“Kalei the Teylet” (19.3)
“How am I going to get Nikki to like me if I’m too mean?” Kalei said. “Did I just say that out loud? Ugh, I’m too mean and I’m an idiot.”
“It’s fine, you told us both, remember?” Oka asked.
“I mean, what if someone else nearby is listening and tells her?” Kalei asked.
“I don’t think anyone’s looking,” I said. “The nearest person at a table is Elisa, and she’s got her phone, tablet and a laptop out, she’s in Osiris mode hardcore.”
Elisa looked up from her laptop to give us all some absurdly rude and vulgar remarks that were so cartoonishly awful and entirely related to our lack of knowledge about Osiris that we all didn't even really register them before she put her headphones back in and went back to intensely watching everything Osiris related she could find.
"At least you don't say things like that," Oka said.
“I can’t stop blurting things out, though!” Kalei said. “Blurting mean things out. It’s just a matter of time before I screw it all up in front of her.”
“I assume you can hold it in around her…right?” I asked.
“I mean, I guess,” Kalei said. “Oh man, I hope she wasn’t near that theater room when Maia blew up at me…”
Oka and I gave concerned looks to each other. We’d never seen Kalei like this. Even at times someone had called out her meanness in class before, she was usually able to brush it off with a snide remark or a joke to deflect from herself.
“Why am I so mean?” She asked, maybe more to herself than to us.
“You were just in an extra bad mood today,” Oka said. “Everyone has days where they’re in bad moods.”
“Have I? Aren’t I just always like this?” Kalei said. “What do I do? How do I not do this?”
Kalei lifted her head up.
“Am I a Teylet?” Kalei asked. “Oka, when you said there was someone in the school that reminded you of Teylet, am I who you were thinking of?”
Oka coughed and looked away. “Noooo, I don’t think so...”
“Gee, thanks for the strong support.” Kalei said.
“I mean you would have to go pretty far to be as unlikeable as Teylet.” I said. “Like, you haven’t murdered anyone, or been an instigator of a love tetrahedron while simultaneously cheating on like, all of them in a separate love tetrahedron.”
“Seriously,” Oka said. “I’m still reeling from that last episode we watched. There’s nothing you’ve ever said to me that’s remotely on Teylet levels, and I’m not even that far in the show.”
“If you’d just hurry up and finish all the episodes, then I wouldn’t have to dance around spoilers.” Kalei said.
“I think that right there is what Maia didn’t like,” I said. “Those quick snappy comebacks you always have. Also, don’t talk to my girlfriend that way, please?”
“Aw,” Oka said. “And yeah Kalei, same goes for talking to my girlfriend that way too.”
“You guys are gonna be insufferable with this, aren’t you?” Kalei said. “I deserve it, though. Seriously, what do I do?”
“You do have a lot of snappy one liners and quick comebacks,” Oka said. “That does seem to be the root of your issues here. So maybe we can train you to not do those?”
“And how would you do that?” Kalei asked.
“We could try insulting her back all day,” I said.
“She’s too quick,” Oka said. “She’d either snap back and be really mean and make us cry or take it way too personally and shut down despite the stuff she dishes out.”
“Hm, good point,” I said.
Oka snapped her fingers. “I have an idea!”
* * *
I stood next to Laenie. Oka and Aira were on the other side of us, with Kalei in the middle. Oka had a kickball and a stopwatch in her hands. We were on the school grounds in one of the more open spaces of grass that didn’t have picnic tables or gazebos in it.
“Alright Kalei, here’s the plan,” Oka said. “We’re just gonna play a game of throw the ball around, and you’re going to have to get through a full five-minute game without being mean while also being the one in the middle.”
“I don’t think ‘throw the ball’ is even a real game,” Kalei said.
“Resetting the timer,” Oka said, clicking the stopwatch. “That was a bit rude.”
“What? You didn’t even say we started!” Kalei said.
“Resetting the timer,” Oka said. “That was also a bit rude.”
“I don’t think it was, but whatever,” Kalei said.
Oka tossed the ball over Kalei to our side, and I biffed it. I watched helplessly as it bounced to the ground away from us. The others turned to Kalei, waiting to see if she’d say something.
“You’re all making this a lot harder by looking at me,” Kalei said.
“How about as we play, you can just try having a conversation with Laenie and Zeta without making them cry?” Oka suggested.
“Can we not count them tearing up?” Kalei asked.
“I’m going to say…no.” Oka said. “Do you have that much material from them just standing there?”
“…maybe,” Kalei said, watching as I picked up the ball. “I mean, you put both of the easy criers on the easy crier side.”
“This isn’t the easy crying side!” I said, holding back tears. “We don’t cry that easily!”
“Zeta, like seriously it’s hard enough trying not to goof on you when you’re not talking, don’t make this worse.” Kalei said.
“I think that counts as something mean,” I said, feeling even more ready to cry but not wanting to give Kalei the satisfaction. “Oka, does that count?”
“Sorry Kalei, gotta side with the girlfriend,” Oka said. “Resetting the timer.”
I did my trademark tactical clamp of my eyelids to stop the tears, then got ready to throw the ball to Aira. Kalei grabbed it in midair from me pretty much right as I tossed it.
“I get to switch out then from that incredibly easy catch, right?” Kalei said. “That’s how this game works, isn’t it?”
“Resetting the timer,” Oka said.
“What for?” Kalei said.
“That was pretty mean to Zeta’s playing abilities.” Oka said.
“Oh, come on!”
“What’s the longest she’s made it so far?” Aira asked.
Oka looked at the stopwatch. “Seventeen seconds.”
“Maybe I should just stop talking altogether then,” Kalei said. “Because I’m so bad at talking apparently!”
“Don’t pout,” Oka said. “We’re trying to help you. Are you really that unable to say something nice today? To even try?”
“I dunno, maybe,” Kalei shrugged as she continued pouting. “This isn’t working.”
“She’s not wrong,” I said. “What else can we try?”
“Maybe just like for the rest of the week, try not saying anything mean.” Oka suggested. “No game or anything.”
“I can’t do a whole week.” Kalei said, absentmindedly bouncing the ball.
“Or even just…the rest of today?” Oka said.
“Hm…maybe.” Kalei said. “I dunno, this whole thing is stupid, I’m out.”
Kalei chucked the ball across the grounds and stormed off. It bounced off a gazebo and landed on Kyre Krista’s overtly hair gelled hair, making a gross splat sound before hitting the ground.
“Well, that went about as well as I expected.” I said.
“That went better for me, I was expecting to cry!” Laenie said. “She didn’t even pay attention to me. She didn’t even…pay attention to me…”
Laenie sniffed.
“Hoo boy,” Oka said as Aira ran to Laenie, who was already sobbing.
“It’s gonna be a while,” Aira said as she consoled her friend.
“Well, I guess it’s up to us for the next attempt,” I said. “Got any other ideas for this?”
Oka rubbed her chin. “Got it.”
In addition to gazebos and picnic tables, there was also a really fancy area with high quality metal tables and chairs and a garden of bushes around it. Oka led me to Lillia Cadence, who sat at one of the tables by herself drinking tea and reading. She looked like some kind of legendary aristocrat that only stepped foot outside to have tea at a garden spot like this. I pictured myself taking Oka on a date there, then realized I could now take Oka on dates instead of just daydreaming about them. It was something I had to remind myself a lot.