Rising Shards

Oka sounded like she thought she was all alone in her worrying, but everything she was saying felt like she was reading my mind.

“I get it though,” I said. “It’s scary, being together with someone like you. You’re just so…good that I get scared thinking how it could all go wrong. Like if I ended up in some nightmare where I’m stuck with the cruel people again, away from you. But when I was deep in those worries, I had to tell myself that yes, the ending of Three Hill Sunrise Z was a complete travesty, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to us.”

“Hey, when did you read Three Hill Sunrise Z?” Oka said, her eyes brightening.

“I just finished the fifth one a few days ago!” I said.

“Was that because of me? Did you chuck the last book across the room when you finished like I did?”

“I wanted to, but I got it from the school library, and Stella would kill me if I willingly broke a library book,” I said. “Because that ending sucked."

"Didn't it?" Oka said.

"And it was so good up until that point!" I said. "Well, save for that part where they were in the mine for 400 pages, but still."

"But still! It felt like it was going to a satisfactory conclusion, then wham." Oka punched her right hand into her left palm.

"Tolari dumps Kovan offscreen and—"

"Who is never seen again." Oka said, her pure spite for this ending coming out of her in a relatable but also adorable way. "Despite being super nice to Tolari the whole series."

"Yeah!" I said. "Then Tolari ends up with her abusive ex. Who's...her cousin, I'm pretty sure. Which is..."

"I think she might've been her aunt, but their relation was unclear," Oka said. "But they were definitely related. Which. Yeah. It's gross."

"And not only that, they framed it all like she had to fix her abusive ex! Like it was up to her to fix someone who hurt her, and they framed it all cutesy romantic even though it's horrible!"

"You have no idea how happy it makes me," Oka said.

"The abusive cousin-aunt thing? Or that I hated it?"

"That you hated it!" Oka said. "Warms my heart you share my salty distate of that horrific ending. While still appreciating the journey that came before."

"Definitely, it was a trip," I said. "When we have time when we’re not stuck on a void island, I’m going to talk to you for hours about it.”

Oka giggled. I felt like a great burden had lifted off of me seeing her happy again. Happy with me, even. She started pressing her fingertips together, which was always a sign she was either plotting something, wanted to ask about something, or was worried about something.

“I guess I should get to that impulsive thing so Lillia doesn’t have to stand there forever, huh?” Oka said.

“She made her choice to stand there,” I said, looking at Lillia standing completely still with her hands covering her ears. “She could leave if she wanted to!” I said that last part a little louder, but she didn’t move.

“Well, speaking of frozen things…” Oka said. “I’m sorry again that I just…keep freezing when we…like. I think I’m really bad at initiating…or…accepting too? It’s not that I don’t want to…it’s more that I really want to. And I’m mad at myself that I freeze up. I think Lillia probably is right that it’s because of Reit blasting me during practice, but I’m also kind of really scared of going farther now that we’re really together. So.”

“So…” I said after a long pause. “I know Lillia said you had to, but maybe you just need to…not be the one to do that then when you’re stuck?”

Oka looked as though the thought had never occurred to her. “Wait…what do you mean?”

“You know you don’t have to be the one to initiate everything,” I said. “Dating’s a team effort, after all. I have a part in this freezing thing, too.”

I wouldn’t have ever been able to come to this kind of agreement with Jeans. It felt like climbing up a muddy hill, but while holding someone else’s hand. We both were in some muck, but together we could move up it. Mud that didn’t feel so deep when we were climbing up together.

“So. Like, despite what Lillia said about me in particular being not…impulsive…enough, you’re saying…?”

“When you freeze up, I can take the lead,” I said.

“I think that’d be really good,” Oka said. “It’s not as…scary when…you’re the one…”

“I get you,” I said. I sighed. “This is all way better than what I thought when this all started.”

“I’m really sorry I worried you,” Oka said. “And like, I’m not saying like do whatever no matter what without my input or…and I wouldn’t say I should get to do whatever in the same way, we should have boundaries. And talk about those boundaries. But right now. I really want you to…I don’t know. Please take the lead. And I…should stop talking now. I’ve been talking. A lot.”

“It’s OK,” I said. Oka remained frozen. “I’ll do my best. Do you want me to…right now?”

“Just for right now, please be the impulsive one,” Oka said. “We’ve been saying impulsive so much I think it’s lost all meaning for me so if you do whatever I think it’ll count.”

I took one last nervous glance over. “Even with Lillia…?”

Lillia still had her back to us and her ears plugged with her hands. Oka gave a slight nod.

“Alright.” I said.

This was for our blossoming relationship. And it had been forever since I kissed her so it made it easier for me to take the lead and be the impulsive one even though Lillia was standing closer than I would want anyone for potential nearby Oka kissing. I tuned out the world around me, including whatever far corner of the void we’d ended up in, how I had heard Jeans’ voice before getting here, the scary blood wave, fighting robot monsters, everything. I leaned in and kissed Oka. I did not realize how much pent-up kissing energy was in me from not kissing her in a few weeks. Once we finished, our foreheads were touching, and I went in for another kiss. This was deeper than any kiss Oka and I had done before. I don’t know who was first, but I like to think it was me that pushed my tongue a bit forward as the world around us faded. Our tongues only met for a second, but what a second it was. I’m fairly certain I had never even attempted that with Jeans; she kissed me like that once and it was awful, but I'd never tried it back, but if I had tried the result was too disappointing to remember. Which was good because Oka was a much better kisser than Jeans ever was. When we finally finished, I was burning red, but feeling also immensely relieved.

“Oh…wow.” Oka said. “I think…I think that might be it.”

“Are we good then?” I asked. “Because. That uh…wow. Also. Also a wow from me.”

“Everything resolved?” Lillia asked, making me simultaneously scream and jolt back out of my world-faded-around-us bubble with Oka. Lillia was looking at us, and I realized she could have turned around at any moment during that make out session and I wouldn’t have been any the wiser, which was uncomfortable on a lot of levels.

“I think so…” Oka said. She suddenly held my hand. “Right?”

“Right.” I said. “And if you feel that…unimpulsive mental block again, we can figure something out. Or have Lillia figure it out for us.”

Lillia gave a half nod.

“Well. I’m really glad it wasn’t something I did.” I said. “Or. Like, it was only kinda me.”

“No, it really, truly wasn’t you,” Oka said. “And I’m sorry I didn’t say or…explain. Especially in the midst of. Like, everything going on now.”

“You were still figuring it out,” I said. “It’s all OK. We both are.”

“Wonderful,” Lillia said. “Now. Oka.” Lillia gripped Oka’s shoulders and started shaking her. “The real reason I wanted to fix this was because Ko Matora asked me out and I’ve been terrified so I desperately need to talk to you about this!”

“Uh…wait, what?” Oka asked. “Lillia! WHAT? Why were you keeping this from me?!” Lillia glared at her. “Oh, right. The freezening.”

Lillia continued to glare at her.

“Aw, Lillia, you kept that from me because of my stupid thing?” Oka asked.

I was glad Lillia had a friend like Oka who could apparently understand her glares more than I did. I only could tell that I was incredibly intimidated by them.

“Ko Matora?” I asked.

Lillia pointed at me. “Zeta, I’d like for you to leave, please. Keep what you’ve just heard from everyone else. Go to the others and learn of the ways of the Exumi or something as I vent about this thing that happened to me that you may never tell anyone else even the slight details you've learned.”

Her powerful glare and point combo made me instantly obey. “Right. OK. I’m gonna go wait with the others. Thanks, Lillia.”