Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

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　My whole body felt as if I was floating through water, swaying back and forth.

　It's a dark, endlessly dark world.

　I couldn't find any light source, and I couldn't tell up from down or left from right. I couldn't feel my body touching anything, and even before that, I couldn't feel my hands, feet, eyes, ears, or other sensory organs working.

　Even my consciousness was hazy and my thoughts were unsteady.

　I was filled with random thoughts such as, where am I, who am I, why am I like this, and so on.

『--- I am.』

　Suddenly, someone's voice reached me from the pitch blackness.

　For some reason, what reached my trembling eardrum-less ears wasn't a sound, but a consciousness. Hearing this, which directly shook my thoughts, my consciousness began to wander, with no sign of the voice's owner.

『---』

　It was a sound that seemed incredibly ephemeral, and it seemed to tighten the hearts of those who heard it with sadness.

　Therefore, when I hear it, my heart tightens so much that it hurts. But the feeling is somehow accompanied by a nostalgic sense of relief, and I can't help but feel a deep sense of love that brings tears to my eyes.

　If I had fingers, I would reach out to the source of the voice.

　If I had a mouth, I would call the name of the person who spoke that voice.

　If I had arms, I'd hug the owner of that voice.

　If I had legs, I would run to the source of the voice.

　If I had a body, I would never have to let go of that voice.

　Right now, in this place, I cannot forgive any of that, and it makes me feel extremely sad, frustrated, painful, regretful, and frustrated.

"--i love you"

　I feel the same way.

　Clearly formed words slammed with emotion, and a non-existent mouth shouted a loud, emotional outburst.

　I feel the same. No, I feel even more. No matter how much warmth I receive, it will never come close to the burning love I feel for this person.

　Even if the other person feels the same way, our feelings are still greater.

　The love for each other accelerates as if competing with each other, yet there is no one to whom to express it.

　The swelling emotions and overflowing love bring the lingering guilt to light.

　--Laziness that cannot wipe away the tears of sadness.

　--The desire to melt into one another, to become one.

　ーーA glutton who wanted to devour and snatch everything.

　--The greed to love, desire, want, and obtain everything.

　--Anger towards the unreasonable world that does not allow this.

　--The arrogance that makes him look down on everyone except her.

　The space that was previously dyed black is now filled with an immense amount of love.

　My heart was trembling. My soul was crying out. My very existence, which had lost its form, was seeking something.

　I want to give it all, expose everything, and just disappear into this void. If I could do that...

"Really?"

　Suddenly, the call changed color and began to stir my heart.

　These are words that ask whether I am prepared. Words that ask whether I am willing to give form to my current emotions.

　It's so obvious, so natural, why hesitate?

　But something felt different. Something was bothering me. Something pointed to my heart.

　There is confusion. There is hesitation. There is bewilderment. What on earth has caused this...?

"Can you finish it?"

　--There's no way it can end.

　For some reason, the answer to my question came instantly.

　I don't know the beginning, the end, what I was seeing, or what I was looking for, anything.

　There were so many things I didn't understand, nothing but things I didn't understand, but my emotions simply refused to accept that things would remain the same.

　It can't end. It can't end. It's not over. It's not going to end.

"What do you want to do?"

　I want to do something. I'll do something. Doing something is my job.

"Because it's what I have to do."

　A voice came out.

　I suddenly found my feet on the ground, I could feel my limbs, and I had a clear sense of who I was.

　I still don't know what I've left behind. But I know I have to run somewhere, there's a place I have to rush to.

"I still can't meet you."

"I know."

　I don't understand anything. But I know this.

　Suppressing the urge to reach out his fingers, he turned his back on the voice and started running.

　If I stop once, I'm sure I'll be weighed down with so much regret that I won't be able to start running again. So I won't look back. I won't even pay attention. I'll leave you behind, I'll leave you behind, I'll move further and further away - but someday I'll definitely take your hand.

"--i love you"

　The voices grow distant and the world seems to peel away and crumble.

　In front of me, in the pitch black world, I saw a single white light, the end of the pitch black.

　Run, run, run, get closer. And when they reached there――

"Subaru-kun"

　Finally, as if he heard a lovely voice calling his name, Natsuki Subaru――

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"--Big Bro?"

"a?"

　Suddenly I heard my name being called and felt someone shaking my shoulders.

　As if pushed by a rough, hard palm, Subaru's consciousness was brought back to reality.

　ーーAt the same time as he realised this, an immeasurable shudder ran through Subaru's entire body.

　After just a few blinks, Subaru understood everything.

　Now, like this, the gap that had been born in his continuous consciousness - this was something he had already experienced many times before, the disappearance and rebirth of existence that came from experiencing death.

　and,

"That's impossible...!"

　After overcoming all those hardships and difficulties, he lost his life again.

　As a result, Subaru had missed out on all the experiences he had gained along the way to get thereーー,

"What is it, big bro? I was totally staring at you just now, please."

　He turned around in a panic, and saw Ricardo's dog-face right in front of him, looking at him with a suspicious look. The animal-smelling breath hit his face, and Subaru immediately,

"Flanders?!"

"Ahh! What are you doing?!"

　Ricardo instinctively swept the tip of the boy's nose away with his arm, his eyes widening at the sudden and violent attack. Then, Ricardo's scream drew the attention of the people around him, wondering what was going on.

　In that storm of gazes was Julius. Ferris. Mimi, Tibby, the rest of the extermination squad, and above all,

"Are you feeling tired, Subaru-dono?"

　That's what Wilhelm was saying, looking at our situation with concern.

"Ahh..."

　With a sudden, relaxed sigh, Subaru relaxed his shoulders and realized, all too late, that he had been sitting on the ground.

　Feeling the cool temperature of the earth on his bottom, Subaru lightly clenched his fist, feeling the rough texture of grass and earth inside it, and then,

"The save point...was it updated...?"

　A narrow escape from death - it was no laughing matter, and he was relieved that it was a blessing in disguise.

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　--Based on what the people around him had said, it seemed that Subaru had returned after finishing the battle with the White Whale, and had joined Julius in the middle of the meeting to discuss measures against the Witch Cult.

　When he briefly explained how even a monkey could hunt witches, it seemed to them that Subaru had suddenly traveled to another world. In fact, he had already started to travel backwards at that point, so it wasn't a wrong interpretation, but anyway.

"I guess it's okay, since Duke Pete did it. Well, it's not okay though."

　Subaru's expression was complicated, torn between the good fortune of being able to return to this scene and the misfortune of having to be "Returned by Death" in the first place.

　Returning by Death was nothing short of a disaster, but the fact that he returned to his current location was the best thing. At worst, there was a good chance that he would once again find himself faced with the disfigured greengrocer waiting for him when he returned.

"Actually, thinking back, I remember returning to the old man's place the first time too... What the heck, what kind of connection is that? Does the old man have some kind of save point function in this world?"

　There are many possibilities, such as a public telephone, a mysterious crystal, an old typewriter, or even confessing to a priest at a church.

"If you think about it like that, it's a new sensation to have an old man acting as a save point... Ricardo is similar in type too, so is that why you're here?"

"What's wrong with you? You've been staring at other people's faces. Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing, you know."

　Subaru suddenly turned his face away and let out a sigh so Ricardo couldn't see his face.

　He let it slip, letting his thoughts wander in random directions, taking the time to calm down, just enough to disguise the uncontrollable trembling of his fists.

　It's not that the fear of death, or the relief at having been spared despite having nearly died, doesn't influence the trembling.

　That wasn't to say that there weren't any, but what made Subaru's heart tremble was a completely different emotionーーno, it was passion.

　Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti of "Sloth" - the passionate rage he feels towards his most hated and worst enemy that never fades.

　That was the very thing that was currently causing Subaru to burn from the inside out with unbearable trembling.

"Possession――That's something you should think about. Throwing away your original body and transferring into another person, and then doing that to Wilhelm-san and Patrasche."

　Subaru had seen two people - one and a head - have their heads gruesomely twisted off right before his eyes. Immediately afterwards, his thoughts were unclear and he had no idea what he'd been thinking, but he knew the outcome of the actions he'd taken with that hazy head.

　He pulled the sword from Wilhelm's body and stabbed himself in the throat.

　It was true that he was shocked by the old swordsman's death, but Subaru did not value his own life so lightly or carelessly that he would immediately follow suit and commit suicide in the hope of starting over.

　It's possible that after thinking about it, he would have wanted to do it over and would have chosen the same outcome, but he would have put more thought into it at the time before doing so.

　In other words,

"I don't want to believe it, but... he got inside me?"

　It is the worst situation literally, and even just thinking about it is the worst possible situation.

　To top it all off, she ended up sharing her body with the most despicable being in the world, and on top of that, if we just look at the results, she was defeated in the struggle for dominance and was forced to commit suicide.

　Although they had intended to be close as vessel and soul for 17 years, they were made to realize that their relationship had become quite cold. They were easy to get other souls on board, and had a loose body.

"That bastard was already the worst kind of guy, but now this has completely blown my mind, what should I do?"

　Placing his hand on his chin, Subaru could only gasp at the terrifying power of Petelgeuse's authority.

　If we were to assume that it was not picky about its partners and could possess anyone it liked in order to survive, it would mean that its existence was inevitably eradicated.

　No matter how many times we kill it, it continues to possess those around us and survive, so we will not be able to eliminate it unless we eradicate all of humanity.

　I'd like to believe that he doesn't possess such unfair abilities, though.

"In a situation like this, how can we defeat it? The easiest way to understand this is if there are conditions to the possession, but I'm not sure how to tell. Is there a limit to the number of times it can be used... I don't understand that either."

　If there are conditions for possession, even identifying them is difficult to hypothesize.

　The first body he encounters is that of a skinny man, the next time he encounters it is that of a woman around twenty years old, and finally Subaru's body. He can't find anything in common.

　If there is a limit to the number of times it can be used, this is also troublesome, as there is no limit in sight, and the current calculations mean that the user will have to kill the enemy at least three times before he dies.

"If I knew that killing him once wouldn't be enough, I could just mention Wilhelm-san and defeat him, but… if I can't see a landing point, it'll just be a grind to kill him."

　At this point, Subaru realizes just how difficult it will be to defeat Betelgeuse.

　Thinking back, even his attitude of not fearing death suggested this possibility. It would make sense if, in the past, when he was frozen by Pac in the world, he was able to survive by switching bodies like this.

　In the worst case, in the truly worst case scenario――

"Giving up on defeating Betelgeuse is probably an option..."

　If Subaru's original objective was to take priority, then this was undoubtedly one of the methods he would have had to choose.

　The reason why Natsuki Subaru was heading for the Mathers territory and returning with his companions in such a hurry was none other than that he wanted to help the people of the mansion and village, rather than destroying the Witch Cult.

　In the past, her feelings had wavered, and she had hated the Witch Cult so much that she had sought revenge with the ultimate goal of annihilat- ing them, but now her passion has subsided.

　The one who made Subaru think this was none other than the blue-haired girl.

　Without her devotion, Subaru would still be wandering in deep darkness, with no way out, his mind worn down.

　But what she said to Subaru wasn't, "Defeat them."

　Don't give up on the lives of your loved ones.

　It is a humiliation. I can't help but clench my teeth in frustration.

　But, that was just one way Subaru could save them―no, only Subaru could.

　Only Subaru, who knows about the Witch Cult's attack, can seize the opportunity and rescue Emilia and the others. The priority of eliminating the Witch Cult is simply placing emphasis on eliminating the root cause, but if survival is the priority, then the option of escape is also worth considering.

　Above all, the "White Whale" has been defeated and the alliance continues.

　This time, we are not prepared enough to defeat "Sloth". If we prepare in advance to defeat "Sloth" and plan our strategy in the same way as we did with the White Whale, we may have an opportunity to destroy it naturally.

　that's why--.

"Lord Subaru."

　Suddenly, a quiet voice called his name, and Subaru, who had been lost in a sea of ​​thoughts, raised his head.

　In front of him, Wilhelm was looking at Subaru with a gaze as clear as the lake's surface. His heart beat quickened. It felt as if someone was looking right into his soul.

"Is there something that you're worried about?"

"Ah, no..."

"You can say it. There's no need to bear it all by yourself."

　Subaru hesitated, but Wilhelm continued to press him as if he understood.

　Noticing the exchange between the two of them, the people around them began to turn their attention towards them.

　Feeling uncomfortable and ill-treated by the swirl of gazes directed at him, Subaru shook his head slightly.

"That's not it. I was just trying to organize my thoughts. If I talk in a disorganized state, it won't be very clear, right? So..."

"So maybe that made you start to consider giving up?"

"Giving up is not the same as that."

　Although it was said gently, Subaru felt as if one of his considerations had been denied and he curled his lip. Giving up isn't the right word to use. Subaru simply wanted to make sure he didn't lose sight of his goal.

　Because I lost sight of that, I missed out on a lot of things, so now that I've been given a chance to start over, I want to make sure I don't let anything slip through my fingers this time.

　However, Subaru's thoughts,

"Subaru-sama, it may be extremely rude of me to say this, but I will say it anyway."

"O-okay. It's weird when you come here so formally. Yes, I'll listen."

"--Fight."

　Low, those were words that shook the air.

　But when he received it, Subaru's body, mind, and soul certainly trembled.

　Wilhelm opened his eyes - the Sword Demon - and stared straight at Subaru.

　The demonic aura leaked out from his entire body, covering Subaru completely, gripping him and not letting go.

"If you have decided to fight, to resist, then fight with all your heart and soul. Don't give up for even a moment, not a second, not even a moment, and hungrily cling to the one thing that is in your sights - victory. There must be no compromise, there shouldn't be. If you can still stand, if your fingers can still move, if your fangs are not yet broken, then stand, stand, stand, stand, fight. --Fight."

"――――"

　It was very similar to the words that Wilhelm had once given to Subaru.

　In the gardens of Crusch's mansion, after Subaru had been beaten down by the wooden sword, Wilhelm, just at that moment, showed a glimpse of his true colours as the Sword Demon and spoke to him about his fighting spirit.

　At that time, when Subaru had heard that, Wilhelm had called him "a person who has no intention of becoming stronger", and in truth Subaru had not taken him seriously.

　Now, I think it's different.

　Because I felt that if things were different, I should change.

"Don't compromise, okay?"

"--Yes. No matter how tough the path is."

Subaru: "By choosing to fight, I got many people involved in the fight against the White Whale. Now, as we are about to fight, I will involve everyone here. --Someone might even die."

　As I say it, I can feel my heart trembling.

　Subaru's decisions, thoughts, and actions were all weighed down by the lives of others. It had always been this way, he realized now.

　Crusch and the others still had their own plans for the battle against the White Whale. The weight of the lives of the many casualties that occurred in that battle rested on the shoulders of Subaru and Crusch.

　But the battle ahead was different. This was a battle that Subaru had chosen, that Subaru had wished for, that Subaru had involved those around him, and yet it was one that he had started.

　Subaru must bear the lives of all those around him who are taking on this battle equally. It's not a matter of duty or responsibility. It's a matter of soul and pride.

"But even so, you're going to put up with my selfishness? You're going to entrust your life to my greedy, greedy selfishness?"

"What's the point of saying this now?"

　Subaru's question about his resolve even made Wilhelm smile slightly.

　Looking around, he saw that the people around him were looking at Subaru with similar expressions on their faces. Ferris was the only one with a sour look on his face, which was typical of him.

　And as Subaru was unable to move under those gazes, Wilhelm nodded,

"To act in order to protect what one wishes to protect is the way of a knight. Therefore, as someone who shares the same aspirations, who could possibly object to Subaru-dono's path?"

"----!"

　Upon hearing Wilhelm's words, the knights all drew their swords.

　The beastman mercenary group, who were slow to react, saw what was happening and all of them responded with wry smiles, pulling out their respective prey in the same way and lifting them up lightly.

"Even if you have the will, I understand the feeling of lamenting a lack of power. —And that is why we exist. We are now Subaru-dono's sword. We are the power to grant Subaru-dono's wishes."

"Sword..."

"Do what you must. No one else. For your own sake - not your own selfish desires, your own will."

　Subaru felt as if something heavy had fallen from his chest.

　This was the exact same process that had been causing the dark thoughts surrounding Subaru to clear away, and at the same time, an uncomfortable feeling of embarrassment welled up inside him.

　--And above all, it's an unbearable feeling of euphoria at how dependable he is.

"We have to help Emilia and the others."

"yes"

"But the truth is, we need to deal with those Witch Cult guys."

"yes"

"The truth is, I thought it would be best if I ran away. It seemed like the fight was going to be much more difficult than I had thought. At worst, knowing that it was coming was a good thing, so I thought it might be best to run away."

　If it were the Subaru from earlier, he would surely have chosen that option.

　They would have reconciled their emotions with plausible reasoning, taken the next best course, and kept fighting until they achieved a satisfactory result.

　But, the knights had been so supportive of Subaru.

　If he did not comply with this, then he was not a man.

"This is our only chance to strike down the Witch Cult's 'Sloth'. There's no way to predict when they'll appear next, and there's no guarantee of what they'll look like next."

"――――"

"I have to finish him off here. Definitely."

　Putting it off for now, just escaping this time, there was no way he would be able to escape his evil clutches. He was a vindictive guy. He was sure that somewhere, in a way that Subaru didn't know about, he would reach out his evil hand again. And when that time came, there was no guarantee that Subaru would be in a position to do so in time.

　We should assume that we will never again be blessed with an opportunity like this one.

　And we are arrogant and think that there will always be a next time, nor are we wise enough to settle for second best.

"I'll save Emilia and the others. I'll defeat the Witch Cult. The hard part is having to do both. Are you ready? I've finally made up my mind."

"--Are you going?"

"Yes, let's go. We're in a race against time. I'll gather my thoughts on the way."

　There were still things he had to think about, obstacles he had to overcome, and hardships he had to overcome standing before Subaru.

　But even so, there are people who give Subaru strength. There are children who support the weak-willed Subaru. --He can look forward without looking down.

　Let's resist the "laziness" that blocks our destiny.

　Let's face our own "laziness" that makes us want to take the easier or weaker path.

　That is what it means to fight, that is what it means to live.

　Natsuki Subaru's attempt to defeat Petelgeuse of "Sloth."

　--The battle of Natsuki Subaru and his friends begins once again.