though. I couldn’t even rest while you were in a coma. I was too busy checking on you every hour, worried you might have died."
"Ha ha. For three days? You, officer, are hopeless."

"Well, when you put it that way, it’s a mistake to make friends with people who are constantly threatened with death."
Jeong Tae-ui glanced at the ceiling, briefly lost in thought, before shaking his head. Making friends was a two-way street. Even if Jeong Tae-ui thought they had a connection, if the other person didn’t feel the same, there was no such thing as a relationship.
Even if he hadn’t been Ilay’s officer, he would have asked about him at least once or twice a day, but that was it. A two-way relationship with this man couldn’t exist. Ilay seemed to have the same thought as he muttered, "Friendship," and smiled subtly.

Jeong Tae-ui, following Ilay’s request, moved his other hand to his forehead, but now the difference in temperature between his hand and Ilay’s forehead was barely noticeable. He thought for a moment, If his hand is cooler than an ice pack, maybe I should bring ice and just hold it.
"Jeong Tae-ui."
Hearing his name suddenly, Jeong Tae-ui looked at Ilay. For the first time in a while, Ilay pronounced his name clearly, but he wasn’t looking at him. It seemed like he was lost in thought, staring blankly at some distant spot in the air.

"Yeah, for three days. It was you... wasn’t it?"
"...? Just to be clear, I didn’t do anything. I only watched you. If you had a bad dream or something, it wasn’t me. Whoever tried to kill you, it must have been a coma fantasy."
Jeong Tae-ui quickly explained, worried that the situation might take a strange turn. If Ilay had misunderstood and thought that everything that happened in the past three days was Jeong Tae-ui’s fault, that would be difficult to deal with. But Ilay didn’t seem to blame him at all. He just stared into space for a while, then slowly turned back to Jeong Tae-ui. His eyes were smiling.

"My defense instincts are a bit better than most. So even when I fall asleep, I never lose full consciousness. Even if my body is uncomfortable, a part of me is always awake. Whether I can move freely or not is a different matter."
Hearing these slow words, Jeong Tae-ui quickly went over the past three days in his mind. He had only visited Ilay to check on him, nothing more. There was nothing that would have made Ilay want to hold a grudge against him. He had wondered if he had said something nasty, but there was nothing like that in his memories.
I’m glad. Maybe I’m the one with stronger defense instincts.

As he remembered his own internal mutterings, Jeong Tae-ui felt relieved that he hadn’t voiced them aloud.
"Is it that strange that someone who used to grab people like they were prey is now lying here like this?"
Ilay said with a calm smile. Jeong Tae-ui felt Ilay’s hand twitch slightly on his forehead. Ilay’s smile grew as he seemed to notice it.

Damn. He heard that.
Jeong Tae-ui rolled his eyes slightly and turned his gaze away. He had been half-conscious from the fever, but now Ilay was saying these things like nothing happened.