Rising Shards

As I listened to the dial tones, I wondered to myself. Would I even get a reception here? I didn’t know. I had to try. I listened to the long beeps. I didn’t know why I was really calling, to say goodbye? To beg for help?

“Hello?” Stella said.

“Stella?” I said, unaware how much I’d been crying until I heard my voice.

“Zeta? What’s wrong?” Stella asked. “Evy said there was a raid. Are you safe?”

“I’m really scared, and I don’t know what to do.” I said.

“Where are you? What’s happening?” Stella asked. “How did you get a connection in—"

“I feel really sick. Like I’m dying. My heart is pounding so much, and I’m so dizzy I feel like I’m gonna faint.” I said.

“Can you get help?” Stella asked.

“I can’t…” I said. “I’m all alone.”

I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t even hold the phone away far enough to hide it. 

“Just tell me everything. Keep talking to me.” Stella said.

I couldn’t leave her with a mystery of what happened. I couldn’t put her through that. Even as my heart flipped, I started to tell her everything since the blood wave. Feeling so close to my own demise shattered any kind of mental wall that would have stopped me from telling the unbelievable parts, I cried and babbled through it, but I told her everything. And she listened to me, not interrupting at any part.

"I...it's hard to breathe, Stella." I said. "My heart won't stop pounding..."

“I think I know what’s happening to you, Zeta.” Stella said. “Just listen to me, and I’ll get you through this.”

“How?” I asked. “There’s Elka everywhere, Stella…”

“It runs in our family,” Stella said.

“Getting stranded in Elka?” I asked.

“No, not that, we’ll get to that,” Stella said. “Just listen to me. I went through it too. I still go through it. You’re incredibly strong for making it against what your mind is doing right now.”

“My mind…?” I asked.

“I think you’re having a panic attack,” Stella said. “Can you do me a favor and breathe very slowly?”

“I’ll…try.” I said.

“Here, deep breath, do it with me,” Stella said. She took a breath. “Now hold for a sec…and let it out. Let’s do that a couple times.”

I kept breathing with Stella. Something about this felt familiar all of a sudden.

“Oka helped me through a panic attack once.” I said.

“I’m so glad you have her.” Stella said.

“Is a panic attack what this really is?” I asked. “I feel like I’m gonna die.”

“That’s what they’re like,” Stella said. “But you’re OK. Someone like Jeans our mental fights as personal failings, even though we can’t help it. Jeans probably saw you as someone weak, that she could control. And you still turned her down again today.”

The first time she saw me, I looked terrified, much like I did on the rock in the lake of Elka, albeit with less blood all over my face. It broke my heart even more to realize what a perfect target I must have been to her.

“Isn’t it weak? If I wasn’t weak, I could have done something to stop this,” I said. “I tried to stop her here. And now they're all...”

Stella took a deep breath, and I wished I could see her.

“It’s not weak,” Stella said. “Our fights with ourselves make us strong. I’m not a professional, but I know what I go through. It sounds like the same thing you’re facing. Fear so great that every day feels like your last. Something so terrifying it makes just living a battle, because when it’s bad, every moment feels like your last.”

I listened to Stella and I could feel the pain slowly leaving me. The attack fading, until I just shook.

“How do you keep going when it happens?” I said. “How do you keep going? I…can barely…”

“It’s a fight,” Stella said. “Every day is a fight when it's really bad. But that doesn’t mean I get to give up. I won’t let myself. There are too many people who need me. And you can’t either. No matter what. Keep taking slow, gentle breaths.”

My heartbeat returned to a normal rate again, and my mind became less foggy. It felt like the end of a very long storm.

“Jeans probably thinks the way she controlled you is a foolproof tactic,” Stella said. “That it’ll help her at Wildfire Hearts with this Harmony void node BS. You can get through this because you already beat her.”

“How?” I asked.

“Because you saw through her manipulations. And you’re brave enough to ask for help.”

“Because I call you when things are bad?”

“It’s not a bad thing to ask for help,” Stella said. “Somedays it'll get bad, it will feel like it’s impossible to move, to stand up. And when it’s like that, it’s OK to tell someone. For so long you had someone telling you that only her voice mattered, but you saw through what she was doing to you. You didn’t do it alone.”

Even though I was alone in the wastelands, Stella’s voice made me feel like I was surrounded by friends and family.

“Don’t underestimate how much being there for someone can break through the shadows, too.” Stella said. “Don’t forget that you exist, and that people desperately need you, and they maybe need you right now. Don’t do this alone.”

“Why me,” I said. “Why would…”

“Because you’re you,” Stella said, cutting me off in such a way to crush down any doubt inside me. “And sometimes that’s more important than anything. You can break free of this.”

I kept breathing slowly. My sister’s voice sounded like medicine coursing through my hurting mind. With Stella’s help, I survived. I still had a single lingering thought that wouldn’t leave me.

“I know it’s gonna be really tough getting out of there,” Stella said. “But I know you can do it. Everything will be OK.”

Between the lake of Elka and the precipice behind me, I didn’t know if I agreed. 

“I’m your sister, you know when I’m lying to you, and I’m not lying now. Everything will be OK. I promise.” Stella said. “You have everything it takes to make it through. Even if you have to face Jeans. You've won against her before, you can do it again.”

I looked towards the Kathron sword again in the distance, and saw its glow remain steady. I knew what I had to do.

“Thank you, Stella. I think I have to go now.” I said. “I’m gonna get out of this.”

“I love you. Please stay safe.” Stella said. There was no worry in her voice, which made me feel better about what I had to do.

“I will. Thank you. I love you too.” I said.

I lingered for a moment before hanging up, throwing in one more “I love you.” I put my phone in my backpack and made sure all the zippers were sealed. With Minty on my back as well, I rose to face the other sword. 

Unable to get another storm without I jumped into the Elka. Immediately feeling the cold, I thrashed my arms and legs trying to keep my head above the liquid. I fixated on the gentle glow, the only gentle thing in this place of pain.

“Come on, come on.” I begged my body as I forced myself through it. I kept swimming until I hit a point where my feet could hit the ground. As I reached the shore, tendrils rose again from the Elka, but I was ready. I dove for the Kathron sword and slashed at them, and the blade easily destroyed them.

I kept walking past a beach of black sand. I couldn’t wait for a moment to rest, I had to keep moving forward. I didn’t know exactly which way to go, but I figured further into the metal wreckage around me would at least give me a clue. With the Kathron sword to defend me physically, and Stella’s words like a shield over my heart, I walked into the darkness of the wastelands.