Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

"--Why did you come back?"

　Emilia asked, gazing at me with a terribly serious expression.

　Subaru saw his own face reflected in her silent, shining amethyst eyes. The light, tranquil as if reflecting the surface of a lake, shot straight through him as if it could see right into his inner self.

　Naturally, a shudder of emotion overwhelmed Subaru's entire body.

　Whether this was due to the positive or negative emotion he sensed from her penetrating gaze, Subaru wasn't sure at the moment.

　However, Subaru had just one answer to that question.

"--Why did you come back?"

　Repeated questions.

　When Subaru didn't reply, the question was thrown at him again, but it wasn't meant to rush him. Subaru held his breath at the soft question, and lightly moistened his lips with his tongue.

　And then, after lightly closing his eyesーー,

"Hey."

"――――"

　Silence returned, but it wasn't to reserve a response, but to encourage the other side to speak further. Subaru knew this, so he didn't hesitate, and formed his next words.

　Facing each other, with complicated feelings for each other, they still had the opportunity to exchange wordsーー,

"After all that chaos just now, it's pretty tough to maintain this atmosphere now, isn't it?"

"...That's something Subaru would say, it really doesn't make sense to me."

　Hearing Subaru's words with a smile on his face, Emilia let out a deep sigh, and, looking extremely helpless and helpless, loosened her lips slightly.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　--Subaru's lucky pervert adventure, guided by Ram, came to a glorious end thanks to Puck's fatherly and educational guidance.

　Subaru was then thrown into the garden with Ram's help, and before she could help him up he continued to grin, giving her an eerie impression, and as a result, the news of his disgrace reached Emilia herself――

"Did you hit your head or anything hard? You were upside down, but did you hurt your neck muscles? Ah, there's dirt up to your ears... why are these clothes so covered in blood and mud? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Come on, if you're hurt, quickly take them off..."

"Wait, wait... you can't, there are people around and it's still noon, so I can't take off your clothes..."

"I guess it's because I hit my head a lot..."

"I've always been like this! Thank you for worrying about me, but your eyes hurt!"

　Pushing aside Emilia, who kept reaching out to him in concern, Subaru shook his head, turned his head to dig out the dirt that had gotten into his ear, lightly brushed the dirt off his clothes, and did some leg raises on the spot to show he was alive and well, before re-entering the parlor.

　Inside, Pac and Ram, the two heroes of the recent turmoil, were sitting across from each other having tea at a small round table.

"That's quite a feat."

"No. It's not worthy of the praise of the Great Spirit at all."

"What are you guys having such a friendly chat about?"

　Subaru interrupts the two as they engage in a typical round of flattery, placing his hands on the table and glaring at them. However, the two of them ignore his anger and continue to calmly sip their tea. The small cup that Puck was using is an oddly surreal sight.

　They cleared their throats as they sipped their tea. After taking a breath, they both looked up at Subaru,

"Thanks to Ram's carelessness, you were able to see something good. I think you should use that to make a hand-made hit."

"Why are you acting all high and mighty? Are you a king?"

"I want you to be grateful for my mercy, even if you only have the head and neck attached. When I think of Lia's inexpressible shame, it makes me lament my own lack of ability."

"I'm surprised you tried to blow your head off with your own hands! I don't know many people who've ever died as a result of a lucky pervert accident!"

　The world is large, so if you look around, there may be people who have died in a similar way. Although, even Subaru, who has a record of consecutive deaths, would not want to die that way.

　Anyway, after going through such circumstances――

"It's fine as long as you're not injured. There are many things we need to talk about, though..."

　Subaru grimaced at the two's unashamed responses, and Emilia quietly muttered as she walked past him.

　Her silver hair flowed as she walked, and as she turned around, a sparkle formed an arch. Subaru was captivated by it, and she sat down on the bed, gazing up at him,

"--Why did you come back?"

　So that brings us back to the first question.

　Having reminisced up to that point, it's hard to remain serious after all.

　Subaru hadn't intended to make fun of him, but the situation had turned out that way, and he scratched his head. Emilia, ignoring Subaru, pouted and looked annoyed.

"It's all Ram and Puck's fault. It didn't have to be like this... It shouldn't have been like this. Seriously."

"I am extremely sorry, Lady Emilia. If your anger has not yet subsided, I will accept any reprimand or punishment. – Barusu."

"Don't you have any awareness that you are the perpetrator?"

"I always think that Ram is on top and Barus is on the bottom."

"You, you bully! You're a bully! This is the first time I've seen a maid so far from being submissive, so full of tyranny!"

　Given her perfect appearance and graceful behavior, Ram's boldness was a shock to see after such a long time. As he and Subaru were having a conversation about how they hadn't made any progress since the days when they had left her behind, Ram suddenly narrowed her eyes and carefully observed Subaru,

"Wh, what is it..."

"Your face seems a little less anxious. It's about a hair's breadth better than before."

"----!"

　Subaru involuntarily held his breath at those relentless words of concern.

　In fact, until just now, Subaru's limbs had felt as heavy as if they were filled with lead, and rather than feeling excited about the prospect of being reunited with Emilia, his heart felt constricted with anxiety.

　But now, the sense of impatience and anxiety has been alleviated to a certain extent, and there is no pain in my tongue, which should have been parched.

　Subaru realized that this was Ram's way of trying to understand his feelings, and a complicated feeling of gratitude enveloped him.

"You're too hard to understand, I'm not sure what you mean."

"Women are constantly toying with men by giving them difficult questions that have no answer. If they were easily solved and men got bored of them, they would just run away."

"You were just trying to cover it up by saying something that sounded like it was true, I'm not impressed or anything. --I am grateful, though."

"Lady Emilia. Now, Balusu thanks Ram for letting him peek at you getting changed. This man is the worst kind of nymphomaniac."

"I wouldn't commit such advanced sexual harassment! You're still the same person you were just now, aren't you!?"

　Subaru loudly butts in, with all gratitude gone, and Ram covers her ears and pretends not to hear. Subaru is rendered speechless by her brazen, business-as-usual attitude.

　However, seeing the two of them interacting,

"--Hehe."

"oh"

　Subaru saw Emilia put her hand to her mouth, letting out an urge to laugh that she couldn't resist. She was doing her best to hold it in, but when Subaru noticed and raised her eyebrows, she seemed to have given up.

"Well, the two of you are messing around like that... I feel like an idiot for trying to hold back."

"That's fine. Let's talk and laugh instead of getting angry and pissed. A lot has happened, but it's better to talk and laugh. I'll be as clownish as I want to for that. Right, Ram?"

"--Phew."

"What? It's not getting on!?"

　Subaru was happy that Emilia had responded in that way, and his excitement rose and he started to talk, causing Ram to look at him with disdain. When Subaru responded in kind, Emilia's mouth started to loosen even more, creating a loop that repeated itself.

"You two haven't changed at all. It feels like it's been a really long time since I laughed."

"That's true. It's been a long time since I've seen Emilia-sama do that, Ram."

　As Emilia uses her fingers to wipe away the tears that have welled up in the corners of her eyes, Ram bends over and quietly tells her.

　Hearing this, Emilia's expression stiffened slightly, and Ram, seeing this through, as if she had completed her task,

"Balus. I'll leave the rest of this to you, so do your best."

"But what are you going to do about this strange atmosphere?"

"I think I've created an atmosphere where it's easy to talk. The rest of the work is up to Barusu. Ram is busy with a lot of preparations. For the reason that Barusu brought it up."

　Subaru could only remain silent as she stared up at him with a serene gaze.

　After confirming that Subaru had not objected, Ram bowed deeply to Emilia,

"Lady Emilia, Ram needs to make some preparations so I will be away for a while. I will leave it to Barusu to explain the situation… I will follow your instructions and decisions, Lady Emilia."

"Ram... but I..."

"I will follow whatever decision Emilia-sama makes. That is what Roswaal-sama commands."

　Ram interrupts the stammering Emilia, and after saying just that, she leaves the room. The last thing she does is look Subaru in the eye as the door closes, and it makes him straighten his back. She made him go to all the trouble right up until the very end.

　When I looked at the table, Puck was no longer there.

　Either she had hidden herself unconsciously in Emilia's hair, or she had dissipated into the mana and retreated from the scene, but for now, at least technically, the two of them were alone in the room.

　Subaru and Emilia, just the two of them.

"It's been a really long time since I last talked to Subaru like this."

　Unable to find an opportunity to start speaking, Subaru had been content with remaining silent for a while, but it was Emilia who first started the conversation.

　Subaru looked up, and Emilia, still sitting on the bed, had calm eyes, no trace of the smoldering passion from back then.

　First of all, I think I was able to get over the initial awkwardness before the fact. Rather than saying I got over it, I can't help but feel like I was allowed to get over it.

"Yes, I was overwhelmed by the thought of being separated from Emilia-tan. With each passing day, the Emiliaase in me was decreasing, and I thought I would be unable to breathe due to a deficiency."

　Emiliaise is the nickname for the Emilia portion of Subaru that fills up inside him as he talks with Emilia, gazes at her, and smells her lingering scent.

　When the deficiency reaches a terminal stage, it can lead to adverse effects such as despair and disappointment in the world, making it a troublesome symptom that requires immediate replenishment.

"Is that why you came back?"

"--Nnn, that's one reason, but that's not all."

　Emilia's reply to the flippant remark was flat.

　Subaru took this as a turning point and thought with an incredibly calm mind.

　I need to find the answer to what happened when we passed each other at that time, in that place.

Subaru: "The main reason is that I wanted to see Emilia-tan, but of course there were many other reasons. The second most important of those was—I wanted to help you."

「――――!!」

　Emilia gasped, and I saw her hands grip the sheets tightly as she placed them on the bed. Her expression stiffened, and a deep agitation spread across her amethyst eyes.

　However, she quickly hid the shock that had run through her under a false appearance of composure, and put on a fake smile that even Subaru could see,

"What are you talking about? Even if you say power, it's nothing in particular. There's nothing for Subaru to be worried about…"

"You're really bad at hiding things, Emilia-tan. I came all the way up here through the village too, you know? I pretty much know what's happened."

"...Right. That's right."

　Emilia's smile turned weak after Subaru pointed it out.

　Even so, she managed to turn her head from its downward position and not take her eyes off Subaru, which was admirable. People who are overwhelmed by their powerlessness quickly give in to their own weakness and look down. That was something she would not allow herself to do.

"You see, Subaru, I'm… well, I'm a half-elf."

"Yeah, I know. I was there during the royal selection process and had the opportunity to hear from a lot of people. I probably know more about it than you think, Emilia-tan."

　Subaru walked over to where Emilia was sitting on the bed, then knelt down to be at eye level with her, looking directly into her amethyst eyes.

"I don't intend to resent the fact that I'm a half-elf. I don't think there's any point in comparing myself to others and nitpicking our differences, and I don't want to belittle myself by thinking that being different is a bad thing. That's how I feel about my blood."

"Yeah. That's amazing, I think it's a great thing."

"But it seems like it's not going to be that easy from the perspective of the people around us. Just having a half-elf around makes a lot of people feel uneasy and scared."

　Emilia spoke calmly, trying to suppress her emotions as much as possible. As Subaru listened, he tried desperately to keep the overwhelming love that was overflowing from his heart from showing on his face.

　The sight of her fighting so hard against the environment around her and the lamentations of her own weak heart that arise from it is beautiful, noble, and so ephemeral that it seems as if she could disappear at any moment.

"Ram told me. There's a strange atmosphere in the forest. The micro-spirits have noticed something horrible and are frightened every morning. Something terrifying is going to happen. Something that makes you want to look away."

"――――"

"That's the state he's in right now. It's dangerous for him to come back here, even for Subaru. So, if you can, leave the mansion as soon as possible… Your treatment is probably still in progress, right? So."

Subaru: "If I leave like that, what will Emilia-tan do? Emilia-tan and the others in the village are in danger, right? Do you really think I'm the kind of man who would go off without asking that question?"

　Subaru shook his head in ecstasy. Emilia bit her lip slightly, then said, "Um," with a slight hesitation.

"Of course, as soon as I'm ready, I will leave the mansion. I will meet up with Roswaal, there are many things I need to think about. The villagers will come with me. That's why we've had some discussions in the village..."

Subaru: "They didn't listen to you, did they? That's what you said earlier. Flustering like that isn't like you, Emilia-tan."

"a..."

　Realizing how incoherent her own words were, Emilia shut her mouth uncomfortably.

　Her attitude was quite refreshing to Subaru, but it didn't make him happy at all, so he tilted his head towards the door leading to the village,

"--I've made the arrangements to help the villagers and Emilia-tan escape."

"...picture?"

"I bowed to many people in the royal capital and gathered a number of traveling merchants' dragon carriages in the village. There are enough for all the villagers to board and escape. There are even seats for Emilia-tan and Ram. Comfort isn't a priority, though, so I couldn't prepare first class."

　Emilia couldn't keep up with Subaru's rapid-fire words and looked at him blankly. Subaru continued to speak to her, as if to show her the urgency of the situation and how reliable he was, and that he would somehow manage to resolve it all.

"We've defeated most of the suspicious black guys hiding in the forest thanks to the reliable companions we brought over from the royal capital. As for the rest, we'll wrap them up and take care of them after letting them escape. We'll do it all well."

"Wait a second… Subaru, why would you say that…"

"I guess it's because so many people have helped me in that way - giving me advice, warnings, helping me reflect on my actions, helping me learn, letting me rely on them, supporting me, believing in me, making me want to believe, making me want to believe."

　Emilia was at a loss for words in response to Subaru's reply, which was not really an answer.

　But those were all Subaru's honest feelings. After he parted ways with Emilia and stayed in the royal capital, what he had been given in the days since then could not be put into words. Even though things had been stolen from him, he had come here to take them back. The things he had been given in those days were far greater than what Subaru had been given now.

"I... I said some horrible things to Subaru."

"It's fine. It would be a complete lie to say I wasn't worried, and to be honest, I was so worried I was dying, I had nightmares, and I thought I might have become depressed, and all I could think was negative thoughts."

"I'm really sorry..."

"If you don't let this go and just accept it, I won't have a place to stand. Ah, but, well, since this is how it is now, there's no need to worry about it. I'll keep thinking about it though, so I don't forget how stupid I was."

　Emilia's eyes widened at what Subaru said, and Subaru nodded back, his mind vividly recalling that moment, those few hours at the royal castle.

　There's no way I could forget. I must never forget. That humiliation, that well-deserved rejection.

　He realized how foolish he had been, so self-centered and self-centered that he had made Emilia say things he didn't want her to say.

"Right now, I want to help you. I have prepared everything for that. I can't say I'm perfect, but I'm doing the best I can. So, I want you to grab my hand."

"But I... I can't be that weak..."

"It's okay to be weak, Emilia-tan."

　Subaru laughed irresponsibly at her as she hesitated to take his outstretched hand.

　Her position, her role, her future all demanded that she be strong. That was surely correct. Having seen Crusch's nobility, Anastasia's strength, and Priscilla's arrogant ego in the royal capital, Subaru believed that these were also the qualities of a king.

　But I think this is it.

"I'm also super weak and helpless, but with the help of many people I've managed to get this far. I plan to continue relying on others to help me in the future. Of course, I don't intend to just borrow and leave it at that. I want to return what I borrowed and pull others back with the same hands that pulled me."

"a..."

"So, isn't it okay to just be the one being pulled at first? Even if we're weak now, we'll become stronger someday. For that reason, sitting back to back with each other is just right for now."

　It doesn't have to be perfect from the start.

　It's a childish idea that a king should be strong, noble, and righteous more than anyone else. But I know that everyone has that same childish fantasy about kings.

　That's why, as she aims to become king, no one will forgive her for being weak.

　But, Subaru wonders, is being weak really such a bad thing?

　Even if you are weak, you can keep looking up and walking towards becoming stronger.

　In that case, why not think that, believe that, and walk alongside someone?

"I'm here because so many people have held my hand. I'd like to be the one to hold your hand, too."

"Subaru..."

"So, please take my hand, Emilia-chan. If you're okay with having someone watching you, not in front of you, not behind you, but beside you, on your path to becoming king."

　Seeing the hand reach out timidly, Subaru's lips quirked up a little.

　Then, growing impatient with the thought of waiting, he grabbed her tightly as soon as his fingertips touched hers, and, pulling her arm as she let out a small cry, Subaru stood up as well.

　The two of them stood up, still holding hands, and looked at each other from close range.

　His heart was pounding. His emotions were about to explode. Hiding these emotions, Subaru twisted his mouth into a mischievous boyish smile,

"Does it feel a bit easier to stand up?"

"...Subaru, you idiot."

　In response to the question, Emilia lowered her eyes and muttered in a small voice.

　Subaru's smile disappeared at her attitude, and he panicked, wondering if he had said something wrong,

"Subaru, you idiot. Seriously, you're an idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot."

"That's an exaggeration! No, I know I'm being stupid, yes, I'm sorry."

"I've been thinking about a lot of things. I want to become king, and there are many things I have to study and do. I can't depend on others, and it's not good to rely on others, I've been thinking about it a lot."

　With her free hand on her hip, Emilia cheerily greets Subaru, who is shrinking away from her.

　As he listened, Subaru held his head in his free hand and could only endure the sudden Emilia-like storm.

"The villagers won't listen to me, and even Ram will listen but won't give me his opinion. As for Puck...it's pointless to ask him, and Roswaal always runs off somewhere...I've had no choice but to think about it all by myself."

　At such a crucial time, neither Subaru nor Rem were with her.

　If Subaru had been by her side, he would surely have been able to do something about the psychological burden she was enduring.

"I started thinking about pretending to be an evil wizard and making it rain ice on the village, and forcing everyone to evacuate."

"I-I guess it was a good idea not to do that. Let's keep it cool, okay?"

"Subaru came back before I could even begin! That alone was enough to make my head spin, but now Subaru is starting to say all sorts of things… I'm really in trouble."

　A small, light-sounding sigh escaped her mouth, and silence fell on the room for a moment.

　Feeling uncomfortable, Subaru is at a loss as he doesn't understand Emilia's feelings. She has made a lot of arrogant remarks and now he feels like punching himself for what he's done, but it's too late.

　If he could, he would like to pretend she had never returned, prepare a more perfect pick-up line and try again, but that is not possible. Natsuki Subaru is a man who cannot even make the most of a chance for revenge. Even if he thinks about it, it is a foolishness that cannot be cured even if he dies.

"Subaru, you have many faces."

"I haven't heard of the Hundred Faces thing lately... It's been a while since we've had this exchange."

　Subaru places his hands on his face to calm his facial muscles and looks at Emilia.

　Just then, she looked up at me. Our eyes met, and time stopped.

　Emilia had a calm expression on her face as Subaru couldn't move. Then, her lips parted slightly,

"I know I said some terrible things, but I don't think I said anything wrong."

"--Yeah, I think that's fine. I don't think that the feelings I had at the time were wrong. I do think that the way I did it, the way I expressed it, the process, and the end result were wrong, though."

"Isn't that all bad?"

"I'm deeply sorry! But I still believe that my feelings were not wrong."

　There's one thing I won't lie about.

　Seeing Subaru stubbornly refusing to give in, Emilia gave a small laugh.

"My hand is still clasped. Subaru's hands are really hot."

"I think my face and ears are just as good now... but... won't you tell me to let go?"

"This is how it was grabbed so tightly that it was triggered."

　Emilia lifted her clasped hands and shook them next to her face.

　Her hand met his smiling face, and an incredibly warm heartbeat permeated Subaru's chest.

"Are you going to help me again, Subaru?"

"As long as you still allow me to."

　Emilia closed her eyes at Subaru's answer.

　Let the answer you receive sink into your body and search for the answer within yourself.

　Then she opened her eyes, looked at Subaru with her amethyst eyes,

"Tell me about the various people and things Subaru prepared for me."

"Well, listen. If you think it's great, you can praise me."

"Don't get carried away."

　He lightly pokes me on the head with the hand that isn't holding it.

　It didn't hurt, but he was happy that she had touched him like that, and tears that shouldn't have come to his eyes started to well up at the corners of his eyes, so Subaru turned his face away to hide them.

"Well then, let's talk about various things with Ram. Seriously, there are so many things I want to talk about that I can't even begin to talk about them all, but I'll do that after we get over this climax."

"Yeah, I get it. I'm really curious, but let's do that for now."

　Taking Emilia's hand, and pleased that she didn't resist, Subaru began walking out of the room.

　I had to meet up with Ram, who had left earlier, and help with preparing the items to take out of the mansion. Julius and Wilhelm would be doing a good job of guiding the villagers to safety.

　Subaru's concerns about his own heart and his attitude towards Emilia were resolved, and although a complete answer was postponed, it was finally there for the time being.

　Just as I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders, someone suddenly grabbed my hand.

"Subaru, I feel I have to say this right now."

"Yeah?"

　Drawn by Emilia who had stopped in her tracks, Subaru also stopped and turned around.

　And, seeing the questioning look on Subaru's face, Emilia stopped breathing for just a moment, then a smile like a blooming flower appeared on her face,

"welcome home"

　--I strongly felt that it was for that smile that I came back here.