Rising Shards

Oka jolted when I spoke aloud my worry that she wanted to be done with me, and started waving her arms.

“No, wait! Zeta, that’s not…” Oka buried her face in her hands. “It’s…”

“Zeta, if I said I was going to help you to get you two stable for a mission, why would I suggest you break up in the middle of it?” Lillia asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Just like maybe. I dunno. For the freezering thing. Yeah, that doesn’t make sense when you spell that out like that, uh huh.”

“It’s not that, Zeta. I promise.” Oka said.

I sighed in relief. Part of me felt like Oka really was ready to dump me already. Like me having something as good as her in my life would be fleeting because I figured that’s just how things went for me.

“Right. It’s not that Oka wants, or should want to be done with you, Zeta.” Lillia said. “The freezening confused me. Oka, as long as I’ve known her, is an impulsive individual. Incredibly impulsive. Almost impulsive to a fault.”

“That’s true,” I said. “I always like that Oka says what she’s thinking.”

Oka blushed and laughed nervously.

“You said we shouldn’t be impulsive today, and I found that incredibly strange,” Lillia said. “Then it hit me. Oka, think back to that practice.”

“Huh? What practice?” Oka asked.

“There was a practice a few weeks back, where your uncle told you that you shouldn’t act out of turn.”

“Oh, that practice…” Oka said. “I was doing a really great addition to my character, these sweet hip pops."

"Hip pops?" I asked eagerly.

"Yeah!" Oka said. "But then Reit told me I shouldn’t…be so impulsive…in front of everyone in theater…and they all laughed…hah….that sucked.”

“Exactly,” Lillia said. “I believe the public embarrassment of that caused a mental block within you.”

“What?” Oka asked.

“Think about it,” Lillia said, starting to pace as she thought out loud. “The timing works out. Before that, you had no problem showing affection to Zeta. To your girlfriend.”

Now it was my turn to blush, just at the idea of someone else saying Oka was my girlfriend out loud. It was a really good feeling.

“Then, after Reit publicly shamed you, it birthed a feeling that you shouldn’t be impulsive anymore.” Lillia said. “It’s just a mental block. An annoying mental block.”

“Wow,” I said. “I really hope that’s it, because…I like that better than the idea of Oka wanting to be done with me.”

“I don’t want to be done with you, Zeta,” Oka said. “I promise.”

“Then we should deal with this now, so it doesn’t loom over us,” Lillia said.

I squinted. “What do you mean?”

“We need Oka to overcome her mental block of being impulsive, especially around her girlfriend,” Lillia said. “Who is you.”

“So.” I said.

“So.” Oka said.

“So,” Lillia said. “We need to deal with this. Right here.”

“Wait,” I said.

“…you don’t mean,” Oka said.

“You want us to…right here?” I said.

“I’d prefer for this to be completely resolved.” Lillia said. “And for it to be completely resolved, Oka needs to be the one to initiate whatever she decides to do.”

“Whatever she decides to do?” I asked, feeling more than a bit fluttery.

“Is it really impulsive if you just told me to do it?” Oka asked.

“I’m not saying what specifically you should impulsively do,” Lillia said. “Just that you should impulsively do something romantic to your girlfriend Zeta to resolve this mental block.”

Lillia said it so matter-of-factly that it greatly concerned me. But my heart was also racing, despite everything else going on in my life, at the idea of Oka doing something impulsively romantic to me even if it was being directed by an outside party.

“Well?” Lillia said, gesturing at Oka and I to do something.

“Are you serious?” I asked. “It’s just…you’re right here.”

“I’ll turn around,” Lillia said, turning around. “Oka, go. I don’t know how much longer the Exumi will take with the train. It may well have been two and a half turns already. So hurry.”

“Lillia…you’re really scary sometimes.” I said.

“My back is turned; I don’t know how much more I can un-scarify this for you.” Lillia said.

“Lillia, can’t you just leave?” Oka asked.

“I want to make sure you resolve this.” Lillia said.

“I’m concerned to the reasons why you want to stand so close to us,” Oka said. “Can you at least plug your ears if you’re not going to leave? Because I think you’re right so there are some things I have to say that I just realized.”

“Fine,” Lillia said, and plugged her ears.

I looked away from Lillia’s turned back to Oka, who looked almost as terrified as she did the night I asked her out and kissed her. Which kind of made me feel better in a weird way. If she was less scared for her own personal hang up than she was the night I asked her out, and the night we first kissed, could this be so bad?”

“Well,” I said. “I. Uh…”

“Just pretend she’s not there,” Oka said. “Because I think I really do need to get this out of my system.”

“Right…” I said. “So those things you wanted to say…you can tell me. But if you’re not ready you can also not tell me. Because I’m still kind of scared you’re going to suddenly break up with me.”

“It’s not that,” Oka said immediately. She took a deep breath. “I know we said we’re taking it slow, but…I still feel like I’m letting you down.” I wasn’t following, but I let her continue. “Ever since the…room incident.”

“Room incident?” I said.

“The one with the…clothes. Or. Lack of.” Oka cleared her throat. “Clothes.”

“Oh…” I said, instantly blushing at the memory of Oka’s perfect back. “What about that?”

“I feel like I used up all my spontaneous romance energy on that little sundress trick.” Oka said. “And then I got worried thinking like. What if I’m the type of person that’s more interested in the chase than the actual relationship and I instantly fall for someone else then start a long chain of that, always moving onto the next person when the chase is done? How could I do that to you?”

“Oh,” I said. “That’d be bad.”

“Yeah! It’d be terrible!” Oka said. “Then I started worrying, what if it turns out that you have a dramatic heated love-hate tension with Ovie, or even…”

I knew who Oka meant there without her having to say it. It made me feel like I just had too much coffee that was only charging up my stomach with caffeine, but I powered through that feeling.

“I don’t think you have to worry about either of them,” I said. “But I understand.”

“Thank you…” Oka said. “You shouldn’t have to understand that…that’s really not fair to you.”