Suits: A Lawyer Surviving TV Chaos

In the end, Martin caved and joined the shopping squad. Even with $50k in his bank account, the siren call of Black Friday discounts proved irresistible—despite the tsunami of humanity flooding Broadway. 

"Should've taken the subway," Leonard muttered, inching his rust-bucket sedan through crowds clutching "50% OFF!" loot bags. Martin white-knuckled the backseat, hands instinctively shielding his wallet-pocket. 

Penny snorted. "You look like a rookie at Pride Parade." 

"how about you enjoy Sheldon's WiFi without my help," Martin shot back. 

"I'll help you," Leonard chimed in, earning a triumphant smirk from Penny. 

After a gridlocked half-hour, they parked a mile from Macy's flagship store—ground zero for middle-class retail warfare. 

The scene inside resembled a zombie apocalypse. Women shrieked, clawing at discounted blouses: 

"Back off, skank! It's Mine!" 

"You wish, Walmart reject!" 

Leonard paled. "Is this…*normal*?" 

"Swap T-virus for Tory Burch," Martin deadpanned, still guarding his back pockets. 

—————————— 

For men with standard builds, shopping offered one perk: no fitting rooms. Martin breezed through racks, plucking sweaters and jeans like produce. 

"Need to try these?" A flirty clerk eyed his biceps. 

"Nope." Martin gestured to Sheldon's pile of graphic tees. 

The clerk pouted. "But I could…*help*." 

Martin deflected by rambling about his cousin's surprise reunion—to Sheldon's visible agony. 

Meanwhile, Penny and Leonard emerged from fitting rooms, defeated. 

"Lets Split up," Sheldon demanded. "Martin shops on an average in 6 minutes. Leonard takes 17. You?" He glared at Penny. "35 minutes of indecision *per store*." 

"I need to *see* how clothes fit!" 

"Given your income and…*fluctuating* BMI—" 

"Go!" Penny shoved him toward Martin. "Nerd squad vs. normies!" 

—————————— 

As groups parted, Martin's phone rang. 

"Uncle Jay?" His voice cracked. 

The call was arranged by cousin Claire to have him summoned him to a family dinner. New members? Decades-old feud? Martin's face morphed into a meme-worthy "😳". 

"Big family reunion tonight" he told the group weakly. 

Penny lit up. "Rockefellers? Vanderbilts?" 

"Big as in…*loud*" Martin eyed his shopping bags. "I'm Gonna need more wine." 

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**(End of Chapter)**