Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

　I felt like something important was slipping away from me.

　It was different from the Gate that had creaked and creaked and witnessed the end of its existence.

　Something completely different and distinct was squirming inside Subaru's body.

　It had a heat that made it hard to tell if it was hot or cold.

　It's so amorphous that it's hard to tell whether it has a shape or not.

　The black sediment, which could be called a liquid, ran around Natsuki Subaru's body, cheering in joy as it was sent flying outside, before dispersing with the force of its power.

　But the remnants of that memory still linger within Subaru.

　That foreign sensation made Subaru feel something he could not put into words. It was nothing he had seen or felt before. And yet, Subaru recognized it.

　Therefore, although there are questions of "why" and "how," there are no questions of "what" or "for what purpose."

　There was no need to worry about what that was. What one should question was "why," but right now there was no one to question him about that.

　Therefore, there was only one thing Subaru had to think about.

　"Invisible Blow," "Invisible Palm," "Unperceived Impact"

　They all sound bad, are rehash, or lack style.

　A jet black arm that no one other than Subaru could see.

　No one other than Subaru could control it.

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"The invisible will of God... let's call it Invisible Providence..."

"...Eh, what did you just say?"

　Subaru's eyes were half-open, and with his consciousness still hazy, parts of his thoughts spilled out through his lips.

　Hearing this, the silver-haired beauty right in front of me instantly widened her eyes.

　Blinking several times, Subaru realized he had returned from the world of unconsciousness to reality, and immediately realized the connection between the soft sensation beneath his head and the figure of Emilia standing nearby.

"Ah... Emilia-tan is resting her head on my lap again."

"That's right. How many times has it happened now? I lend my lap to an unconscious Subaru like this."

"Considering all the conditions, it's probably the third time. It's a paradise that can only be reached if you overcome the biggest challenge."

"You're so alert... Do you remember what happened before you passed out?"

Subaru: "That's quite clear. As I talk like this and look at Emilia-tan's face, I slowly remember…"

　As he joked, Subaru pushed aside the slightly heavy thoughts in his head and sorted them out. He recalled the many powerful shocks he had received before losing consciousness, and came to understand.

　Subaru immediately touched his face with both hands, kneading his cheeks as he looked up at Emilia.

"Damn. Now that I think of it, I feel like I got hit pretty hard. Emilia-tan, are you okay? Is my face in such a terrible state that you can't even look at it again?"

"It's okay. It's not that weird."

"That's the reply you get when you're not being nasty!"

　As Emilia tilted her head in confusion, Subaru removed his hands from his face and lightly inspected each of her joints. There was a stiffening sensation and a slight numbness in her shoulders, lower body, and neck. However, most of the injuries had been sealed and it seemed she had healed.

"Subaru. It tickles when you move around on my lap too much."

"Oh, sorry. It's not that! I didn't do it with any nasty intentions at all! I didn't do it, but can I check again just to be sure?"

"No. If you keep saying things like that, I'll knock you right to your knees. Don't say such petty things."

"I haven't heard of the term 'chokosai' lately..."

　Subaru gave a wry smile as Emilia's gaze turned stern, and he lifted himself off her lap. He was reluctant to leave, but he couldn't keep relying on her forever.

　My body is at about 60% of its original condition―it's hard to call it perfect, but I'm grateful for Emilia's treatment.

"Thanks for healing me. Were you able to heal me without me, Puck?"

"Even though my contract with Puck has ended, my contract with the micro-spirit children hasn't. And... I know I should say this, but it's not like I can't use magic either."

"Really? I heard that wizards and elementalists have different mechanisms for handling mana, so... I thought it was impossible to have both."

　He remembers hearing it before, when Puck and Roswaal lectured him at the mansion.

　Unlike wizards, who can only use magic based on the mana stored in their bodies, elementalists can use the mana in the air endlessly, so once they've made it through the stage of communicating with spirits, they can use magic as much as they want.

　For that reason alone, my understanding that Emilia could use magic was slightly different.

　Emilia lowered her eyes slightly in response to Subaru's question.

　That was a strange reaction, Subaru thought, frowning. She sighed softly,

"I didn't think I could either, but... you said your memories were starting to return, right? Among them was the knowledge of how to use nature and magic... it seems that this too had been sealed away."

"Did Emilia's memories seal away your ability to use magic?"

"yes"

　The reason why she nodded so uncertainly was probably because he couldn't see what it meant. Subaru also didn't know why she had sealed away the knowledge that she could use magic deep in her memory. It didn't seem possible to make any guesses with the amount of information he had at the moment.

　Either way, there's no doubt that she must have healed Subaru with the magic she now has access to.

"Whatever the circumstances, if you were able to treat him that way, that's a great help. The others..."

　Subaru was about to say "those guys," when he suddenly realised that this was not the time for him to be at ease in a place like this.

　In the first place, I should have realized the problem when I remembered what had caused me to lose consciousness.

　Garfiel, who faced Subaru, and Otto and Ram, who had apparently faced Garfiel before Subaru. What about their safety?

"I don't think it's going to be anything dangerous, but let's help it before it becomes fertilizer for the forest..."

"It's good that you're worried, but I'm fine even if you don't assume the worst case scenario."

"Oh."

　Subaru mustered energy into his unsteady body, stood up, and was about to run from in front of the tomb into the forest when he was stopped by the voice of a young man who sounded somewhat annoyed. Nearly falling over, he stopped in his tracks and turned around to see a person sitting on the stone steps of the tomb - Otto - with his hand raised.

"Oh, oh my!?"

"I'm glad that you were surprised. I'm sorry for worrying you, but I think we're in the same boat, so let's not exchange words…"

"Ow――!"

「Gah――!?」

　After checking that each other was safe, Subaru charged at Otto, who had a satisfied smile on his face. Without losing his momentum, Subaru leapt into the air and delivered a flying drop.

　Otto screamed, trapped between the stone steps and Subaru.

"Ouch! Ouch! The back of my head got scraped on the stairs.... Ouch! I'm going to go bald! It's so painful I'm going to go bald! Hey, Natsuki-san, what are you doing?!"

"Shut up, you idiot! Don't try and act all cool. What are you doing giving off an air of accomplishment? Who asked you to do more than buy time? Thanks to you, my plan was almost completely ruined. But I feel like I wouldn't have been able to defeat Garfiel without your assistance, so I'm not completely grateful!"

"I don't know what you're talking about anymore!!"

　As they struggle on the stone steps, Otto kicks Subaru, who is unable to express his gratitude honestly. Subaru falls from the steps and lands on his bottom, crying out "Ouch..." as he stands up.

"Anyway, I'm glad you're safe. If you were to die, you'd be standing at my bedside and making a fuss."

"It's annoying when you talk about customs I don't understand... or rather, why didn't you honestly express your opinion at the beginning?"

"Don't praise me, it's me!"

"I know, though!"

　Otto looked like he couldn't put up with the unashamed Subaru. He put his hand to his forehead and made a face as if he had noticed Emilia, who had been silently watching the exchange between the two.

"Ah, Lady Emilia. I'm sorry I neglected you. It's all Natsuki's fault."

"Yeah, I saw that, so I know. It's okay."

Subaru: "We don't have any allies… No, I know that this happened because we had lots of allies. By the way, if you're safe, then Ram must be okay too, right?"

　Subaru stuck out his tongue at Emilia and Otto, who looked at each other and nodded, then asked about the safety of the other unseen ally. Otto nodded and replied, "Of course."

Subaru: "When I found Ram-san after recovering from her fainting state, I was quite scared because of the state she was in… but thankfully she wasn't as bad as she looked. When I was carrying her and joining us, she woke up and spat out quite a lot of poison on me…"

"I can understand how you feel. That guy is really strict with people who aren't family members. ...You were able to woo that guy, weren't you? How did you do it?"

"One of the conditions for your cooperation is that you don't tell this to Natsuki-san."

　Otto puts his hand over his mouth to indicate that he won't speak.

　Subaru curled his lip in response to Otto's attitude, but he quickly gave up on pursuing the matter, knowing that Otto wouldn't change his mind over something like this.

　If she was the type of person who would open up just because she was questioned a little harshly, there was no way she would have risked her own life to go along with Subaru's delusional thoughts.

　All in all, annoying, stubborn and a great friend.

"Damn it."

"Ouch! Why did you hit me just now?!"

"Shut up."

　Subaru ignored Otto's reproach as he was nudged on the shoulder and turned to look at Emilia, only to find Patrasche, his large body already swaying beside her, pressing his nose against Emilia's silver hair and smiling at her.

"Huh? Emilia-tan and Patrasche, since when have you become such good friends?"

"While Subaru was sleeping, a few things happened... and then, this kid helped him out. He's such a good kid."

"Right? She's my proud partner, in fact. Right, Patrasche?"

　He approached it and reached out to stroke its back. However, just before Subaru's fingertips could touch it, the earth dragon twisted its body and avoided his hand,

"Ob!?"

"――――"

　The swinging tail hit Subaru directly on the buttocks, and Subaru jumped, half crying from the pain of the hit. When he turned a protesting look towards Patrasche, asking what it was, the earth dragon's sharp eyes sharpened even more, lowering its head and letting out a displeased growl.

"Do you need an interpreter?"

"Well, even I can understand this without an interpreter."

　Subaru shook his head at Otto's concern behind him and let out a small sigh.

"--Don't make me worry, okay?"

"By the way, don't get too cocky. There won't be a next time. Think about my situation. That's the perfect level of anger."

"Seriously, what's wrong with your heroin powers? Are you going to put your name forward in the heroine race?"

　Subaru smiled wryly and reached out his hand, and this time his fingers finally touched Patrasche's firm skin. The earth dragon closed his eyes and seemed to have no choice but to accept it, and was eternally grateful to her for her generosity.

　When fighting Garfiel, Patrasche's cooperation was decisive, and it was thanks to her showing the trust she had in him and obeying without hesitation.

　I still don't have enough strength, and every time I try to overcome a mountain, I have to incur debts to various people. Will there ever be a day when I can settle all my debts?

　I'm not confident, but I have no choice but to do it.

"And what about Garfiel, the man who conquered the mountain even going into debt?"

"Garfiel, I'll heal you and then I'll go over there. But it might be best not to get in the way."

"What do you mean, in the way?"

　As Subaru tilted his head, Emilia placed a finger to her lips,

"Ram is watching over you right now, okay?"

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"Are you awake, Garf?"

　When Garfiel woke up, he saw the familiar face of a young girl before him.

　I have mixed emotions; it's like I wanted to see it first thing when I woke up, but also like I didn't want to see it.

　Garfiel couldn't deny that his heart was beating a little faster, so he cleared his throat once,

"Ahh... I'm awake."

"Is that so? Then hurry up. My legs are getting numb."

"Ade!"

　As soon as they communicated, Garfiel was released from the soft touch and his head dropped to the ground. He hadn't been expecting a gentle response, but being treated so coldly still hurt.

　This is especially true when it comes from the person you love when your pride is hurt.

　Rubbing his head where it had hit the ground, Garfiel glared at Ram with resentful eyes. Ram, sitting cross-legged on the grass, brushed off the area where Garfiel's head had been resting, and, in response to Garfiel's gaze, uttered a displeased "What?"

"It's nothing special though... you're still the same woman, not a shred of kindness."

"If it's a situation where you have to be kind to someone who is worthy of kindness, then Ram will do so. If he doesn't, then it means that it's not a situation."

"...Is that not worth it to me?"

"And it seems like I can see through to what you want me to say. That's why Garf is just like Barusu, no good. If you want to hear a woman's true feelings, you need to be more creative."

　With her eyes lowered, Ram flicks her forehead forcefully.

　The spot where the stimuli ran was the white scar that Garfiel would touch whenever something happened. Touching the scar on his forehead with his fingers, Garfiel let out a sigh.

"Now that I think about it... you were the one who gave me this scar as well."

"--- Ram was also desperate to calm Garf down. Do you think slamming someone's face into the cobblestones was a drastic measure that Ram would have liked?"

"Just like when you beat me up today, I felt like you were laughing really loud..."

"Ram has her own limited life. Rather than doing something unwillingly, it would be more meaningful to laugh and tell yourself that it's fun. It's a desperate measure."

"But what about the emotional scars on the person's face when their forehead is split while they're laughing, hey?"

　Ram continued to sigh in response to Garfiel's words, looking bored.

　Of course. She would never admit she was wrong, and she would never compromise her strong mentality. She is proud, noble, stubborn, and strong.

　That is why Garfiel admires her existence and desires her so much.

"...Ram, are there any wounds on your body?"

"I wonder. For the time being, Emilia has treated the more noticeable wounds, but it may be impossible to completely remove any scars. What do you intend to do about the responsibility for damaging her?"

"I'll take you as my wife..."

"You can't take it. Give it back in some other way. --And besides, you're being cheeky, Garf. How dare you leave the loser behind."

"..."

　Garfiel fell silent under Ram's stern, questioning gaze.

　The anger in her gaze is a condemnation of Garfiel for going easy on him at the end of the battle.

　It was certainly Garfiel's decision not to deliver the final blow to Ram, who had fallen, or to Otto, who had plunged upside down into the bushes, and it may have tarnished his pride in battle.

　But even so, Garfiel couldn't bring himself to strike her when she was unconscious. Even if he ruled out the fact that she was his lover and various other factors, he still couldn't have done it.

　Because I lack the most important thing a warrior needs: courage.

Subaru: "At the very end… you did well to avoid Ram's magic."

"...It's not like I was doing it on purpose or anything. However, after I was defeated and was about to return from my beast form, I had a bad feeling. Then, my body moved before I could think. That's it."

　Ram and Otto launched a final, desperate attack to save the group.

　At the exact moment when the mana of the forest converged and a powerful wind spell was unleashed, Garfiel dodged the wind blades, relying instead on his survival instincts rather than thinking.

　He avoided the invisible storm by relying on the sensation of it brushing just a few millimeters from his skin, and escaped the range of area attacks that seemed to cut down every tree within sight while continuing to perform acrobatic evasions.

　Having accomplished this, he returned to find Ram and Otto lying on the ground.

　If Garfiel were a true warrior, he would have taken both their lives, proud of having escaped death, but for Garfiel, who could only overcome the process of taking a life by entrusting it to the beast blood within him, this was impossible.

"That's why, me..."

"――――"

　I am not a warrior. I am just a fake, pretending to be a warrior.

　Even though he was a fake, he stubbornly believed that with power he could overpower everything and protect what he wanted to protect without taking a life.

　But that idea has been largely rejected.

　They believed that they had the power to withstand a horde of people from the outside world.

　But in reality, Garfiel was defeated by only three people - even if you include the earth dragon, three people and one animal. And this was despite the fact that the three were all basically non-combatants, each for their own reasons.

　If a warrior were to visit Sanctuary with hostility, Garfiel would be easily defeated. Is this what he's got, talking about the barrier of Sanctuary?

　--With my inadequate brain, I've thought about many, many different things.

　Whether fighting or not, he was always using his brain, which never had good blood circulation.

　What is the best course of action? What is the best way to benefit everyone? Is there an option that doesn't hurt anyone? Even if it does hurt, it's fine as long as it's only me.

　The days when I worked hard believing that were nothing more than a superficial attempt to hide my weakness.

"Gaaf"

"..."

"Ram will give you one piece of advice. Listen carefully."

"...Ah."

　No longer having the energy to assert himself, Garfiel bowed his head and tucked his chin.

　What kind of words would he hear from Ram, from his beloved? Although she was the type of girl who would normally say harsh things to him, he may never have been pushed away in a truly meaningful way.

　This was because she was truly kind to her family, and included Garfiel, who she had known for a long time, in the category of family.

　But now that Ram has clearly become an enemy of Garfiel, it seems that she no longer fits into that category.

　And so, the words that were about to be spoken would mark Ram's true farewell to Garfiel.

"Gaaf... You're an idiot, so there's no point in even thinking about it. It's a waste of time. In other words, a waste of life."

"...Huh?"

"You said it yourself, Garf, if you had acted without thinking you would have been able to avoid Ram's magic. That's right. It seems Garf didn't realize it, but he is much stronger when he fights without thinking. Much stronger when he acts like an idiot."

　Garfiel's eyes widen, not understanding what is being said one after the other.

　Even if I was going to be criticized, I thought they would point out something else entirely.

"I'm not saying you should throw away your reason and turn into a beast. I should point out that turning into a beast will make you weaker than you would think. You'll become a bigger target, your movements will be slower, and you'll be easy prey. Stay in your human form, fix your eyes on your opponent, and fight without thinking."

"Wh, what is that?! When did I ever say something like that..."

"That's important. --Because from now on, Garf will have to fight on Ram and Emilia's side in various situations."

"--!!"

　Garfiel's throat closes up with rage at the words that are spoken.

　Garfiel's face was bright red and he was clicking his sharp canines.

「Don't make fun of me! After all that you've done, turned against me, and trampled on my expectations… and yet you still want me to forgive you?!」

"Don't be stupid. I'm telling you to do your best because I won't forgive you. If we forgive and make things even between us, then I'll have to ask you to lend me your strength. Don't mess around. Ram and his friends are the winners and Garf is the loser. And Ram won't forgive Garf, so he's giving orders. Understand?"

"It's a mess!"

　Raising his voice, Garfiel stands up, baring his fangs.

　For a moment, his body staggered, but most of his injuries had healed and he was fine. The thought of being treated and that fact caused an even greater sense of humiliation to well up in his heart.

"I'll admit I lost! That's a fact! However, going down is a completely different story! I lost, I was defeated, I understand! But, I'm still alive and in good health! If you really wanted to proceed without me, then you should have killed me! The moment you couldn't do that, then you two are both caught off guard!"

"That would be putting the cart before the horse. We need Garf's powers, so if we let him die, then our objectives will be completely reversed."

"...That's why, me!!"

"Shut up!"

　Before Garfiel could yell, Ram stood up and roared.

　Her pale red eyes flared with anger as she glared down at Garfiel.

　Garfiel was intimidated by that anger and immediately shut his mouth.

"You lost, you lost. In that case, a loser should obey the winner like a loser. How much miserable do you have to make yourself in front of the woman you love by continuing to whine and show your loser mentality forever, Garf? You went from blaming others to blaming yourself as soon as you lost. It's not just that you've changed direction, barking inwards or outwards, that's ridiculous."

"Uh...ah"

　The words that followed were so spot on that Garfiel was speechless.

　Before the fight, they would push their problems onto others, but as soon as they lose, they start blaming it on their own weakness. This is proof that their shamelessness of barking at those they perceive as weak has not changed at all.

　All I had to do was stop barking at the outside world, where I thought I was weak, and instead bark inward, where I was forced to admit I was weak.

「But what should I do?! Are you just going to laugh and make me stand in your line?! There's no way I can do anything better that way! I admit that I lost, but... that doesn't mean I'm admitting that what you said was correct...!」

　That's not an excuse or anything, it's Garfiel's true feelings.

　I admit that I lost. The fact that the other side had more people is not even worth discussing. There is no end to the reasons why I lost.

　The only problem was that deep in Garfiel's heart, he had not yet found the firm belief to back up Subaru's argument.

　Ultimately, even if you are told to join forces and fight together, you cannot just say, "Yes, that's right," when your own rigid and resentful thoughts have not changed.

"What should I do, from this awkward situation..."

"If you don't like being stuck halfway, just prove you're not standing still."

"...What, did you say?"

　Breathing heavily, Garfiel looks at Ram before him.

　Her expression returned to its usual calm state and she looked straight up at me.

　The weak expression of my own face reflected in those eyes.

　Garfiel wanted to look away, but Ram's gaze wouldn't allow it.

"I don't know what Barusu said, but I can roughly imagine what it was. In that case, Garf… you should go and see for yourself."

"I'll check it out myself... what?"

"Can Garf change, or will he remain a small child, unable to move, crouching?"

　Garfiel finally realised what he was being told.

　And as soon as he understood what this meant, Garfiel's heart began beating faster than ever before.

　A cold chill runs down my spine, and in an instant it spreads throughout my entire body.

　My heart started pounding violently and a constant ringing in my ears began to echo endlessly inside my skull.

　A trauma that binds Garfiel's mind with thorny chains, causing abnormalities in various parts of his body.

　Feeling a chill run down my spine, I turn around and see the majesty of the tomb standing before me unchanged.

　--Let's check. What was going on in that place?

　Even if you go in, what can you find out?

　Having been forced to face a past she never wanted to see, Ram is hoping for a different answer than she had back then.

　Nothing will change, nothing can change.

　And yet, knowing this, why am I hesitating about whether to go or not, rather than definitively saying "I won't go"?

"...Just go in and see what you find out."

　I'm on board. Completely.

　Even though I don't think it will change anything, I find myself wanting to make sure.

　Even though his body was stiff with fear and his mind was crying out in rejection, Garfiel's soul was howling.

　I want to be sure. I have to be sure.

　Was the claim of Natsuki Subaru, the boy who stood before Garfiel, spitting blood and screaming, correct?

　I wondered if the time I had spent up until now had been wrong.

"Ready, you have a determined look on your face."

　Before I knew it, my teeth had stopped chattering and my heartbeat had calmed down.

　The cold sweat that had soaked his entire body had vanished, and Garfiel turned silently to Ram.

　It's unclear what she expects from Garfiel by blasting him.

　In truth, Ram probably doesn't think it's that important whether Garfiel will become her ally or not.

　Because we've been friends for so long, there are some things we can vaguely understand.

　In her true feelings, Ram does not wish for Garfiel to stand alongside her.

　At some earlier stage, Garfiel is expected to come to a decision on how he wants to live his life. What happens after that is secondary.

　I feel so grateful and think she's a wonderful woman.

"Oh, it's okay, Garf."

　Perhaps sensing uneasiness at Garfiel's silence, Ram spoke with a rare hint of warmth in her voice as she lightly tapped Garfiel on his bare shoulder,

"If you experience something so frightening that you cry, Ram will comfort you. --Just like old friends, you know."