Rising Shards

The first time I tried ended things with Jeans, it was also the first time anyone had a bloodsaber pointed at me, or any weapon really.

“You are going to shut up and listen to me now,” Jeans said as she held the blade not quite near my throat, but close. “I’m giving you one more chance to prove to me this wasn’t all a complete waste of my time. That you could still be the one to help with this.”

She pulled out a dark mask. I didn't know then, but it was the Starlight Despair that she'd later use to merge a bunch of void dimensions together and try and rule over them all using the collective energy of the misery she put me and the rest of my friends through.

“I can’t lose you,” Jeans said. “I need you for this. For everything. Just say it, please.”

“There was a storm,” I said.

Jeans screamed as she swung her blade. If I was just an inch forward, I would've been gravely injured. Just like when Jeans attacked Oka during the Fang Moon Web trip.

“I’m sorry. I’m an idiot,” Jeans said after smashing her blade on her knee, spilling its blade guts on the ground. “It’s destroyed now. But it wouldn’t have happened if you just remembered—”

“But summer ended," I said. "It rained the day it ended. And I was alone again.” I said as my hand stung and blood flowed from the wound. “I got it wrong. That’s the right version.”

As Jeans sobbed and babbled desperate and pathetic attempts at apologies, I got up and left. I took the elevator all the way down and rushed through a chilly summer night back to the train station. In hindsight, it was absolutely terrifying I made that journey just in general. Of the big cities in the country, LE wasn't one with a very high crime rate, but I was still wandering in the middle of the night by myself, practically in a trance, clenching my wounded hand. I was on autopilot as I got a ticket back to a train that would bring me close to the apartment.

There weren't many people on the middle of the night train, but there was one staffer who kept looking at me with concern. I felt so stunned, but even in the numb haze I found myself in I still noticed him, and tried to not look like I was about to fall apart. He walked up and down the car during the ride while I mainly put my warm head on the cold window. Looking back, I think he was making sure no one messed with me that night.

At my stop, he didn't pull me aside, but he paused a moment before opening the door to let me out.

"Get home safe, alright?"

I just nodded and muttered something about my apartment being close, hiding my wounded hand in my pockets.

I didn't feel a great amount of relief when I did make it home a few minutes later. I stood outside the front door for a long time, trying to listen in. If Stella was up and saw that I ran off in the middle of the night, I didn't know what she'd do. I didn't know what I'd do. Eventually, with great caution and the slowest speed possible, I quietly opened the door. The lights were still off, and Stella's door was still shut. After grabbing some bandages from the bathroom, I tiptoed to my room, shoved any clothes that had blood on them in the back of my dresser, and fell onto bed. I thought I'd start crying, but I didn't. I stared at my ceiling, stiff as a board. At some point in the night, my phone started buzzing with messages from Jeans again. I deleted them, and blocked her on everything I had that she could contact me with.

I don't know how I slept that night. I woke up hoping it was a nightmare, but my hand still hurt. Stella was brewing tea, and its pleasant scent wafted throughout the apartment. She only made tea when her friend Pippi was over, which potentially complicated things. If she knew I snuck out, she wouldn't call me out with Pippi there, would she? And if she didn't know, I would have to be extra careful not letting her know anything had happened. When picking clothes, I made sure to wear a long sleeved shirt that covered my hands.

"It's a pain whenever I have to actually talk to them," Pippi said. "The second I leave the room they start gossiping."

"Oh yeah, if I'm slow enough, or if I just hang around nearby, they'll start talking about me immediately. They're not good at hiding it." Stella said. The freshly cooked brunch muffins they were eating smelled super good, and looked like it'd taste great with the tea. "So it's not just you, at least. Librarians are weird creatures."

"You're a librarian, Stella." Pippi said.

"Well. Still." Stella said.

I shuffled a bit, mouth watering at the muffins. 

"Bed-headed little sister alert!" Pippi said, pointing at me. She always said that when she was there and I woke up late, and while it was kind of embarrassing, it was always nice too.

"Hi Pippi," I said, half-expecting my voice to crack and for me to start crying right there. Instead, I must have just looked sleepy.

"Eat up, Zeta, we made plenty!" Stella said, gesturing to the big plate on the center of the kitchen table. "You don't have to stay for us complaining about work, though."

I smiled as I took a muffin. Pippi insisted I pour myself some tea as well. I didn't want to interfere in their work venting, so I tried to find a different spot. I thought about sitting at our couch in front of the TV, but it was close enough to our kitchen that I'd feel like I was eavesdropping. So I retreated to my room, still waiting for the tears from last night to come, but I couldn't muster any.

Given how protective she is, I was surprised I was able to sneak out and back without Stella knowing. Later that day, I managed to say something about how I wouldn't talk to Jeans anymore, but I couldn't tell her about what happened. As far as Stella knew, I just sent Jeans a message and blocked her. I didn't want to worry her, so I just tried to keep myself together. Even though I was clearly sad from the break up, Stella didn't need to know the rest. I just wanted to hit the ground running and be strong for her.

* * *

It had been a few months since that night, and to say things had changed a lot since then was a huge understatement. As snow gently pattered against our apartment, Stella and I were enjoying a nice dinner in our living room, with me on the couch and her in her recliner that she was sizing up every few minutes, thinking about how to move it from our apartment to her new apartment that I hadn’t seen yet.

“I just think it’s interesting there’s so little footage of it,” I said between bites of chili.

“Uh huh,” Stella said.

“They filmed a pilot and everything!” I said. “And yet the only footage is fan filmed at the Tower convention. Don’t you think they’d at least put more out than a teaser trailer for fans for Tower of Hate and Love Jr.?”

There was a cancelled kids’ spinoff for Tower that got a bit into production that I always wondered about. It got to the point that it had merch so it must have been cancelled pretty late in development.

“Maybe it was just the worst show,” Stella said. “And they were too ashamed to release any more of it.”

I gasped at the thought. Something Tower related that was bad? Possible, probable even. But the mystery of what a junior version of Tower of Hate and Love could be made me imagine a perfect show that was unjustly not allowed to have more than a pilot.

“That, or they couldn’t find a way to kid-ifiy the serial killer stuff.” Stella said.

“Yeah, that makes sense…” I said.

I was good for a few days.

Sore, but good. I felt like I was hitting the ground running on the whole healing from facing Jeans again thing. It turned out there actually was a school policy to give students days off after an Endoran raid, so Penteldtam was able to give all of us involved in the Wildfire Hearts raids a week off. A Rising Shards policy I greatly appreciated. I had a session with a counselor, and I was feeling good.

Even though I was without Oka and Kalei in person and all my other friends, I was with Stella, and we were home, and it was good.

* * *

I was bored on the second day. I stared up at the ceiling, trying to find a comfy position on the couch. I poked at the loose cushion the couch had that was always falling over with my feet, absentmindedly staring at my pink and purple Tower of Hate and Love Jr. Collection Limited Edition socks. I was very thankful that Stella put up with my need to have socks from a cancelled show when she got them for me. And second set of them to keep in the packaging for collector purposes.

“If you’re really starting to get bored, you can help me pack.” Stella said, peeking over the couch. “Even just packing some of your stuff would be good.”

I looked out the window closest to the living room couch. The sky was white from a light snowstorm.

“Why are we moving in winter?” I asked.

“Because I don’t want to wait to be closer to you after all that stuff, and I don’t want to commute to my new job.” Stella said.

I flopped off the couch and started to pack, setting my box next to Stella’s piles of boxes. She had moved a bunch of stuff already, but there was still quite a bit left to bring over.

“Are you gonna miss your old job?” I asked, hastily dumping an armful of stuff into a box. “Working at a college sounds kinda fun.”

“A bit,” Stella said. “Also pack more neatly, please. You’re wasting a lot of space there.”

“Fiiiine,” I said. “When can I see the new place?”

“Ehh,” Stella said and laughed. “It’s a bit of a mess right now.”

“And this isn’t?” I asked.

“Fair,” Stella said. “I’ll show ya soon.”

The rest of the bored day was mostly packing and then back to the lazy couch to be lazy.

Then the next day hit, and it all hit me at once.