Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

　If I close my eyes, I can still remember that scene vividly.

　White. The whole world was covered in white, silvery white.

　When the young Emilia wakes up, breathing out white breath, she finds herself in a snowy landscape.

　"Why?" the mind asks, but there is no answer.

　He had no memory of what happened before or after and his consciousness was hazy.

　I pulled myself up and ran to the window to look out the window. The familiar green forest village was now completely covered in white and was slowly freezing over.

　Seeing snow for the first time, Emilia doesn't even understand that it is a phenomenon called "snow." However, her instincts vividly imprint on the young girl its coldness and harshness.

　Not understanding what was going on, Emilia choked and ran off with a twisted face.

　The moment she stepped out of the old house, a building carved out of a large tree, she was hit by a baptism of cold that felt like a cutting wind and blades piercing the soles of her feet.

　My feet quickly got caught in the snow and I fell face-first onto the ground.

　A cold sensation. Powdery white snowflakes. Seeing the falling white ice particles up close for the first time, fear was born within Emilia. It was so beautiful it made her shiver, yet so cold it was frightening.

　Simple clothing, such as a thin cloth wrapped around the body, is not enough to keep out the cold. The shivering from the core of the body comes from both the cold and fear.

　The snow robs her of her body heat, and the white crystals threaten to steal her heart. Sobbing, Emilia brushes off the snow that has clung to her body, and sets off running again.

　Powdery snow falls endlessly from the sky. He gasps, lifting his chin as the snow gets in and sticks to his throat, and tears stream down his face as he runs, coughing.

　I don't know why I'm crying right now.

　I was just scared. I was scared. Why was I alone? Where had everyone gone? Where had everyone gone who was always kind to me, who smiled at me, who would lend me a hand?

　As she tried to picture everyone's faces in her mind, Emilia felt her thoughts becoming sluggish.

　The faces of everyone in the village that floated in her mind—those faces, their smiles, were painted over with a black shadow, threatening to steal their existence from Emilia's mind.

"----!"

　Shaking her head wildly, Emilia continues running with tears streaming down her face.

　I mustn't think about it. If I think about everyone else, I'll be consumed by a black shadow. Everyone I care about will disappear from my mind.

　But if she didn't think about everyone else, she'd end up all alone. Alone in the cold, white world where nothing could be seen - that was a fear that young Emilia could not bear.

　Young Emilia is powerless and ignorant, and can only struggle in the white demise.

　And yet the falling snow engulfs the struggling Emilia as if mocking her, dropping her small body into the pure white end.

　--There's no one here. I can't meet anyone. I can't even ``---'' anyone anymore.

"--Yay!"

　With nowhere to go in this white world, and her numb limbs unable to move, Emilia crouches down on the spot, crying like a baby.

　My legs below the knees were submerged in the soft snow, and although it should have been cold, I didn't feel it. My white skin, which was said to be like snow, was burned bright red by the "snow".

　Then, as if running away from everything, Emilia holds her head and sinks into the snow.

　The snow continues to fall mercilessly, piling up on the young girl's body, and Emilia's small body disappears into the white.

"--Emilia!!"

　Emilia had her eyes closed and was falling into an unawakened slumber, when a high-pitched voice slashed the silence, waking her up.

　Pushing open her long eyelashes, Emilia leapt to her feet. In an instant, her light body was forcibly lifted out of the snow.

"----ah"

"It's okay, Emilia. It's okay, it's okay. I'm glad… you were found…"

　He tried to speak, but his throat was so cold that only a hoarse breath escaped. However, knowing Emilia's condition, the man embraced the young Emilia and sang with joy at her safety, his voice trembling.

　Rubbing her face against his short silver hair and sniffling her red nose, Emilia expressed her emotions with her whole body, to show through her actions that she felt the same way in response to the immense love shown towards her.

　I am so blessed to be able to hold her up like this again and exchange words in her arms.

　In the midst of the white snow that had filled the still-young Emilia with despair, wondering if everything had come to an end, a certain warmth was now present before her very eyes.

　Holding Emilia, who was shivering with both joy and cold, the woman with short silver hair tightened her expression of relief and ran off, glancing around her surroundings.

　And then, breathing out a white cloud of breath, he brought his lips close to Emilia's ear in his arms,

"Emilia, it's okay? Right now, you don't understand anything, and I'm sure you have a lot of worries, but… everything will be okay. I'll take care of everything. Even if I end up being separated from you here, I will never leave you alone, you know…"

　Despite the earnest voice calling out to her, Emilia had no idea what he was saying. However, terrified at the thought of being separated from the person in front of her, she clutched his chest with numb fingers and shook her head desperately with teary eyes.

　For the young and ignorant Emilia, the only way to get by in life is to appeal to the emotions of others.

　By continuing to do that, Emilia would be able to remain the Emilia that everyone loved. That's how it had always been. So here, and from now on too--

"----!"

"No, you can't, Emilia. Even if it's been fine up until now, it can't be like that from now on. You have to become a strong, wise, and courageous girl. If you don't, you won't be able to accept yourself, and it will surely end in tragedy. That would be sad for me… for everyone, and for your brother."

"---uh."

　I shake my head frantically.

　And yet, the other party mercilessly dismisses Emilia's complaint. This must not happen, and she denounces the young Emilia's dependency.

　I couldn't believe it. I was in so much pain.

　Up until now, doing so has always worked out well for me, even when I was told it was no good. So why is it no good this time?

　Why doesn't the way I've done things up until now work at this most painful, difficult, and frightening time I've ever been in? If there is a more correct way, why didn't I know about it until now? I began to hate everyone unbearably.

"----!"

"I'm sorry, Emilia. I'm so sorry. I didn't tell you any of the important things, I hid everything from you… I made you remain just a cute princess… Please forgive us…"

　--I won't forgive. I won't forgive. I won't forgive. I won't forgive. I won't forgive. I won't forgive.

"Please don't hate the people around you, who treasured your smile, and the kind lies they told..."

　--I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

"――――"

　I hate lies. I hate lies. Lies are only sad. Lies are the cause of everything that didn't go the way she wanted. Lies leave Emilia all alone. That's why I hate lies.

　Because I hate lies. Because I hate liars. They're all just "----".

"Our adorable Emilia... someday, I'm sure I'll think of you..."

"――――"

　My voice trembles. I don't want to hear anything anymore. No matter what I hear, nothing will change.

　The cold wind that blew in and Emilia's shriek drowned the last of the man's words out of the world.

　Seeing Emilia's refusal and her violent struggle in her arms, the silver-haired woman had a sad expression on her face, but she turned her head forward as if to shake off all emotion,

"--a"

　--And then the true end comes.

　The person running while holding Emilia stopped dead when he saw the presence directly in front of him.

　Emilia looked up at the slight tremor and noticed that the face of the person holding her was tense in a way she had never seen before.

　The emotions on his face were complex, containing surprise, sadness, anger, grief, disgust, admiration, and even a hint of relief.

　The white, cold wind hitting my cheeks grows stronger.

　The blizzard was so strong that it was difficult to even keep her eyes open, and Emilia was so terrified that she screamed out, clutching her frozen ears.

　and--.

　and--.

　----------.

　--------------------------------------------------.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　The morning of the fifth day of Sanctuary――For Natsuki Subaru, the day that depended on breaking through this loop began with the worst possible news.

"Balus. ーーLady Emilia, where have you gone?"

"--teeth?"

　Subaru, who had washed his face at the water source and was drying his body with a wet cloth, was astonished to hear Ram's words as she strode unashamedly into the crowd of shirtless men.

　Currently, it was just past early morning, around eight o'clock in what would be called the original world. The refugees and villagers had begun to wake up one after another, and the men were all washing off their sleep at the water source.

　And so, as Ram strode confidently into the washing area where the men were exposing their naked bodies, the first thing she said was to ask about Emilia's whereabouts.

　Several of the men seemed embarrassed by the fact that women and girls were in such a natural situation and quickly retreated from the scene, but Subaru didn't have the time to go and tease them.

　After all, he still couldn't comprehend the meaning of Ram's words.

"Emilia... what happened?"

「It's just as I said. When I came to look after Lady Emilia, the building was completely empty. I honestly thought it was someone Barusu who was dragging around…」

Subaru: "An empty shell… Why did that happen? In the first place, I had a proper talk with Emilia when she woke up before leaving the building… and then, I ended up here."

　Unable to hide his shock at his exchange with Ram, Subaru recalls the events of the morning.

　A night had passed since he'd asked her to hold his hand, and Emilia woke up in the early hours of the morning, smiling quietly at Subaru, who was watching over her sleeping face from beside her bed.

　Even then, it was an unexpected awakening, something uncharacteristic of her with her low blood pressure. Emilia lowered her gaze to the hand she was still holding, and in a quiet voice, as Subaru wanted to continue the story from the previous night,

Subaru: "I want to talk to you after I've properly gathered everything in my head. I'll have Ram get ready, and by the time she's done, I'll surely be able to talk."

　With that, she kicked Subaru out of the room.

　Subaru was also feeling impatient, but considering Emilia's feelings, it would be cruel to rush her. Above all, there was Emilia there, looking so calm and collected. Being too considerate would probably have the opposite effect. That's what he had decided.

"And so we parted ways, and I thought I'd leave the rest to you..."

Subaru: "And so, you left the building before Ram came to pick you up… That's right. ――What a blunder, Barusu."

"――――"

　Ram's cold, steely voice left me speechless.

　In truth, it was Subaru's mistake to let his guard down over Emilia's condition and not verbally transfer the responsibility to Ram. But he never would have imagined that Emilia would end up in such a situation.

"Hey, maybe he just went out to relieve himself..."

Subaru: "Are you trying to say that Ram is so careless that he didn't check his surroundings before coming here?"

"That's not my intention... but then why..."

"You really don't know that?"

　Subaru choked up as Ram continued to pursue him mercilessly.

　Ram's gaze was always cold, but at this moment it was even colder. It was the same look she'd had last night when she'd looked at Subaru with a bored look in her eyes when she'd questioned him.

　Seeing the disappointment and despondency clearly flashing in her eyes, Subaru lowered his eyes.

"--So you're saying Emilia ran away?"

Subaru: "How else can you interpret this? Or perhaps the opponents of the liberation of Sanctuary were waiting for an opportunity for both Barusu and Ram to leave Lady Emilia's side, and this very morning they put it into action… Yes, do you want to believe that?"

"...It's not like there's no possibility."

Subaru: "If you cling to that, it would be unbearably disgusting. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that Emilia-sama is absent. Even if we ignore the fact that she has no way of leaving 『Sanctuary』, it's not good."

　Although she is strict, Ram is also considerate in lowering her voice so that those around her cannot hear. She is also concerned that if it becomes known that Emilia has abandoned her challenge to the Trials and disappeared, it could result in Roswaal's reputation being tarnished.

　This is probably because they believe that this is an issue that must be handled with great care.

"Emilia..."

　Subaru raised his head and called out her name in an unsteady whisper.

　Just as Ram had said, even if Emilia were to abandon everything and run away, the barrier of Sanctuary would never allow her, a half-elf, to escape to the outside world.

　Emilia was bound to the Sanctuary, and no matter how hard she tried to run she couldn't escape.

　She was not so stupid as to not notice that. However, even with that in mind, she had been driven to the point of wanting to run away.

"That's my and Puck's fault..."

　It was a mistake on Puck's part to not be able to imagine how shocked Emilia would be by having their bond severed.

　And it was Subaru's mistake to judge the injured Emilia only on the surface, mistaking her for calm and overlooking the signals she sent him.

　If Emilia had run away, it was the result of all these factors coming together.

Subaru: "Assuming Emilia-sama is hiding… Barusu, do you have any idea who this is?"

Subaru: "Wait. Don't just assume she ran away. In the first place, no matter where she goes, there's no way she can do anything in this 'Sanctuary' without being seen by others. There's hardly any place where Emilia can wander around."

　Subaru gestured to Ram, who was about to reach a decision, and spoke up.

　Ram, who had been half-close to him, let out a sigh, slightly pulled her chin in, and then,

"I admit it's premature, but what if that's the case? It's clear from the fact that Barusu was here that the men haven't seen them. In that case, should we hope that the women remaining in the cathedral have found them?"

"I'm sure the people of Arlam village would call out to Emilia if they saw her plodding along by herself. At worst, one of the residents of the Sanctuary might be watching… Even if we check with them, it's not too late to reach a conclusion."

　Subaru was half aware that he was merely postponing a decision as he quickly listed his countermeasures. Ram, who was prepared to listen to Subaru's proposal for the time being, was probably thinking the same thing.

　Subaru and Ram shared the same understanding that Emilia had disappeared of her own volition, and that it would be inconvenient for this fact to become widely known.

　Whether this was for Emilia's sake or for Roswaal's sake is another matter.

Subaru: "If we can find them quickly, then we'll be just hanging by a thread. However, we should prepare for the worst case scenario. You understand, Barusu."

"...I don't want to think that."

　Ram's emphasis is also a warning not to turn a blind eye to the worst-case scenario.

　If Emilia left the building and fled the Trial, and was not found, and this fact became known throughout the Sanctuary――it would create wounds that could not be healed.

　The only way to deal with this before it gets to that point is for Subaru and the others, who know the situation, to rush to action.

"I'll ask around, and if I don't find anything..."

"When that happens, we'll have to use all our resources to thoroughly search the forest."

"...Well, it's not a job that can be completed in a day or two."

　Subaru raised his head, gazed out at the trees in the forest surrounding the Sanctuary, and frowned.

　Though the Sanctuary was blocked by a barrier and cut off from the outside world, it was still large enough to conceal a person. Moreover, if Emilia was hiding in the forest, there was no need for her to stay in one place.

　Today, and tomorrow. There were only about 48 hours left until the bet and the contract expired.

　He must find Emilia among them, have her take on the "Trial", and overcome it.

　-Can you do it?

　None other than that. The more he had driven Emilia to this point, the more he had failed to notice the turmoil in her heart, and the more he had given her the strength to look forward.

"Aren't you overestimating things, Puck?"

"...I wonder if the fact that the contract with the Great Spirit was terminated has something to do with it after all."

Subaru: "I guess it's not unrelated in the sense that he lost his greatest emotional support. However, I don't think that he would just snap like that… or that he would."

　There was something else that added to that trigger that pushed him into a corner.

　Remembering Emilia's calm voice last night and this morning, that was the only thing that could be thought of.

"――――"

　I couldn't believe it.

　I thought I had checked everything thoroughly before taking any action.

　But, if, hypothetically, Emilia had noticed――

"--Natsuki-san!"

　Subaru's face was tense, and he instinctively jumped his shoulders in surprise at the sharp voice calling out to him.

　Looking over, I saw a grey-haired young man running desperately towards me, waving his hand from the center of the village - the square.

　It was Otto, who had not taken part in the morning bath and had instead stayed behind at the cathedral to prepare breakfast with the villagers.

　He came running with a pale face, and when he reached Subaru's front, he put his hands on his knees and was breathing heavily.

"There are a few things I need to tell you. If I go into detail there's quite a lot, but... for now, there are two big things. Good news and bad news."

"That news is also of interest, but first I want to ask something. Has Emilia made an appearance on your side of the cathedral? Has anyone talked about it?"

"--? No, I haven't seen Lady Emilia this morning either. I haven't heard any such voices from the Cathedral either."

　Otto grimaced at the fact that the question he had brought had been prioritized over the matter at hand, but Subaru and Ram's expressions clouded over as he dutifully responded.

　Otto seemed to sense something unsettling about their reaction, but rather than pursue the issue, he decided that his own topic had higher priority,

"So, good news or bad news... which would you like?"

"I know it's annoying that they come as a set, but... well, here's the good news first."

　If he were to hear bad news, it would likely take a lot of time to rack his brains to come up with a countermeasure. The current situation was already dire, with no idea of ​​Emilia's whereabouts. He wanted to avoid piling on more bad news and having to rack his brains over it.

　Otto crossed his arms and nodded in response to Subaru's decision to put a cushion between them,

"That's good news. Just as I had discussed with Natsuki-san, I have arranged things with the evacuees. They have all made the necessary preparations, so if you want to go, you can leave at any time today. I have asked them to be able to respond to sudden orders as well, so you can go even at the last minute."

"--I see. Sorry about that. I should have been the one to tell everyone and get their cooperation."

"Fortunately, I've been getting to know you all better over the past few days. Considering our future relationships, I'm honestly glad to have had this opportunity. Anyway, the preparations are going smoothly."

　The words of appreciation were answered in a clear voice, but Otto's face, having just completed a task he was proud of, did not look at all cheerful. Was there some problem that clouded the good news that had just been reported?

　Succumbing to the silent stare, Subaru urged him to move on to the other piece of news Otto had brought him - in other words, the bad news.

"So, what's the bad news?"

"Just now, an enraged Garfiel came storming into the Cathedral, looking for Natsuki-san and furious."

"Looking for me...? What? I'm not sure I've gone that far this time..."

　This time, the final decision will depend on Garfiel's persuasion. Subaru feels that he must be extremely careful when interacting with Garfiel, and so even after his meeting with Otto and the conclusion of his bet with Roswaal, Subaru has done his best to avoid discussions with Garfiel.

　Thanks to that, Subaru had barely even met Garfiel until this morning, and the big day had come.

"If possible, I'd like to deal with him after I've properly settled things with Lews θ..."

"That one"

　When Subaru said he wanted to tackle the dungeons in an orderly fashion, Otto suddenly raised his finger.

　Subaru's eyes widened at the gesture. He had no idea what "that" Otto was referring to.

　As Subaru continued to have a question mark floating over his head, Otto spoke with a grim expression.

"It seems that Ryuzu-san has not been seen since this morning. Garfiel has been frantically searching the village for her. It seemed like he wanted to talk to Natsuki-san about it."