Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

　Her eyes, filled with sorrow, grabbed Subaru and wouldn't let go.

　Subaru felt the urge to scoff at Beatrice's words.

　-What did you just say?

　He would simply repeat the incomprehensible words that had just brushed his ears, put them on his tongue, and throw them back at Beatrice.

　Just twist the corners of your mouth into a smile and chime in like you normally would.

　It's just that the wind is a little - yes, a little - out of whack.

　Because that's how it has to be.

"――――"

　There was no way he could deny the "joke" of the girl in front of him with desperate eyes.

"You just said... what did you say?"

　After a moment of hesitation and a brief pause, Subaru finished speaking the lines he had prepared.

　If she just put a smile on her face and shrugged her shoulders, it would be perfect.

　And yet,

"...ah"

　Subaru's cheeks were tense, and not only his shoulders but even his fingertips were stiff and motionless.

　It was as if the existence of Natsuki Subaru reflected in Beatrice's eyes had been fixed exactly as it was in the world.

"I'll say it again as you wish."

"Wait..."

"--I want you to put an end to Betty with your own hands."

"Stop it!!"

　Subaru raised his voice and interrupted Beatrice.

　It was a somewhat comical exchange, with their positions completely opposite from before.

　Beatrice refused to listen to what he didn't want to hear, so Subaru forced his own theory on her, making her scream.

　Therefore, even if Beatrice did the same, Subaru would have no right to criticize her for her words and actions. Even though he knew he had no right to do so,

"What do you think you just said..."

"Do you even understand what you're being told right now?"

"what?"

Subaru: "I'm going to let your existence be the last of this spirit, Beatrice. I'm going to let you be 'that person', the one who will end the contract that has bound me for over four hundred years."

　"Consider it an honour," Beatrice said with a sarcastic, unbecoming smile.

　Her dry smile - looking at it, Subaru felt as if his chest was being scratched by fingertips with twisted claws.

　Finding this extremely unbearable, Subaru placed his hand on his chest,

"I don't understand... Are you saying you want to die?"

"I guess it's not exactly that she wants to die. Betty just wants the contract to be terminated. She just wants to be released from this eternal contract that has been binding her to this body forever."

"If that method means taking a life, then how is that any different from wanting to die!!"

　Stomping his foot, Subaru roared in anger, his throat trembling.

　The Gospels scattered at his feet are trampled under his heels, but he doesn't care.

　Pointing his finger at Beatrice, Subaru glared at her and barked.

"Don't say something ridiculous like you want to die! You can say that in front of anyone else, but I won't forgive you saying it in front of me, to me!"

　Once you die, you can't get your life back.

　Only Natsuki Subaru can start over even if he dies. Therefore, only Subaru himself can provide a justification for suicide, that there is value in risking his life to do something.

　But Beatrice is different. Unlike everyone else.

　Once a life is lost, it can never be regained.

　Even though she knew that, saying it in front of Subaru,

"What do you mean, you want it to end?! Don't say such selfish things! To end it… to act just for the sake of dying, even if anyone else does, there's no way I could forgive you!"

"That's a very selfish thing to say. What on earth do you know about Betty?"

　However, Beatrice's reply to Subaru's excitement was cold and stiff.

　She brushed her skirt aside, stood up, and touched the ends of her curls with her fingers.

"It has been four hundred years since Betty began managing the Forbidden Library as the guardian of knowledge. Four hundred years... I wonder if Betty has simply followed her contract and continued to wait for the right time."

"Four, hundred years..."

　That phrase again? Subaru grimaced, wanting to click his tongue.

　Four hundred years. A time when witches were at their most violent, a dreadful time when all those who lived long lives had some kind of karma.

　Beatrice was also born in that era and has lived to this day.

"I made a pact with the witch and took refuge with the Mathers family, who were in the same position as me. At first, I followed the descriptions in the gospels and simply waited quietly for the time to come."

"――――"

"But while she waited like that, time in the outside world probably passed by, moment by moment. The head of the Mathers family, who was in the same position as Betty, died of old age and was handed over to the next generation. Even though Betty saw the head of the family change, time probably just continued to flow without any change for her."

　What an agonizing time that must have been for Beatrice.

　The girl's matter-of-fact way of speaking vividly reflected the way her heart was worn down by the inorganic passage of time, and Subaru, listening to her, even felt a chill run down his spine.

"The promised day would come eventually - but when exactly would it be, or who that "person" would be who would visit Betty, and nothing else was known about it."

　But still, Beatrice shook her head.

"I guess she wasn't worried. Because, Betty had the Gospel in her hands. She just had to believe in the Gospel, which records the future, and wait for that day to come to be written on the blank page. If she waited, that time would surely come... that's right, she continued to believe."

"But..."

　Looking down at the page he was still pressing down on with his heel, Subaru was reminded of the cruelty of the completely blank page. Beatrice also nodded, understanding the meaning of Subaru's gaze.

　The Gospel, which should have been a source of hope for her, eventually...

"Every day, over and over again, checking to see if the information had been changed...the time spent checking was painful."

"..."

"How many times have I dreamed of new words being added to the page after the last entry? How many times have I imagined the day when that person, someone I had never even known, would visit me and help me fulfill the role he had given me?"

"...Beatrice."

"I think the Mathers family isn't a very populous family either. There have been many people who have visited Betty's Forbidden Library up until now. Many have placed their hands on the door of this library… and every time, Betty's heart has been betrayed."

　The person who pushed open the door and came in was not "that person."

　How many times have we been disappointed? How many times have we been disheartened? Our expectations are continually betrayed, and our hearts gradually wear down, and our eyes fill with resignation.

　Again and again, Beatrice's expectations were betrayed. Eventually, she even stopped having expectations. Her heart, which had risen to great heights, would be smashed back to the ground once again, and she could not bear the pain of it shattering, as she held on to the hope that it might reach her.

　It was only natural that the heart that had endured up to that point would begin to crack.

"As I was doing that, I noticed... No, I wonder if I noticed."

"For what?"

"The Gospels will never show Betty this passage."

　Beatrice knelt down and picked up the spine of the Gospel that had fallen at her feet. The pages had fallen out, leaving only the cover, giving off a feeling of loneliness.

　Beatrice picked up the book and traced the spine with her finger, then asked, "Do you know it?"

"The Gospels record the future of the person who holds it. The more detailed the contents, the clearer it will be, depending on the difference between the owner's memory and the world's memory."

"World memory...?"

"The world's memories, I suppose. The world not only knows about the present and the past, but also about events that will occur in the future. The Book of Wisdom is a forbidden book from which necessary knowledge can be extracted. The Gospels only partially inherit that function, I guess."

　It was Echidna who called the Book of Wisdom the Memory of the World.

　There was no doubt that Echidna and Beatrice had a close relationship. Beatrice then held the black cover out in front of Subaru so that he could see it,

"The fake Gospel that the Witch Cult has is based on roughly the same principle. It's just that the precision is different, but the magic formula they use is based on this one."

"...Why did that technology leak out after Echidna's death? In reality, only two Gospels were supposed to be passed down, yours and Roswaal's."

"Well, I don't know, and I'm not interested. Whoever is making these fakes and giving them out to whom is none of my business, Betty."

"Then why did you bring up the subject of the Witch Cult now?"

"I wonder if the Witch Cult had any business with the Gospel. You just jumped to conclusions."

　Beatrice doesn't take the bait even with Subaru's provocative words, and continues to maintain a calm demeanor. She asks Subaru, "Do you have the Witch Cult's Gospel?" Subaru nods in response,

"I don't have it with me right now. I brought it to the Sanctuary and am storing it there. As for the ones we collected from the other Witch Cultists, we gave them to someone more capable of storing them, not us."

　Currently, the only Gospel Subaru possesses is the one that belonged to Betelgeuse.

　Additionally, the Gospels that had been in the possession of the Witch Cultists under Petelgeuse's fingertips were destroyed by the conscious Witch Cultists before they lost their lives. The few books that were somehow managed to be retrieved were left in the hands of Crusch's camp, who were to deal with them thereafter.

　Ideally, they would have wanted to bring Roswaal back from the Sanctuary as soon as possible and have a debate with Crusch's camp and Anastasia's camp about the merits of defeating the White Whale and Petelgeuse.

"I wonder if you've even looked over the contents of that book."

"At some point I got to the point where I could read it, so I guess I did. The handwriting looked like squirming earthworms so it wasn't hard to read, but the information was mostly written in bullet points. However, my personal impression is... to me it looked more like a list of instructions from the future, rather than a prophecy of the future."

　I remember the Gospels that I had probably learned to read thanks to Echidna's influence.

　The contents of the Gospel of Betelgeuse often describe where Betelgeuse goes and what he makes happen. It omits many of the steps leading up to the result, and can be said to leave it up to the owner to decide how to achieve the result.

　Therefore, rather than being an all-purpose prophecy, the Witch Cult's Gospel was more of a guide to the future - and that was the extent of it.

"If the future was predicted perfectly, it would be like we would have no way to stop it. That's what the incomplete version means, I guess."

"I'm not particularly interested in the contents. What I want to know is whether it records the owner's final moments."

"--I don't think it'll be the end."

　The final page of the Gospel of Petelgeuse that Subaru knows.

　Apart from the word "The End" that Subaru had written in his own blood, the final sentence that the Gospel had written in accordance with its original purpose was, briefly,

"A silver-haired half-demon is put to the test in Mathers' territory."

　It was a very rough sentence, giving Betelgeuse no idea what was going to happen before or after it.

　Indeed, if that was the extent of the information the Gospels provided, it would be impossible to beat Subaru in terms of the accuracy of future information.

"--That's what I thought."

　However, as Subaru explained all the information he knew, Beatrice nodded as if she understood. The girl then folded up the spine of the book that was still in her hands,

"Have the Gospels been supplemented with any text since then?"

"...No, I don't think they did. At least, as far as I can tell, the last entry was the owner's final action. And there's no way there could have been any additions after that. Because."

　As he was about to speak his conclusion, Subaru realized what he was about to say and his throat froze. And that clearly explained the intention behind Beatrice's question.

　Subaru looked up and saw Beatrice smiling faintly in front of him.

　During this brief encounter, she had shown me countless times a smile that was empty, one that elicited a single feeling of emptiness from the viewer.

"The reason why the gospels don't continue is because that's where the owner's future ends."

"You and that guy are different..."

"Maybe it's the same thing. The only difference is that they either still exist or they no longer exist, in the sense that the future isn't recorded in the Gospels. -- Can you say that it's not?"

"No――!"

　The sudden words of denial that came out were blocked by Beatrice's emotionless eyes and did not reach her. Her heart did not seek any superficial consolation. The answer to this question had already been found within Beatrice.

　Subaru gritted his molars so hard they might break, blood trickling from the corners of his lips,

"Why... like that!"

"..."

"You jump to conclusions on your own!! Everyone does! If you worry alone while harboring anxiety, your mind will end up going in a bad direction! You'll worry that this is the only option... and you'll end up thinking that the worst that is in front of you is the truth!"

　Subaru knew this because he had faced hardship many times and lamented helplessly each time.

　The repeated malice, the obstacles that never disappear, the walls of the world that seem to close in on us and tell us that they are impossible to overcome.

　They force us to continue to face them alone, yet they entangle the hearts of those who fight alone with their dark fingertips.

　that's why,

Subaru: "If you were in pain, if you wanted something to be done, that's what you were thinking! Just one word would be enough. You should have called out to someone so they would know. If only you had told me you wanted help, that you were sad… even I would have!"

　When you feel like there's nothing you can do, when you feel cornered in a fateful dead end, when you feel hopeless and think you can't get out of it on your own, just take a look around you and see where you feel isolated.

　Only then do you become aware of the hand that is being extended towards you.

　When I take his hand, when he pulls my body, which I thought was unable to move, with such force, I finally realize it.

　--There's no need to give up just yet.

"How many times have I done this to you... so now it's my turn to do this to you...!"

"...Please do something."

"That's right... Call out to me like that."

"Please help me..."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes! If you would just reach out your hand."

"I'm sad and in pain... Please save Betty from this darkness..."

"Yeah, leave it to me--"

　Small, trembling fingertips reach out towards Subaru.

　Feeling excited, and urged on by an inexplicable power overflowing from within, Subaru reached out for Beatrice's hand.

　Subaru had completely forgotten why he had come here.

　In truth, Subaru had called on Beatrice to find the strength to break out of the impasse he was in. He hoped that she would be of some help to him.

　However, now that he knows the pain Beatrice was enduring and the darkness in her heart, Subaru no longer thinks that way. The only thing driving him on was the sense of mission to rescue the little girl who was tormented by loneliness.

　If he took that hand, Subaru would end up shouldering an even heavier burden that he could never let go of. Even though he was already shouldering a number of burdens that were too heavy for him to handle, Natsuki Subaru was about to take on yet another one.

　But that's okay. Because,

"――――"

　--How could I leave behind a girl who looks at me with trembling eyes like that?

　Beatrice is trying to rely on me.

　This brings about an unbearable emotion in Subaru. He doesn't know why. The meaning doesn't matter. It's just that his soul is crying out.

　Help her. Save her. She is yours.

"I will definitely--"

"that's why..."

　Subaru's fingers reach the outstretched one.

　He firmly pulled the child's clumsy fingers into his own hand, intertwined their fingers, and pressed his palm together.

　Beatrice looked directly into her eyes. Subaru was reflected in her moist eyes. Then, large tears spilled from her eyes.

"--I want you to kill Betty."

　ーーNot wanting easy salvation, she shook off Subaru's hand.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　"Why?" Subaru inhaled in order to raise his voice in question.

　He looked at the hand that had been shaken off, at the empty fingers that were not grasping at anything, then at Beatrice who had done it, intending to ask why.

"――――"

　And yet the reason he couldn't do that was because the look in Beatrice's eyes as she looked at Subaru was too, too, too much――to the point where it was irreversible, and it was already too late.

"Four hundred years... I wonder if I've been alone all that time."

"Be, beatori..."

"That person never showed up, and I've been alone for the last 400 years."

　I can't take my eyes off Beatrice's eyes.

　Calling her name. Even doing just that made Subaru hesitate.

"I don't know how many times I wanted to give up. I don't know how many times I wished to forget everything. Even if I did it a hundred times, a thousand times, ten thousand times, even if it exceeded a billion times, it still wasn't enough..."

　Beatrice spent a long time alone in this small, dimly lit room.

　I hugged my knees and waited on top of the ladder for someone whose face and name I didn't know to come.

　An ocean of books as far as the eye could see - and even after reading every single one of them, the person she was waiting for still never came, and even the book that was supposed to show her the future showed her nothing.

　Just how many times had loneliness killed this girl's heart?

"You want me to help you...? Do something about it...?"

"--ah"

"Do you think Betty must have thought that, dozens, hundreds of times? Did you think she never gave it up and just gave up?"

　The words, which had been choppy, gradually became more heated.

　Subaru felt intimidated. His throat tightened, the passion that had been burning his soul from the core of his body suddenly went cold, and his limbs felt heavy as if they were filled with lead.

　Because of the girl in front of him, he couldn't move or run away.

"If I reach out my hand, will you pull me out of this darkness? Will you show me the answer to this never-ending cul-de-sac?"

"..."

"If you say you'd do that then why... how?"

　She bowed her head and spoke in a tearful voice.

　He could no longer see Beatrice's expression, and suddenly an unidentifiable darkness took hold of Subaru's mind. He felt unsteady on his feet, and it seemed as if he would lose his way before he reached Beatrice, who was within reach if he stretched out his hand.

　Frightened, he hesitated, and in that moment, Beatrice raised her face.

　She glared at me. She opened her mouth and bared her teeth.

"--You left Betty alone for four hundred years?!"

"----!"

"She was alone! For a long, long time! Betty had wasted her time alone in this place! She was lonely! She was scared! She had been abandoned, unable to fulfill the role she was given, unable to keep the promises she was given, unable to decay with the passage of time... she was made to feel like she would spend eternity alone!"

　Tears spilled from the girl's large eyes.

　Large tears ran down his cheeks and from his chin to the floor. Each time a drop hit the floor, Subaru's heart felt as if it was hit by a tremendous shock.

"Will you help me?! Will you rescue me?! Why didn't you come sooner?! Why did you leave Betty alone?! If you were going to say such kind words now, why didn't you hug me from the beginning?! Why did you let go of my hand?! Why! Why! Why did you leave Betty alone?!"

　Her words turned into blades, flames, and steel, wounding Subaru's heart one after another. In every way, in every sense, they turned into all kinds of pain, tormenting and tormenting Subaru.

　Beatrice's reasoning seemed far too unreasonable to Subaru.

　Four hundred years - the majority of the time she spent alone, was nothing more than a story of time that Subaru had no involvement with. Subaru had only known her for around two months, and to her, that amount of time was either early or late. It couldn't have been a salvation. If she had responded logically, she could have said something like that.

　But who on earth can be saved by making such a meaningless counterargument?

　Neither Beatrice nor Subaru can be saved.

　Subaru was made to realize just how little he had valued the time spent with the girl called Beatrice.

　Four hundred years. --Four hundred years.

　On paper, that may not seem like a big deal.

　In the story of subculture, 400 years is not a big number. There are stories that give even more ridiculous years, and even stories in which the world goes around in a chronological order. Compared to the impact of those stories, 400 years is nothing.

　Am I stupid? Am I stupid? Just how stupid and hopeless can I be?

　In fact, with just those three letters, I was able to see, understand and feel the girl who had spent four hundred years in solitude, with only a riddle with no clear answer given to her as her reason to live.

　How could Subaru's shallow words possibly heal her four hundred years of loneliness?

"The words "help me"...the plea for salvation...I wonder if those wishes have long since dried up in these four hundred years..."

"..."

"You think there wasn't a single human who tried to take Betty away like you? I guess Betty is a high-ranking spirit. There were quite a few humans who sought her power, trying to find a way to take Betty away somehow."

　It was the first time she had heard of it. There had been someone in the past who had tried to take Beatrice out of the Forbidden Archives, just like Subaru. And her current existence clearly showed the result.

　Beatrice continued to stare at him with weak eyes, and Subaru shook his head.

"Don't lump me in with those guys! I just..."

"Among them, there were some who, like you, ignored Betty's powers and just wanted to save the person in front of them... I wonder if there were some naive people."

"――――"

"But I couldn't get Betty out of there, of course."

　"Because," Beatrice sighed, and once again smiled faintly,

"The contract that binds Betty to this place cannot be broken with half-hearted resolve. A contract that has bound Betty to her role for four hundred years...it cannot be broken so easily by mere humans."

"What should I do...?"

"--Betty, put her first."

　The words that were spoken were so quiet, yet so sharp.

　Subaru felt the shock as if his eardrums had been pierced by a thin needle.

"What...?"

"Put Betty first. Think first. Choose her first. Overwrite the contract. Paint over the contract. Paint over the contract. Take her away. Pull her close. Hold her."

"――――"

"You could never do that."

　Beatrice's earnest, earnest, heart-wrenching plea.

　It was the result of such a weighty wish that it was not something that could be accepted lightly.

"You've probably already decided who your number one is. The silver-haired girl, or the blue-haired maid… Either way, there's no way you could push them aside and make Betty your number one. It's something you can't do."

"Emilia... Rem..."

"The contract is absolute. Absolutely. If you want to rewrite the contract you made by any other means than fulfilling it, it is impossible without an appropriate compensation. Betty no longer believes that the promise will be fulfilled, and I doubt she can believe it. In that case, the only way to be freed is through another possibility other than fulfillment…!"

　The two girls struck a strong chord with Subaru's heart.

　When he thinks of the two of them, Subaru's heart leaps, throbs, and heats up. That is an answer engraved in his soul that can never be changed.

"So, I want you to break Betty's contract... and destroy this body that has wasted its time meaninglessly and is of no use to me..."

"A contract… is it that burdensome? If you don't like it, then surely it's something you can do with your own will…"

　I can't find an answer. I don't know what to say to Beatrice.

　Subaru's answer was therefore a cowardly one, looking elsewhere for the problem.

　For an instant, Beatrice's eyes flashed with disappointment, and Subaru saw that as a fatal mistake.

"That is...Betty's meaning of life."

"A contract, but...?"

"Betty was born for this contract, and she will live for this contract. It was the role she was given from the moment she was born, and it is a contract she has never fulfilled since she was born… and you are asking me to selfishly break it… is that what you are saying?"

"That's not selfish! You've already worked hard for four hundred years! You've kept that one promise, so how can anyone blame you?! You can't be blamed! You've had enough...!"

"You haven't fulfilled a single role! You've thrown away the reason you were born and your reason to live, how can you possibly live like that!? No one will blame you!? Betty will blame you! I'm sure Betty will never forgive you! The spirit Beatrice will not forgive such a cowardly way of life!!"

　Stepping forward on trembling legs, Subaru grabbed the small girl's shoulders and called out to her. However, the girl raised her head and pushed Subaru back with an even louder voice, shoving away the body she was touching in the chest and putting some distance between them again. Subaru's body was still pushed back by the girl's weak strength.

　I can't move my body. I can't even remember what I was looking at.

"To a spirit, a contract is absolute! A contract with a contractor is more important than anything else! That goes for Nicha too! Even Nicha, that's why he prioritizes the silver girl above all else! He cherishes her the most! He loves her more than anything! If it was between Betty and that girl, he'd definitely choose that girl! Nicha won't put Betty first either!"

　Being in the same position as a spirit, Beatrice was more attached to Puck than anyone else.

　It may have been an expression of a strong bond with a being with whom one could share 400 years, a long period of time that humans could never endure.

　Subaru had no idea what Beatrice felt towards Puck, or what Puck felt about Beatrice.

　However, what Subaru does not understand is already answered within Beatrice.

　Beatrice had had more than enough time to worry and come up with an answer.

　Her breathing was heavy, her shoulders were shaking, even the curls of the girl's neatly arranged hair were falling out of place, large tears were welling up in her big round eyes, and her trembling lips still hinted at weakness and pleading.

　She was too small, Subaru thought, a girl.

　I also wondered why everyone had left such a little girl alone for so long.

"Do you understand that you're not the one I promised you were?"

"――――"

"But will you be that person? Or will you be something else and save Betty?"

"――――"

　I can't find the words.

　There was no way I could simply nod, much less impulsively deny it.

　In just this short time, Subaru had managed to learn a little about the doubts Beatrice had been harboring, something he had never tried to understand.

　But, if Subaru wanted to truly understand her loneliness, he would have to experience the same 400 years of solitude as her.

　Such a thing is simply impossible for a human being. Her worries, her loneliness, her sadness, are definitely not something Subaru can reach.

"Betty knows better than anyone that there's nothing that can be done."

"Beatrice..."

"So, kill Betty. With your own hands. Suicide would also be against the contract, so it's something a spirit can never do. So, you can't die alone."

"Why me...?"

　Beatrice pleaded with her hands outstretched.

　Fearing that he might weakly accept the hesitantly extended hand, Subaru covered his face with his hands,

"Why are you entrusting your end, the end of 400 years, to me..."

"I wonder why..."

　Whining, complaining, making excuses - she could have used them on Subaru and abused him however she wanted, but Beatrice chose none of these.

　She tilts her head as if she doesn't know the reason why.

　Then after a short pause, he slowly nodded.

"--Ah, I understand."

"..."

"I'm sure... I'm sure Betty will entrust her final moments to you."

　Once you hear the answer, there's no escaping it.

　That conviction dawned on me. I looked up. I had to cover my ears so I wouldn't have to hear her answer. I had to shut her mouth.

　The decision was made too late. The realization was too late. There was no way to fix it now.

　Beatrice's lips gave the answer.

　It was coming. At that moment――,

"Sorry to interrupt you."

　A voice he shouldn't have been able to hear came from him, and Subaru turned around, feeling a chill run down his spine.

　And then look.

"--Would it be okay for me to be "that person" for you?"

　A jet-black murderer stood in the entrance, a blood-stained kukri knife dangling from his lap.