Rising Shards

Kalei stared at me as she waited for my answer.

“No, I told you in pretty explicit detail,” I said.

“Well, you didn’t really, but that’s not what I mean,” Kalei said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Like, you’re freaking out about this more than you did with the whole Ovie thing or even like, Soleri homework.”

“That stuff’s…different.” I said.

“I mean like, is there a reason you’re this freaked about Oka specifically getting flashed by you? Because like. You’re dating. You'd think you'd be kinda pumped about all this. Is there something more to this?”

I felt like I was sweating already.

“W-well, you know, I mean, no, it’s just…no, I mean, yes, I mean. You know.”

“Like, if the same happened except it was to me, you wouldn’t have freaked out as much?” Kalei said.

“I’d be freaking out for a different reason, because you’d just be making fun of me for it.” I said.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Kalei said.

“But with Oka..it’s…grrr,” I said, struggling to get the words out.

“You’ll probably feel better if you just tell me,” Kalei said. “And I’d feel better if you told me quickly so I can get in on the action for this Hado Diconius trailer discussion online already.”

I sighed. I hadn’t talked about this with anyone, really. Stella worked it out but she’s Stella. Was I really ready to talk about it?

“OK…if I tell you this, you can’t tell anyone.” I said.

“Uh huh,”

“Anyone. Got it?” I pointed at her to make sure she really got it.

“I got it,”

“And be forewarned it may rattle you, change your view of the world, and really mess you up.” I said.

“Uh huh,” Kalei said.

“Are you sure you want to hear this?” I said.

“I’m sure I really want you to say it quickly,” Kalei said. “This is taking a really long time.”

“I’m just…working up to it,” I said. “I really just…are you sure you’re ready to hear this?”

“Fine yes I’m ready to hear it!” Kalei said.

“R-right,” I said. “So I think I…kind of might…have a…feeling…that I…have…”

“Oh my god Zeta, just get to it already.”

“I’m scared of intimacy after Jeans, alright!?” I yelled. “Because we never did anything, and she never said anything ever about how I looked or anything so I’m scared I’m like a sewer mutant or something and Oka’s gonna find out and it’s gonna suck and she’s gonna dump me and I’m not ready for this to be over yet!” Then I covered my mouth when I realized what I just yelled. Kalei’s eyes widened, and she didn’t say anything for an agonizing minute.

“Oh.” Kalei said. “Huh.”

“Did that… rattle you, change your view of the world, or really mess you up?” I asked.

“Not really,” Kalei said. “Well, it does explain your intensely neurotic reaction to all this.”

I was actually kind of expecting her to be at least really messed up by my reveal, so I wasn’t prepared for her to be so chill about this.

“You’re not like ugly or anything though, dude.” Kalei said. “Oka was probably happy to see you like that for a second, even if it surprised her.”

“Really?” I asked.

“I know Jeans sucked, but you can’t use her as an excuse for Oka. That’s gonna tank you guys before you even get started.”

“That’s a good point,” I said.

“Besides, think about how far you’ve come since that,” Kalei said. “You know, when I first got to know you two, I thought you were dating already. And honestly on and off this whole time I was debating if you started dating until you finally did.”

“We made sure we told you first,” I said. “I mean. Because you have to live with us. And especially now with me venting to you after…Oka saw me…completely—”

“Cool off, I get it,” Kalei said. “Thanks, though. You know how I get about not being told things.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Thank you, also. I do feel a bit better.”

Kalei started laughing again.

“What now?” I asked.

“You know, as I've been. Like. Thinking about myself more and stuff. And what I'm into." Kalei said.

"Uh huh," I said.

"Girls. You know. I mean, I probably maybe still like boys too, but—that's not important." Kalei waved her hands in front of her face to get back on track. "Anyways, as I've been in that self-discovery deal, you've. God, please don't laugh at this."

"What?" I said. "After all the laughing you did, it might be fair."

"It's just...you're kind of a like..." Kalei trailed off, alternating between having burying her face in her hands and releasing it. "In regards specifically to the whole. Girls. Liking business. You're kind of a role model? To me?"

"What?" I said. "Are you...messing with me?"

"No, Zates," Kalei said. "It makes me feel a hell of a lot better figuring my stuff out seeing someone like you be, like casual about it, but also totally proud. It's awesome. I still want to learn a lot from you about all this."

"Aw." I said. "Our orientation is a huge part of who we are, so yeah if you have any questions about that or wanna talk or whatever—"

"Now, this whole thing today is something I'm gonna learn what not to do from." Kalei said. "The whole neurotic, borderline self-destructive relationship stuff."

"I..." I said, trying to come up with a retort, but knew deep down she was right. "...probably could learn that too from today."

Kalei's phone rang with a ringtone of some weird song made entirely of burp sounds.

“Oh, hey,” Kalei said as she answered. “Oh, you are?”

She started giggling, which made me immediately suspicious.

“No, yeah,” Kalei said. “Right, right, right. No, she’s here with me…”

“Who are you talking to?” I asked. “Why did I just come up?”

“Shut up, it’s my mom,” Kalei said. She went back to her call. “Oka’s freaking too? I figured. Uh huh. I know, that’s what I told Zeta!”

“Oka’s freaking too?” I squeaked. “Who are you really talking to?”

I tried to see Kalei’s phone screen, but she kept turning when I got to a better angle.

“Zeta, seriously, shut up,” Kalei said. “Yeah, is she getting uspet about the call too? …yeah, agreed.”

Kalei moved her phone away from her face as she shoved me back, but I got a glimpse of her phone’s screen.

“I can see the call, it says Laenie on it!” I said.

“Yeah, that’s what I have my…mom listed as?” Kalei said.

“Liar, why would you have her name listed as Laenie?” I asked.

“Uh, her name could be Laenie, and I just call my mom by her first name.” Kalei said.

“Except I’ve heard you call your mom ‘mom’ tons of times and you already told me her name is Mahina because you needed her name for that website preorder thing for the Renderfold’s Tryst Season 6 deluxe cartridge set!”

“I already apologized for making you stay up late on that one!” Kalei said. She shoved me away again and got her phone back up. “No, I can do it, just give me a minute.”

In the movement of her latest shove, Kalei accidentally hit the speaker button.

“OK, phew. Thanks, Kalei!” Laenie said.

“That’s Laenie’s voice!” I said. “What excuse do you have for that?”

“Crap,” Kalei said. “Alright, see you in a second.”

Kalei finally hung up the call. She got up and stretched her arms out with her fingers interlocked.

“Okeydoke Zates, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

“We can do what the easy way or the hard way?” I asked.

“That really was Laenie, I guess obviously since you heard her voice,” Kalei said. “Oka’s freaking out maybe more than you are and annoying everybody, so Lillia, Laenie, and Aira are gonna bring her here and we’re gonna force you to talk this out quick so we can all get on with our lives.”

“What?!” I yelped. “No, I’d rather…we can just…”

“So easy way is you wait here and be a good girl and not be annoying and do something stupid,” Kalei said as I eyed the door.

I made a break for it, thinking in the moment it would be easier to just run away from the dorms and possibly even the school than face this moment, living the rest of my life as a wandering stand-up comedian, turning my troubles into a witty and groundbreaking act that could unite audiences around the world, culminating maybe in Raina Starlight hearing about my plight and hiring me on Tower of Hate and Love’s new season. That would be a lot easier than talking to Oka about our intensely awkward encounter.

Unfortunately, those plans were halted instantly as Kalei caught me about halfway through the first step of my sprint and grappled me down.

“I’d put this as something annoying and stupid,” Kalei grunted. “So we’re doing this the hard way then.”

She easily hefted me up and placed me on my bed despite my earnest efforts to thrash against her. “You’re really squirmy, what the hell!”

I hissed back at her, but Kalei basically sat down on my back until I gave up. I had my face down in my blankets on my bed, the same bed where I had just screwed up my whole social life just a bit earlier. And now I was going to have to actually deal with that instead of running away from it, which I really wanted to do.

There was a knock at our door, and my stomach dropped a little.

“Yeah, come in,” Kalei said.

“Oka’s not letting us use her keycard,” Laenie said.

Kalei sighed. “If I get up to let them in, you won’t run away, will you? Because if you do, I’m gonna clothesline you.”

“I’ll be good,” I said, keeping my face mushed into my blankets. I didn't know what it meant to have her clothesline me but I didn't want to find out.

Kalei got off of me and went to open the door. I didn’t want to look up as I heard Aira, Laenie, and Lillia bring Oka into the room. I heard the three bring Oka to her bed, and the sound of her bed springs as they plopped her down onto it.

“You two are just gonna talk this out and get past all this awkwardness,” Kalei said.

“And then things can go back to normal,” Laenie said.

“With less screaming and running away,” Lillia said. “Assuming Zeta was also screaming and running away from you, Kalei.”

“Yep, well, she tried to run, at least,” Kalei said. “Fifteen minutes sound good?”

“I say an hour, minimum.” Lillia said.

“We’re all really gonna wait an hour outside for them to make sure neither runs off again?” Laenie asked.

“Yeah, because you know we have places to be too,” Aira said. I still had my head down, but I could still sense everyone else glaring at her. “Well, we do!”

Somehow, the four came to an agreement to split up and take shifts over the next hour, with Kalei and Lillia taking the first half hour and Aira and Laenie taking over if we took that long to talk. They all left the room, leaving me alone with Oka.