Settling the Debate

DING DONG!

Shion: Um, Joon... I thought we weren't getting any visitors today.

Joon: Visitors? Tch. Probably just someone trying to beg me for money. I'll handle it.

Joon lazily saunters to the door. As she flings it open. There, she sees a disproportionally tall man, wearing a suit straight out of a mafia movie. 

Waluigi: Wah! Nice to meet y—

Before Waluigi can finish, the door is slammed in his face with a loud crash, leaving a perfect Waluigi-shaped dent on the door. Joon skips back to the couch, unbothered.

Shion: W-Who was that?

Joon crossed her arms and smiled, closing her eyes in a triumphant stance.

Joon: N-no one important.

Suddenly, there's a loud SMASH! as the wall to the side of the door crumbles. Wario barges through, knocking debris everywhere. Joon's smile turns into one of disdain, as she turns her head towards the doorless entrance.

Wario: Hey, losers! Where's my 5 million gold coins, huh?! You promised to pay me back yesterday!

Shion: J-Joon, why did you borrow so much money?! We don't even have that kind of cash lying around!

Joon: I spent it. Duh. You didn't expect me to just hold onto that much cash, did you? Anyway, I had a plan. I thought I'd strike it rich at the casino. Though luck wasn't really n my side...

Shion: Sorry...

Wario: You think this is a game, huh?! That's my money! I ain't leaving without it!

Joon: Oh, come on. That's pocket change for you. You're Wario. Besides, we need it more, right, Shion?

Shion looks down, visibly conflicted. Then, she gave a resigned sigh.

Shion: I… I guess so…

Joon: See? No harm, no foul.

Waluigi: Hey! We still need our-

Her face suddenly became super serious.

Joon: No one asked you, string bean.

Waluigi sulks and slumps his shoulders in defeat. He steps back as Wario's fury rises.

Wario: You steal my money, blow it all on some stupid gamble, and now you're insulting my brother in front of me?! No one disrespects Waluigi except me! Now you're gonna pay—with interest!

Alongside his reinvigorated brother, they both rip off their suits as they take steps towards the Yorigami's, with a menacing aura around them.

Joon: Oh, please. You couldn't beat us if you tried!

Shion: US? Joon, stop provoking him! I can feel it… it's starting to…!

Suddenly, a wave of intense, suffocating misfortune erupts from Shion. Everything in the room begins to tremble as objects randomly fall off shelves, furniture creaks ominously, and cracks form in the ceiling. The aura of bad luck is so palpable that Wario instinctively halts mid-charge.

Wario: WAWAWA Wh-What's going on?! Everything's falling apart!

Waluigi: WAH! We gotta get outta here!

Shion: Sorry in advance!

Joon, of course, is unfazed by Shion's aura of bad luck. She smirks as she watches Wario and Waluigi panic. Then, Joons eyes suddenly open wide when she realizes something. 

Joon: Huh, I didn't notice how many candles we had.

Those candles being Bob-Ombs.

Wario/Waluigi: Oh No!

KABOOM!

FIGHT!

Wario cracks his knuckles, Joon smirks confidently, Waluigi adjusts his hat, and Shion fumbles her fingers.

This staredown continues for quite a while, as the two sides glare at each other, with the breeze blowing through the rubble. The outside was an open, empty space, secluded at the top of cliff.

Suddenly, Wario points frantically, gesturing for Joon to look back. The dumbass does, and Wario immediately hits her with a shoulder barge before she could react, carrying her forward.

Shion: Joon!

Shion tries to fly over to her sister, but Waluigi uses a vine, restraining her and pulling her towards him.

Shion: Leave me alone, you creep!

Shion instantly axe kicks the Lanky Tool headfirst into the ground.

Meanwhile, Joon regains her composure and uses an omnidirectional burst of energy, sending Wario back a bit. With a bit of space, Wario pulls out Bob-Ombs of his own, chucking them her with speed. She's able to hop and dive away from the explosions, almost running into one in the process, which slows her down just enough time for another Bob-Omb to land a solid hit.

When the explosions clear, Joon is nowhere to be found. Wario scratches his head, then his ass, muttering in frustration of how many Bob-Ombs he just wasted. Suddenly, Joon teleports behind him, delivering a fiery blow to his face.

Joon: Eat this!

Taking the brunt of the blow, he flies past Shion on top of Waluigi's back, pulling at his mustache, much to his dismay. He secretly flicks his arm, summoning a Rain Cloud, which strikes Shion with a healthy dose of lightning, forcing her off him in a daze. She quickly recovers to see Waluigi laughing at her, only for Lightning to strike him as well.

Joon soon after delivers a resounding kick from behind to Waluigi, before grabbing Shion and throwing her straight at him. She delivers a multi-hitting homing attack, sending him higher into the air as a wailing, shouting mess.

The impact of Waluigi's faraway fall sends a small gust of wind at Joon, who protects herself against it, as Shion flies back to her side.

Joon: Think that did it?

Shion: No, not really.

A rocket-like sound is heard in front of them, and suddenly, a giant bullet bill with a spiky mustache boosts towards them, with Wario riding it!

Wario: YAHOO!

The Yorigami's barely jumped out of the way, with Wario using his hyper-realistic leg muscles to re-direct the Waluigi Bill, coming for the both of them again. Shion jumps behind Joon, who creates a forcefield to stop them. But it is easily broken, as the Wario brothers blast through, sending them on either side. Waluigi soon transforms back, spinning while holding his racket and stylishly smacking Shion straight into the ground, while Wario performs a pile driver on Joon.

The brothers laugh at their opponent's predicament after they land, as Wario digs the buried Joon out of the sand and shakes her, while Waluigi simply stomps Shion on the ground. Then, Waluigi picks up his opponent, and the Wario bros both throw the twins into each other in a nasty collision.

Waluigi: Stay down, losers!

Shion rubs her grimacing head and checks on Joon, who already has squiggly eyes. She looked up at the brothers with anger in her eyes.

There was a slight change in energy as the cliff began to crumble.

The Wario bros looked at each other, their faces dropping again.

Wario Bros: Uh Oh!

Amid a blur of motion, the cliff gave way with an ear-splitting smash, collapsing into a massive landslide. Rocks tumbled against reasoning, and the Bros screamed in terror as they slid helplessly down the slope. Above them, Shion hovered in mid-air, holding a still-recovering Joon in her arms.

Shion: Huh?

Her eyes widened as she spotted Waluigi, with Wario flattened beneath him like a makeshift surfboard, gleefully maneuvering through the chaos, skillfully weaving between jagged rocks, even leaping off a larger chunk of rubble with stylish ollies.

She sighed and locked in. Channeling her energy, she caused a massive boulder to shift and crash directly into Waluigi, sending him flying off his impromptu board. Wario, not so lucky, was flattened under the rock as it came to rest. So much so, he was sent slightly underground.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Shion relaxed slightly as Joon stirred and sat up straighter in her arms.

Joon: Woah! How are we doing?

Shion: Eh, okay, I guess.

Descending closer to the soil of the forest below, they spotted a dazed Waluigi shaking off the impact. Joon grinned, her confidence returning, and Shion spun mid-air, hurling her sister straight toward him like a human projectile.

Waluigi barely had time to react before Joon came crashing down, fists first.

He barely moved out of the way with a worried yelp, as the impact of the blow had birds flying out of the vicinity.

Waluigi narrowly dodged two more incoming strikes, stumbling back as he struggled to keep his balance. Before he could recover, Shion appeared behind him and landed a solid hit, sending him reeling forward.

Joon: Come on, string bean! Fight back!

Seizing the opportunity, the Yorigami sisters started to deliver a flurry of punches and kicks that battered Waluigi from every angle.

Suddenly, Wario appeared!

He bursts from below the ground, his lower half now a spring! He bounced around the forest area at top speeds, almost as if he were everywhere at once in an overwhelming assault. Joon and Shion attempt to follow his movements from below but simply can't. Then, Joon notices that Waluigi has gone missing.

As Shion is struck by Wario in her background, Joon scans her surroundings, trying to locate the other brother. Her instincts kick in, and she hurls a tornado toward a suspicious bush. The gust tears through the foliage, revealing Waluigi crouching in an "attempt" to hide. The wind catches him, launching him high into the air.

With a smirk, she quickly flies up to catch him.

Joon: Let's see how you like being shaken up!

Grabbing Waluigi mid-air, she starts shaking him violently. Coins begin to pour from his seemingly endless pockets, jingling as they scatter through the air.

Joon: Whoa! Look at all this loot! C'mon, don't hold out on me! I need me a new house!

She shakes him even harder, rattling him like a maraca. This time, alongside more coins, an assortment of bizarre items spill out—a Boo that immediately floats off, a few poison mushrooms that bounce harmlessly away, and even a whole ass Chain Chomp that barks loudly before hopping off into the distance.

Meanwhile, on the ground, Shion struggles back to her feet, glaring at Wario as he ricochets wildly between trees, laughing maniacally. Her eyes narrow as frustration builds. Without a word, she unleashes a circular burst of aura, coating the forest in glowing energy.

Wario, oblivious, slams into another tree and prepares to bounce off again—only to realize too late that the tree has been enchanted. Instead of propelling him further, it halts his momentum completely before snapping back like a spring, hurling him into the ground with a thunderous crash.

Groaning, Wario struggles to his feet but recovers quickly. In a flash, he spins into his Cosmic Wario outfit, brandishing a sleek laser gun. Without hesitation, he opens fire on Shion. But she effortlessly grazes through the barrage, turning each shot into oil that she absorbs mid-dodge.

She fires her own counterattack—her own danmaku ripping through the air in spiraling patterns. He yelps as he dives to avoid the shots, eventually turning tail and sprinting through the forest.

He screeches tuah halt at a clearing filled with a massive pile of gold, power-ups, and random items. Standing atop the shimmering mound is Joon, still vigorously shaking Waluigi.

Joon: Where does this end?!

When Shion catches up to where Wario had run off, she freezes, dumbfounded by the sight before her. Her sister, Joon, was fully immersed in her bizarre antics.

Snapping back to reality, Shion launches another burst of danmaku at Wario, who scrambles through the pile of treasures in a panic. His foot catches on a Blue Shell, sending him plunging headfirst into the heap. He rises back up with, of all things, a shimmering mirror just in time to intercept Shion's attack.

The reflected blast veers wildly upward, striking Joon squarely.

Joon: Meh. I've had worse.

Still clutching Waluigi by the collar, she barely seems fazed.

Waluigi: Oh no…

Joon: Huh? What do you mean 'Oh No?'

Before she can process his panic, the aforementioned Blue Shell rockets in from above and spins around the top of its victim before smashing into the back of her head at blistering speed. The impact sends her sprawling, her grip on Waluigi loosening as he falls unceremoniously into the treasure pile. Joon crashes face-first into the dirt with a groan.

Shion: Oh no! Joon!

She watches in abject horror as a giant purple platform rose slowly from the ground, with a panting Waluigi at the top. He flashes the magic key at her.

Waluigi: Oh yeah!

Without warning, Waluigi begins to dance—a performance so mesmerizing, so flawless, that it transcends mortal comprehension on a boundless scale. Not even Von Neumann could comprehend the brilliance of his moves. Even I, the narrator, openly weep, for mere words cannot capture the magnificence of this masterpiece. Suffice to say, it was a chef-d'oeuvre.

However, His dancing wasn't just for show. The magic key in his hand thumps with energy, and his moves begin to unleash bizarre effects. Shion shrieked as a bolt of lightning narrowly missed her, followed by chunks of hail slamming into the ground around her. Flames erupt randomly, adding to the destruction. Undeterred, Shion growls and bolts toward the still-dancing Waluigi, darting through the hazards relentlessly.

As she closes the distance, she fires off a concentrated blast of danmaku energy. Waluigi responds by conjuring a shimmering purple warp pipe mid-dance, effortlessly redirecting the blast. It shoots out the other end, striking Shion and sending her crashing to the ground.

Joon, who had been recovering from the earlier chaos, stands up and takes in the absurd spectacle before her. She blinks, her jaw tightening.

Joon: Dang... that was... wait, what the—?

Her eyes locked onto Waluigi's perfection, and her frustration boiled over.

Joon: Oh, you think that's dancing? Let me show you how it's done!

With a snap of her fingers, a bright pink platform begins to rise beneath her, lifting her to equal height with Waluigi. As she steadies, she then strikes a pose and breaks into her own dazzling routine. Laser blasts erupt from her movements, slicing through the air toward Waluigi, who nimbly dodges and weaves through them without missing a beat.

Waluigi: You're on!

As the chaotic dance-off raged above, Wario rummaged below, a bulging sack of treasure slung over his shoulder as he frantically scavenged for the last remnants of his spoils. His stomach growled—not in pain, but in anticipation.

Wario: Stupid battle! Such a waste of money!

The word "money" clocked in Shion's ears, forcing air down her lungs and snapping her attention to the mountains of gold and jewels surrounding them.

Shion: WAAAH! I won't be in poverty anymore!

Fueled by sudden greed, she slammed into Wario, yanking the sack from his grasp and frantically began stuffing it with coins. Bob-Ombs and other useless items went flying as she dug through the piles with feverish excitement.

The discarded Bob-Ombs clattered onto the foundations platforms above, creating small explosions that shook the entire battlefield. Both Waluigi and Joon begin to wave around, attempting to regain their balance. Despite the tremors, they managed to keep their rhythm going.

Shion: Real food! A whole mansion! We could—

Wario: HEY, dirtbag! Hands off my cash!

Wario charged at her with all his might, only for Shion to effortlessly glide into the air, leaving him to trip over a stray gold coin and tumble straight into a Mini Mushroom.

A moment of silence followed as Wario realized the humiliating effects of the transformation.

Wario: N-Nice girl?

Shion: Awwww! So cute!

Her grin turned menacing as she unleashed a barrage of danmaku blasts. Wario screamed in terror, now a tiny target dodging not only Shion's attacks but also the fallout from the battle above—lightning bolts, energy beams, and the occasional wandering laser.

As he darted under piles of treasure, narrowly avoiding explosions and stray weather strikes, the platforms above began to groan under the pressure of the escalating chaos. He rose up with a triumphant laugh, holding a piece of rotten garlic. Shion looked in confusion, then, noticed the change in the air.

Shion: Oh no! Not the right time!

Wario and Shion could feel the ground beneath them becoming increasingly unstable. But not nearly as much as the ones above, who were now sliding off their platforms.

Joon: Shion! What did you do?

Wario: OH MY G-

In an instant, everything collapsed.

And, there was silence.

The dust settled as the two pairs sat slumped against the wreckage of the now pieces platforms. Gold coins and powerups, all indistinguishable from the rubbish that had been created.

Battered. Bruised. Tired. A fight beyond what any of them had anticipated. And for that brief moment, in which Shion clutched her knees, Joon looked to the sky. And the Wario bros rest against each other. The only noise in the empty forest was the echoed panting.

Then, without warning...

Wario: WAHAHA! IMMA GONNA WIN!

Popping a disgusting clove of Garlic in his mouth, he spins around super fast as his body fizzed with energy, his muscles growing slightly in size. Warioman was here.

They barely had time to react. Joon attempts to put on another forcefield, stopping the superhero from flying straight into them.

Waluigi growls before pulling out a green shell, tossing it as well. The combined momentum shatters through as Wario pulls Joon into the air.

She struggles in his grip, fighting to get their shoulders loose. Joon succeeds in this and starts to lay firery haymaker after haymaker. But He just laughs through the pain, as his face seemingly rebounds every blow.

Then, with another quick spin, he dives downwards with immense speed, flying them both downwards with immense speed. He shatters barrier after barrier, as even the air itself can't keep up with the will of WarioMan.

Joon: ENOUGH!

Spreading her body like a Star, she delivers an omnidirectional blast, powerful enough to even stop the momentum of Warioman, sending him flying straight into his brother like a missle to the chest (However that's meant to feel like).

Joon lands gracefully, wiping off the sweat she broke as her sister stepped beside her.

Joon: Shion? Follow my lead.

She nods with valiance.

Joon fires a line of danmaku straight at the brothers. Warioman recovers instantly, spinning fast enough to deflect the shots away.

Another blast—this time from Shion, aimed at Waluigi.

But Wario is there again.

Another. Then another. Joon. Shion. Joon. Shion.

Faster. Faster.

So much faster, the three blur into imperceptible streaks of motion, moving faster than even the most eagle-eyed Toad.

Waluigi, still sprawled on the ground, blinks in confusion. His squiggly eyes sharpen. He looks up into the air and sees… dots. Moving faster than he can follow.

A symphony of flashing lights. A battle happening beyond his perception.

With a low "Wah…?" he strains to focus, tapping into his Zone Speed. His world slows—and now he sees it.

The sisters are attacking from every possible angle, doing anything in their power to take Waluigi out of the fight.

But every time, his brother is there.

Deflecting. Blocking. Throwing himself in front of the attacks. Every single time.

Waluigi: …Wario?

Wario is panting now. His muscles burn. His arms are numb. He can barely keep up. But even so—he doesn't stop moving.

Wario: STAY PUT!

In the corner of his eye, however, he notices the two blasts have reduced to one. But his brother was too tunnel-visioned to see that.

Joon raises her arms high, pulling from the very essence of poverty itself. Every ounce of the weight of Impecuniousness, the most deprived and destitute sensations of beggary, total and absolute Penury, concentrated into a single spirit bomb.

A Super Poverty Bomb.

Frantically, his eyes switch focus from the charging up ball of destruction to His bro, still struggling to hold off the other Yorigami.

But before he has any time to formulate anything...

Joon: And this...should clear our DEBTS!

Instead, she launches it straight at Wario!

The bomb hurtles toward Wario. A spiraling mass of pure, unfiltered poverty, threatening to wipe him out the money hungry man.

But who else would save him? Faster than thought. Faster than reason. Than his own brother.

His form blurs—purple streaks crackling like lightning. His legs move like they're gliding on an impossibly edgy football pitch, impossibly fast, impossibly smooth. His hands grip his racket, the air around it distorting as if reality itself can't keep up.

With a growl, he lunges forward.

And just before the bomb can make contact—

He swings.

The impact sends a shockwave rippling through the forest. He strains as hard as he can, nesting the essence of poverty on his once feeble wrists.

His eyes burn with focus, veins pulsing in his arms as he forces the energy back.

The bomb doesn't stop.

It pushes. He pushes back.

The force shreds the very air around them. His shoes grind against the fading soil.

But Waluigi never falters.

With one final, earth-shattering roar—

He slams the blast straight into the sky. Straight...at Joon.

Joon: Well, that was unexpected.

But she simply crosses her arms, almost in boredom. As Shion intercepts the blast with her bare hands and squeezes it into nothingness.

Waluigi staggers, gasping, his racket crumbling into dust from the sheer effort.

He straightens up. Smirks, and immediately crumbles again.

Wario just kinda shrugged.

Wario: I coulda tanked that.

Which is when his stomach begins to rumble with the intensity of a thousand washing machines. An evil grin meets his face as Joon taps an exhausted Shion on the shoulder.

Joon: What is he doing?

Shion: Arching his back it seems?

A struggling, crawling Waluigi, gets a sudden burst of energy.

Waluigi: Wario! You'll kill ME AS WELL!

The Yorigamis: WHAT?

Joon immediately swings into action, teleporting behind Warioman, who is now seemingly charging his fart. She attempts a roundhouse kick, only to be stopped by a purple thorned vine.

She looked back and saw a frankly dastardly grin on Waluigi's face as he stuffed a Mushroom down his throat.

Joon: Huh? But-

She looks around, almost stopping to process the situation, until the vines fully began to entangle her.

Joon: Shion! DO SOMETHING!

But Shion was frozen. Not by a powerup. But by fear. An overwhelming sense of dread. It's almost as if time slowed down for everyone but her.

Shion: Can i really do something? My muscles ache. My heart is pounding. Even though it shouldn't matter...

The scene was becoming too much for her to handle. 

Shion: I still think… Am I enough? Can I really do this? Or will my luck… cut me short again?

Waluigi shoots thorns at Shion as the laughter from the brothers continues to echo through the forest. But Shion catches all of them and doesn't even wince, as they fade away in her arms.

Then, she gives a defiant glare, as she begins to rapidly approach the upcoming Nuclear Blast.

Wario: Well? Stop her!

Waluigi uses his unoccupied arm crushes a fire flower in his palm. Then, he throws as many as he can muster to put a stop to her. 

But she weaves.

Shion: No. I'm not a curse.

And she weaves.

Shion: I'm not a loser.

And she weaves.

Shion: I'm a god.

Then, she charges the most powerful beam she can muster, now barely meters away from Warioman.

Shion: AND MY LUCK IS MY WEAPON!

THUD.

A rock. She tripped on a rock.

Joon watches in absolute disappointment as she faceplants into the floor.

Joon: Ah.

After a brief silence of almost pity, the brothers' laughing increases as Shion lifts her head, tears welling up in her eyes.

Shion: Just. My. Luck.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The fartsplosion rips through the entire forest, eviscerating every tree, debris or money left lying around. But it keeps spreading. So much so that the entire Island is charred and disfigured.

A disgusting Mushroom cloud rises high into the air, perceivable from space.

And when the putrid gas clears, the only one left standing is Waluigi, his fist raised high, as rainbow colours glow through his body.

And Wario is still hunched over in the same position, now with a smoking ass.

And then, the Wario brothers laughed together, once again.

Waluigi: Wait, wait wait. What about our money?

K.O!